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Re: Relaxation therapy
Supposedly new US dollar in circulation:
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Re: Relaxation therapy
shandra-both are funny thanks for the laugh
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Re: Relaxation therapy
So add yours now...
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Re: Relaxation therapy
A man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. So he walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment.
After they've had their fun, he realizes its 3AM and says, "Oh no, its so late, my wife's going to kill me.
Have you got any talcum powder?" She gives him some talcum powder, which he proceeds to rub on his hands and then he goes home. His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty [censored].
"Where the hell have you been?!"
"Well, honey, it's like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking chick there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in bed with her."
"Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!"
She sees his hands are covered with powder and... "You God damn liar!! You went bowling again!!"Comment
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Re: Relaxation therapy
There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it." I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back.Comment
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Re: Relaxation therapy
A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family - but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-alecky guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering.
When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."Comment
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Re: Relaxation therapy
A Letter to a Mother
A mother enters her daughter's bedroom and sees a letter over the bed. With the worst premonition, she reads it with trembling hands:
Mom, it is with great regret and sorrow that I'm telling you that I eloped with my new boyfriend. I found real passion and he is so nice, with all his piercings and tattoos and his big motorcycle. But is not only that mom, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy in his trailer in the woods. He wants to have many more children with me and that's one of my dreams. I've learned that marihuana doesn't hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and his friends, who are providing us with all the cocaine and ecstasies we may want. In the meantime, we'll pray for the science to find the AIDS cure, for Ahmed to get better, he deserves it.
Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Some day I'll visit for you to know your grandchildren.
Your daughter,
Judith
PS: <span style="font-style: italic">Mom, it's not true. I'm at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to show you that there are worst things in life than the school's report card that's in my desk's drawer...I love you! </span>
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Re: Relaxation therapy
2004
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Re: Relaxation therapy
Although her husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, his wife stayed by his bedside every single day.
When he finally came to, he motioned for her to come closer. As she sat on the bed beside him he said, ' Yu know yu' deh wid mi through all the bad times. When mi went bankrupt and lost mi business, yu stood by mi side. When mi get shot, yu deh by mi side. When wi lost the house, yu was dere. When mi car crash an mi bruk up yu was dere. When mi health started to fail, yu was dere, and when a start to get worse, yu was
dere...right by mi side... Every time sumpn' bad happen to me yu is right dere.... Yu know something?...
Yu know sey it look like yu a crosses?'Comment
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Re: Relaxation therapy
You know you are a Caribbean person if...
* You've never seen your parents kiss or do anything remotely romantic! (esp your Grand Parents)
* You have something that represents your country hanging from your rearview mirror
* YOU WALK WITH YOUR OWN PEPPER SAUCE!!
* SORREL IS A CHRISTMAS DRINK, NOT EGGNOG
* WHEN YOU REACH HOME YOU CHANGE INTO HOUSE CLOTHES
* You bring home left over food from any function and any party
* Someone in your family is a mechanic
* You show disapproval by sucking your teeth
* 'SOON COME' IS A FIGURE OF SPEECH
* You hate to throw away empty containers as they might come in handy for pepper sauce or 'green seasonings'.
* You tried hiding from licks
* You know that blue soap makes white clothes whiter.
* You have at least one relative living in Canada or the US
* You know the difference between Wine, Whine and WINE!!!
* You can identify someone as Coollie in an instant
* You can Insert blank here... 'Who don't hear ________ feel!!'
* You have been Beaten with an extension cord, a Nintendo or tv cable, hanger or your mom's house slippers or the POT SPOON and when it break you get beat for breaking it.
* THERE IS ALWAYS VASELINE IN THE HOUSE
* Everybody is expecting something when u come back from foreign and you alway have to buy/bring clothes to leave there.
Be proud!Comment
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Re: Relaxation therapy
A Rasta walks in 2 a bank and handz the cashier a bag of marijauna.
The cashier sayz, wats this 4? The Rasta replies mi cum 2 open a joint account.Comment
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Re: Relaxation therapy
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Shandra</div><div class="ubbcode-body">A man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. So he walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment.
After they've had their fun, he realizes its 3AM and says, "Oh no, its so late, my wife's going to kill me.
Have you got any talcum powder?" She gives him some talcum powder, which he proceeds to rub on his hands and then he goes home. His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty [censored].
"Where the hell have you been?!"
"Well, honey, it's like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking chick there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in bed with her."
"Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!"
She sees his hands are covered with powder and... "You God damn liar!! You went bowling again!!"
</div></div>
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