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AN ardent Christian since childhood, Venice Morrison was more focused on serving the Lord than starting a family. So for almost three decades she did just that, until at 36 she decided that her time .
But when she was ready, she realised that the men in her church were either too old or were already taken. And those who were in her age group certainly weren't looking to marry a woman well into her fertile years.
"It was like I woke up one day and realised that I was not on the pathway to starting a family," Morrison, a Church of God Christian said. "Because of the church rules I did not go on dates so I really did not get a chance to meet any man outside of my church. Eligible men were short in the church, so when I realised I was 36 and soon would not be able to have a child, I just went outside the church and got pregnant. God knows I wanted a child."
Today, her son is three years old. After the birth she shook off the desire to experiment more with the world, and went back to her small rural church,
But the reception was different.
"They don't greet you the same anymore," she said. "The love that they had for you is just not there. I just wanted the child and I know if I didn't do it then chances are it never would have happened. I know it was not the right thing to do, but I also know that if I reached a certain age that was it for me having a child."
The situation is not unique to Morrison. Many women in the church become very anxious and sometimes even desperate as they, mateless, get closer to the end of their childbearing years.
Reverend Peter Garth of Hope Gospel Assembly said he has heard of cases of women getting older who have gone outside the church to have children.
But he feels that this is selfishness on the part of the women.
"A lot of women will elect the person they want to be the father but when the child comes into the world without a stable father an element of guilt is going to be upon the mother because the child needs a father and a mother," Garth said. "And that is where the problem lies. They (women) feel that it is their right to have children and they go ahead and have children [without thinking of the consequences]."
He said since the church is not supposed to be in the business of match-making, there is hardly anything that can be done when a woman reaches a certain age and is not yet married. However, it would help if persons are educated by the church from an early age on the possibility of this happening.
Reverend Margaret Fowler from the Hope United Church, said there are many underlying factors that may lead a woman to leave the church to have children.
She, too, said for a woman to have a child because she is leaving her fertile years behind is an act of selfishness.
"I believe in the old fashioned way of having a mother and a father in a child's life," Fowler said. "So just to have a child knowing the father will not be in that child's life shows some amount of selfishness on the part of the mother."
Like Garth, Fowler said women are not turned away from the church if they walk out to fulfil this dream and want to return.
Garth said one way to address the problem is to change the view some pastors have that women have to marry someone from their local church.
"That cannot always be the case, because persons will look around and not see an eligible partner within their church, thus it becomes a problem," he said. "It's a perpetual problem that we are faced with. A lot of the women in this country are achieving and the men are not achieving and that poses a problem, and then in church — the confines of the church, in a lot of the churches there are 70 to 80 per cent women so the men are not there, so the challenge is real."
Read more: http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines...0#ixzz1uSXz1dmw
But when she was ready, she realised that the men in her church were either too old or were already taken. And those who were in her age group certainly weren't looking to marry a woman well into her fertile years.
"It was like I woke up one day and realised that I was not on the pathway to starting a family," Morrison, a Church of God Christian said. "Because of the church rules I did not go on dates so I really did not get a chance to meet any man outside of my church. Eligible men were short in the church, so when I realised I was 36 and soon would not be able to have a child, I just went outside the church and got pregnant. God knows I wanted a child."
Today, her son is three years old. After the birth she shook off the desire to experiment more with the world, and went back to her small rural church,
But the reception was different.
"They don't greet you the same anymore," she said. "The love that they had for you is just not there. I just wanted the child and I know if I didn't do it then chances are it never would have happened. I know it was not the right thing to do, but I also know that if I reached a certain age that was it for me having a child."
The situation is not unique to Morrison. Many women in the church become very anxious and sometimes even desperate as they, mateless, get closer to the end of their childbearing years.
Reverend Peter Garth of Hope Gospel Assembly said he has heard of cases of women getting older who have gone outside the church to have children.
But he feels that this is selfishness on the part of the women.
"A lot of women will elect the person they want to be the father but when the child comes into the world without a stable father an element of guilt is going to be upon the mother because the child needs a father and a mother," Garth said. "And that is where the problem lies. They (women) feel that it is their right to have children and they go ahead and have children [without thinking of the consequences]."
He said since the church is not supposed to be in the business of match-making, there is hardly anything that can be done when a woman reaches a certain age and is not yet married. However, it would help if persons are educated by the church from an early age on the possibility of this happening.
Reverend Margaret Fowler from the Hope United Church, said there are many underlying factors that may lead a woman to leave the church to have children.
She, too, said for a woman to have a child because she is leaving her fertile years behind is an act of selfishness.
"I believe in the old fashioned way of having a mother and a father in a child's life," Fowler said. "So just to have a child knowing the father will not be in that child's life shows some amount of selfishness on the part of the mother."
Like Garth, Fowler said women are not turned away from the church if they walk out to fulfil this dream and want to return.
Garth said one way to address the problem is to change the view some pastors have that women have to marry someone from their local church.
"That cannot always be the case, because persons will look around and not see an eligible partner within their church, thus it becomes a problem," he said. "It's a perpetual problem that we are faced with. A lot of the women in this country are achieving and the men are not achieving and that poses a problem, and then in church — the confines of the church, in a lot of the churches there are 70 to 80 per cent women so the men are not there, so the challenge is real."
Read more: http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines...0#ixzz1uSXz1dmw
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