mi need fi get dis off mi chess (chest) and need some advice

[diabolical_Tanya]

Long story but mi ago try fi shorten it as well as keep it somewhat anonymous.

I am a member of the executive of a group, it is an elected volunteer position (meaning I don't get paid to do the work) to which I was recently elected.
previously and currently I am also a rep for the members of the group.

The executive and the board of the group has an advisor from outside of the group who is from the parent organization. Me and her DO NOT GET ALONG

She is accustomed to everyone kowtowing to her "advice" and allowing her to call the shots.

I however find her to be stuck in the 70's, makes up rules and policies and she can be very condescending.

I have had confrontations with her a a few occasions, the first was on the phone which ended up with raised voices on both parts (me and her but her first).

the last one was at a meeting last month during which she told me that I HAD to do something on a specific date and I responded that due to scheduling issues I am not able to do it at that date but will do it in the new year. She then raised her voice and basically said I need to do as she says or else which I responded to with a *rolleyes* and a *whatever*

Here is the thing, we have a meeting again tomorrow and I just know that she is going to try again to bully and intimidate me.

Quite frankly if mi neva too pretty fi prison I would punch her right in her big mouth

So my plan for tomorrow is - If she starts the bully behavior to

1.) Wooosah (deep calming breath)

2.) Let her know, calmly and professionally that she does not intimidate me she irritates me

3.) also let her know she needs to check herself.

and

4.) Mek har know seh I are nat di wan

Soh wah unno tink? the meeting is tomorrow at 4:45 so I will check back for your wisdom before the meeting.

Or should I just continue with the *rolleyes* and the *whatever*?

[kia027]

so miss1970s is from the parent organization..

does she hold the purse strings?

[diabolical_Tanya]

Yes Keyer she is from the parent Org. but there is no purse and no strings strictly advisory and my position in this does not pay me anything so no effect on my job

well actually it does pay me a per diem of $150.00 per month but that is meaningless to me as I still have not cashed the last 2 months cheques as it is more hassle for me to get to a bank.

[Tropicana]

I have had the pleasure of serving on board executives for a number of organizations and associations. Here are my suggestions.

So your solution:

So my plan for tomorrow is - If she starts the bully behavior to

1.) Wooosah (deep calming breath):

2.) Let her know, calmly and professionally so far so good

Okay this is a wrong turn and may come back to bite you.

that she does not intimidate me she irritates me

Sometimes when people are a general pain in the butt it i because they know they can get away with it.

You have no idea who she knows, who she is connected to or who she is rooksin and the damage that she can do to your reputation.

Instead, I would focus on the issue not the person. Write down the specific issues that are of concern to you. Use them as notes when you speak with her to keep things on track.

If you get no where, you should a second copy in a clear, objective and professional format that you can present to her and leave with her to address your concerns in writing. That way she can't come back and say you say.

(If it were a work situation, one thing I learned from my Dad is to send the written documentation via registered mail and request a signature...but this is volunteer work so you don't need to go that far. BTW if it is a work situation and I don't get anywhere, my next step is a follow-up communique in writing....with a copy to someone 2 levels above the individual which is mailed one day prior to when I mail the copy to the individual....its fun to watch them pee their pants.)

That would be overkill in this instance.

3.) also let her know she needs to check herself.

I would let her know very specifically what it is you would appreciate if you modified. Is it her tone of voice, is it belittling comments, cutting you of in mid-sentence. The more specific you can be the better.

and

4.) Mek har know seh I are nat di wan

This depends. If the others are White, they will not take your side against her. I would stick to your own concerns and let them speak up for themselves. Don't let them use you as their mouth piece. It will backfire.

Soh wah unno tink? the meeting is tomorrow at 4:45 so I will check back for your wisdom before the meeting.

Or should I just continue with the *rolleyes* and the *whatever*?

Ideally this should be addressed privately with her over coffee....again if the other members are White, they will not back you up.

If this doesn't work, here is my rule of thumb and the bottom line for me. You will have to decide for yourself how important this volunteer engagement is to you.

When something stops being fun.... I make a final attempt to address my concerns directly and if I can't....mi gone. I stick around till the end of my commitment and that's it. My take on things is I have to tolerate aggravation, I must be paid. So, yes clients who are a pain in the neck I charge more. No way will I put up with a stressful or continue to work with someone who is a pain in the hinderparts if I am not being paid for the aggravation.

Anway, good luck. I feel you.

[twiney]

Somebody needs to stop her. Are you the one? Or u on you own if y tell her go siddung?

[Peasie]

Sounds like you were elected to a union officer or steward position? Ms1970 is what? The rep from the local?

[diabolical_Tanya]

I have had the pleasure of serving on board executives for a number of organizations and associations. Here are my suggestions.

So your solution:




Okay this is a wrong turn and may come back to bite you.


Sometimes when people are a general pain in the butt it i because they know they can get away with it.

You have no idea who she knows, who she is connected to or who she is rooksin and the damage that she can do to your reputation.

