Great philosphy

[Wahalla]

Life
This is perhaps the most profound philosophy I have heard in recent
times:
"Life is like a penis - simple, relaxed and swinging free...it's women
who make it hard."

[Suesumba]

Life
This is perhaps the most profound philosophy I have heard in recent
times:
"Life is like a penis - simple, relaxed and swinging free...it's women
who make it hard."

that's funny

[Wahalla]

The WWLIA wishes to thank (or blame?) the American 'Lectric Law Library, from
whom some of the following are reproduced. The WWLIA wishes also to thank lawyer
Alan D. Humbert of Watertown, Massachusetts, from whose home page we originally
saw (and loved) the list and from whom we have since received additional material for
Dumbest Things Ever Said In Court. The following questions were actually posed by
real-life lawyers and are taken from official court records. If any readers know of any
other real dumb or dumber things said in court, of the caliber ofthose below, please email
us and we'll add them to our list.


Was that the same nose you broke as a child?


Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just
passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?


“What happened then?”
“He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."”
“Did he kill you?”


The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?


Were you alone or by yourself?


What is the meaning of sperm being present?
It indicates intercourse.
Male sperm?
That is the only kind I know.


How long have you been a French Canadian?


How far apart were the vehicles at the time of collision?


Do you have any children or anything of that kind?


Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?
I used to be.How many times have you committed suicide?


So you were gone until you returned?


She had three children, right?
Yes.
How many were boys?
None.
Were there girls?


You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you
describe it?


You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
Yes.
And these stairs, did they go up also?


Lawyer: What device do you have in your laboratory to test alcohol content?
I have a dual column gas chromatograph, Hewlett-Packard 5710A with flame
ionization detectors.
Judge: Can you get that on mag wheels?
Only on the floor models.


Have you lived in this town all your life?
Not yet.


All you responses must be oral, ok? What school did you go to?
Oral.


Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
Yes, I have been since early childhood.


Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
All my autopsies are performed on dead people
Glyn

[Wahalla]

A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender hands him
the beer and says, "You know, I'm not gay but I want to compliment you on your
physique, it really is phenomenal! I have a question though, why is your head so
small?"
The big guy nods slowly. He's obviously fielded this question many times. "One day,"
he begins, "I was hunting when I got lost in the woods. I heard someone crying for
help and finally realised that it was coming from a frog sitting next to a stream. So I
picked up the frog and it said, "Kiss me and I will turn into a genie and grant you 3
wishes."
So I looked around to make sure I was alone and gave the frog a kiss. POOF! The
frog turned into a beautiful, voluptuous, naked woman. She said, "You now have 3
wishes."
I looked down at my scrawny 115 pound body and said, "I want a body like Arnold
Schwarzenneger."
She nodded whispered a spell, and POOF! There I was, so huge that I ripped out of
my clothes and was standing there naked!
She then asked, "What will be your second wish? I looked hungrily at her beautiful
body and replied, "I want to make sensuous love with you here by this stream."
She nodded, laid down, and beckoned to me. We then made love for hours!
Later, as we lay there next to each other, sweating from our glorious lovemaking, she
whispered into my ear, "You know, you do have one more wish. What will it be?"
I looked at her and replied, "How about a little head?"

[Wahalla]

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small
boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his
voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a
reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
A long silence was broken at last by a shaken little voice saying, "The big sissy."

[Wahalla]

Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
A: 1. No mind.
2. No business.


Q: If men got pregnant....
A: Abortion would be available in convenience stores and drive-through windows.


Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and goodlooking?
A: Because they already have boyfriends.


Q: Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics?
A: He had it bronzed.


Q: How do some men define Roe vs. Wade?
A: Two ways to cross a river.


Q: What is gross stupidity?
A: 144 men in one room.


Q: What is a man's view of safe sex?
A: A padded headboard.


Q: How do men sort their laundry?
A: "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".


Q: What can a bird do that a man can't?
A: Whistle through its pecker!


Q: How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the
dishes?
A: Both of them.


Q: What would get your man to put down the toilet seat?
A: A sex-change operation.


Q: Why did the man cross the road?
A: He heard the chicken was a slut.


Q: Why do women fake orgasm?
A: Because men fake foreplay!


Q: Why do men talk so dirty?
A: So they can wash their mouth out with beer.

[Wahalla]

It happened at a New York Airport. This is hilarious. Wish I had the guts of this
girl.
An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in New York for being smart
and funny while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably
deserved to fly as cargo. For all of you out there who have had to deal with an irate
customer, this one is for you.
A crowded United Airlines flight was cancelled. A single agent was re-booking a long
line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to
the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this
flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."
The agent replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to
help these folks first; and then I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him
could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"
Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone.
"May I have your attention, please?", she began, her voice heard clearly throughout
the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO
HE IS. If anyone can help him with his identity, please come to Gate 14."
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United
Airlines agent, gritted his teeth, and said, "F*** You!"
Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to get in line for
that, too."

[remo]

[Peasie]

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small
boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his
voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a
reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
A long silence was broken at last by a shaken little voice saying, "The big sissy."

[SandiF]

Lol!

a huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender hands him
the beer and says, "you know, i'm not gay but i want to compliment you on your
physique, it really is phenomenal! I have a question though, why is your head so
small?"
the big guy nods slowly. He's obviously fielded this question many times. "one day,"
he begins, "i was hunting when i got lost in the woods. I heard someone crying for
help and finally realised that it was coming from a frog sitting next to a stream. So i
picked up the frog and it said, "kiss me and i will turn into a genie and grant you 3
wishes."
so i looked around to make sure i was alone and gave the frog a kiss. Poof! The
frog turned into a beautiful, voluptuous, naked woman. She said, "you now have 3
wishes."
i looked down at my scrawny 115 pound body and said, "i want a body like arnold
schwarzenneger."
she nodded whispered a spell, and poof! There i was, so huge that i ripped out of
my clothes and was standing there naked!
She then asked, "what will be your second wish? I looked hungrily at her beautiful
body and replied, "i want to make sensuous love with you here by this stream."
she nodded, laid down, and beckoned to me. We then made love for hours!
Later, as we lay there next to each other, sweating from our glorious lovemaking, she
whispered into my ear, "you know, you do have one more wish. What will it be?"
i looked at her and replied, "how about a little head?"