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The Pope has today announced that Christianity is to start offering its male adherents virgins in heaven, in a move interpreted by many as an attempt to lure devotees away from its arch-rival, Islam.
Whilst recent times have seen Islam go from strength to strength and become the world's fastest growing religion, Christianity has been in a long battle with decline. However, insiders at the Vatican are hoping that this move will bring about at turn around in Christianity's fortunes. The New Age Man caught up with one Vatican insider, who commented:
"As from today, all men who are lucky enough to enter the gates of heaven will be assigned seven virgins each. We understand that this does not match the 72 virgins which the Islamic faith currently offers its male adherents, but if you combine our new EDIT offering with the other perks which we offer, such as jewels, magic trees and a final salary pension, we think we're very well placed in what is a very competitive market. Besides, all of our virgins have been put through one of Jenna Jameson's rigorous training courses, where they will have received detailed instruction in the art of EDIT and EDIT, amongst other things.
Whilst recent times have seen Islam go from strength to strength and become the world's fastest growing religion, Christianity has been in a long battle with decline. However, insiders at the Vatican are hoping that this move will bring about at turn around in Christianity's fortunes. The New Age Man caught up with one Vatican insider, who commented:
"As from today, all men who are lucky enough to enter the gates of heaven will be assigned seven virgins each. We understand that this does not match the 72 virgins which the Islamic faith currently offers its male adherents, but if you combine our new EDIT offering with the other perks which we offer, such as jewels, magic trees and a final salary pension, we think we're very well placed in what is a very competitive market. Besides, all of our virgins have been put through one of Jenna Jameson's rigorous training courses, where they will have received detailed instruction in the art of EDIT and EDIT, amongst other things.
When asked if women would receive an equivalent reward, our Vatican insider said: "No, of course not. Women who are admitted to heaven will receive a Delia Smith cook book and a new set of pots and pans, which is a great deal in comparison to Islam, which only offers women the reward of getting to see their husbands again. Which is a bit of a poisoned chalice given that their husbands will have 72 virgins keeping them busy."
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