Should Christian women look different?

[Tropicana]

Re: Should Christian women look different?

Jedi:

You get exasparated reading my posts...I get exasparated living the experiences I write about. It's a nightmare. Jedi, what would you suggest that I do? Keep dressing how I used to dress and be ignored for another 12 years.

Come for a visit to Toronto or Vancouver and I will take you to some of the churches. You will be shocked by the way some of the Christian women dress for church. I personally dress modestly for church. However, only recently, if I am going to a social function and I know that some guy will be there who has given me this "I don't find Black women attractive foolishness" you better believe I'll strut my stuff a bit and make him drool. I get REAL satisfaction out of ignoring him too. Please don't get the impression that I feel that it is right. I just got fed up with the way I was being treated and it beats being depressed. Besides, the way I dress sometimes in these social situations is NOTHING compared to the way I see many women dress to go to church!! Women in their 20s and 30s not teenagers...and the ministers say NOTHING about it.

[jedi]

Re: Should Christian women look different?

Hmmm.....Yeah well I must admit the U.S. in general seems to be (although some will disagree) very conservative when it comes to Sunday morning attire. Fawda divine I can't even imagine getting out of church without being stared at to death by all the women. I really wish you were in NY. Canada seems tough. I attended a small church while I was up there in August the Sunday after my stepmother's funeral and it was a Presbyterian church at the corner of Eglington and ....duh!!! but it was mixed and they seemed cool. Everyone was dressed modestly but that is the way with us Calvinists anyway, we don't make a big issue of dressing, decent is enough. It was a mixed congregation and there were at least two black men by themselves that I noticed but duh! Don't go by me honey cause when I visit a church I wear blinders at least till the handshaking part, so I would hardly notice anything in a church that is not my home church.

[Beluved]

Re: Should Christian women look different?

Originally posted by ZiggyGal:
[qb] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] I am responding to how Christian Woman Should Dress: It is a growing process. Once a Woman has reached her spiritual potiential God will reveal to her her standards as a woman and the respect of respecting her self.[/qb]

Very insightful and excellent point.. thanks for sharing..

[Beluved]

Re: Should Christian women look different?

Originally posted by sojournah:
[qb]Yes- Christians are called to be different from the world and how we present ourselves physically is part of it. Of course, what matters most about a person is what's in their heart- BUT we are called not to conform to the patterns of this world. If the Christian men you are finding seem to be drawn to women who are flaunting their bodies, then maybe these are not the kind of men you would want anyway. At best, this indicates a lack of spiritual maturity. As a Christian man, I would likewise have to question the spiritual maturity of a woman who was dressing in such a way to entice. There is nothing wrong with dressing attractively but there is a modest and classy way to do it. Maybe a guy could meet a sister who is dressing a little to racy, but I would think in time she would definitely take it down a couple notches. It's sad to me that women would have to advertise her body to get noticed- ESPECIALLY a Christian. I think the sisters who dress to entice are very likely to draw shallow me, but there are exceptions of course. I prefer a woman who dresses modestly but still attractively- taking pride in her appearance. I think this kind of woman will allow Christ within to shine through beyond what merely the eyes can see![/qb]

Ecellent thought thanks for sharing...

[Diplomat]

Re: Should Christian women look different?

Originally posted by CEW:
[qb]I do agree with you, but I am wondering what does it say about the sisters who give in to this kind of pressure?

It is hard to imagine that some of these females are serious about wanting committed Christian guys. [/qb]

Originally posted by Tropicana:
[qb]CEW, I respect you but don't lay this one on me. If the men responded to women who dress modestly, women would dress more modestly. It gets humiliating to be ignored time and time again by men who profess to be Christians.[/qb]

Please do not take anything that I say here personally, but speaking as a committed Christian black male, I personally find it laughable that any Christian female who dresses the way some do, expect to be taken seriously by guys like me. Committed Christian guys are the ones who allow God to direct their lives, and are not caught in the superficial/physical appearance of any female. As long as one seeks to be directed by God in the choice of a partner, what is important to me is the direction I receive from the Lord, and someone who first and foremost is totally surrendered to the Lordship of Christ in her life.

