Toxic People

[MsPeaches]

Re: Toxic People


Right, Tanya!

And in the case of Psychopaths, which are at least 2% of the general population, their <span style="font-weight: bold">charm and slickness</span> fools everybody. Even people who have known them for years would never guess the pain, emotional torture and suffering they impose on their spouses and the people closest to them.
When I was poisoned, I went to the imam (pastor) at our mosque and told him about it. He said &quot;You mean your husband that tall man who is seems to be such a good Muslim and stands in the very front row to pray with us???!!! I can scarcely believe it!&quot;
The guy is the slickest manipulator and liar I have ever seen. After I kicked him out for good, he sent his best friends and relatives to try to get me to take him back, and if I hadn't already studied Severe Personality Disorders on the Internet, I might have fallen for it. It was the Internet that saved me and the guidance I received to go and look there. I thank God for the Internet!!

[Tulip]

Re: Toxic People

If they are in your personal life, cut them off. Any contact leads to hope for them that things will continue as normal.

If they are in your professional life, identify their style and go to the library if necessary to find out how to smash their game.

[Tulip]

Re: Toxic People

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: MsPeaches</div><div class="ubbcode-body">...I myself was married here to a very very charming and intelligent man who turned out to be a Psychopath! ...
</div></div>

I was too. What can I say, brains turn me on.

During that time, I have heard things come out of my mouth that I didn't even know I knew. Must have been cuss out from the soul spewing out of me.

I couldn't let him kill me in spirit or flesh so I relocated.

[Tulip]

Re: Toxic People

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: diabolical_Tanya</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Evan, sometimes you don't choose or attract the toxic person, they just happen to be in your environment (workplace) and as such if you have a close working relationship you have no choice but to be around them.

There are 2 such people in my current work group. </div></div>

I have had one narcissistic manager of such specific and extreme note that he will maintain the top toxic position until I work for a serial killer. It was like I was working in a [censored] sitcom.

[MsPeaches]

Re: Toxic People


Hi Tulip!

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Tulip</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> If they are in your personal life, cut them off. Any contact leads to hope for them that things will continue as normal.
</div></div>

That's what I learned on the internet - that the possibilty that they will ever be able to change is almost non-existant, even with years of therapy, and there are virtually no such resources available here anyway.

Fortunately, there were three wonderful sisters/friends whose shoulders were there for me to vent /cry on.
The hardest thing to understand (for the victim) is that these people are <span style="font-weight: bold">born without a conscience!</span> and have absolutely no feelings of what is and isn't appropriate to say to a wife or husband. They just don't get it! I couldn't BELIEVE some of the things he said to me and I would say &quot;What you just said constitutes verbal domestic abuse which is illegal in Ghana and I could prosecute you for it!&quot; He would look at me quizzically as though he couldn't understand what I was saying!

There is a very strong taboo against divorce here and so because of the social pressure it's not that easy to get one, especially if you are a female Muslim. But in the Holy Qur'an, Allah says &quot;Speak kindly to your wives and treat them with gentleness!&quot; and I kept reminding him of this.

[MsPeaches]

Re: Toxic People

So you have been thru the same thing, Tulip! Sooooooo sorry! ((((((((Tulip)))))))) You really know what I mean,then. Here there is a BIG taboo against telling anybody about your home/marriage problems and I am here alone with none of my (Canadian) family. And since the abusers don't want you to have any social contacts, you can feel pretty socially isolated. My younger sister in Vancouver was quite supportive and helpful thru emails as she had also been in an abusive relationship a few years back.

On the bright side, his daughter, a delightful and bright young lady of about 25 and I have become good friends since he left. We were never able to get to know each other before. She's here right now today to help me with my shopping and other household errands .
Her mother was abused by the same man for 20 years and couldn't escape during all that time, poor thing! She has sadly passed on and I still pray for her although he never allowed me to meet her.

[Tulip]

Re: Toxic People

You are speaking on it MsPeaches!

This part right here especially caught me &quot;And since the abusers don't want you to have any social contacts, you can feel pretty socially isolated.&quot;

Pull out my gavel and rap it three times. Sustained! What is trying to alienate you from your family and friends about? That could be a thread in itself.

Also, his mother was abused and was continuing to be verbally abused while we were together. (I suspect no more physical because her husband had gotten more physically fragile with age and she probably could have beat him down to the ground.)

When I left him the first time, she had the nerve to
tell me that if I was a Christian, I'd be able to endure better. I said with all due respect Ms. L, you couldn't even handle him and sent him off to live with his grandparents. (I could have said more but I stopped it there.)

[MsPeaches]

Re: Toxic People



<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Tulip</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> What is trying to alienate you from your family and friends about? That could be a thread in itself. </div></div>

For sure, Sis!

