Stuck in the Middle

[BoundBrook]

My best friend has been having an affair for about 3 months now. She and I went out last night and she asked the boyfriend to join us at the restaurant. This was my first time meeting him. I really didn't want to meet him, I have just been trying to be a good friend to my best friend, as far removed from this affair as possible.

So now my best friend is talking all crazy, about running away to Mexico with this guy. [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/eek2.gif[/img] Actually, the whole thing made me sick to my stomach last night. They were sitting across from one another making luvey duvey eyes at each other, winking, holding hands, moaning, and acting like 12 year olds in what they think is "love." They stroked each others egos talking about they never ever thought about straying from their marriages until they met...

So, after about 45 minutes of being there with the 2 of them, I decided I didn't want to be there anymore. As my best friend walked me to my car my only advice for her was to be careful. Acting like that in public is a sure-fire way for her husband to find out. She says she doesn't care, she has a passion for life and has found someone else with that same passion, and only wants to be happy. She said her husband has to be an idiot to not know something is going on... and she doesn't care. I told her she should ask for a divorce, before he finds out.

I just don't even know what to do. She is serious about running away to Mexico. She is working with a realtor to find property in Mexico and is living in some sort of perpetual high school romance state. This can't end good for her.

To make matters worse, the husband e-mailed me this morning to say he thinks something is going on, and asked if she was really out with me last night. So, now here I am stuck in the middle. I am not responding to his e-mail, or any e-mail, or phone call, or anything from him. I am not even going to tell my best friend that he e-mailed me. I want no part of this. But I am concerned about the choices my best friend is making.

So what would you do to try and protect someone you love very much from making bad decisions?

[loops]

Re: Stuck in the Middle

i have a whole lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng list of things i've done to prevent fools from doing this....but guess what?

it won't and doesn't work.

annoying as this is to you....it doesn't matter to her. she wants hers...and nothing else is important.

sure makes it hard when someone you respect behaves like this.

[countryspeng]

Re: Stuck in the Middle

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: BoundBrook</div><div class="ubbcode-body">

So what would you do to try and protect someone you love very much from making bad decisions?



</div></div>

you can't, if yu si dem about to walk in front of a truck...you can only seh "truck" if dem choose to walk ennyway, den be a tru tru fren an be there to help clean up the "mess"....



<span style='font-size: 8pt'>


sorry that was the only analogy that came to mind....</span> [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/grin.gif[/img]

[BoundBrook]

Re: Stuck in the Middle

((Loops)) you hit the nail on the head. It is hard [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/frown.gif[/img]

You know, I don't care that she is having an affair. It is her life to live. However, it is hard to stand by why she makes plans to leave her job, family, friends, and move to Mexico with someone she has known 3 months.

[Kurlie]

Re: Stuck in the Middle

I would just answer his email "yes"..because infact you were out with her. I don't condoan these type of behaviour eidda. I too was in a situation like this and they were both friends of mine, I didn't choose sides, I was honest with both of them (the guy knoew the girl was cheating). "If you don't want him anymore make a clean break"

[BoundBrook]

Re: Stuck in the Middle

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: SPENGdon</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: BoundBrook</div><div class="ubbcode-body">

So what would you do to try and protect someone you love very much from making bad decisions?



</div></div>

you can't, if yu si dem about to walk in front of a truck...you can only seh "truck" if dem choose to walk ennyway, den be a tru tru fren an be there to help clean up the "mess"....

sorry that was the only analogy that came to mind... [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/grin.gif[/img] </div></div>


So mi fi call har and seh "Truck" den hang up? [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/confused.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/confused.gif[/img]


[img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/grin.gif[/img]

[neutral]

Re: Stuck in the Middle

So why yu no juss mek har run weh to mexico wid de man ....at least dat would be a big hint to de husband seh dally house mash up,...dont discourage har fram going if a dat shi want,..yu best bet is fe try not to influence har decision fe run weh either way,stay out of it,an mek har know seh yu no want when de sheet hit de fan none a hit ketch yu.

[countryspeng]

Re: Stuck in the Middle

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: BoundBrook</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: SPENGdon</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: BoundBrook</div><div class="ubbcode-body">

So what would you do to try and protect someone you love very much from making bad decisions?



</div></div>

you can't, if yu si dem about to walk in front of a truck...you can only seh "truck" if dem choose to walk ennyway, den be a tru tru fren an be there to help clean up the "mess"....

sorry that was the only analogy that came to mind... [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/grin.gif[/img] </div></div>


So mi fi call har and seh "Truck" den hang up? [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/confused.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/confused.gif[/img]


[img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/grin.gif[/img]
</div></div>

exactly... [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/grin.gif[/img]

just kidding, but I'm sure you get what I'm sayin....

