SUSS REPORT - MATRIX AUTO DEALERS INC (MAD Inc)

[Wendy]

<span style="color: #000099"><span style="font-weight: bold">SUSS REPORT - Matrix Auto Dealers Inc (MAD Inc) .. 8/26/2010</span></span>


Matrix Auto Dealers Inc (<span style="font-weight: bold">MAD Inc</span>) is owned and managed by a very unscrupulous business man named <span style="font-weight: bold">DahJahPawtTwo</span>. He oversees a diverse set of personalities in his dealership that have no sense of Customer Service. They spend more time attending to each other’s personal affairs than to the customer’s needs. There is never a dull hour, minute or day at MAD Inc.

<span style="font-weight: bold">SweetSsop</span>: Its Monday all. Mawnin! Mi feel fi mek likkle trouble today an fi pick pan smaddy. <span style="font-style: italic">(Looking around the different desks) </span>. Hmmnn… Milo seeing as how yuh itch up ina di carna yah wid yuh head dung ina di computa …yuh would be a really good person fi pick pan.

<span style="font-weight: bold">Milo: </span>: <span style="font-style: italic">(Signals with the palm of his hand) </span>. Nat tidey Sweets! Lowe mi please! Mi noh have noh time fi nice and smiley smiley wid yuh tidey cause mi dey yah a try do dis resume yah fi get wan jab ina wan nex Divisian ina di company.

<span style="font-weight: bold">Rollin_Calf</span>: <span style="font-style: italic">(Walking over to his desk) </span> Bout dam time! Yuh need some help wid dat betren?

<span style="font-weight: bold">Milo: </span>: Yeah man.. Mi cyan figga out wah tikle mi fi gi miself – wedda “Part time Supervisor or “Assistant Supervisor”. Every odda day a mi a supervise di Sales department because di boss man fi eva deh pan vacation! Mi cyan tek di stress noh more.

<span style="font-weight: bold">Rollin_Calf</span>: Try ‘Sissy Supervisor’, cause a only Sissy mi know tek up responsibilities wey a noh fi dem. Yuh noh si people like mi come a wok an jus read newspaypa an noh do nutten else.

<span style="font-weight: bold">Milo: </span>: A dat happen when yuh a try bi nice man.. yuh get bite ina yuh @$$. Mi madda teach mi to si di positive side a people an to bi pleasant to grumpy people but it betta mi brush dem aff when mi upset an stress an noh give a rats @$$ bout dem! All dem do a tek advantage a mi friendliness inyah Cho! **sob sob** **blow nose**

<span style="font-weight: bold">Rollin_Calf</span>: Milo, di reality is dat nat a soul waan hear bout how yuh doing. Nohbaddy noh give a crap bout yuh. Get dat ina yuh tick skull! Now man up an tap bawl like dem lilly gyal pickney an finish up yuh resume (He hears the main office door opening) Rahtid! Boss man a come! Mi gaan look busy!

The Manager steps out of his office and everyone scrambles to look busy. He nods as he walks by each desk as if he is taking a head count of the employees. Then he stops abruptly by an empty desk. He grunts and then pulls out his cell phone and dials:

<span style="font-weight: bold">DahJah</span>: Hello… Good Marning Mam. How comes a half paas 9 an yuh noh reach a work yet?

<span style="font-weight: bold">Faithfull</span>: Sarry Dahjah ... Mi naah come in tidey. Mi deyah a iron out mi freshly laundered linens and a few drawz cause mi a fret ovah di bedbug epidemic. Mi plan fi iron whole heap a sinting especially di clothes dem mi wear pan di bus cause mi did si wan teenajah kakroach pan di bus lass year.

<span style="font-weight: bold">DahJahPawtTwo</span>: Oh a soh? Den mek yuh neva call an tell mi soh mi coulda sen yuh two big basket a sitin fi yuh fi iyon out fi mi?

<span style="font-weight: bold">Faithfull</span>: Heh heya! Sen dem come if yuh want. But mi a chawge by di piece cause a piece wuk mi duh. Mi kina baff han when it come to ironing but mi wi si if mi can slabba out a few shut fi yuh.

<span style="font-weight: bold">DahJahPawtTwo</span>: Yuh baff han fi troots. Yuh cyan even sweep floor good as di Cleaning lady fi di Dealaship ..Anyway if a di parasite dem yuh fraida dash lickle peroxide pan dem an bun dem out. A dat mi use get ridda mi foot fungus an wan nassy bwail pan mi b@tty years ago.

<span style="font-weight: bold">Faithfull</span>: Is arite … mi know di value of 'STEAM' an good ole bleach fi guard against backteria an dem tings. Yuh noh si how mi bleach out di floor a MAD Inc mek dem white an pretty.