Instead, I would focus on the issue not the person. Write down the specific issues that are of concern to you. Use them as notes when you speak with her to keep things on track.

If you get no where, you should a second copy in a clear, objective and professional format that you can present to her and leave with her to address your concerns in writing. That way she can't come back and say you say.

(If it were a work situation, one thing I learned from my Dad is to send the written documentation via registered mail and request a signature...but this is volunteer work so you don't need to go that far. BTW if it is a work situation and I don't get anywhere, my next step is a follow-up communique in writing....with a copy to someone 2 levels above the individual which is mailed one day prior to when I mail the copy to the individual....its fun to watch them pee their pants.)

That would be overkill in this instance.



I would let her know very specifically what it is you would appreciate if you modified. Is it her tone of voice, is it belittling comments, cutting you of in mid-sentence. The more specific you can be the better.



This depends. If the others are White, they will not take your side against her. I would stick to your own concerns and let them speak up for themselves. Don't let them use you as their mouth piece. It will backfire.



Ideally this should be addressed privately with her over coffee....again if the other members are White, they will not back you up.

If this doesn't work, here is my rule of thumb and the bottom line for me. You will have to decide for yourself how important this volunteer engagement is to you.

When something stops being fun.... I make a final attempt to address my concerns directly and if I can't....mi gone. I stick around till the end of my commitment and that's it. My take on things is I have to tolerate aggravation, I must be paid. So, yes clients who are a pain in the neck I charge more. No way will I put up with a stressful or continue to work with someone who is a pain in the hinderparts if I am not being paid for the aggravation.

Anway, good luck. I feel you.

Thanks for your input Tropicana let me expand a bit on the makeup by using an example.

Let's pretend that this committe is made up of representatives of all the Caricom countries in a volunteer position.
for years it has only had members from one island let's say Trinidad and they have pretty much run things. Then a couple people from other islands stepped up to seek positions on the committee, let's say one of them is me from Jamaica. and she MS1970 is a paid employee of Caricom.

So there is nothing she can say or do to affect me outside of this committee - where the decisions made by the committee can affect my working environment it will not affect my job (bread and butter)

so basically the other members could be purple they will not support me and quite frankly I am an island I stand alone and could give a rat's behind if they do or do not.

my delimma is culturally I was raised to treat elders with respect but to also stand up for MYSELF

so how do I let an old woman know respectfully that she can't bully me because I won't put up with that.

[diabolical_Tanya]

Sounds like you were elected to a union officer or steward position? Ms1970 is what? The rep from the local?

Cho Peasie I was trying to be discreet

MS1970 is the rep from the union (MSO) and I am a level 2 steward and the secretary of the local (no chapter)

And Yes Twiney I think I are di wan

[Tropicana]

Thanks for your input Tropicana let me expand a bit on the makeup by using an example.

Let's pretend that this committe is made up of representatives of all the Caricom countries in a volunteer position.
for years it has only had members from one island let's say Trinidad and they have pretty much run things. Then a couple people from other islands stepped up to seek positions on the committee, let's say one of them is me from Jamaica. and she MS1970 is a paid employee of Caricom.

So there is nothing she can say or do to affect me outside of this committee - where the decisions made by the committee can affect my working environment it will not affect my job (bread and butter)

so basically the other members could be purple they will not support me and quite frankly I am an island I stand alone and could give a rat's behind if they do or do not.

my delimma is culturally I was raised to treat elders with respect but to also stand up for MYSELF

so how do I let an old woman know respectfully that she can't bully me because I won't put up with that.

Address it privately, politely and specifically and be prepared to put your concerns in writing. If it is volunteer work, I would quit rather than escalate it if it doesn't get better but that's me

However, I had a boss like that once and she nearly peed her pants when she found I had escalated it. She never bothered me after that. A VP pulled similar stunts and I eventually found a way to deal with he case too.

Good luck with it.

[RichD]

don't go in looking for the confrontation.

don't be overly sensitive.

if yuh disagree wid her do so politeley and firmly ..maybe even with a little humour...don't mek her drag you down.

[Peasie]

Sorry that is just all too familiar with the work I used to do.

You need a 'crucial conversation' alone with the rep before the meeting. It would be too disharmonious for the members if you go ahead with your current plan of conversation. And you're an excellent steward so you don't want this to happen in front of members.

Google Crucial conversations +'kerrying on" and get some ideas on having this crucial conversation with the rep.

If you don't have time before the meeting, just be as pleasant as you can in the meeting then suggest to her that the both of you should meet separately from the meeting. I would also put in a call with the Local and suggest that they assign another rep to your bargaining unit.

[diabolical_Tanya]

Thanks Rich

Peasie I should have just Pm'd you

I will google what us have suggested as to getting a new MSO that is not going to happen as we are a low maintenance local and they are short staffed.

I am unsure about addressing her privately as she has tried to bully me publicly in meetings and I dont want the others to also think they can get away with that because it is not going to be pretty if they try

[FLUFFY]

I wold publicly remain calm and publicly note that while you love your job its volunteery and you do not appreciate being bullied. Simply I would tell the truth with all due respect.