Ah joke

[Wahalla]

What is a woman?
A real woman is a man's best friend. She will never stand him up and never
let him down. She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him
after a bad day. She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could
do; to live without fear and forget regret. She will enable him to express his
deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires. She will make
sure he always feels as though he's the most handsome man in the room and
will enable him to be the most confident, sexy, seductive, invincible...


OH, wait... I'm thinking of beer. Never mind.

Run gawn!

[Wahalla]

You know there are so many TV channels, each starved of new programs.
In a rural program for farmers, a female TV reporter seeking the main cause
of Mad Cow disease, arranged for an interview with a farmer who may have
some theories on the matter...
The interview was as follows:
The lady reporter: “I am here to collect information on the possible sources
of Mad Cow Disease. Can you offer any reason for this disease?”
The farmer stared at the reporter and said… “Do you know that a bull
mounts a cow only once a year?”
Reporter: (obviously embarrassed): “Well, sir, that's a new piece of
information but what's the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow
disease?”
Farmer: “And, madam, do you know that we milk a cow twice a day?”
Reporter: “Sir, this is really valuable information, but what about getting to
the point?”
Farmer: “I am getting to the point, madam. Just imagine, if I was playing
with your tits twice a day.... and only screwing you once a year, wouldn't you
get mad?”
THE TV INTERVIEW WAS NEVER AIRED...

[Wahalla]

Let's put the seniors in jail and the criminals in a nursing home. This way the
seniors would have access to showers, hobbies and walks. They'd receive unlimited
free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs etc and they'd
receive money instead of paying it out.
They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly, if
they fell, or needed assistance. Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all
clothing would be ironed and returned to them. A guard would check on them every
20 minutes and bring their meals and snacks to their cell.
They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose. They would have
access to a library, weight room, spiritual counselling, pool and education. Simple
clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ's and legal aid would be free, on request.
Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens. Each
senior could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls.
There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards would have
a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.
The "criminals" would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised.
Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week.
Live in a tiny room and pay £900.00 per month and have no hope of ever getting
out.
Justice for all we say.

[Wahalla]

An old man was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all
different colors - green, red, orange, and blue. The old man kept staring at her.


The teenager kept looking and would find the old man staring every time. When the teenager
had enough, she sarcastically asked: "What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in
your life?"

He responded without batting an eyelid .... "Got stoned once and had sex with a parrot. I was
just wondering if you're my kid."

[Peasie]

Derek!!! Hurry up an come back nah man!