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<span style="font-size: 14pt">Cybernet Arguing , Is This an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder?</span>
by Tinzley, on Sun Feb 22, 2009 1:06pm PST
3 CommentsPost a CommentRead More from This Author »Report Abuse
I’m sure I don’t speak for myself when I say that many people seem to be obsessed with blogs and comments on these blogs. I have began to notice many who seem to take commenting on blogs to a certain extreme such as that of one who suffers from ‘Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.’ This disorder is defined as an, “anxiety disorder characterized by recurrent and persistent thoughts and feelings and repetitive, ritualized behaviors.” (Sort of like over commenting and bullying people via blog comment section, sound familiar?)
I mean it’s okay to occasionally leave a comment on a post that is interesting to you, and that you may have wanted to share your view about, but when those comments turn into a back and forth match of personal attacks against another and their views, then there may be more of a problem that stems much deeper then the blog. People who have to get the last word, who seem to harass you simply because you did not agree with them, who try and make personal attacks against your character all in the favor of appearing knowledgeable.
This behavior usually comes from an excessively dominant person who feels that what they are doing is right and they should get kudos for it, when in reality their behavior is beginning to reflect who they truly are and to most, appear to be that of a bully.
Blogging in a community should serve as a place where people can get together and share information, inspire each other, learn and grow from each other. Sure there will there will be disagreements, but that’s normal and expected, but how one handles that is what matters. Dominant bullies seem to ruin what blogging really stands for. Don’t get me wrong, it’s okay to have an opinion and voice that opinion as you feel, but one should be willing to accept the feedback they might get w/o becoming too personal or defensive.
So how do we deal with these dominant bullies?
In a recent article, author Allan Chapman shares the definition of an excessively dominant person and ways an average non-assertive person can deal with them.
He says:
“Non-assertive' people (in other words 'normal people') do not generally want to transform into being excessively dominant people. They usually just want to learn:
• How they can become more able to resist the pressure and dominance of excessively dominant people?
• How they can stand up to bullies (or one bully in particular)?
• And also, how they can exert a little more control in situations that are important to them?
“The fact is that most excessively dominant people are usually bullies. Bullies are deep-down very insecure people. They dominate because they are too insecure to allow other people to have responsibility and influence, and this behavior is generally conditioned from childhood for one reason or another. The dominant bullying behavior is effectively reinforced by the response given by 'secure' and 'non-assertive' people to bullying. The bully gets his or her own way. The bullying dominant behavior is rewarded, and so it persists.” Believe it or not, one should have sympathy for bullies because they too are victims. (A.Chapman, 1995-2008)
<span style="font-weight: bold">I agree with this a lot, overly dominant people are often concerned with satisfying their ego and selfish drives to get their own way, to control, to achieve a certain status that will make them feel more accomplished, looking for ‘yes men and women’ to follow them on their controlling and dominating journey. Smart people know its okay to be non-assertive; it is viewed as strength not a weakness, having the ability to communicate effectively without losing your temper, is wise and can have many benefits.</span>
According to Chapman and his theory, ways to face your bully with confidence is:
1. Be prepared for a certain behavior and practice ways to respond to this behavior w/o being too personal.
2. Know your facts or have credible information to support your stance on a subject, bullies usually fail to prepare their facts; because they dominate through bluster, force and reputation.
3. Ask questions that bullies dislike most like deep, constructive, incisive and probing questions, especially if the question exposes a lack of thought, preparation, consideration, consultation on their part.
For example:
• What is your evidence (for what you have said or claimed)?
• Who have you consulted about this?
• How did you go about looking for alternative solutions?
• How have you measured (whatever you say is a problem)?
• How will you measure the true effectiveness of your solution if you implement it?
• What can you say about different solutions that have worked in other situations?
In my experience as a blogger, there have been times when I just wanted to curse someone out for the comments they left on my blog; but once I realized why they do this and how sad and insecure a person they are I feel sorry for them, and instead I either ask a question regarding their comment or ignore it all together and I always thank them for their comment. This can surprise a bully because their mission is usually to create a scene so they can get an audience and feel they are ahead.
