I Ehat My Mom!

[Tulip]

That’s a line from an episode of <span style="font-style: italic">Everybody Loves Raymond</span> where Marie (his mother) reveals that she used to read his journal when he was growing up. &quot;<span style="font-weight: bold">E</span>hat&quot; means &quot;hat<span style="font-weight: bold">e</span>&quot; in Ray’s childhood code where he places the last letter at the front of each word.

TV and movies are pretty much the only places I have heard people say they hate their mothers. That is with the exception of one acquaintance who I will call Midas. I honestly cannot recall if he outright used the word “hate” but whatever he has said over the years left me with that impression.

In Midas’ case, I am not clear whether he was mostly raised by his grandmother, but he did have a great deal of respect for her. He’s pretty vague about why he had such a grudge with his mother (she died recently), but I don’t get the idea that she pimped him out to men or pulled a Precious on him. He’s so high and tight that I would guess it was something minor like the majority of the foolishness that appears to set him off.

<span style="font-weight: bold">Is it ever OK to hate your mother?</span> Now, don’t get me wrong – I’ve been angry with her before, but I cannot think of anything my mother could do, right or wrong, that would make me hate her. What could drive a person to feel this way about the womb that brung em? Madness?

[Cultcha]

Re: I Ehat My Mom!

I made the mistake of telling my mother (may she RIP) that I hate her, ONCE! I think I was maybe ten or eleven years old. It was by far the angriest I ever made her. It resulted in two slaps across my face. First a right followed by a left.

I really felt bad after because I knew I had hurt her worse than she hurt me.

[CeaBee]

Re: I Ehat My Mom!

is it ever ok?

depending on the circumstances some people have that feeling yes. I'm thinking that if as an <span style="text-decoration: underline">adult</span> they have this feeling that it's probably not about petty stuff.

[Stormmey]

Re: I Ehat My Mom!

I went to University with a female who told me she hated her Mom, now I know my Mom and I did not have the greatesa relationship in the past but hating her no way, really used to get angry at her sometimes.....yes

Turns out this chick at Uni said she was molested from the age of twelve right up to fifteen when she could not take it anymore and made a phone call to kids helpline/phone something like that. She hated her Mom because she told her and she got a sound thrashing that she was lying. Now that is a Mom to hate and for myself I think I would have killed them both.

[Tulip]

Re: I Ehat My Mom!

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: KF_Milo</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I made the mistake of telling my mother (may she RIP) that I hate her, ONCE! I think I was maybe ten or eleven years old. It was by far the angriest I ever made her. It resulted in two slaps across my face. First a right followed by a left.

I really felt bad after because I knew I had hurt her worse than she hurt me.
</div></div>

She should have chopped you in the throat first.

I can't believe you had the gall to say it out loud. Temporary insanity? At least you didn't really mean it or you would not have felt bad afterward.

[Tulip]

Re: I Ehat My Mom!

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: CeaBee</div><div class="ubbcode-body">is it ever ok?

depending on the circumstances some people have that feeling yes. I'm thinking that if as an <span style="text-decoration: underline">adult</span> they have this feeling that <span style="font-size: 14pt"><span style="font-weight: bold">it's probably not about petty stuff</span></span>. </div></div>

I hope this is true in most cases.

With Midas, I am beginning to think it is not. I do not think he believes his reasons are petty, but I cannot ignore the fact that he has a pattern of getting worked up for petty reasons in other areas. His thing with his mother could just as easily have been over nothing as something.

[Tulip]

Re: I Ehat My Mom!

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Stormmey1</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I went to University with a female who told me she hated her Mom, now I know my Mom and I did not have the greatesa relationship in the past but hating her no way, really used to get angry at her sometimes.....yes

Turns out this chick at Uni said she was molested from the age of twelve right up to fifteen when she could not take it anymore and made a phone call to kids helpline/phone something like that. She hated her Mom because she told her and she got a sound thrashing that she was lying. Now that is a Mom to hate and for myself I think I would have killed them both. </div></div>

It is only in recent years that I started to realize how common molestation and sexual abuse really is.

I wonder if in your classmate's mother really believed she was lying. It's a bad reaction either way but worse if the mother was just too weak willed to deal with it.

[Nunya]

Re: I Ehat My Mom!

One person I knew: Her mother was a single mother, hard working but neglectful. Maybe she was just too tired from holding down a job and minding a couple of kids on her own, whatever it was she was just neglectful.

Then she met a man who gave her everything. After a while of them living a better life materially, he made it known to mom that he wanted the daughter. Dunno if mom put up any protest or resistance initially, but eventually she made her daughter have relations with this man. She told the daughter that if she didn't they would lose everything and it would be all her fault. This happened in Canada. But I've heard of many such situations in Jamaica.

This Canadian girl (now a woman in her 40s) hates her mother with a passion. I don't know if the mother cares (she definitely knows) but the victim's siblings are unaware. To this day, they think of the victim as being a selfish *itch (I've heard them call her that) because she will not go to the mother's house (mom still lives with the man that abused the daughter) will not chip in to buy mom a gift and the one time that mom was hospitalized she refused to go see her.