[Jazz]

Re: Stuck in the Middle

Boundie - even though you think you know whats best for her - she is grown and utltimately this is a decision she has to make for herself.
If she is your best friend as you say - then you should support her through whatever decisions she decides to make in life...
Your post comes across as judgemental and beleive me babes - in this life u can never say never...

If my best friend comes to me and says - I am havign an affair and gonna run off to Mexico - I would certianly try to point out the pros and cons to her but ultimately once her mind is made up - my next question would be - what do u need me to do.
she is MY friend - I don;t owe the husband anything and the way I am with my friends is do or die...

so worst case is she move go dung deh an den 2 months later evrythign crashes an mi haffe go dung deh an pack har up an move har back into the US - so what??? she will have learnt something and we can have some wine and dissect it together...

but thats just me.

[BoundBrook]

Re: Stuck in the Middle

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Newtral</div><div class="ubbcode-body">So why yu no juss mek har run weh to mexico wid de man ....at least dat would be a big hint to de husband seh dally house mash up,...dont discourage har fram going if a dat shi want,..yu best bet is fe try not to influence har decision fe run weh either way,stay out of it,an mek har know seh yu no want when de sheet hit de fan none a hit ketch yu. </div></div>

Excellent point. [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70409-waytogo.gif[/img]

I was just thinking that if I try to discourage her from going to Mexico it is the same thing as me trying to convince her to stay married, or work on her marriage, or keep the affair more private. If I feel strongly that it is her life to live perhaps I should just sit back and let her live it, even if it is hard, and be there to help pick up the pieces if need be.

[Kurlie]

Re: Stuck in the Middle

Jazz suppose the hubby is yu friend to?

[neutral]

Re: Stuck in the Middle

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: natJazz</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Boundie - even though you think you know whats best for her - she is grown and utltimately this is a decision she has to make for herself.
If she is your best friend as you say - then you should support her through whatever decisions she decides to make in life...
Your post comes across as judgemental and beleive me babes - in this life u can never say never...

If my best friend comes to me and says - I am havign an affair and gonna run off to Mexico - I would certianly try to point out the pros and cons to her but ultimately once her mind is made up - my next question would be - what do u need me to do.
she is MY friend - I don;t owe the husband anything and the way I am with my friends is do or die...

so worst case is she move go dung deh an den 2 months later evrythign crashes an mi haffe go dung deh an pack har up an move har back into the US - so what??? she will have learnt something and we can have some wine and dissect it together...

but thats just me. </div></div>

Rhaatid !...bwoy yu good enno, a sense yu juss talk,...not even Janet sinclair no have nutt`n pon yu.

[nattydreadgirl]

Re: Stuck in the Middle

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: natJazz</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Boundie - even though you think you know whats best for her - she is grown and utltimately this is a decision she has to make for herself.
If she is your best friend as you say - then you should support her through whatever decisions she decides to make in life...
Your post comes across as judgemental and beleive me babes - in this life u can never say never...

If my best friend comes to me and says - I am havign an affair and gonna run off to Mexico - I would certianly try to point out the pros and cons to her but ultimately once her mind is made up - my next question would be - what do u need me to do.
she is MY friend - I don;t owe the husband anything and the way I am with my friends is do or die...

so worst case is she move go dung deh an den 2 months later evrythign crashes an mi haffe go dung deh an pack har up an move har back into the US - so what??? she will have learnt something and we can have some wine and dissect it together...

but thats just me. </div></div>

Love this response (((Jazz))) this is sooooo me. Doesnt sound like girlfriend is asking for advice. I have learned long long long ago, not to offer my advice/opinion when not asked. Now, if you asked me, I am going to be brutally honest! [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/grin.gif[/img]

[BoundBrook]

Re: Stuck in the Middle

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: natJazz</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Boundie - even though you think you know whats best for her - she is grown and utltimately this is a decision she has to make for herself.
If she is your best friend as you say - then you should support her through whatever decisions she decides to make in life...
Your post comes across as judgemental and beleive me babes - in this life u can never say never...

If my best friend comes to me and says - I am havign an affair and gonna run off to Mexico - I would certianly try to point out the pros and cons to her but ultimately once her mind is made up - my next question would be - what do u need me to do.
she is MY friend - I don;t owe the husband anything and the way I am with my friends is do or die...

so worst case is she move go dung deh an den 2 months later evrythign crashes an mi haffe go dung deh an pack har up an move har back into the US - so what??? she will have learnt something and we can have some wine and dissect it together...

but thats just me. </div></div>

I am trying hard not to be judgemental in all of this. I really don't care that she is having an affair, more that she is making, what I think are (there is my judgement creeping in), bad decisions as a result.

I guess I need to just stand by her side through all of this.

[loops]

Re: Stuck in the Middle

exactly....i'm sorry...but I DO feel for the other parties involved....especially if i like them.

i guess i just don't like to see my friends treat people they supposedly care about...like crap. call me judgemental...but there is an element of selfishness in this kind of situation that i have a hard time with.