Jokes for the day!!!

[sistactry]

This is a good one.

THE NERVE OF THE JAMAICAN BEGGAR

A man walks past a beggar every day and gives him $10 and that continues for
a year. Then suddenly the daily donation changes to $7.50.

"Well," the beggar thinks, "it's still better than nothing." A year passes
in this way until the man's daily donation suddenly becomes $5.

"What's going on now?" the beggar asks his donor. "First you give me $10
every day, then $7.50 and now only $5. What's the problem?"

"Well," the man says, "last year my eldest son went to university. It's very
expensive, so I had to cut costs. This year my eldest daughter also went to
university, so I had to cut my expenses even further."

"And how many children do you have?" the beggar asks.
"Four," the man replies.
"Well," says the beggar, "I hope you don't plan to educate them all at my
expense."

[img]/forums/images/graemlins/704555_dwl.gif[/img]

[Suesumba]

Re: Jokes for the day!!!

hope you don't mind if i post some jokes here Sista. i have tons in my mailbox and it's over the limit

[Suesumba]

Re: Jokes for the day!!!

n attractive young thing met her maiden aunt downtown for
lunch one afternoon and during the meal, the older woman asked
her niece to deposit a paycheck for her at the bank where the
girl worked. On her way back from work, the girl was accosted
by a purse snatcher.

"Help, help," she screamed at a passing cop. "That man has
taken my aunt's pay! He's taken my aunt's pay!"

"OK, lady," said the cop. "Cut out the pig Latin and tell me
exactly what happened."

[Suesumba]

Re: Jokes for the day!!!

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Florida, are all
excited about their decision to get married. They go for a
stroll to discuss the wedding. On the way they pass a
drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the
owner?"

The pharmacist answers, "Yes, Sir."

Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart
medication?"

Pharmacist: "Of course we do."

Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"

Pharmacist: "All kinds."

Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism and scoliosis?"

Pharmacist: "Definitely."

Jacob: "How about Viagra?"

Pharmacist: "Of course."

Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?"

Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety."

Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol,
antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"

Pharmacist: "Absolutely."

Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers?"

Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."

Jacob: "We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry."

[sistactry]

Re: Jokes for the day!!!

Originally posted by SueSumba:
[qb] hope you don't mind if i post some jokes here Sista. i have tons in my mailbox and it's over the limit [/qb]

ehhmmm, whey de ress a dem deh, [img]/forums/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

[Suesumba]

Re: Jokes for the day!!!

Originally posted by SistaCtry:
[qb]

Originally posted by SueSumba:
[qb] hope you don't mind if i post some jokes here Sista. i have tons in my mailbox and it's over the limit [/qb]

ehhmmm, whey de ress a dem deh, [img]/forums/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img] [/qb]

mi soon come back gawn a lunch

[sistactry]

Re: Jokes for the day!!!

de last one wid de seniah citysins dem is racking, [img]/forums/images/graemlins/704555_dwl.gif[/img]

me neen too get de fuss one, [img]/forums/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

[sistactry]

Re: Jokes for the day!!!

An Irishman in a wheel chair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Irishman looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?" The waitress nodded "yes," so the Irishman told her to give Jesus a cup of coffee on him.

The next patron to come in was an Englishman with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus over there?" The waitress nodded again, so the Englishman said to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, too.

The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Brotha from the hood on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered,"Hey there sweet thang, hook a brotha up with a cold glass of RC!" He,too, looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that God's boy over there?" !

Thewaitress nodded again, so the Brotha said to give Jesus a cold glass of RC, too. As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Irishman, touched him and said,"For your kindness, you are healed." The Irishman felt the strength come back into his legs, got up and danced a jig out the door.

Jesus also passed by the Englishman, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Englishman felt his back straightening up,
and he raised up his hands, praised the Lord and did a series of back flips out the door.

Then Jesus walked towards the Brotha from the hood. The Brotha jumped up and yelled, "Slow ya role playa, don't touch me, I'm drawin' disability!!!!!"

[Suesumba]

Re: Jokes for the day!!!

okay mss country here are some more

A man, new in town, goes to the best brothel in the city.
Choosing the best looking girl in the place, he retires to a
large and well-appointed suite, where he has some of the best
sex of his life. Satiated, the man asks the madam, "How much
do I owe you?"

The madam motions for him to put away his money. She then pulls
two hundred dollars out of a purse and gives it to him. She
fends off all his attempts for an explanation.

Naturally, the man returns the following evening. He gets the
same treatment, and is again given two hundred dollars.

