something to think on

[Wahalla]

A small boy named Bruce lived in a suburb of Sydney, Australia. None of hisclassmates liked him cause of his stupidity, especially his teacher, who was alwaysyelling at him, "You're driving me mad Bruce".

One day Bruce's mum came to school to check on how he was doing. The teachertold his mum honestly, that her son was simply a disaster, getting very low marks,and never had she seen such a dumb boy in her entire teaching career.The mum was shocked at the feedback and withdrew her son from school andmoved out of Sydney, relocating to Newcastle.

Twenty-five years later, the teacher was diagnosed with an incurable cardiodisease. All the doctors strongly advised her to have heart surgery, which only onesurgeon could perform.Left with no other options, the teacher decided to have the operation, which wassuccessful. When she opened her eyes after the surgery she saw a handsomedoctor smiling down at her.She wanted to thank him, but could not talk.

Her face started to turn blue, sheraised her hand, trying to tell him something and then died.The doctor was shocked and was trying to work out what went wrong, when heturned around he saw our friend Bruce, working as a cleaner in the clinic, who hadunplugged the oxygen equipment in order to connect his vacuum cleaner!



Don't tell me you thought Bruce became a heart-surgeon?

[Wahalla]

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they cankeep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs.Period.

JOHN McCAIN: My friends, the chicken crossed the road because he recognized theneed to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side ofthe road.

HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why the chickencrossed the road.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We justwant to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is eitherwith us or against us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satelliteimage of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now againstit! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. Iam not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white?

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he mustfirst deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem onthe other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he isacting by not taking on his current problems before adding any new problems.OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why hewants to cross the road so badly. So instead of having the chicken learn from hismistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a NEWCAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of thechickens.ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have notyet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it inhis eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way the chicken was going.I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price droppedto a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, thechicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth?That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken was gay. If you eatthat chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the Liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phraseslike 'the other side.' That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and assimple as that.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody toldus the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening tothe chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced aserious case of molting, and went on to accomplish it's lifelong dream of crossing theroad.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, inpeace.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2013, which will not only cross roads, butwill lay eggs, file your important documents and balance your checkbook. InternetExplorer is an integral part of eChicken2013. This new platform is much more stableand will never reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road movebeneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

[RichD]

[lonewolf]

Thanks, I needed a good laugh this morning.

[RichD]

SECOND OPINION!!!


Paul, suffered from these horrific headaches for years, taking every pain killer on the market. Finally he got a call from his doctor telling him there had been some new research published on his condition.


The doctor said, "Paul, the good news is, we can now cure your headaches, for ever. The bad news is that it will require removal of your testicles. You see you have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates those unbearable headaches. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles".


Paul was in total shock and depressed, wondering if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, he was headache free for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.


He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need - treat myself to a brand new suit." He entered and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit." The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44 long." Paul laughed, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said. Paul tried on the suit. It fit perfectly.


As Paul admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Paul thought for a moment and then said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Paul and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeve and 16-1/2 neck." Paul was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!" Paul tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly.


Paul walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?" Paul thought for a second and said, "Sure." The salesman stepped back, eyed Paul's waist and said, "Let's see...size 38."
Paul laughed "Ah ha! Now I got you! I've worn size 36 since I was 18 years old."


The salesman shook his head, "No Paul, you can't wear a size 36. Believe me, if you did wear a 36 underwear it would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you the worst headache you've ever had in your life"......................


ALWAYS get a second opinion....

[Wahalla]

That was cruel..... But funny!

[Peasie]

good one

[lonewolf]

ALWAYS get a second opinion....

LOL Or always buy boxer shorts...

[Wahalla]

An Englishman, an Irishman, A Scotsman, a Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Jap, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, , a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Taiwanese, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turkish, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean all try to enter a nightclub...
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The doorman stops them and says “sorry I cant let you in without a Thai.”

[RichD]

[Peasie]

oh lord

[kia027]

[Pepper]

Thanks guys.