<span style="font-weight: bold">DahJahPawtTwo</span>: Yes an In di futra mi a beg yuh wipe dung di counter and table dem wid peroxide fi kill di bad germs. Yuh ago bun out wi nosehole wid di hole heapa bleach yuh a use ina di place. Smaddy who mi know marrid wan dacta tell mi sey a bleach dem tek kill aff di solja dem ina WWI.. Noh use none a dat inya again. Peroxide a di new lick! Hennyway mek sure yuh come a work tomorrow.

<span style="font-weight: bold">Faithfull</span>: Arite Dahjah...si yuh a marning <span style="font-style: italic"> (she hangs up)</span>

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Everyone knows the Car Sales department is where all gossip and stories begin and spread. Aside from the sounds of ruffling papers, photo copy and fax machines humming, there is the usual chatter in the department with employees goofing off and engaging in various conversations at their leisure:

<span style="font-weight: bold">CyberPhobic</span>: <span style="font-style: italic">(Commanding everyone’s attention) </span> Unu come hear dis ..unu know di big fat gurl wey wok ina di HR department upstairs…?

<span style="font-weight: bold">Milo: </span>: Yes mi know har.. Is dat same flirty-flirty gyal mi ask bout 10 flipping times fi goh out wid mi an shi tell mi no. Mek mi all a carry condoms ina mi wallet incase hell freeze ova an mi get piece.. Mi tyad fi jump troo hoop fi dah gyal dey a play hard fi get.

<span style="font-weight: bold">CyberPhobic</span>: Oye massa! Di ooman hooda been allllll ovah yuh like yuh cheap suit dem if shi did interestid inn yuh. Look how much time yuh ask har an shi still naah goh hout wid yuh.. Truss mi wen a tell yuh sey shi is JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!!!!
<span style="font-weight: bold"> Ceabee </span>: Lawd yuh ruff eeh Cyber?? Lowe di man an gwaan tell di story man. Cho!

<span style="font-weight: bold">CyberPhobic</span>: But a troo man ..im a read di gyal signs dem upside dung. Shi jussa a chry let yuh dung easy by faking di interess! Ahrite..mek mi get back to what mi did a sey. So mi inna di batchroom an si di gyal a bawl dis mawrning. Soh mi guh tek mi fass self goh ask har a whatisdimatta. Hear dis mess – shi mussi loose over 20 pounds in six weeks an shi sey everybady a jump up an dung bout how shi look good an ting. She tun roun now a cawl dem hypocrite and ting causen sey as cawrding tuh har, dem neva did tell har sey shi did look bad before shi lose di weigh.

<span style="font-weight: bold">ILP</span>: Good fi har cause shi did 2 tons of fun ..to mean big an fat ..yeah I said it! Now dat shi loose lickle weight maybe shi woan tek soh rahtid long fi get har Nails dem service.

<span style="font-weight: bold">Fancy</span>: Yuh seet!

<span style="font-weight: bold">Kia</span>: A insecurity a do it..a dat a badda har. Gwaan talk Cyber ..wey yuh sey to har when shi sey dat?

<span style="font-weight: bold">CyberPhobic</span>: Girl mi sey mi havi ask sey how sheeda tekkit if smaddy did tell har fi guh jog or tapp fling dung every breed a food dung har dyam neck? She tell mi sey sheeda try fi lose di weight lang time. Now grantid, shi have mussi bout 40 more pound fi guh lose before mi can sey shi look like smaddy, but a wey di grannygum shi come aff a come cuss peeple whe a chry encourage har? *Kissteet* Shi wrang fi do dat doe?

<span style="font-weight: bold">Nunya</span>: No, ah yuh wrong fi a come badda wi wid all dis fawt...Yuh noh have siting betta fi chat bout dan di ole frumpy gyal?

<span style="font-weight: bold">Yuri</span>: Mi dear… mi noh know how shi fine time a hole up canvasation ina dat dey renking batroom. Any time mi gah bahchoom mi dis guh een ah duh mi numba 2 an lef. Mi naah look fi ah chat to nuhbaddie.

<span style="font-weight: bold">Rollin_Calf</span>: Fi unu bathroom mussi set up different cause mi avoid all convos when mi goh tek a leak. Mi naw look fi chat to nat a soul when mi lang rachelar a heng out. Especially bout dem appearance.

<span style="font-weight: bold">Wahalla</span>: Dem ooman different fi true RC. Imagine if a man si anada man ah bawl by di urinal. Mi woulda havi flash aff mi teelie faas faas and walk out an noh sey a word to him. No mus wan mama man dat?! Yet still enoh ..all wey a gwaan mi tink dis mawga gyal jus need some hagony.

<span style="font-weight: bold">Nunya</span>: Well, Cyber sey shi noh maaga yet..soh does dat mean she ongle fi get half a hagany? Or a 'near hagany'?

<span style="font-weight: bold">FrenchTickla</span>: Mi wi supply di full load a agany pan har if shi gi mi a wan touch. Mi no partial! But seriously dowe a wah wrong wid people mek dem haffi hat up dem head so? Mi tink is di coloration of di pigmentation mek shi tun dem tings ina boderation. Mi cudden see none a mi blackatan people a chat dis kinda fawt but maybe me sheltered!

