OFFISHAL TOURIST SUSS REPORT! NEGRIL BASHMENT.

[accompong98]

Presented for your approval. Here is a SUSS Report on a Negril Bashment that may or may not take place now, in the past or possibly in the future. “SUSS” (pronounced “soo se”) is a Jamaican Patois (pronounced “Pa twaa”) word generally meaning “Gossip” (pronounced “Go Sip”). This is a “tongue-in cheek” attempt to emulate the fabulous Wendy’s (pronounced “When Dees”) SUSS REPORTS found here on our site at:

http://www.jamaicans.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=forum;f=25

This is a “Tourist Version” and is not meant to characterize, demean or otherwise offend any readers. It is merely only written in fun and should be taken that way. Actions or words spoken by any of the participants (pronounced “Part is a pants) are not necessarily their actions or words “now, in the past or possibly in the future”. I will disavow any authorship should any legal action be contemplated by any person “now, in the past or possibly in the future” assuming (pronounced “ass u me in g”) that would be their intent. Please excuse any spelling errors in names…

Somewhere, sometime in Negril it began………………

[accompong98]

Re: OFFISHAL TOURIST SUSS REPORT! NEGRIL BASHMENT.

Day 1

The Official Negril Bashment was underway and not everyone had arrived from the Airport in Montego Bay. ((SALA)) was supposed to be picking up ((TEA’OOM)) and ((OHLIZ)) and her family on the 5:00pm flight and it was now closing in on 9:30 and still no word. A few stragglers were expected to make an appearance over the next week but many had cancelled at the last minute leaving the plans unfinished.

((CHEF and LIBBY)) with their son Georgie had picked up ((EDDIE COCCOZA)) and the Scotland Crew earlier in the day. That whole group along with ((ACCOMPONG98)), ((SIENNA2)), ((QUEENB)), ((GEOCOX)) and ((JTGOGO)) with his wife were sitting at the “Negril Yacht Club” awaiting ((SALA))s arrival. At that time, no final place to hold the festivities had been chosen as everyone wanted a different place to have the Bashment. Much discussion took place but little could be decided as the conversation was all over the place!

((ACCOMPONG98)) “I think the only way to decide would be Democratically by drawing straws”. [reaching across the table to grab the straw from ((QUEENB))s drink]

((QUEENB)) “You keep your dirty hands off mi drink!” adding “I KNOW where they have been!”. ((ACCOMPONG98)) red faced, pulled back suddenly.

((GEOCOX)) “The devil with Democracy! Where are all the girls at?” [looking around anxiously]

((EDDIE COCCOZA)) “How about “Blue Cave Castle?” “Reminds me of home!” [with a tear in his eye]

((JTGOGO)) [rushing up with his camera] “Can I get a picture of this for the site?” ((LIBBY and CHEF)) step in between them while Eddie composes himself.

((GEOCOX)) “How about the Whistling Bird?” to which ((QUEENB)) chimed, “Miss Mary’s! Miss Mary’s!” [so excited she almost fell out of the chair except for the support of Alberto who was sitting with her]

((GEOCOX)) angrily responded, “Let’s arm wrestle for it!” [pulling his chair up to the table and putting his elbow on the table] Our “on site” reporter ((SIENNA2)) was there to record the action.

“Their steely eyes met as Queenb gripped Geocox’s hand with determination. Suddenly, and without warning, Queenb shouted, “Look George, over there! Girls!” To which George excitedly responded, “Where? Where?” His eyes began following Alberto’s excited gestures while Queenb emphatically slammed his hand into the table. Cheering in conquest!”

((JTGOGO)) [rushing up with his camera] “Can I get a picture of this for the site?” ((LIBBY and CHEF)) step in between them while George composes himself.

((QUEENB)) seeing the disappointment in ((GEOCOX))s eyes and not knowing whether it was because of there not being any girls or losing the match, said “ Okay George, Whistling Bird it is”.

Everyone was glad a decision on where to hold the Bashment was finally made. We told Chuck, owner of the Negril Yacht Club, that we were going to Whistling Bird and to tell ((SALA)) to meet us there when and if he arrived. Chuck embraced ((ACCOMPONG98)) and thanked him for the business.

((JTGOGO)) [rushing up with his camera] “Can I get a picture of this for the site?” ((LIBBY and CHEF)) jumped in between them and then we all smiled for the camera.

((JTGOGO)) [blushing] “Darn, I forgot to put film in my camera!”