<span style="font-weight: bold">So one can either choose to go tick for tack with an insecure, close-minded, one-sided excessively dominant bully, or one can learn to communicate effectively, not get too personal, and be able to sleep tonight. I choose the latter.</span>
Jvaneece aka Tinzley
Source citation A. Chapman from http://www.businessballs.com/self-co...ertiveness.htm
by Tinzley, on Sun Feb 22, 2009 1:06pm PST
3 CommentsPost a CommentRead More from This Author »Report Abuse
I’m sure I don’t speak for myself when I say that many people seem to be obsessed with blogs and comments on these blogs. I have began to notice many who seem to take commenting on blogs to a certain extreme such as that of one who suffers from ‘Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.’ This disorder is defined as an, “anxiety disorder characterized by recurrent and persistent thoughts and feelings and repetitive, ritualized behaviors.” (Sort of like over commenting and bullying people via blog comment section, sound familiar?)
I mean it’s okay to occasionally leave a comment on a post that is interesting to you, and that you may have wanted to share your view about, but when those comments turn into a back and forth match of personal attacks against another and their views, then there may be more of a problem that stems much deeper then the blog. People who have to get the last word, who seem to harass you simply because you did not agree with them, who try and make personal attacks against your character all in the favor of appearing knowledgeable.
This behavior usually comes from an excessively dominant person who feels that what they are doing is right and they should get kudos for it, when in reality their behavior is beginning to reflect who they truly are and to most, appear to be that of a bully.
Blogging in a community should serve as a place where people can get together and share information, inspire each other, learn and grow from each other. Sure there will there will be disagreements, but that’s normal and expected, but how one handles that is what matters. Dominant bullies seem to ruin what blogging really stands for. Don’t get me wrong, it’s okay to have an opinion and voice that opinion as you feel, but one should be willing to accept the feedback they might get w/o becoming too personal or defensive.
So how do we deal with these dominant bullies?
In a recent article, author Allan Chapman shares the definition of an excessively dominant person and ways an average non-assertive person can deal with them.
He says:
“Non-assertive' people (in other words 'normal people') do not generally want to transform into being excessively dominant people. They usually just want to learn:
• How they can become more able to resist the pressure and dominance of excessively dominant people?
• How they can stand up to bullies (or one bully in particular)?
• And also, how they can exert a little more control in situations that are important to them?
“The fact is that most excessively dominant people are usually bullies. Bullies are deep-down very insecure people. They dominate because they are too insecure to allow other people to have responsibility and influence, and this behavior is generally conditioned from childhood for one reason or another. The dominant bullying behavior is effectively reinforced by the response given by 'secure' and 'non-assertive' people to bullying. The bully gets his or her own way. The bullying dominant behavior is rewarded, and so it persists.” Believe it or not, one should have sympathy for bullies because they too are victims. (A.Chapman, 1995-2008)
<span style="font-weight: bold">I agree with this a lot, overly dominant people are often concerned with satisfying their ego and selfish drives to get their own way, to control, to achieve a certain status that will make them feel more accomplished, looking for ‘yes men and women’ to follow them on their controlling and dominating journey. Smart people know its okay to be non-assertive; it is viewed as strength not a weakness, having the ability to communicate effectively without losing your temper, is wise and can have many benefits.</span>
According to Chapman and his theory, ways to face your bully with confidence is:
1. Be prepared for a certain behavior and practice ways to respond to this behavior w/o being too personal.
2. Know your facts or have credible information to support your stance on a subject, bullies usually fail to prepare their facts; because they dominate through bluster, force and reputation.
3. Ask questions that bullies dislike most like deep, constructive, incisive and probing questions, especially if the question exposes a lack of thought, preparation, consideration, consultation on their part.
For example:
• What is your evidence (for what you have said or claimed)?
• Who have you consulted about this?
• How did you go about looking for alternative solutions?
• How have you measured (whatever you say is a problem)?
• How will you measure the true effectiveness of your solution if you implement it?
• What can you say about different solutions that have worked in other situations?
In my experience as a blogger, there have been times when I just wanted to curse someone out for the comments they left on my blog; but once I realized why they do this and how sad and insecure a person they are I feel sorry for them, and instead I either ask a question regarding their comment or ignore it all together and I always thank them for their comment. This can surprise a bully because their mission is usually to create a scene so they can get an audience and feel they are ahead.
<span style="font-weight: bold">So one can either choose to go tick for tack with an insecure, close-minded, one-sided excessively dominant bully, or one can learn to communicate effectively, not get too personal, and be able to sleep tonight. I choose the latter.</span>
Jvaneece aka Tinzley
Source citation A. Chapman from http://www.businessballs.com/self-co...ertiveness.htm
<span style="font-style: italic">**now going to wash my hands and check if I left the iron on**</span>
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