<span style="font-weight: bold">Nunya</span>: Bout sheltered ..DWL.. A who yuh a try fool? But as unu a talk bout HR Department, wan a di highty tighty Intern dem have a work up dey a tun porn star mi hear. Flippin bloody heck!

<span style="font-weight: bold">Mrs Ahmidis</span>: Oh Please! Dat a common knowledge roun here! Apparently dere is so many sex tapes going dat shi feel left out soh shi mek wan fi herself..poah ting...my condolences to her daddy an di whole family cause mi noh know wah kina move dat shi mek.

<span style="font-weight: bold">Fancy</span>: Yuh seet! wat a ting!

<span style="font-weight: bold">FrenchTickla</span>: Den which part unu si dis video now? Unu cyan let awf di link mek mi gi oonu mi professional opinion?

<span style="font-weight: bold">Nunya</span>: (looks around anxiously) Shhh unu tek time talk.. wi cyan talk dem x-rated sinting ina di place soh loud. Mi seet pon di forbidden channel... har b@tty crawny yuh is! And all I gotta say is my girl's a** needs PROACTIVE!

<span style="font-weight: bold">Tulip</span>: Well har face full a sink hole so maybe har b@tty have di same ting to. You mean literally she have butt acne?

<span style="font-weight: bold">Nunya</span>: No man dem yah a noh sink hole .. dem was some big ugly-assed bumps!! *shudder* An when yuh watch di video wid shi an ole bway …di camera a swing all ova har bumpy b@tty like it confuse...

<span style="font-weight: bold">Sandif</span>: Mi rahtid! den a wey yu find it missis?! Oh.. wait dey... proactive is for acne ... mi dey yah thinking sey a laxative she did need. So who is the ole bway? Har puppa?
.
<span style="font-weight: bold">Nunya</span>: Kip up <span style="font-weight: bold">Sandif</span>! How yuh daff soh..cho! Ole bway a di wan who a shag har. A im plant di idea eena har mind fi goh mek video. Prolly a tell har bout she mus tun so, arch dis, leggo dat – an tell har how she ooda look good pon camera.

<span style="font-weight: bold">Tulip</span>: What in the jail cell?! Are you kidding me? Shi waan cack up ina flim show and didn't even come correct?

<span style="font-weight: bold">ILP</span>: Jesus keep me near di cross ..A only hope har va-jay-jay pawt wussen untamed!

<span style="font-weight: bold">Nunya</span>: Girl unu know sey once people si up eena har cratchiz, den dere will be no mystery left... DWL. Ahrite unu shush! Si sausage bway Derek a come ova dis way. Shhh!!!

<span style="font-weight: bold">Derek</span>: <span style="font-style: italic">(Grinning) </span> Wait..wey unu a kip soh quite as soon as unu si mi. Mi dun hear unu nassy argument areddi. Mi si di same tape unu a chat bout. Di bredda pan di tape mussi rub pieca stone pan im manhood how my man a tan pan it lang. BTW do any of you women have a problem when men take too long fi dun?

<span style="font-weight: bold">Tanya</span>: HELL YEAH! Dat Sh!t is annoying when yuh done long time an yuh waan sleep an him juss keep on a batta batta di tings!

<span style="font-weight: bold">Derek</span>: Soh a some much ting<span style="font-size: 11pt">S</span> yuh wan gat dung dey fi batta bruise. DWL!

<span style="font-weight: bold">Quodlibet:</span> <span style="font-style: italic">(Speaking across the room) </span>Seet deh now, wanti wanti cyan getti, getti getti no wanti... Yu know how much oomens woulda appreciate likkle batta batta right now.

<span style="font-weight: bold">Q3210:</span> <span style="font-style: italic">(Joins in) </span>Well not all a dem want battering especially when dem done drain dem tings out and want sleep.

<span style="font-weight: bold">Fancy</span>: Yuh seet!

<span style="font-weight: bold">Stormey</span>: Well all I know is mi love it slow an sweeeeeeeeeeet......but sometimes it hard fi fine delicious agony dowe… troo dat wance a mont mi goh get mi G spot injection. Who knew they would have a shot for achieving orgasm **bat yeye**

<span style="font-weight: bold">Peasie</span>: No man Stormey Slackniss dat! Yuh need fi achieve orgasm pan yuh own. Di collagen ting sound too drastic to mi an yuh nat even tun ole ooman yet.

<span style="font-weight: bold">Sandif</span> - Soun like she need wan experienced lova . <span style="font-weight: bold">Stormey</span> yuh eva visit Misses Bates - wife of Master Bates. Dat G spot injection sound like some quack business wan Dacta come up wid fi teif yuh money.

<span style="font-weight: bold">Fancy</span>: Yuh seet!