It really bothers me that just because someone is in the Church, he/she is labelled a Christian. Chrisitianity is about a way of life that seeks to honor God, and it is inexcusable for anyone who calls themself such to make distinctions about people on the basis of looks or overall physical attributes.

Commmitted Christian men are getting a bad rap in these threads, and yes, I do question the spiritual maturity of the men (boys?) who behave the way you describe.

[RollinCalf]

Re: Should Christian women look different?

Christian men getting a bad rap ? Are you kidding me CEW ? No wonder Tropicana is cannot get a straight answer. Why won’t anyone be honest with her ?

Miss T, let me give you the facts yaw missis.

The fact of the matter is that it is not pretty out there for women over the age of thirty, especially if time and child bearing have not been good to you. My dear, I don’t care if he has a Bible in each hand and can recite Genesis to Revelation backwards and forwards. men are men, period.

Not saying that there are not mature, understanding men out there who are looking for a serious relationship and not a sleazy affair or one night stand, men whose heads are not turned by every short skirt and low cut blouse that passes their way, but get this .....they are in the minority !!! How do I know this ? Here’s my secret...I am a man !

So what is a woman in your situation to do ?

Well it ruff but hush. Stop trying to compete with the “twenty somethings”. You won’t attract the younger men, may turn off the older guys who would interest you, and worst of all, may be mistaken for something that you are not.

So tek my foolish advice. Be yourself and be open to men whom you might not have given the time of day years ago. As a seriously ugly man who had some problems of my own some years ago, I can tell you that you might be surprised to find that there are diamonds in the rough out there that may well be interested that you might be unaware of.

And here's the best part....the young curvy twenty somethings no want dem !

[Tropicana]

Re: Should Christian women look different?

Well CEW, you try telling these men that they are NOT committed Christians. The men I am talking about profess to be born again Christian and fully committed to the Lord. They are in leadership positions....worship leader, Bible study leader, small group leader, etc. They are well respected in their churche. The pastors say NOTHING to them about the women they choose or to the women about how they dress, even to go to church. I am not talking about 1 or 2 guys either. The bulk of the men I meet who profess to be committed born again Christians are like that.....and, yes, I am so tired of being ignored and overlooked.

A few years ago I went to a Christian singles seminar and when I shared some of my challenges with the leader (a White woman) she said "Come come now Tropicana, you are old enough to know that men are only interested in blonde bimbos." When I said "Christian men how can that be possible", she asked the men in the room and they all agreed with her. I was shocked. I figured they were just a wierd bunch. As time went on, I discovered that what she said is true. Typing this I realize that I owe her an apology. It is only this year that I finally caught on to what was going on and I confronted some men I know about it. They admitted that my impressions were correct.

Thank you RollinCalf...finally an honest answer instead of just platitudes. It's true I do have a lot of men interested in me who I wouldn't even consider. The ones I am interested in won't give ME the time of day. They are too busy chasing the young blondes in skimply clothing...and these are grown men in their 40s who profess to be Christians.

[Diplomat]

Re: Should Christian women look different?

[QUOTE]Originally posted by RollinCalf:
[qb]"Christian men getting a bad rap" ? Are you kidding me CEW ? No wonder Tropicana is cannot get a straight answer. Why won’t anyone be honest with her ? [/qb]

First and foremost, I said "committed" Christian men are getting a bad rap. As for a straight answer, I do not pretend to speak for men in general. I however have given the perspective of a committed Christian black male. I know a few who bemoan the difficulty finding someone like the ones I mentioned in my previous post.

[qb]Miss T, let me give you the facts yaw missis.

The fact of the matter is that it is not pretty out there for women over the age of thirty, especially if time and child bearing have not been good to you. My dear, I don’t care if he has a Bible in each hand and can recite Genesis to Revelation backwards and forwards. men are men, period.

Not saying that there are not mature, understanding men out there who are looking for a serious relationship and not a sleazy affair or one night stand, men whose heads are not turned by every short skirt and low cut blouse that passes their way, but get this .....they are in the minority !!! How do I know this ? Here’s my secret...I am a man ! [/qb]

True, but you are not representative of all men. As you mentioned there are still quality males out there, and in the Church too. A part of the problem is that of double-standards. It is not only men who are discriminating in their choices, so as you mentioned in the rest of your post, some females are missing out on the good guys because they are caught up in the packaging and social status.

