I've thrown in the towel

[britisha]

Re: I've thrown in the towel

...now fimi eldest grandawta, [turn 20 in Decembah cumming] is in her 3rd year of college and wants to fly the coop and move to another State to do Grad work... [school chosen cozzing of their rep in her discipline of choice] ...dem noh heeven liff near mi, an mi deyah a worry hup miself seh shi a leff 'ome an not only dat, a goh far far away..

...soh mi know exactly how yuh feel...we juss haff to give them our blessings and "let them go to fly on their own. "

....

[mountaingal]

Re: I've thrown in the towel

dehya a drink glenfiddich on ice and try stop bawl. puppa has informed me that him no waan nottn fi do wid di weddn. ting dawta shoulda wait till after school, and afta she has seen something of the world. im bex dat dawta neva tell him bout di relationshp till late. tell mi a mi sen ar a road fi go fine man, an dat mi shoulda tell har not fi married.

i cannot deal wid dis. the injustice

after all mi go tru wid dawta.

can juss imagine how she ago feel when she hear.

mad at myself that at this late stage inna mi life mi can still misjudge ppl, including the ex.

[CeaBee]

Re: I've thrown in the towel

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">tell mi a mi sen ar a road fi go fine man, </div></div>

[Seveen]

Re: I've thrown in the towel

((((mgee)))))

my parents &quot;let&quot; me get married when i was 19

i got married in january - i got separated in september

we had our own place and after the separation i moved into a one-room apartment - parents offered for me to come home but i wanted to be &quot;grown - i worked - put myself through school at night - and married 2 more stupid men

i couldn't stand the thought of my daughter doing &quot;it&quot; in my house - married or not

[Seveen]

Re: I've thrown in the towel

and i suggest you think about some guidelines to go with that living with you - something like -

as long as you're in school
for a year
until the children come

or there may be a real battle if/when you want them to move on - this way they know the ground rules from the beginning and don't get offended when their time is up (you may want to do 6 month re-negotiable time frames)

and asking for a little &quot;rent&quot; wouldn't be unreasonable - even if its $50 a week and you put it in a savings account for them (secretly) - 'cause no one lives any where for free - except <span style="font-style: italic">children</span> - after i graduated high school and started work - i had to throw something toward rent while i was unmarried living home

but i'm a little ole lady and i'm ole skool - my son probably will pack his bags on his 18th birthday - i harp on being grown means being on your own - so much now - he's only 14

[Seveen]

Re: I've thrown in the towel

puppy would be imparting that piece of information to her on his own - not me - don't do his dirty work

[kia027]

Re: I've thrown in the towel

oh lawd ((MGEE)))) and now we know some of the reasons why he became 'ex'

[twiney]

Re: I've thrown in the towel

MGee .. first

second tell the puppa fi kirrout and no carry no messige fi him ... brite ... unless you mek up story come tell we (and if that is the case u deserve a medal and a rhatid baxdung and mi no think so) you have done a stellar job with your girls ...bout u send her go look man. fi him

tree ...My Indian friend was distraught when she was moving into her in-laws house for a year as part of their culture to help them get on their feet ... guess what of their mortgage they only have to find about $300 per month since they have rented out their home ... that is a saving of more than $1500 per month they will have... I think if in your heart you believe they live with you until they get on their feet (within reason) then do it. If someone asked me that 5 months ago I would say hell naw but seeing how my child can benefit from this arrangement it is something to think about. My other friend got married at 21 and the parents agreed to continue to pay for university for her and she waited until she was done to have babies.

Four ... not every early marriage ends in disaster (the 2nd friend mentioned above has been married for 27 years). If they have decided they are ready then be as supportive of your daughter as you can.

Five ... as much as date set still try to find loop holes to encourage delay.

[mountaingal]

Re: I've thrown in the towel

Seveen, Twiney, Kia, Ceabee - tx.

dawta had the chat with dad yesterday. (hardest thing i ever did was to keep my mouth shut about this thing ).

he delivered the bad news about his plan to boycott the wedding. he begged her to put it off until she got her first degree. if young man loved her, he would go back to JA and wait for her.


after she came off the phone she cried. i cried. sister cried.

but then dawta stopped crying, pulled herself together, and we went on with wedding plans.



i was a bit flabbergasted. i thought pall would have been cast for at least a few days. but no. dawta said she expected that reaction from daddy. it hurt, she said, but she was not surprised. she still plans to send him an invite.

i cried again, out of love and respect for dawta.

i was nowhere as together at the age of 20 as she is showing now. my mother says i should claim credit for my daughters and their development, but honestly, i don't even know what i did - except love them and not beat them.

maybe is the badwud cussing that worked.

had to do that this weekend to get dawta to acknowledge she needed help with the wedding planning, she wanted to do it all, bless her heart, plus go to school and go to her part-time job.


young man better do right by har, is all mi haffi seh.