<span style="font-weight: bold">Peasie</span>: Noh mek har any wisa <span style="font-weight: bold">Sandif</span>. Right now mi shi a gi mi wan new bisniz appatrunity! Mi ago a Negril Beach goh set up wan likkle hut wey sey: COME IN ERE… GET YOUR OWN PERSONAL G-SPAT INJECKSHAN! ONE SHAT HIT DI RIGHT SPAT! DI EARLY BIRD GET FI SQUIRM!

<span style="font-weight: bold">Nunya</span>: LOL! But unu noh know sey Missus Bates can be lethal...tan dey. Unu neva hear bout di British woman who mastabate harself to deat?!

<span style="font-weight: bold">Peasie</span>: Well at least shi drap dung dead happy.DWL. Ahrite unu fine sinting fi do before Missa DahJah fyah di whole a wi tidey. Unu look busy ...nuff custumas a walk all bout di place! Shhh! Ignore dem …Ignore dem!

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Everybody’s heads went down in their desks, paying no attention to the group of curious customers pouring into the Dealership. However, an aggressive Sale person hurries from her desk almost tripping in her high heels as she approaches one of the customers. She greets the customer with a half smile and extends her hand:

<span style="font-weight: bold">Kia</span>: Hi my name is Kia can I help you? You seem kind of lost?

<span style="font-weight: bold">SistaCtry</span>: Yes Good morning …unu fix crack windshield in here?

<span style="font-weight: bold">Kia</span>: Yes if it is a teeny crack wi can easily be fixed without a windshield replacement.

<span style="font-weight: bold">SistaCtry</span>: Well it noh teeny weenie a tall. It longa dan a dollar bill. Mi shoula did fix it when it did fuss happen but mi proscrastinate an now it look like it affi replace. Chaaaa!

<span style="font-weight: bold">Kia</span>: Yes it appears so fram what yuh sey. What kina cyar it is?

<span style="font-weight: bold">SistaCtry</span>: Is a Bimmer an mi hear sey di glass fi it so damm expensive. So mi a tink maybe mi fi mek insurance pay fi it. But mi tink dat ago jus raise up mi premium ascarding to di insurance man an mi wi tump smaddy ina dem yeye if dem eva raise me rates. Wah mi fi do?

<span style="font-weight: bold">Kia</span>: Well I cyan advise yuh as to insurance mattas, but I can ask Management what we can do for you and for how much. Hold on a minute. <span style="font-style: italic">(She pages the Manager from Walkie-Talkie) </span> Mister <span style="font-weight: bold">DahJah</span>, I have a customer who wants to know how much it will cost to replace a windshield for a Bimma?

<span style="font-weight: bold">DahJah</span>: <span style="font-style: italic">(Excited) </span> WOOOEE!! Wah yuh sey? Wan bimma? <span style="font-weight: bold">Kia</span> - when smaddy come in wid Bimma a nuff money busniss wi a talk. Wi charge dem people dey tree times di regula amount and double up dem tax. Hole an dey mi ago grab J_Kid an wi a come talk to har.

<span style="font-weight: bold">Kia</span>: Mam, my Manager is on his way to talk with you about the cost. While you are waiting- may I ask, have you looked at the new SRX, the BMW X3, and the Saturn Vue?

<span style="font-weight: bold">SistaCtry</span>: Jeeeeeesas Kingdom! A mek when people come a Deala unu love a try get people fi buy new cyar soh? No badda mi! Is mi windshield mi come fi fix..dats all.

The customer steps aside, arms folded in anger and waits for the Manager. Both he and his Assistant come running down the aisle to greet her:

<span style="font-weight: bold">DahJah</span>: Good afternoon mam. Mi hear sey yuh have wan Bimma wid wan buss up windshield. How can we help?

<span style="font-weight: bold">SistaCtry</span>: Yes sar. Mi a hesitate fi call di insurance company..soh dats why mi decide fi come to MAD Inc fi get it repair miself. Mi hear sey dem have wan gel siting yuh can put pan it and BAAAM!! - it good as new again. Unu do dat here?

<span style="font-weight: bold">DahJah</span>: Yeah man ..wi can hook yuh up. Wi rub ann lickle gel and if yuh si it..it look like smaddy put saran wrap pan yuh glass. Dat ago run yuh bout $700 plus labor, state, county an real estate tax.

<span style="font-weight: bold">SistaCtry</span>: $700?!! Plus wararra?? Massa yuh mussi a drink mad puss p!ss. Mi husban check dung di street an it cheapa dan dat soh yuh betta come carrec - awoh!

<span style="font-weight: bold">DahJah</span>:Well dat a di going price fi a Bimma windshield nowadays. If yuh tink yuh can get it cheapa dan dat den galanag wey yuh a goh. All dem shap outta street ago do a put crazy glue pan yuh windshield.