[Tropicana]

Re: Should Christian women look different?

Are you going to tell me that packaging has no role in selecting a mate? Pl-e-e-e-z-e!! I hope you are not going to think me vulgar here. It is one thing to be friends with someone. However, if you are going to marry someone, don't you think it is important to find the person physically and sexually attractive? I am looking for a husband not a roomate.

Trust me, if I am at a Christian dance and the young lady in the picture that Beluved posted at the beginning of the thread is sitting beside me in my turtle neck, the men will ignore me and ask her to dance every time. That young lady looks like a hooker but the men love it.

Let's quit the hypocrisy here (not saying that you are being a hyprocrite CEW) but men should stop saying the want modest, Godly committed women and then turn around and date and marry women who dress like sluts.

[Beluved]

Re: Should Christian women look different?

Originally posted by RollinCalf:
[As a seriously ugly man who had some problems of my own some years ago, I can tell you that you might be surprised to find that there are diamonds in the rough out there that may well be interested that you might be unaware of.

And here's the best part....the young curvy twenty somethings no want dem ![/QB]

hahahah.... RC you sleigh me LOL.. brutish but with much truth.. "Be yourself.." Tropicana .. and RC is right.. "man are men" and there is no need to kill up yourself ovah dem.. be yourself which will encourage a honest mature relationship..

[Diplomat]

Re: Should Christian women look different?

Originally posted by Tropicana:
[qb]Well CEW, you try telling these men that they are NOT committed Christians. The men I am talking about profess to be born again Christian and fully committed to the Lord. They are in leadership positions....worship leader, Bible study leader, small group leader, etc. They are well respected in their churche. The pastors say NOTHING to them about the women they choose or to the women about how they dress, even to go to church. I am not talking about 1 or 2 guys either. The bulk of the men I meet who profess to be committed born again Christians are like that.....[/qb]

I am sure you know that positions in Church means nothing. It is the state of the heart that is most important, and unfortunately, there are some in positions that are in need of radical heart surgery, under the knife of the Holy Spirit. There is absolutely nothing that tells me the behaviors of these men are scriptural. Wolves in sheep's clothing is a constant theme in the Bible, and that is becoming far more evident in the days we are living in.

My advice to any single person is to seek God's wisdom to be able to differentiate between the wheat and the chaff. It is sometimes hard to tell which is which, especially if you are looking with natural eyes.

[Virtuos Woman]

Re: Should Christian women look different?

Originally posted by sojournah:
[qb]Yes- Christians are called to be different from the world and how we present ourselves physically is part of it. Of course, what matters most about a person is what's in their heart- BUT we are called not to conform to the patterns of this world. If the Christian men you are finding seem to be drawn to women who are flaunting their bodies, then maybe these are not the kind of men you would want anyway. At best, this indicates a lack of spiritual maturity. As a Christian man, I would likewise have to question the spiritual maturity of a woman who was dressing in such a way to entice. There is nothing wrong with dressing attractively but there is a modest and classy way to do it. Maybe a guy could meet a sister who is dressing a little to racy, but I would think in time she would definitely take it down a couple notches. It's sad to me that women would have to advertise her body to get noticed- ESPECIALLY a Christian. I think the sisters who dress to entice are very likely to draw shallow me, but there are exceptions of course. I prefer a woman who dresses modestly but still attractively- taking pride in her appearance. I think this kind of woman will allow Christ within to shine through beyond what merely the eyes can see![/qb]

Well said my brother, couldn't have said it better myself. As a Chrisitan Black Woman (not that I think race should make a difference), it comes down to the relationship you have with your heavenly father. That and that alone will dictate the manner in which you carry yourself. For starters I shouldn't have one set of clothes for social situations and another for church because wherever I go I am still protraying Chirst. I am not a Christian only at church, but this lifestyle should be dictated 7 days a week, and if my Pastor or church member sees me on the street somewhere I shouldn't have to be hiding because I'm in a social atmosphere and didn't dress the part of a Christian.

I am a single woman in my early 30's and there is no way I am about to compromise my integrity by dressing more provactively to entice a man. I am not worrying myself that younger women are showing it all and therefore capturing all the men's attention. If a man is only after me because of my physical attributes and nothing about my mind or personality stimulates him, then I don't want to be with this shallow individual in the first place.