While this person is not my friend and I only learnt the story when she was quite drunk, I can empathize. Had my mother ever done such a thing to me I would've hated her and I would let the world know.

<span style="text-decoration: underline">Some</span> situations that I know of that happened in Jamaica, strangely enough (at least to me) the victims do not hate their mother. They seem to have a more 'pragmatic' view of the 'abuse'. Frankly, they don't even see it as abuse. They figure that a woman has to do what she has to do in order for her and her children to survive. so they 'understand'.

[Tulip]

Re: I Ehat My Mom!

Nunya, that almost sounds like the worst case scenario. It is certainly not something I would do to a child no matter how bad things got. It's hard to imagine exactly how I would feel, but I'm certain I would be [censored] off about it, and I would not think that my mother loved me. (Hmm...there's a thought.)

I think the people I have started running across with this type of past must have the &quot;pragmatic&quot; attitude because they still have what appears to be normal relationships with their families.

[Stormmey]

Re: I Ehat My Mom!

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Nunya</div><div class="ubbcode-body">One person I knew: Her mother was a single mother, hard working but neglectful. Maybe she was just too tired from holding down a job and minding a couple of kids on her own, whatever it was she was just neglectful.

Then she met a man who gave her everything. After a while of them living a better life materially, he made it known to mom that he wanted the daughter. Dunno if mom put up any protest or resistance initially,<span style="font-weight: bold"> but eventually she made her daughter have relations with this man. She told the daughter that if she didn't they would lose everything and it would be all her fault. </span>This happened in Canada. But I've heard of many such situations in Jamaica.

This Canadian girl (now a woman in her 40s) hates her mother with a passion. I don't know if the mother cares (she definitely knows) but the victim's siblings are unaware. To this day, they think of the victim as being a selfish *itch (I've heard them call her that) because she will not go to the mother's house (mom still lives with the man that abused the daughter) will not chip in to buy mom a gift and the one time that mom was hospitalized she refused to go see her.

While this person is not my friend and I only learnt the story when she was quite drunk, I can empathize. Had my mother ever done such a thing to me I would've hated her and I would let the world know.

<span style="text-decoration: underline">Some</span> situations that I know of that happened in Jamaica, strangely enough (at least to me) the victims do not hate their mother. They seem to have a more 'pragmatic' view of the 'abuse'. Frankly, they don't even see it as abuse. They figure that a woman has to do what she has to do in order for her and her children to survive. so they 'understand'. </div></div>

this mother should be tarred and feathered, no excuse I dont care how poor they are when you use your children like that damn. The daughter does not see it as abuse......she need some serious theraphy I hope she does not wake up one day and go on a rampage from suppresed whateva dem call that thing.

[Stormmey]

Re: I Ehat My Mom!

Well Nunya I would certainly have to tell my siblings why I hated my Mother, I know if it were me her life would be unberable I would shout it from the rooftop. Anyway for the type of kid I was everyone would know from it began matterfact it would not even start unless I wa overpowered and raped.

Wondering if there is a statute of limitation on that type of abuse......lock up dem backside

[Tulip]

Re: I Ehat My Mom!

Stormmey, I see you came by your name honest lol.

I wonder if anyone would believe her after all these years. Her siblings lived in the house (I assume) and they don't know. It's her word against her mother's and the man's.

[Stormmey]

Re: I Ehat My Mom!

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Tulip</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Stormmey,<span style="font-weight: bold"> I see you came by your name honest </span>lol.

I wonder if anyone would believe her after all these years. Her siblings lived in the house (I assume) and they don't know. It's her word against her mother's and the man's. </div></div>

actually stormm is my middle name. I am mostly even keel until something am passionate about gets me going

[ILP]

Re: I Ehat My Mom!

I must be honest. I worry about this all the time, as it concerns BabygirlA. We've been through so much over the years and dont get me wrong her mother has done some FOR REAL egregious things (IMHO). However, I dunno...as bad as some of those things are/were...I've always drawn the line in the sand with BabygirlA that that lady is her mother (good, bad, and worse) and that fact will never change.

It's been calm, praise God , as BabygirlA has used school to distance herself from her mother. Not much communication has occurred since the name change and the habaloo that preceded it. I do catch BabygirlA drifting off into her mind sometimes. Her eyes are always so sad, but resolved. When she does share, she simply says, &quot;Thinking about (insert sister's name here).&quot; It breaks my heart. When I suggest that perhaps she should reach out...she just says, &quot;I haven't figured that out yet.&quot;

It's the long term...the long term. I understood so much more about my relationship with my mother AFTER I had Hunter. I just worry about BabygirlA's future (in that aspect) if she doesn't at least make peace with things.

[twiney]

Re: I Ehat My Mom!

Our ILP has grown up! This is a really hard one and there is no excuse for mothers exploiting there children in any way shape or form but of course I cant imagine hating my mother!