<span style="font-weight: bold">SistaCtry</span>: <span style="font-style: italic">(In protest) </span> Mi sey mi naah pay noh $700 a rooossss!

The Assistant Manager, who was standing close by, interjects and tries to make a case in support of the Manager:

<span style="font-weight: bold">J-kid</span>: Lady wi nat running a charity business inyah yuh know! Yuh dyam if yuh do an yuh dyam if yuh dont! Anway yuh tek it yuh a go get screw going an coming.

<span style="font-weight: bold">SistaCtry</span>: But afta unu noh betta .. unu deyah a try screw mi @$$ right, lef an centa!

<span style="font-weight: bold">J-kid</span>: A lickle word of advice in case yuh don’t know, wan ah di purpose of di windshield, is fi keep yuh in di vehicle in a frontal collision. If di installation noh do properly yuh can fly troo di windshield an di glass ago pap out an kill yuh when you lick it. Di lickle small man down di road noh follow proper procedure in preparing the bonding surface as dem should an dem noh use the proper adhesive. Dem nat even apply di right kina pressure fi seal di siting good. Like <span style="font-weight: bold">DahJah</span> sey.. a crazy glue patch wok yuh ago get fram dem.

<span style="font-weight: bold">SistaCtry</span>: Well mi noh have rooossss $700 a pay fi noh windshield. Mite as well mi just file the claim an dun an hope sey it noh raise up mi premium especially ina dis state wey truck kick up all kinda debris an rackstone ina yuh windshield.

<span style="font-weight: bold">J-kid</span>: Ahrite den , mi cyan fight yuh pan dat cause mi noh know ah wey dis world come tuh when honest people whe pay dem premium fi years hav dem bunch ah tiefing *%$#@ mek dem fraid fi file ah legit claim?! Anyway, mi personally, if 85 to 90% a yuh windshield noh crack – drive wid it same way. Is jus dat yuh cyan paas inspection pan di East Coast wid dat deh hell of a crack. Your choice!

The customer throws her skirt tail at the Managers and leaves the dealership quite upset:

<span style="font-weight: bold">SistaCtry</span>: <span style="font-style: italic"> Come dung a dis rooss dealaship an waise mi roosss time ..come a chat bout $700 an warra- warra tax. Teifing blood sucking parasite dem!</span>

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Later in the afternoon hours, a lady wearing a long flowery dress with her handbag perched on her forearm walks up to the ‘Auto Parts and Repairs’ Service Desk and speaks to the attendant at the desk:

<span style="font-weight: bold">MGee</span>: Good afternoon can I speak to Mista DahJah please?

<span style="font-weight: bold">Vegas</span>: Im nat here at di moment can I help yuh?

<span style="font-weight: bold">MGee</span>: Is im mi usually talk to when mi come a MAD Inc cause im know bout mi cyar an all mi previous issues an prablems wid it. When yuh expec im back please?

<span style="font-weight: bold">Vegas</span>: Hole an a minute mek a page im secritry an ask har. <span style="font-style: italic">(She picks of the phone and presses the page button) </span> CeaBee, when yuh expect Mista DahJah fi come back? ..wan lady waan talk to im.

<span style="font-weight: bold"> CeaBee</span>: Tek a metches Vegas. Laas time mi goh gainst me no message leaving rule mi start stutta an chat pure fawt pan di man answering machine. Im missing fi about half hour now dowe… prabably gaan use di men’s room as usual.

<span style="font-weight: bold">Vegas</span>: Oh Ok.. arite mi wi tell har. <span style="font-style: italic">(Speaking to the customer) </span> Shi sey mi fi tek wan metches cause mista <span style="font-weight: bold">DahJah</span> gaan a teilet. Im in dey fi hours a do Gad knows what!

<span style="font-weight: bold">MGee</span>: **sigh** Arite .. Tell im sey mi get rid a some rusty car doors an put an some door wey noh have noh rust pan it but di door frame dem damage roun di trim. Mi want to freshen up roun di plastic part dat cova up di metal but mi noh know what di black plastic stuff name ..soh mi a beg im lickle advise.

<span style="font-weight: bold">Vegas</span>: Hi hello mi dear...di time u tek fi replace 4 door an engine an transmission it no cheaper yuh did come here com trust one Toyota? Tell yuh what..mi have one pardna a start Septemba if yuh interested. Is ongle $50 a week an is a big one… so di draw nuff. Yuh can get second draw even dowe mi noh usually gi new people early draw but since yuh look like yuh inna jam....

<span style="font-weight: bold">MGee</span>: Excuse mi??!! Clearly you not used to scrap yard and cheap door affa ole bruk <span style="font-style: italic">(rolleyes) </span>

<span style="font-weight: bold">Vegas</span>: No dear hawt a pure Benz me drive. Mi a stooshas. Yuh fi do betta dan dat. Wi have nuff secan han cyar ina di cyar lot can help out dose in need. Wan lilly Chevy naah caas yuh dat much.

