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<span style="font-weight: bold">Born Jamaican</span>
There is nobody like a Jamaican, Nobody! Sometimes it's difficult to determine where someone comes from. Drop us into the vast mosaic of the peoples of the world and try to figure out who is who.
"Him is from China, no, is Japanese, but him could be Korean still."
The same goes for people from India, Pakistan, Sri Lanka, or Nigeria, Kenya, Ghana. We just can't tell them apart. Not so with Jamaicans though, who stand out and stick out like beacons in the night. Foreigners know us in a flash, and we can identify each other from way across the street. We are so distinct that other people try to walk, talk and act like us.
I'm so amused when I encounter Americans, Europeans, Japanese, [Madam Cleo, or Ron] trying to act Jamaican.
"Hey mon, wha hoppening mon, eberyting irie?" I usually reply in my most proper English. If they are Japanese, I say,
"Sukiyaki, Sayonara, Sony, Toyota Mitsubishi."
Just to keep them guessing.
"So you speak Japanese?"
"Ah so, Nissan, Sanyo, Toyota Tercel.."
But what makes us so different from other people? First it's the walk, nobody walks like us. People in foreign walk briskly, head straight, arms swinging almost in military fashion, with a stride and purpose like they're going somewhere. Not us though, who saunter with a rhythm that is almost slow motion. No hurry, no scurry, no flurry, no rushy rushy, just cool, with a bop and rhythm that could be put to music. Years ago we used to call it bop. For some it's natural while others practiced it.
If you're a girl in the middle of Paris, Madrid or Tokyo and hear, "psst, psst," from across the street, you can know without even turning your head that it's a Jamaican hailing you. From a mile away he saw your walk and there is absolutely no other way to get your attention but by going 'psst, psst,' interspersed with the occasional 'yow, yow.' Is we dat.
Jamaicans love to bathe! Cleanliness is next to Godliness in our culture. So much so that many songs promote this, to wit:
"Go and Hold a fresh,"
"Yu wash yu face from mawnin? Yu brush yu teeth from mawnin? Yu comb yu hair from mawnin?"
Foreigners marvel at how frequently we shower, and I know of students going across to Europe and have the hosts admonish them for taking so many showers.
"Taking another shower Tonisha, but didn't you just have one on Thursday?"
It must be the climate, the culture or both, but we haffi bathe nuff as the makers of carbolic soap discovered. [Rumour has it that fifty percent of bathing soap sales are from Jamaica.]
The irony is that for people who love to bathe so much, Jamaicans are 'fraid of rain like puss. Plan any function months in advance, invite the most distinguished guests and superstars, and at the slightest hint of rain, nobody shows up. The function is scheduled to start at 4PM, rain falls at noon, and it's a flop. Sometimes the rain just has to set up, and nobody leaves the house.
"Maria, how yu nuh come check me, gyal?"
"No sah, rain set up, mi naa go anywhere."
The only other fear a Jamaican has is dog. If you want to know who's Jamaican in the heart of Africa, just let go two mongrel dog, or some Alsatian and see who sprints out of the crowd and jump fence. "There he goes, that's the Jamaican." No big man, big gun, knife, big stick or lock up frightens Jamaicans, but that ominous sign, "Do not enter, bad dog," will keep even the most hardened person at bay. "Hello, hello, anybody inside? Hold di dog please!"
The biggest Jamaican is nervous around dogs, a fear rivaled only by our fear of 'croaking' lizards. Bad as we are, those two animals have our ticket.
Jamaicans don't like to pay to go anywhere, and it's not a question of being broke either. At any event it's the most affluent and distinguished among us who always begging free ticket. Mr. Bank Manager will phone, "Hey, big match at stadium Sunday, yu can work up two ticket for me?" This man earns a zillion dollars a year, yet he's begging free tickets, just to say that he got 'comps.' For those who don't do that, it's over the fence, and for years I wondered how high the stadium walls would go: as so dem beat it, so dem heighten it; so dem beat it, so dem put on more blocks. No other people beat gate like us, and when I watch foreign news and hear that two persons were caught scaling the walls of Buckingham Palace trying to get a glass of ice water but were frightened by the dogs, I know that they're Jamaicans, possibly my relatives.
"Soon come," is so Jamaican, but it can mean anything from a few minutes to six months. This has caught many foreigners to our shores who sit waiting on Mr. Soon Come. This young lady called me once saying, "Tony, my boyfriend left on Tuesday saying he soon come, but came back Thursday, how come?" I tried to explain that soon come doesn't mean this very minute, but it is a vague indication that he will return. The same goes for, "see you later", which could mean next month or tonight. "Hey, see you later baby." "When?" "Soon come."
Jamaicans aren't touchy touchy. The Arabs, Europeans, Latinos will hug and kiss on the cheek, but don't dare do that to a Jamaican man.
"Say wha, man a hug man? Dem a men?" But that's the way we are, we go to dance but don't dance. Instead chat and drink beer, we kick off our shoes first chance we get. We love other men's women, we look you up and down when first meeting, and cut our eyes when displeased.
We suck our teeth and say, "cho man!" And we boasy cyaan dun.
Other people can get lost in a crowd, but not Jamaicans. Our trademark sticks out like no other, but is so we stay. More time. It must be in the genes!
