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I'm a Trustee of the Orange Public Library. So I'm in the library during the week, working. Golden Krust Bakery is right across the street, on Main Street. I usually eat a patty for lunch on the days I'm working in the library...
Last week... it was Friday, I believe... I crossed the street to get my lunch. I'm in there all the time and they know me.
I ordered my usual lunch: a cheezy beef patty with coco bread, a Ting, and I often choose a likkle sintin fi'mi insatiable sweet tooth, as well.
A man about my age, a bit older, walks in behind me and he looks me over up and down twice, sideways.
Then he says (he's got a Jamaican accent): "I will have one order of the stew fish. And I'll pay for this lady's..."
Here, he pauses and looks at me expectantly.
For fun, I say, in the best Jamaican accent I can muster: "Wan cheezy beef patty in coco bread... and ah pink Ting."
The staff behind the counter know me, and giggle. But they don't give me away.
The man says, grandly, as if he's buying me a Mercedes-benz, "I will buy her lunch, also. One patty."
Me, with a pout: "AND coco bread."
He looks at me sideways. "Yes, man, one patty AND har coco bread, den."
Me, with a bigger pout: "And wan pink Ting, mi sey."
Now the ladies behind the counter are busting out with laughter. "Nuh fi'get har pink Ting, sar! She like har pink Ting."
The man is now pouting. "Fine, alright, and wan Ting. HEX-CUSE me... a PINK Ting."
Me: "Tonks..." to the man ... and then to the ladies behind the counter I DEMAND: "Mmmm... Dat black cake, dem slice dem, is fresh? Ah wen yu bake dat black cake?"
They are so busy screaming with laughter that no one answers me. No one is able to yet. The manager comes out of the kitchen to demand what's happening. One of the employees tells her what is going on, and the manager looks at me with a twinkle in her eye and tells me, "Dat black cake is fresh! Any fresher and you must slap it like a rude pickney. You want a slice of it?"
Me: "Ahhh... Yah, man, mi wi'take ee, tonks."
The man bursts out, in an outraged tone with, "Bless mi soul, mi sey mi wi'buy yu wan patty..."
"Wid coco bread..." interrupts one employee.
"One patty with coco bread," the man resumes, still outraged.
"And wan pink Ting..." I interject.
"One patty with coco bread and ah Ting... and ah who gwaan pay fi dat slice ah black cake now?"
"Many tonks, mi wi'rememba yu in mi praya dem, fi'yuh kindness, sar," I assured him with big eyes wide open.
The man grumbles, but he pays for my entire lunch And I thank him yet again, profusely.
On his way out, the man stops and turns 'round and asks me The Question... "Ah what parish yuh fram, ma'am?"
I had the grace to hang my head low. I gave him my BEST grin. And I drop the Jamaican accent and speak in my own mixed Philadelphia/New York City accent.
"Ah Philadelphia me come from, sir. But I did live in Jamaica for a few years... really. And I do seriously appreciate the lunch. I'm short this week."
And I favor him with another of my absolute BEST flirty grins.
His jaw hit the floor.
The staff were all laughing quite loudly and heartily. So were a few of the 'regular' customers in there.
After a few moments, this man started to laugh, himself. He finally admitted that he planned to buy the pretty lady her lunch, and that's what he ended up doing, so "no harm, no foul", in the end. And he told me that I clearly learned how to bargain when I lived in Jamaica. he shook his head, laughed again, and left, still chuckling.
I'll never pull that off again... but it was fun to try just once. lol
Last week... it was Friday, I believe... I crossed the street to get my lunch. I'm in there all the time and they know me.
I ordered my usual lunch: a cheezy beef patty with coco bread, a Ting, and I often choose a likkle sintin fi'mi insatiable sweet tooth, as well.
A man about my age, a bit older, walks in behind me and he looks me over up and down twice, sideways.
Then he says (he's got a Jamaican accent): "I will have one order of the stew fish. And I'll pay for this lady's..."
Here, he pauses and looks at me expectantly.
For fun, I say, in the best Jamaican accent I can muster: "Wan cheezy beef patty in coco bread... and ah pink Ting."
The staff behind the counter know me, and giggle. But they don't give me away.
The man says, grandly, as if he's buying me a Mercedes-benz, "I will buy her lunch, also. One patty."
Me, with a pout: "AND coco bread."
He looks at me sideways. "Yes, man, one patty AND har coco bread, den."
Me, with a bigger pout: "And wan pink Ting, mi sey."
Now the ladies behind the counter are busting out with laughter. "Nuh fi'get har pink Ting, sar! She like har pink Ting."
The man is now pouting. "Fine, alright, and wan Ting. HEX-CUSE me... a PINK Ting."
Me: "Tonks..." to the man ... and then to the ladies behind the counter I DEMAND: "Mmmm... Dat black cake, dem slice dem, is fresh? Ah wen yu bake dat black cake?"
They are so busy screaming with laughter that no one answers me. No one is able to yet. The manager comes out of the kitchen to demand what's happening. One of the employees tells her what is going on, and the manager looks at me with a twinkle in her eye and tells me, "Dat black cake is fresh! Any fresher and you must slap it like a rude pickney. You want a slice of it?"
Me: "Ahhh... Yah, man, mi wi'take ee, tonks."
The man bursts out, in an outraged tone with, "Bless mi soul, mi sey mi wi'buy yu wan patty..."
"Wid coco bread..." interrupts one employee.
"One patty with coco bread," the man resumes, still outraged.
"And wan pink Ting..." I interject.
"One patty with coco bread and ah Ting... and ah who gwaan pay fi dat slice ah black cake now?"
"Many tonks, mi wi'rememba yu in mi praya dem, fi'yuh kindness, sar," I assured him with big eyes wide open.
The man grumbles, but he pays for my entire lunch And I thank him yet again, profusely.
On his way out, the man stops and turns 'round and asks me The Question... "Ah what parish yuh fram, ma'am?"
I had the grace to hang my head low. I gave him my BEST grin. And I drop the Jamaican accent and speak in my own mixed Philadelphia/New York City accent.
"Ah Philadelphia me come from, sir. But I did live in Jamaica for a few years... really. And I do seriously appreciate the lunch. I'm short this week."
And I favor him with another of my absolute BEST flirty grins.
His jaw hit the floor.
The staff were all laughing quite loudly and heartily. So were a few of the 'regular' customers in there.
After a few moments, this man started to laugh, himself. He finally admitted that he planned to buy the pretty lady her lunch, and that's what he ended up doing, so "no harm, no foul", in the end. And he told me that I clearly learned how to bargain when I lived in Jamaica. he shook his head, laughed again, and left, still chuckling.
I'll never pull that off again... but it was fun to try just once. lol
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