<span style="font-weight: bold">MGee</span>: Clear aff gyal! Dats why mi is a ooman cyaan tek di big corporate impersonalities in here yuh noh. A di sed reason why mi ask fi Mista <span style="font-weight: bold">DahJah</span>.

The eavesdropping Assistant Manager overhears the customer’s inquiry and steps in to offer his point of view:

<span style="font-weight: bold">J-kid</span>: Ok Ok Miss let mi si if mi can help yuh. Noh pay har noh mine.. har harmones a rage like bull cow. What yuh asking fah yuh usually havi goh a di dealer weh sell dat kina upper door exterior trim fi your vehicle cause dem is cyar specific. Wi doan sell di part at MAD Inc. You mite even havi search online ar fine wan specialty shop. But what wi can do fi yuh is sell yuh wan gallan a black paint if yuh want.

<span style="font-weight: bold">MGee</span>: Lawd Gad man! Mi naah look noh blinking black paint! Wey mi agoh do wid dat? Is di black ting around di windows on the outside of the door mi a talk bout. Mi waan know what it name soh mi can fix up mi scratch up cyar. Where is <span style="font-weight: bold">DahJah</span>? Im noh come back yet? Cho!

<span style="font-weight: bold">J-kid</span>: Hole an Relax lickle bit lady. Mek mi call im pan im Yeye-Phone fi yuh. <span style="font-style: italic">(He dials) </span> <span style="font-weight: bold">DahJah</span> wey yuh dey? Yuh still dey a teilet? Arite..hurry an come.. wan lady uppa di service desk waan talk to yuh bout some door business.

Shortly after the Manager is seen walking towards the front as he was summoned. As he approaches, he adjusts his pants waist, zips up his pants front and then stretches out his hands to greet the customer:

<span style="font-weight: bold">MGee</span>: <span style="font-style: italic">(Pushes his hand away) </span> Is arite.. mi noh know wey dat han a come fram. <span style="font-style: italic">(Sighs) </span> Mista <span style="font-weight: bold">DahJah</span> I doan know is wah kina uneducated people yuh have a wok in here but none a dem couden tell mi what di black plastic ting is dat yuh put round door frame. Yuh know what mi talking bout sar?

<span style="font-weight: bold">DahJah</span>: Oh dat! Yes man ..Dat a wey yuh call molding. What's wrong wid di one pan it now?

<span style="font-weight: bold">MGee</span>: Di black molding or striping or whatever yuh want to call di covering scratch up pan di second hand doors mi jus install... so di metal underneath the black coating a show an mi noh waan it get rusty pan mi all like how mi noh have noh garage fi shelta it.

<span style="font-weight: bold">DahJah</span>: Well di bess ting fi yuh do get some masking tape an tape di window wid newspaypah...an den tape up di cyar fram tap to battam an spray black paint and paint di sintin.

<span style="font-weight: bold">J-kid</span>: A dat mi jus tell har enoh dread? All shi need a lickle black paint. Mi noh why shi a mek di ting look soh complex!

<span style="font-weight: bold">Vegas</span>: <span style="font-style: italic">(Taunting) </span> Cheap di ooman cheap! CHEEAAAPPP!

<span style="font-weight: bold">MGee</span>: Why yuh noh shet up yuh mout an mine yuh own businiz?! Yuh know what mek mi goh tek miself goh a wan look cyar detailing shop an ask fi wah mi want seeing as how mi having difficulty trying fi get unu soh call cyar experts. All unu inyah yah a do is try exploit mi wid unu bandoolo sales tactics.
.
<span style="font-weight: bold">DahJah</span>: Ahrite den suit yuhself lady. Di detailing shop dem jus ago will tell yuh anyting fi get yuh money. All yuh havi do is goh back to di cyar dealaship wey yuh get di cyar fram an pint pan de ting an ask dem &quot;a wah dem call dis?&quot; an dem wi sen yuh to di parts department. What ina dat mek yuh hard a earing soh?

The lady was visible upset and storms out of the Dealership. The Manager murmurs:

<span style="font-weight: bold">DahJah</span>: But si yah! Coo pan she to. If she did buy wan GM cyar like mi tell har di door dem woulden a ratten aff pan har as lickle rain wata touch dem. **kiss teet**

--------------------------------
It is 8 pm and as closing hours draw near a lady enters the dealership with a very apprehensive look on her face. She was holding a small child in her arms as she surveys the dealership. Once again the aggressive Sales woman rushes to welcome her:

<span style="font-weight: bold">Kia</span>: Hi Good Day. Welcome to MAD Inc where new an ole bruck veekles are our specialty. What can I do for you?

<span style="font-weight: bold">Seveen</span>: Yes please. I hate car shopping but anyways.. I have been leasing a 2007 Cadillac SRX but the lease is up in August. Mi looking for a US made car..soh I am thinking - GMC Terrains and the Caddy.

