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"Cards people spend HOURS picking out, hoping you BURST OUT CRYING when you read them.
People who stick fake antlers on their pets and make you look at them. You have to smile and nod before they let the poor creature slink off in shame.
All the wrapping paper thrown out each year, creating more landfill waste.
Having to give people cards because for some reason they can't accept a gift without them.
Having to go to dinners just so someone doesn't get bent out of shape.
Crappy homemade xmas cookies that everyone brings into work.
Commercials who insist you buy THE PERFECT GIFT...Not ALL women want [dutty badwud] perfume, cheap jewelry or slippers. Not ALL guys want aftershave, useless gadgets or underwear.
People who put bows on EVERYTHING.
Everyone kissing you and then afterwards tell you they're ill.
Family members who have 'issues' with others and you have to negotiate their crap all day.
Getting gifts that SUCK.
Shoppers armed with giant bags designed to trip everyone.
Everyone who buys up a storm thinking tons of crap will finally make them happy.
The malls which become filled with stinky, sweaty, and angry people who are just as annoyed with each other as you are with them.
Kids screaming as they're dragged around by their parents. They see toys, and then cry when their parents snap at them to shut up, and they cry more.
Parents who let their kids run around and getting into the way of others.
Foods artificially colored red and green for the holidays.
The song "What child is this?" I'll tell you what child is this, it's the child in aisle 3 screaming it's [dutty badwud] head off.
People who love getting the damned cell phone and spend 2 weeks playing with the rings until you smash both their face + the cell phone.
Stuffed animals that emit xmas songs and do dances. Folks who think they're cool and set them all off in the store and walk away.
People calling it a HOLIDAY instead of christmas because it's a religious word. It's just a WORD, get over it.
Dancing trees thatshake/move/blink. A pig oinking jingle bells IS NOT cool.
Fire hazards like candles in trees. So, either PAY ATTENTION TO CANDLES, or get LED fakes that LOOK like candles.
Finally losing weight but nobody notices as you're wearing thick sweaters to keep yourself warm.
Being given all sorts of food and either hating it all and not eating any of it, or loving it all and eating it all in one night.
Cleaning up after dinner when you just want to sleep for a week.
Waiting for everyone to leave so you can put on your comfy pants.
Driving for a long time and staying at a family member's house for the holiday. Then getting back home, unloading the crap, and getting ready for New Years.
People who enjoy singing carols and such but they suck horribly at singing, making the whole experience incredibly painful. When they find this out, they think it's funny and sing louder.
Puking up bad meat as soon as you get home, and spending the rest of the night with horrible stomach cramps. Don't even get me started on the hallucinted elves.
Having to eat the traditional cucumber salad a family member makes. Can't they learn to make anything GOOD?
Listening to family members babble about how much you've grown and whether or not you're married. If married, they pester you about breeding brats. If single, they try to fix you up, claiming you need some 'holiday spirit'. If you have brats, they babble about how much they've grown and if they're married yet.
Finding out 'holiday spirit' doesn't mean alcohol.
Pretending to like the relatives you hate so that you don't get accused of 'ruining the holidays'.
Getting crazy crap you can't even comprehend, with no idea where to return it for cash.
Watching a loaded family member hitting on the family dog, when you're not drunk enough to find it amusing.
Sending cards and getting them. They're big, they all look the same and they end up in the garbage. Just give me the cash.
People can barely decorate the insides of their homes, and for some reason they're encouraged to show off their awful taste on the outside. How many plastic [dutty badwud] santas do you need?!
Getting cards from people who just sign their name and nothing else. What was the point? Why waste money on that?
Having people singing at your door and you don't want to pay them to go away so you just slam the door and they keep on singing, refusing to leave until you pay them.
Having to help make the house spotless so the stuck-up family can't criticize it.
Your whole family is on edge before guests arrive, and then suddenly you're supposed to look like you've had a great day while waiting for them.
People who think they're cool because they used only white lights to decorate, and those damned lawn deer.
Getting damn fruitcake every year and hating it, or if you like it, not being given any.
Having to smile at the crap gifts given by those who aren't aware of what you actually like, so they just pick up whatever.
Christmas trees. Picking them out, killing them, dragging them home, decorating them, and then throwing them out at the end. How wasteful is this?
Being forced to sing and told lip syncing won't be tolerated.
Choking down your mom's yucky xmas cookies and having to take some home, but you chuck 'em out on your drive home.
Sitting at the kids' table because there is no room at the adults, even though you're in your 30's.
Commercials selling unnecessary crap that you don't want or even like.
People who only go to church during the holidays so they can feel 'good' ...the rest of the year they're TOTAL buttholes.
Whatever the latest craze is for this season.
People acting like a friendly Santa, when they're real bastards.
People saying "merry christmas," no matter your religious beliefs.
People who cover their whole house with blinking lights, flood lights, statues, banners, and anything else they can stick on it
Xmas lights from neighbors houses that blind drivers on the street so they smash into your house.
People who spend a ton of money on bows and wrapping paper, yet can't spare $20 to go to a food bank or some other helpful place like a shelter that needs it during the holidays.
People driving around really slow because they're out there to see the stupid decorations.
People who spend hundreds and thousands of dollars on their energy bills due to their insane holiday decorating with the old style lights because "the LEDs aren't bight and festive enough".
Getting invited to cool things when and you can't go because you have to go to family xmas crap.
Rich, heavy Egg nog made with real cream that makes your hurl.
Candy canes...who actually eats them? You could be eating a left-over 10-year-old candy cane?
Having to share chocolates with everyone when you're given them.
Having everyone give you chocolates and you're allergic to them
People who take a bite out of a chocolate and then put it back because they didn't like it.
Stale gingerbread houses.
Having to "dress up nice" for family or other events.
Elmo and whatever stupid crap he's doing now.
People who shop at the last moment at a gas station for your gift. If that's what it's come to, just give the cash.
Always getting someone awful as your Secret Santa and you end up with some sort of messed up 'gift basket' full of crap you'd never use like scented soaps shaped like roses.
Really dry and sick sugar cookies.
Kids that are given really loud toys and they purposely put them in your face and have them go off a million times but you're not allowed to yell at them to shutup.
Stupid xmas cards that say "May you understand the gift of Christ."
Getting coal in your stocking from your parents.
People asking you what you want and then getting the exact opposite.
Having to see your stupid relatives and hear about how great they are and how you're putting on weight.
Seeing those stupid Christmas movies that they show every damn year when your favorite show would normally be on.
Cheery people who dole out tiny present that you can't use; i.e., potholders, knitted squares with a snowflake pattern on it, a christmas pin."
Ahhhhh, nooooooooo 
i feel my eyes glaze over as co-workers go into a littany of their blessed holiday doings and i just silently pray that i'll develop a substance abuse problem by next year. 
**
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