<span style="font-style: italic">*e-mail* attributed to T. Robinson
</span>
There is nobody like a Jamaican, Nobody! Sometimes it's difficult to determine where someone comes from. Drop us into the vast mosaic of the peoples of the world and try to figure out who is who.
"Him is from China, no, is Japanese, but him could be Korean still."
The same goes for people from India, Pakistan, Sri Lanka, or Nigeria, Kenya, Ghana. We just can't tell them apart. Not so with Jamaicans though, who stand out and stick out like beacons in the night. Foreigners know us in a flash, and we can identify each other from way across the street. We are so distinct that other people try to walk, talk and act like us.
I'm so amused when I encounter Americans, Europeans, Japanese, [Madam Cleo, or Ron] trying to act Jamaican.
"Hey mon, wha hoppening mon, eberyting irie?" I usually reply in my most proper English. If they are Japanese, I say,
"Sukiyaki, Sayonara, Sony, Toyota Mitsubishi."
Just to keep them guessing.
"So you speak Japanese?"
"Ah so, Nissan, Sanyo, Toyota Tercel.."
But what makes us so different from other people? First it's the walk, nobody walks like us. People in foreign walk briskly, head straight, arms swinging almost in military fashion, with a stride and purpose like they're going somewhere. Not us though, who saunter with a rhythm that is almost slow motion. No hurry, no scurry, no flurry, no rushy rushy, just cool, with a bop and rhythm that could be put to music. Years ago we used to call it bop. For some it's natural while others practiced it.
If you're a girl in the middle of Paris, Madrid or Tokyo and hear, "psst, psst," from across the street, you can know without even turning your head that it's a Jamaican hailing you. From a mile away he saw your walk and there is absolutely no other way to get your attention but by going 'psst, psst,' interspersed with the occasional 'yow, yow.' Is we dat.
Jamaicans love to bathe! Cleanliness is next to Godliness in our culture. So much so that many songs promote this, to wit:
"Go and Hold a fresh,"
"Yu wash yu face from mawnin? Yu brush yu teeth from mawnin? Yu comb yu hair from mawnin?"
Foreigners marvel at how frequently we shower, and I know of students going across to Europe and have the hosts admonish them for taking so many showers.
"Taking another shower Tonisha, but didn't you just have one on Thursday?"
It must be the climate, the culture or both, but we haffi bathe nuff as the makers of carbolic soap discovered. [Rumour has it that fifty percent of bathing soap sales are from Jamaica.]
The irony is that for people who love to bathe so much, Jamaicans are 'fraid of rain like puss. Plan any function months in advance, invite the most distinguished guests and superstars, and at the slightest hint of rain, nobody shows up. The function is scheduled to start at 4PM, rain falls at noon, and it's a flop. Sometimes the rain just has to set up, and nobody leaves the house.
"Maria, how yu nuh come check me, gyal?"
"No sah, rain set up, mi naa go anywhere."
The only other fear a Jamaican has is dog. If you want to know who's Jamaican in the heart of Africa, just let go two mongrel dog, or some Alsatian and see who sprints out of the crowd and jump fence. "There he goes, that's the Jamaican." No big man, big gun, knife, big stick or lock up frightens Jamaicans, but that ominous sign, "Do not enter, bad dog," will keep even the most hardened person at bay. "Hello, hello, anybody inside? Hold di dog please!"
The biggest Jamaican is nervous around dogs, a fear rivaled only by our fear of 'croaking' lizards. Bad as we are, those two animals have our ticket.
Jamaicans don't like to pay to go anywhere, and it's not a question of being broke either. At any event it's the most affluent and distinguished among us who always begging free ticket. Mr. Bank Manager will phone, "Hey, big match at stadium Sunday, yu can work up two ticket for me?" This man earns a zillion dollars a year, yet he's begging free tickets, just to say that he got 'comps.' For those who don't do that, it's over the fence, and for years I wondered how high the stadium walls would go: as so dem beat it, so dem heighten it; so dem beat it, so dem put on more blocks. No other people beat gate like us, and when I watch foreign news and hear that two persons were caught scaling the walls of Buckingham Palace trying to get a glass of ice water but were frightened by the dogs, I know that they're Jamaicans, possibly my relatives.
"Soon come," is so Jamaican, but it can mean anything from a few minutes to six months. This has caught many foreigners to our shores who sit waiting on Mr. Soon Come. This young lady called me once saying, "Tony, my boyfriend left on Tuesday saying he soon come, but came back Thursday, how come?" I tried to explain that soon come doesn't mean this very minute, but it is a vague indication that he will return. The same goes for, "see you later", which could mean next month or tonight. "Hey, see you later baby." "When?" "Soon come."
Jamaicans aren't touchy touchy. The Arabs, Europeans, Latinos will hug and kiss on the cheek, but don't dare do that to a Jamaican man.
"Say wha, man a hug man? Dem a men?" But that's the way we are, we go to dance but don't dance. Instead chat and drink beer, we kick off our shoes first chance we get. We love other men's women, we look you up and down when first meeting, and cut our eyes when displeased.
We suck our teeth and say, "cho man!" And we boasy cyaan dun.
Other people can get lost in a crowd, but not Jamaicans. Our trademark sticks out like no other, but is so we stay. More time. It must be in the genes!
<span style="font-style: italic">*e-mail* attributed to T. Robinson
</span>