<span style="font-weight: bold">Kia</span>: <span style="font-style: italic">(Making her usual Sales pitch) </span> Hmmm..but have you looked at the new SRX? BMW X3, Saturn Vue?

<span style="font-weight: bold">Seveen</span>: Did you hear me? Mi nat buying noh farrin cyar mi sey! No mercedes-benz an dem farrin sinting dey. I put politics into my car purchase –so mi a look for a USA corporation product.

<span style="font-weight: bold">Kia</span> : So what about di the Ford Thunderbird, the Ford Edge? How dat soun?

<span style="font-weight: bold">Seveen</span>: Eh eh ..no sah. I’m looking at a smart car cause mi only drive 12 miles a day an mi supermarket in walking distance– aldowe my lazy @ss neva walk up dey wan day yet.

<span style="font-weight: bold">Kia</span>: Well in that case fi dat kinda mileage is a Chevy Volt yuh need. It is larger than the smart car and safer since as I see you with a precious little one? How old is he?

<span style="font-weight: bold">Seveen</span>: Is nat my chile mi love. Mi jus a work pan mi higgling skills. A beg mi beg wan lady wey live side a mi fi len mi har fidgety pickney fi help mek di car buying process goh fasta. Anyway, I don't see the volt selling anywhere - can yuh put wan pan purchase arda fi mi?
.
<span style="font-weight: bold">Kia</span>: Di Chevy Volt nat available til di end of the year miss. What yuh can do is extend yuh lease an hole aff til en a year. Or yuh can look at our US made Tesla Roadster but that is lease only for $1500 a month.

<span style="font-weight: bold">Seveen</span>: How much a mont? Kiss mi neck - $1500! Lady mi a look fi pay lickle bit a money a mont and di cyar betta have a remolded body, Onstar , GPS, Leather seats , Bose speakers, XM radio, V6, Seat memory, Blueteet, XM radio, Garage door opener, back and front parking sensors, keyless start an $10,000 off the MSRP an muss glide pan wata! Awoh!

<span style="font-weight: bold">Kia</span>: All a dat fi lickle bit a payment?! Lady if yuh need all a dem dey fangandangles yuh betta buy wan Escalade SUV.

<span style="font-weight: bold">Seveen</span>: What yuh tink mi is miss lady? I may be ghetto fabulous but I ain’t gangster enough to own Escalade. Oh an wan more ting mi figet! It muss have glove box cooling in dey to.

<span style="font-weight: bold">Kia</span>: What di bloody hell is glove box cooling?

<span style="font-weight: bold">Seveen</span>: Mi tink unu know bout tings in dis place. A mi suppose to bi di novice an yuh noh know what dat is? Is something weh mi can put in mi flask a Whiskey in the glove box an it stay cool in dey.

The sales woman did her best to find the customer a car that satisfied her every need. The paper work process was fast and she drove her new car off the lot and was so excited, she had to call one of her friends from her cell phone:

<span style="font-weight: bold">Seveen</span>: <span style="font-style: italic">(giddy with excitement) </span> Hey shoogaloo..Guess what? I got me a new car to put in my garage fram dung a MAD Inc Giirrll! A black caddy SUV with all kina bells and whistles and ooooooh the sunroof opens up to the back seat!

<span style="font-weight: bold">Sistacaf </span>: Really?! Mi glad yuh neva buy wan a dem foreign-made tuna-can pan 4 tonka toy wheels! Congrats Chrissy… I know you are lovin the new ride! An by new ride mi noh mean husband numba 3, 4, 7 – which eva numba yuh deh pan now.

<span style="font-weight: bold">Seveen</span>: Well none a dem man deh neva excite mi like mi new cyar. But lickle moas mi come home wid husband numba 8. Ina di dealership dere was this really old guy. Ole an mash up looking – mi wouldn’t even waan test drive wid him. But mi goh overhear im a sey im waan buy him cyar CASH! Kiss mi neck mi start si dalla signs! Mi almost reach troo di glass wall an ask him – “do ya' wanna 'nother wife?” LOL

<span style="font-weight: bold">Sistacaf</span>: LOL. Yuh noh easy. Mi happy fi hear yuh soh excited. Since as yuh have a spacious cyar now..can yuh come pick mi up fi a spin dis weeken?
<span style="font-weight: bold">Seveen</span>: Sure! No problem! Mi cyan wait fi goh sport all bout ina mi new wheels. She’s a cutey!

<span style="font-weight: bold">Sistacaf</span>: Good! I’m going to need yuh to haul ma’ steel pans to dis gig mi have in Pennsylvania dis weeken. Is dat cool?

<span style="font-weight: bold">Seveen</span>: **Click!!**

<span style="font-weight: bold">Sistacaf</span>: Hello?? Seveen?? Hello??... Ain’t that som ish!