[mountaingal]

Re: I've thrown in the towel

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Seveen</div><div class="ubbcode-body">and i suggest you think about some guidelines to go with that living with you - something like -

as long as you're in school
for a year
until the children come

or there may be a real battle if/when you want them to move on - this way they know the ground rules from the beginning and don't get offended when their time is up (you may want to do 6 month re-negotiable time frames)

and asking for a little &quot;rent&quot; wouldn't be unreasonable - even if its $50 a week and you put it in a savings account for them (secretly) - 'cause no one lives any where for free - except <span style="font-style: italic">children</span> - after i graduated high school and started work - i had to throw something toward rent while i was unmarried living home

</div></div>


they've agreed to pay rent. i want them to live with me until she is finished school (2 more years). however, likelihood is that they will live with me until he gets a work permit that allows him to get a steady job so can afford their own place.

[mountaingal]

Re: I've thrown in the towel

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Twiney</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> I think if in your heart you believe they live with you until they get on their feet (within reason) then do it. If someone asked me that 5 months ago I would say hell naw but seeing how my child can benefit from this arrangement it is something to think about. My other friend got married at 21 and the parents agreed to continue to pay for university for her and she waited until she was done to have babies.
</div></div>

gosh Twiney, thanks for this.

[ILP]

Re: I've thrown in the towel

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: St_Bess</div><div class="ubbcode-body">MGee - <span style="font-weight: bold">Ban you belly </span>and try to accept their plans - you never know they may change them now that you have &quot;come around&quot;. As a parent of adult unmarried children I feel your pain. I know your daughter is young and still in school it is just a pity you could not prevail on her to wait until she graduates from Uni. Have they decided where they are going to live, work, etc?. It is a big responsibility for this young man being married with a wife sitll at University. (My older sis did not attend both her sons wedding and the elder son is still married after 16 years, the younger one (mama's bway) is also still married w/2 children. I know she regretted her decision because now I am the substitue MIL for one of her DIL. Aye sah the devil sure know how to pull a mother's heart strings. MGee be strong -- I'll pray that everything works out for your family. </div></div>

what exactly does this mean cah if mi hear one more jamaican smaddy seh dis (to be read: my mommie) mi gwine cuss dem What does it mean... I want to know

[ILP]

Re: I've thrown in the towel

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: MGee</div><div class="ubbcode-body">young man just came and reimbursed me the deposit for the wedding.

... </div></div>




k...mi tek back alla di tings weh mi did <span style="text-decoration: line-through">seh</span> think bout him being wuklass

[ILP]

Re: I've thrown in the towel

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: MGee</div><div class="ubbcode-body">dehya a drink glenfiddich on ice and try stop bawl. puppa has informed me that him no waan nottn fi do wid di weddn. ting dawta shoulda wait till after school, and afta she has seen something of the world. im bex dat dawta neva tell him bout di relationshp till late. <span style="font-weight: bold">tell mi a mi sen ar a road fi go fine man, an dat mi shoulda tell har not fi married.</span>
i cannot deal wid dis. the injustice

after all mi go tru wid dawta.

can juss imagine how she ago feel when she hear.

mad at myself that at this late stage inna mi life mi can still misjudge ppl, including the ex.</div></div>

dis a di ongly pawt about what im want to feel/seh weh mi woulda try fi shot im a box.
wah daht mean? plus, mi would want fi know why im neva chat dem kinna ish to my face.

SMDH...is brite im brite ahn outta ardah..bout you sen har fi look man kissteet. men, essie?

[kia027]

Re: I've thrown in the towel

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Pura_Vida_ILP</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: St_Bess</div><div class="ubbcode-body">MGee - <span style="font-weight: bold">Ban you belly </span>and try to accept their plans - you never know they may change them now that you have &quot;come around&quot;. As a parent of adult unmarried children I feel your pain. I know your daughter is young and still in school it is just a pity you could not prevail on her to wait until she graduates from Uni. Have they decided where they are going to live, work, etc?. It is a big responsibility for this young man being married with a wife sitll at University. (My older sis did not attend both her sons wedding and the elder son is still married after 16 years, the younger one (mama's bway) is also still married w/2 children. I know she regretted her decision because now I am the substitue MIL for one of her DIL. Aye sah the devil sure know how to pull a mother's heart strings. MGee be strong -- I'll pray that everything works out for your family. </div></div>

what exactly does this mean cah if mi hear one more jamaican smaddy seh dis (to be read: my mommie) mi gwine cuss dem What does it mean... I want to know </div></div>

ban' u belly = suck it up and deal with it