Dejected, off to Whistling Bird we went! ((to be continued))

[goldilocks]

Re: OFFISHAL TOURIST SUSS REPORT! NEGRIL BASHMENT.

(((Goldilocks))) trotting up driving wan old dankey cyart, tryin' to compose herself [img]/forums/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img] and keep up wid de bashment pawty....

[img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

[accompong98]

Re: OFFISHAL TOURIST SUSS REPORT! NEGRIL BASHMENT.

Day 1----still happening

Whistling Bird was virtually empty when we arrived and then completely empty as four tourists from Nebraska hurriedly checkout just moments after our arrival. Lilly and Andrea took us to the rooms where we decided to double and triple-up so everyone could stay on the one property. After freshening up, we all met at the bar hosted by an old friend called “Dennis the Menace”, our bartender for the next week. We gathered all the tables and chairs together and circled them around the bar while we ordered a round of drinks. The band was starting to play next door at Alfred’s so we enjoyed our drinks and conversation while listening to the Reggae Beat.

((EDDIE COCCOZA)) “Boy! The Negril Beach is Beautiful!” “Much nicer than Ocho Rios!”“ “Reminds me of home!” [with a tear in his eye]

((JTGOGO)) [rushing up with his camera] “Can I get a picture of this for the site?” ((LIBBY and CHEF)) step in between them while Eddie composes himself.

((ACCOMPONG98)) “Eddie! You live in SCOTLAND not a Caribbean Island! Jeeze!!” [puzzled at the comparison]

((EDDIE COCCOZA)) “I know, but EVERYWHERE reminds me of HOME!” [Accompong98 just shook his head in wonderment]

((LIBBY and CHEF)) “Georgie is getting hungry, when are we going to eat?”

((SIENNA2)) “We have to wait for Sala, Tea’oom, Ohliz and family. Ohliz is in charge of the meals.” [as she worriedly looks around for Sala]

((ACCOMPONG98)) “Speaking of Georgie, where has ((GEOCOX)) gone off to?” [Suddenly seeing him thumbing through a scrapbook that “Dennis the Menace” keeps under the bar] “George, you with us?” [a little irritated at George’s behavior] “The girls can wait till later!”

((SIENNA2)) “There they are!!”, she yells in a soft voice. [jumping up and spilling Queenb’s drink all over Queenb and Alberto] “Over here!”[waving wildly ]

Out of the darkness comes ((SALA)) followed by a stumbling ((TEA’OOM)) and ((OHLIZ)) arm-in-arm and singing some Calypso song about Bananas or something. Ohliz’s husband takes the children down to the beach in embarrassment.

((TEA’OOM)) “High! They call me “Tea” cause I like Tea and ‘oom cause I’m a ‘oom or sumtin lech dat!” [she slurs with a laugh] “And who the heck are you??” [looking around]

((OHLIZ)) “Daylight cum an mi wanna go oom!” [she laughs] “I’m Liz and that [pointing in the general direction of the water] is Phillip and the kids!” “I’m hungry, when we gonna eat?”

((SIENNA2)) “You are in charge of the eats, Liz. Don’t you remember?”

((OHLIZ)) “Yeah, I remember now!” “Three Dives! Three Dives! Three Dives!!”

Lilly comes up and offers to have food prepared for us there so we don’t have to go out and embarrass Negril any further. We think it over and agree. After we eat, Andrea offers to watch the kids for Liz and Phillip so we can go somewhere to party. Alberto suggests that we all go down and take a ride in his boat. Looking around, it appears we have 12 adults and it is approaching midnight!

((LIBBY and CHEF)) “Alberto, man. Don’t you think that there are too many of us to ride in that small boat?” [Georgie shakes his head and says he’s tired and (wisely) wants to go to bed]

((QUEENB)) “If Alberto thinks it is safe, I am willing to go.” “How about the rest of you?”, she says looking around at the blank stares. “Alberto, will you let me steer the boat?” [Alberto shakes his head somewhere between a yes and a no but Queenb only sees a “Yes!”]

We all look around at each other and reluctantly follow ((QUEENB)) and Alberto to his boat.

((JTGOGO)) [rushing up with his camera] “Can I get a picture of this for the site?” ((QUEENB)) steps in and puts her hand over the lens and continues, “Is that a Waterproof Camera?” [sharply eyeing Jim]

“……A three hour tour…A three hour tour!!!!” ((continued later))

[sammy]

Re: OFFISHAL TOURIST SUSS REPORT! NEGRIL BASHMENT.

bill you've got me in stiches!! [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

[geocox]

Re: OFFISHAL TOURIST SUSS REPORT! NEGRIL BASHMENT.