I have decided to wait patiently on God to bring that man into my life that He created only for me. Sometimes when my patience starts to grow thin (because yes I am still human), I am reminded that they who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount upon wings like eagles, they shall walk ant not be weary, run and not faint, so teach me Lord how to wait. Beleive it or not He does. I can't afford to walk out of God's will because I am sick and tired of waiting. Most of those marriages within the church that are going through are have gone through the divorce courts, the reason is they walked out of God's will and married the first available person who caught their eye and the result is...Please don't get me wrong I am not saying that is the reason for all the divorces or separation within the church but if you walk out of God's will just because you are tired of waiting, within a few years maybe less, watch and see what happens.

Marriage is so much more than what so many of us think it is, especially the ones who have never been married and have no clue how much work must be put into it for it to succeed. For those of us in church, marriage is ministry and if you are not ready and able to minister to the man of God that He has blessed you with, then you are not ready for marriage. You may think that because you are single then that qualifies you for marriage, but don't be fooled because that is no reason to want to marry someone. You will end up messing up this man's life because you were not prepared for the work. While I am waiting on my spouse to find me (he that finds a good woman finds a good thing), I continue to ask God to prepare me to meet him and to make me ready for him when he finds me.

God bless...

[Tropicana]

Re: Should Christian women look different?

Well Beluved, your advice does have credibility as you are a Black Christian woman who has beat the odds and suceeded in being happliy married. Would you be willing to post your success story to provide us single women with some encouragements. I will post the link to that thread in a second.

Just checked...unfortunately that thread is gone but I will happily start a new one if you are willing to share your story.

Originally posted by Virtuous Woman:

I am a single woman in my early 30's and there is no way I am about to compromise my integrity by dressing more provactively to entice a man. I am not worrying myself that younger women are showing it all and therefore capturing all the men's attention. If a man is only after me because of my physical attributes and nothing about my mind or personality stimulates him, then I don't want to be with this shallow individual in the first place.

It will be interesting to see if you are singing the same song if you reach your early 40s and are still single.

[Diplomat]

Re: Should Christian women look different?

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Tropicana:
[qb]Are you going to tell me that packaging has no role in selecting a mate? Pl-e-e-e-z-e!! [/qb]

You missed the point. I hardly think there is any relationship where God has brought two people together that does not include a physical attraction.

[qb]Trust me, if I am at a Christian dance and the young lady in the picture that Beluved posted at the beginning of the thread is sitting beside me in my turtle neck, the men will ignore me and ask her to dance every time. [/qb]

You might be surprised. Then again, whose loss is it anyway if the guy is such a fool? Sure she might stimulate his loins and if that is all he is after, then mission accomplised I guess.

[qb]Let's quit the hypocrisy here (not saying that you are being a hyprocrite CEW) but men should stop saying the want modest, Godly committed women and then turn around and date and marry women who dress like sluts.[/qb]

Again, I do not speak for all men and there are some who are hypocrites. BUT, it is one of the reasons why "Christian" marriages are no less successful that those of their non-christian counterparts. The next epidemic will be a churches filled with people who got married for all the wrong reasons. Personally, I will stand on a stack of Bibles and cast my lot for a Godly, modest, committed woman who is fully surrendered to the Lordship of Christ for Her life, and would NOT date otherwise. Then again, I speak only for me.

[Tropicana]

Re: Should Christian women look different?

Well CEW, you are an exception. CEW, I am not making this up. I am speaking from experience. When I go out with Christian singles, you can always tell which women have boyfriends and which don't. The ones dressed like hookers have boyfriends the ones who aren't are ignored. When I did my little experiment and showed a bit of cleavage at the functions I attended over the weekend (first time in my life), boy did I get attention. Even from Christian men who had previously told me that they don't find Black women attractive. Not one person took me aside and said (you know as a Christian you should be dressing more modestly these dressed are over the top). I got tons of attention and compliments from men and women. Now, showing cleavage is not my usual style but BOY did it make a huge difference. Same with all the men who say they don't like women to wear make up. When I wear make up, the difference in how the men react to me is night and day. You would think I was a different woman.