Isolationg the victim is about POWER plain and simple!

He even wanted me to change my cellphone number (so that nobody could call me). Of course I refused point blank!

But I think the worst part was the SLANDER! He made up the most fantastic stories and used them to slander me to his friends and the Elders on both sides of his family.. And it's impossible to do damage control after that because you have no idea or way of knowing what he has told to whom.

And anedda ting: He did his best to undermine any friendships I had with women. He slandered them to me and me to them, and always tried to cultivate his own friendship with them so that he would gain credibility. But fortunately, most of them were too smart for him.

[Wendy]

Re: Toxic People

Bway dis yah topic touch aff some nerve bra-bra

Ladies, this goes to prove that ridding yourself of the toxic folks in your life is the best thing you could have done for yourselves. Rejoice in your new beginnings. Better days always follow

[MsPeaches]

Re: Toxic People


I have concluded that his mother was also married to a Malignant Narcissist. She divorced him after having four kids for him. After that he had three other wives, one after another, and all of them divorced him. He too was very intelligent, handsome and charming.

I never got to meet his mother as she died 4 months before I met him. I'm sure she and I would have really hit it off! I'm almost certain the heart attack that killed her was caused by the same massive dose of ATROPINE that almost killed me.

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Tulip</div><div class="ubbcode-body">When I left him the first time, she had the nerve to
tell me that if I was a Christian, I'd be able to endure better. I said with all due respect Ms. L, you couldn't even handle him and sent him off to live with his grandparents. (I could have said more but I stopped it there.)</div></div>

I was called in by the woman who was the head female on his father's side of the family. She begged me to forgive him and take him back after he sabotaged my electric pressing iron. I told her that I had already forgiven him because his disorder wasn't his fault, but I also said that this forgiveness didn't include giving him a chance to do it all over again. And so the answer was NO!

[Rivers]

Re: Toxic People

Some interesting info here
this is a great site, I think
everything is here on
the site that is
and I mean everything in
this topic would make a
great paper/debate @ Uni
wonder if I decide to use
if I could use some of what is
posted here....with your permission
ofcourse my Major will be Psychology
this my first year @ Uni
will check back later
school/p/t job calls

btw diabolical, tks for the link

[MsPeaches]

Re: Toxic People



<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: WeNdY</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> Rejoice in your new beginnings. Better days always follow </div></div>

Of COURSE we rejoice in our freedom, Sis! Here in Ghana ppl say &quot;At least now you have your PEACE.&quot;

But I think it's a good thing to bring up because there are sisters (75% of victims are female) everywhere who may feel very alone in situations like these and they might find it comforting to see that they are not the only ones.

I am happy and healthy once again, thank God! and I have long since stopped worrying that he will show up at my door with a GUN. As part of my self-assigned therapy, I put together a book about Severe Personality Disorders and took copies of it to the Domestic Abuse &amp; Family Violence Section of the Police here in Accra and to the Registrar at the Family Court as well, and also to the Chief Imam's Office of our branch of Islam here.
They were all super pleased because they had no idea - even though they are the very ppl who deal with these cases every day. The Police had been dealing in a rather confrontational way with women complaining of abuse and saying stuff like 'What did you do to make him beat you?!&quot; The book helped to open their eyes. So every cloud has a silver lining, especially if we can use our own unfortunate experiences to maybe help others.

[Pepper]

Re: Toxic People

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: diabolical_Tanya</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
Toxic people will rob you of your life if you allow them and you may end up mirroring their image as well as behaving just like them….

Toxic people may…..

Acts out

Complain consistently

Gossiping uncontrollably about you

Will put you down

Projects a lot of anger

Extremely sensitive

Mostly defensive

Very controlling

Very Jealous

Very manipulative

Joy and dream killers

Insecured

VeryDisrespectful

</div></div>

Tanyer,
This is a great list. Reading these behaviors at once brings certain people to mind....me need fi drop those that exhibit three or more of these traits.

To answer the original question, I have no problem cutting these kinds of people out of my life. For those that I am forced to deal with, I limit my contact with them. That's why I love my yaad, nutten like dat nuh get fi cross my doorstep...more than once.

[SandiF]

Re: Toxic People

This is how I see it... it is not the other person that is toxic, it is you who is weak and not able to cope with another person's personality.

[Jazz]

Re: Toxic People

So true Peps - could not have said it better myself... my yard is my haven and that is ONE place mi nuh haffe tolerate toxicity.

and like Ms. Peaches and Tulip said, some are good at hiding these toxic behaviors - for a long time (not all have to be psychopaths dowe - oonu got the extremes )

You have to incise dem like how the docs cut out cancer.

It's amazing how much better your life can be when you rid yourself of negative influences. The older I get - the easier it is to do.