Where's the part when Bill try's to get everyone into a buss and kidnap them to Treasure Beach? Salla driving the buss with a large Photo of Sienna pasted to the window because he has trouble remembering what she looks like because she has not left the Point Village gift shop for weeks, and weeks.
Bill Your a Hoot. I think we should take over one of the resorts and The Bird is open to this type of wild Idea.
Keep it coming Bill your the master. geo

[accompong98]

Re: OFFISHAL TOURIST SUSS REPORT! NEGRIL BASHMENT.

Glad you are liking this, George [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

I just needed someone to fit the part of the story, not to say that you resemble that character, however! [img]/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

[Sienna]

Re: OFFISHAL TOURIST SUSS REPORT! NEGRIL BASHMENT.

Accom[ong - those disclaimers at the start of this report fully cover you (I think) for any and all liablilities in the making [img]/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

You're not ever going to let me get past those spilled drinks are you? A case of too much pent up energy for too long with no outlet!

I'm sure we'll find out that Tea (forever in my mind now to be called "Lady Blue Drawers") and Oh Liz were late because they took up the airlines offer to get bumped for free return tickets, and knew they had a loyal driver waiting until the cows came home (or crossed the road, as the case may be in Jamaica) in order not to miss them.

God bless the ever patient, ever cheerful mediators, Libby and Chef, and no JT, you may not get me in front of the camera (unless you are sneaky enough to do it without my knowledge.) But I WILL happily blend into the background, snapping away, because God knows, you're much more photogenic and deserve to have a poster sized commemorative shot of YOU on the site. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

George, the girls will eventually show up, after all, they have no where else to go now as the new club is no longer a go-go site (a pity, really) and I just know they'll put on a private show once you start waving those hair packages around as 'prizes' for the most energetic dancers. (I still think male dancers have potential for a split club, but it's taking me an ungodly amount of time to narrow down the choices - Eddie, I know it's a cliche, but I have yet to get to Scotland and personally check out the myth (?) legend (?) truth to the matter (?) of what's under those kilts....want to be one of the male dance revue and put my mind, and the quest, to rest??

I've already checked with Alberto to set up a fleet of floating dance barges, he's game but said Queen B's private gondola comes first....he's already built a second story on it for her private suite, I'm a bit worried the thing will turn into a yacht of sorts....then again, maybe we should all move in and just have the bashment at sea??

Goldilocks, GLAD to see you again! Don't ditch that donkey cart, we can use it as back up when Sala's car is full! Haven't yet found a spot with a balcony to rival Golden Sands', but I'm not giving up (although as I mentioned at the LAST bashment, we may have to draw straws for it (but not Queen's straw, I am going to be properly respectful, and hopefully maintain my equilibrium this time....and most likely ditch the heels - they're just not conducive to scooting around potholed floors - beaded bare feet are more the way to go...)

So who else is planning to come to the Negril Bashment??????????????????????????????????? (I've managed to lose the guest list, knowing that all the pre-planning somehow takes on a life of its own and little goes as planned, but turns out 'all good' in the end....)

By the way, can someone round me up a cold Guinness please?

[queenb]

Re: OFFISHAL TOURIST SUSS REPORT! NEGRIL BASHMENT.

Bill that's really great!! Of course I wound up with a drink on me again!!! [img]/forums/images/graemlins/cool.gif[/img]

[accompong98]

Re: OFFISHAL TOURIST SUSS REPORT! NEGRIL BASHMENT.

Of course Sienna will never live it down and Queenb you will forever wear that drink! [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

Hope everyone will still talk to me when this story is over.

The next chapter begins.....

[accompong98]

Re: OFFISHAL TOURIST SUSS REPORT! NEGRIL BASHMENT.

The moonlit Caribbean was flat and calm as Alberto’s little boat pushed off into its expanse. We resembled an old Kingston City Bus with people hanging out the windows, packed to and beyond capacity. ((CHEF)) nervously looked over the side and nudged ((LIBBY)). The water was only 4 inches below the top of the boat. Onward we pushed with ((QUEENB)) at the helm.

