BOAL

[Emperah]

Polly's Demise


At dawn the telephone rings, 'Hello, boss? This is Leroy, the caretaker at your country house.'

'Ah yes, Leroy. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?'

'Um, I am just calling to advise you, boss, that your parrot, he is dead.'

'My parrot? Dead? The one that won the international competition?'

'Yes boss, that's the one.'

'Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?'

'From eating the rotten meat, boss.'

'Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?'

'Nobody, boss. He ate the meat of the dead horse.'

'Dead horse? What dead horse?'

'The thoroughbred, boss.'

'My prize thoroughbred that won the Cockspur Gold cup?'

'Yes, boss. He died from all that work pulling the water cart.'

'Are you insane?? What water cart?'

'The one we used to put out the fire, boss.'

'Good Lord!! What fire are you talking about, man?'

'The one at your house, boss! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire.'

'What the hell?? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle?'

'Yes, boss.'

'But there's electricity at the house!! What was the candle for?'

'For the funeral, boss.'

'WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL??!!'

'Your wife's, boss, she showed up very late one night and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your cricket bat. The one which was autographed by Sobers, Lara and Viv..

THEN THERE IS SILENCE.............A LONG SILENCE. FINALLY, THE BOSS SPEAKS SOFTLY:

'Leroy, if you bruk mi bat, you ina nuff xxxxxxxx trouble'

[Emperah]

Re: BOAL

[evanovitch]

Re: BOAL

a man wid him priorities indeed

[Emperah]

Re: BOAL

A Chinese Call center

Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?

Operator: Yes, you can speak to me..

Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!

Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone. You can speak to me. Who is this?

Caller: I'm Sam Wan .. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.

Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone ! But what's this urgent matter about?

Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.

Operator: Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't
an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!

Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator: I'm Saw Ree ..

Caller: Yes! You should be sorry . Now give me your name!!

Operator: That's what I said. I'm Saw Ree ..

Caller: Oh .....God.... ...

From
Good Wan!

[Emperah]

Re: BOAL

Just before takeoff, a U.S. Marine sat down in the aisle
seat. After takeoff, the Marine kicked his shoes off, wiggled
his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window
seat said, "I need to get up and get a coke.

Don't get up," said the Marine, "I'm in the aisle seat, I'll get it for you."

As soon as he left, one of the Arabs picked up the Marines shoe and spat in it.

When the Marine returned with the coke, the other Arab said,
"That looks good, I'd really like one too."

Again, the Marine obligingly went to fetch it. While he was gone the other Arab picked up the Marines other shoe and spat in it. When the Marine returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.

As the plane was landing, the Marine slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately that had happened. He leaned over and asked his Arab neighbors, "Why does it have to be this way? How long must this go on, this fighting between our nations? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?"

* THE FEW. THE PROUD. THE MARINES. THE BEST!*

[Jazz]

Re: BOAL

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: dahJahPawtTwo</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Just before takeoff, a U.S. Marine sat down in the aisle
seat. After takeoff, the Marine kicked his shoes off, wiggled
his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window
seat said, &quot;I need to get up and get a coke.

Don't get up,&quot; said the Marine, &quot;I'm in the aisle seat, I'll get it for you.&quot;

As soon as he left, one of the Arabs picked up the Marines shoe and spat in it.

When the Marine returned with the coke, the other Arab said,
&quot;That looks good, I'd really like one too.&quot;

Again, the Marine obligingly went to fetch it. While he was gone the other Arab picked up the Marines other shoe and spat in it. When the Marine returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.

As the plane was landing, the Marine slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately that had happened. He leaned over and asked his Arab neighbors, &quot;Why does it have to be this way? How long must this go on, this fighting between our nations? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?&quot;

* THE FEW. THE PROUD. THE MARINES. THE BEST!*


</div></div>

I doan get it

[Jazz]

Re: BOAL

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: dahJahPawtTwo</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Polly's Demise


At dawn the telephone rings, 'Hello, boss? This is Leroy, the caretaker at your country house.'

