Little laughter for the day!

[applepie]

On opening her new store, a woman received a bouquet of flowers. She became dismayed on reading the enclosed card, that it expressed "Deepest Sympathy".

While puzzling over the unusual message, her phone rang. It was the florist, apologizing for having sent the wrong greetings.

"Ah!, it's alright." said the woman. "I'm a businesswoman and I understand how these things can happen sometimes."

"But," added the florist, "I mistakenly sent your card to a funeral party."

"Well, what did it say?" ask the businesswoman.

"'Congratulations on your new location'." was the reply.

[Peasie]

glad fi di laff before mi head out to mi new, eem, location

[Xavier]

Dem people at the funeral party mus be cussing...

[Wahalla]

===========
My wife hosted a dinner party for family far and wide and everyone was encouraged to bring all their children as well.

All during dinner my four-year-old niece stared at me sitting across from me.

The girl could hardly eat her food for staring.

I checked my shirt for spots, felt my face for food, patted my hair in place but nothing stopped her from staring at me.

I tried my best to just ignore her but finally it was too much for me.

I finally asked her "Why are you staring at me?"
Everyone at the table had noticed her behaviour and the table went quiet for her response. My little niece said “I’m just waiting to see how you drink like a fish.”

[Peasie]

[Nunya]

Boal!

[applepie]

[diabolical_Tanya]

good ones!!!

[applepie]

A DEA Agent stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked to an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher... said, "okay, but don't go into that field over there...", as he pointed out the location. The DEA Agent verbally exploded and said, "look mister, I have the authority of the federal government with me!" Reaching into his rear back pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. "See this badge?! This badge means I can go wherever I want... On any land! No questions asked, no answers given! Do you understand old man?!"

The rancher kindly nodded, apologized, and went about his chores. Moments later the rancher heard loud screams, he looked up and saw the DEA agent running for his life, being chased by the ranchers big Santa Gertrudis Bull...... With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it was likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified. The old rancher threw down his tools, ran as fast as he could to the fence, and yelled at the top of his lungs......

"YOUR BADGE! SHOW HIM YOUR BADGE!"

[accompong]

A rasta man an him empress inna court getting a divorce. The problem was who should get custody of the child.

The empress jumped up and said, ”Your honor, I brought the child into this world with pain and labor. She should be in my custody.”

The judge turned to the dread and said, ”What do you have to say in the matter?”

The rasta sat down for a while contemplating… then slowly rose and said,

“YOW… you honor, if I and I put a dollar in a vending machine and a pepsi come out, a who fah pepsi… ‘I and I’ or the machine?”

Peace and Guidance