[CeaBee]

Re: SUSS REPORT - MATRIX AUTO DEALERS INC (MAD Inc)

good job as usual wendy

[britisha]

Re: SUSS REPORT - MATRIX AUTO DEALERS INC (MAD Inc)

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: CeaBee</div><div class="ubbcode-body">good job as usual wendy </div></div>

Mi deyah a read ie likkle likkle...enuff fi lass fi di month ::..like picknie wid candy mi noh waan finish ie too kwick...

.. shi haff mi cracking hup so much...

...and yes, shi worth more dan a tous'n times har weight in gold..

[Stormmey]

Re: SUSS REPORT - MATRIX AUTO DEALERS INC (MAD Inc)

Wendy you got mad skills girl....you are the best :dwl

[Wendy]

Re: SUSS REPORT - MATRIX AUTO DEALERS INC (MAD Inc)

Thanks everyone ..

Mi a lef outta Babylon ..but before mi rip an run aff.. mi havi sey Bway Vegas mi naah tell noh like a you inspire the theme fi dis episode. Di day mi read yuh a mek fun of MGee I neva laugh soh in my life. I had to get that exchange in the Suss wan way or di neda. That was some funny stuff

Sista Cntry – hope yuh did get yuh buss up window fix..waaiaiaii mi belly battam a hat mi

Lickle more

[kia027]

Re: SUSS REPORT - MATRIX AUTO DEALERS INC (MAD Inc)

[JAmerican Ooman]

Re: SUSS REPORT - MATRIX AUTO DEALERS INC (MAD Inc)

CLASSIC...

[Emperah]

Re: SUSS REPORT - MATRIX AUTO DEALERS INC (MAD Inc)

yuh tink seh dem gossiping slackaz coulda wukk fi mi

[Hush Darlin]

Re: SUSS REPORT - MATRIX AUTO DEALERS INC (MAD Inc)

thanks for the laffs wendy

[j-kid]

Re: SUSS REPORT - MATRIX AUTO DEALERS INC (MAD Inc)

Rahtid! &quot;Click!!!!&quot;

Fancy: &quot;Yuh si it&quot; :dwl

Nice Wendy! :

[Wendy]

Re: SUSS REPORT - MATRIX AUTO DEALERS INC (MAD Inc)

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: dahJahPawtTwo</div><div class="ubbcode-body">yuh tink seh dem gossiping slackaz coulda wukk fi mi </div></div>

LOL Afta yuh noh betta .. yuh manage fi run wey everybady outta di deala widouten noh good service

Mi a wanda how di heck yuhs tay ina business

[Wendy]

Re: SUSS REPORT - MATRIX AUTO DEALERS INC (MAD Inc)

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: J kid</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Rahtid! &quot;Click!!!!&quot;

<span style="font-weight: bold">Fancy: &quot;Yuh si it&quot; :dwl</span>

Nice Wendy! : </div></div>

Yuh Seeit! No man Fancy fi gwaan betta dan dat .

Mi sey mi use di special feature pan di boarrd fi help mi falla postas fi set up di story an aaall mi get outta Fancy is “<span style="font-style: italic">Yuh seeit</span>” Mi sey fi har word count pan di board fram shi time shi deyah mussi unda 50... LMAO

[Emperah]

Re: SUSS REPORT - MATRIX AUTO DEALERS INC (MAD Inc)

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: WeNdY</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: dahJahPawtTwo</div><div class="ubbcode-body">yuh tink seh dem gossiping slackaz coulda wukk fi mi </div></div>

LOL Afta yuh noh betta .. yuh manage fi run wey everybady outta di deala widouten noh good service

Mi a wanda how di heck yuhs tay ina business </div></div>

a mi nice smile an mi free advertisments fi Iself pan I N I radio program yuh nuh seet

[LusciousJohnson]

Re: SUSS REPORT - MATRIX AUTO DEALERS INC (MAD Inc)

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: J kid</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Rahtid! &quot;Click!!!!&quot;

Fancy: &quot;Yuh si it&quot; :dwl

Nice Wendy! : </div></div>

shi aint right!

[LusciousJohnson]

Re: SUSS REPORT - MATRIX AUTO DEALERS INC (MAD Inc)

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: WeNdY</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: J kid</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Rahtid! &quot;Click!!!!&quot;

<span style="font-weight: bold">Fancy: &quot;Yuh si it&quot; :dwl</span>

Nice Wendy! : </div></div>

Yuh Seeit! No man Fancy fi gwaan betta dan dat .

Mi sey mi use di special feature pan di boarrd fi help mi falla postas fi set up di story an aaall mi get outta Fancy is “<span style="font-style: italic">Yuh seeit</span>” Mi sey fi har word count pan di board fram shi time shi deyah mussi unda 50... LMAO
</div></div>

a lie yuh tell pan mi Wendy

yuh fi leggo di secret dem and tell mi bout dis &quot;special feature&quot; sayka it nuh right

unu been bamboozled! hoodwinked! led a stray by di brite one Wendy!