'Ah yes, Leroy. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?'

'Um, I am just calling to advise you, boss, that your parrot, he is dead.'

'My parrot? Dead? The one that won the international competition?'

'Yes boss, that's the one.'

'Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?'

'From eating the rotten meat, boss.'

'Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?'

'Nobody, boss. He ate the meat of the dead horse.'

'Dead horse? What dead horse?'

'The thoroughbred, boss.'

'My prize thoroughbred that won the Cockspur Gold cup?'

'Yes, boss. He died from all that work pulling the water cart.'

'Are you insane?? What water cart?'

'The one we used to put out the fire, boss.'

'Good Lord!! What fire are you talking about, man?'

'The one at your house, boss! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire.'

'What the hell?? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle?'

'Yes, boss.'

'But there's electricity at the house!! What was the candle for?'

'For the funeral, boss.'

'WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL??!!'

'Your wife's, boss, she showed up very late one night and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your cricket bat. The one which was autographed by Sobers, Lara and Viv..

THEN THERE IS SILENCE.............A LONG SILENCE. FINALLY, THE BOSS SPEAKS SOFTLY:

'Leroy, if you bruk mi bat, you ina nuff xxxxxxxx trouble'
</div></div>

BOAL!

[Jazz]

Re: BOAL

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: dahJahPawtTwo</div><div class="ubbcode-body">A Chinese Call center

Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?

Operator: Yes, you can speak to me..

Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!

Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone. You can speak to me. Who is this?

Caller: I'm Sam Wan .. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.

Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone ! But what's this urgent matter about?

Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.

Operator: Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't
an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!

Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator: I'm Saw Ree ..

Caller: Yes! You should be sorry . Now give me your name!!

Operator: That's what I said. I'm Saw Ree ..

Caller: Oh .....God.... ...

From
Good Wan!

</div></div>

I'm offended...

[Emperah]

Re: BOAL

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: A_lil_Jazz</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: dahJahPawtTwo</div><div class="ubbcode-body">A Chinese Call center

Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?

Operator: Yes, you can speak to me..

Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!

Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone. You can speak to me. Who is this?

Caller: I'm Sam Wan .. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.

Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone ! But what's this urgent matter about?

Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.

Operator: Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't
an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!

Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator: I'm Saw Ree ..

Caller: Yes! You should be sorry . Now give me your name!!

Operator: That's what I said. I'm Saw Ree ..

Caller: Oh .....God.... ...

From
Good Wan!

</div></div>

I'm offended... </div></div>

a yuh oddah half a chat tuh yuh tell har fi gweh

[Emperah]

Re: BOAL

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: A_lil_Jazz</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
I doan get it </div></div>

guh back an read de lass sentence

[twiney]

Re: BOAL

jazz him [censored] inna them coke and them spit inna him shoes ... lawx u slow

[Emperah]

Re: BOAL

Jamaican Shrink

Mark went to a psychiatrist. &quot;I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm so scared. I think I'm going crazy&quot;.
''Just put yourself in my hands for one year&quot;, said the Shrink. &quot;Come talk to me three times a week, and we should be able to get rid of those fears&quot;.
''How much do you charge&quot;? Asked Mark. ''Eighty dollars per visit&quot;, replied the Doctor. ''I'll think about it&quot;. said Mark.
Six months later the doctor met Mark on the street. &quot;Why didn't you ever come to see me about those fears you were having?&quot; asked the Psychiatrist. &quot;Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! I met this Jamaican guy &amp; was telling him about my fear, and he said, &quot;no problem man - just give me $50 and a dozen Red Stripe Beers and I'll tell you what to do&quot;.
&quot; He cured me. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new car&quot;.
''Is that so! And how, may I ask, did the Jamaican cure You&quot;?

He told me to cut the legs off the bed!

&quot; Ain't nobody gonna go under there now&quot; !!!