The third night he does the same thing, but when he sees the
madam she asks him for three hundred dollars.

"Wait a minute," he says. "The first night you gave me two
hundred dollars. The second night you gave two hundred dollars.
Now you want me to pay you three hundred? Why?"

The madam smiles and says, "Tonight you weren’t being filmed."

[Suesumba]

Re: Jokes for the day!!!

if any of them go over the line, please feel free to delete or edit, caz i'm not even reading them


These two guys go to a whorehouse.

The first guy goes in then comes out and says, "My wife is
better."

The second guy goes in then comes out and says, "You know
what? Your wife IS better."

[Suesumba]

Re: Jokes for the day!!!

NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm
summer evening when a Woman in the convertible ahead of us stood
up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the
shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom!
That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"

HONESTY My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to
tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished
it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking
for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my
toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile,
"We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the
toilet a few days ago."

OPINIONS On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his
teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions
expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his
parents."

KETCHUP A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out
of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her
4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister,
Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she added , "Mommy
can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting
the bottle."

MORE NUDITY A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself
in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst
into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.
The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the
matter haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

ELDERLY While working for an organization that delivers lunches
to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4- year-old daughter on
my afternoon rounds. The various appliances of old age,
particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs, unfailingly
intrigued her. One day I found her staring at a pair of false
teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable
barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The
tooth fairy will never believe this!"

DRESS- UP A little girl was watching her parents dress for a
party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned,
"Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not, darling?"
"You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."

DEATH While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church,
our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his
collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates
had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be
performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then
dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The
minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayer s and
with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought
his Father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto
the Sonnn ... and into the hole he gooooes."

SCHOOL A little girl had just finished her first week of school.
"I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't
read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"

BIBLE A little boy opened the big family bible. He was
fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly,
something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and
looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed
in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found", the boy called
out." What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the
young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"

[Suesumba]

Re: Jokes for the day!!!

An Irishman went to London for a visit to the zoo. While there,
he saw a man with an elephant act. The man claimed the elephant
could look at person and tell that person's age. The Irishman
was very skeptical and said so, in no uncertain terms. The man
had the elephant look at a small boy and the elephant stamped
its foot 9 times. "Is that right?" he asked the boy.

"Oh yes." the boy said.

The Irishman was very loud, in his not believing that this was
true. The man asked the elephant to tell the ages of several
people, and each time the elephant stamped his foot and the
people said he was correct.

The Irishman got even louder and more abusive toward the man.
Finally the man could take it no longer and wagered the Irishman
that the elephant could look at him and tell him his age. The
Irishman took him up on the wager. The elephant looked real
close at the Irishman, turned around, raised his tail and cut
wind like you wouldn't believe, turned back around and stomped
his foot twice.

Whereupon the Irishman stumbled back and with a sound of
disbelief in his voice cried, "BeGabbers, he's right! Farty-two!"

[Suesumba]

Re: Jokes for the day!!!

Making a speech against the proliferation of X-rated videos,
the mayoral candidate said, "I rented one of these cassettes
and was shocked to find by my count five acts of oral sex,
three of sodomy, a transsexual making love to a dog, and a
woman accommodating five men at once. If elected, I vow that
tapes such as these will no longer befoul our fair
community." He concluded the fiery denunciation by asking,
"Are there any questions?"

Five people shouted in unison, "What was the name of the
tape?"

[Suesumba]

Re: Jokes for the day!!!

A man and a woman had been married for ten years and decided to
try and have kids. They had not been using birth control for the
entire time they had been married, so they thought they may have
a problem conceiving. The woman, who was hard of hearing,
decided to go to the gynecologist and see if the problem was
with her. The doctor examined her and came in to give her the
conclusions.

He said, "I'm sorry, but the problem is with you. You have
insufficient passion and if you ever have a baby it will be a
miracle."

The woman was very upset and went home crying. Her husband
got home and asked her what was wrong.

She said, "The doctor told me I've got a fish up my passage and
if I ever have a baby it will be a mackerel."


jezas some of these are lame

[Suesumba]

Re: Jokes for the day!!!

A man gets up one morning to find his wife in the kitchen
cooking, he looks to see what she's cooking, and sees one
of his socks in frying pan.

"What are you doing?" he asks.

"I'm doing what you asked me to do last night when you came
to bed very drunk," she replied.

Completely puzzled, the man walks away thinking to himself,
"I don't remember asking her to cook my sock..."