((EDDIE COCCOZA)) “Boy! The sea off Negril Beach is Beautiful!” “Much nicer than Ocho Rios!”“ “Reminds me of home!” [with a tear in his eye]

((ACCOMPONG98)) “Who’s idea was this Bashment anyways?”

[everyone chimes in] “YOURS!

((ACCOMPONG98)) “I know! I know! Geeze! Alberto man, where the heck are we anyways? I can’t see any lights from the beach.” [no response] “ALBERTO!!”

((QUEENB)) “Pong, Alberto didn’t come along. He made me ‘Captain’ and pushed us off!”

Wide-eyed and worried, we began looking at each other with terror in our eyes.

((JTGOGO)) [popping up with his camera] “Can I get a picture of this for the site?” ((QUEENB)) steps in and puts her hand over the lens and continues, “I’m the Captain and there will be no pictures on the boat!” [sharply eyeing Jim]

((SALA)) “Did anyone notice the wind shifted direction and that those dark clouds on the horizon are beginning to cover the moon?” [pointing West]

((CHEF)) “Turn this boat around, Queenb! We gotta head back in!” [we are all nodding in agreement as the boat makes a wide sweeping turn] “What’s that sound??” [sputter, sputter, kerchunk, plunk, ping and pittooee….nothing..the silence was deafening!]

((TEA’OOM)) and ((OHLIZ)) who had been asleep on the glass bottom of the boat came up on deck. “Boy, this is real nice out here.” [almost in unison]. The silence was still deafening. “What’s the problem?” [asks Liz] ((SALA)) just points West as the dark cloud completely obscures the moon. A light rain begins to fall and a light Doctor’s Breeze becomes an angry Undertaker’s Breeze!

The weather started getting rough, the tiny ship was tossed. If not for the courage of the fearless crew, the small boat would be lost!

Water was now breeching the side of the boat facing the wind. We were without engine power to point into the stiff breeze. Matters were worsening by the minute. Cups that were filled with Red Stripe were now furiously bailing. The wind began to howl and the rain was pelting the small boat in sheet after sheet.. Lightning was dangerously close.

((TEA’OOM))s voice rose above the din, “I’m a Moderator on Jamaicans.com site and I will have no more of this nonsense!”. “Accompong98, either turn down this storm or I will have to transfer this thread to the Feedback Forum.”

((ACCOMPONG98)) “This is the Adventure Travel Forum and I will have the storm anyway I want!” [looking around] “Okay! Okay! But the motor will still not operate!”

((EDDIE COCCOZA)) “Boy! The sea off Negril Beach is Beautiful!” “Much rougher than Ocho Rios!”“ “Reminds me of home!” [with a tear in his eye]

((JTGOGO)) [popping up with his camera] “Can I get a picture of this storm and the boat getting tossed for the site?” ((QUEENB)) steps in and puts her hand over the lens and continues, “I’m the Captain and there will be no pictures of any storm OR boat!” [sharply eyeing Accompong98]

adrift in a Sea of Confusion…..next time! (more “soon come”)

[BND1999]

Re: OFFISHAL TOURIST SUSS REPORT! NEGRIL BASHMENT.

HILARIOUS.... PERFECT.....DWL.. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

[swedishrasta]

Re: OFFISHAL TOURIST SUSS REPORT! NEGRIL BASHMENT.

LOVED IT. Thank you Bill....I laughed until I cried. Can't wait to read some more...

respect
Susanne

[geocox]

Re: OFFISHAL TOURIST SUSS REPORT! NEGRIL BASHMENT.

Sienna; now as I interpret your comments, I will end-up with allot of HAIR for the club I'm opening in Negril.
The woman now available,from the club in Little London, are ready to work? All I must do is color coordinate the hair extensions with the women available? I've got it!!!
Now this "Queenie-girl" is she one of the early shift dancers? A late shift? ALL NITER?
Blue drawers? Is she a famous dancer from the states? I might have a video with her on It. I think I remember a seen where Blues Drawers takes on ....OH! She's good! She's got a job if she can work long hours.
Should I get a bigger villa on July 18th? I don't want to have women falling out the doors. I have a sun deck, lots of room, I'd better get more room; with all the available women in Negril I will have "hair" left over,EA?? g

[libby & Chef]

Re: OFFISHAL TOURIST SUSS REPORT! NEGRIL BASHMENT.

Goldielocks..your out!!! paraole..done ya time..breakout??!! Don't worry we got you covered

Bill your too much...I love it [img]/forums/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]