How to break up with a nice person

[Nanook]

This.

I think his 'over-analyzing' is him trying too hard. And I think your dismissal of it is you not trying hard enough.

And you're not trying hard enough because he's not what you want.

He may be nice, but he's not for you. And your sixth sense is telling you this so just listen to it and dun de ting.

Plus im cyaa dance.

I was recently in the same position. I'm too old to train a old dawg new tricks. After a certain age they are who they are and you aren't going to change that and if he is mildly annoying now, later on the minor annoyances will only appear larger than life.

He is willing to work on the annoyances. Most of the time he admits they are his fault and he apologizes. I accept his apologies. But then he wants to discuss the annoyances in detail while I have already moved on and forgotten what the issue was. This is me, "Huh? What are you talking about? Oh, that thing. But we discussed it already and I've forgotten about it. Now what?"

And then I get annoyed.

This is similar to what was my situation, and I'm at the point where if I have researched a subject, done my homework and know what I am saying is a fact, and suddenly out comes the cell phone to use to refute my claim, well... especially if it happens more than once or twice in a date. Last time was last date, I see no reason to continue to lead him on if I know I am not going to be able to deal down the road. 3 cell phone Google searches to refute. One instance I said that is was going to snow on Halloween and I was worried about travel plans and he showed me a forecast that said it was going to be 46°F. Not only did it snow, but we had 55 MPG winds and power outages and big rain and sleet. If I had left with a 29 foot RV behind me, I would have been very stupid and possibly in big trouble..

Good luck Peasie!

[blugiant]

oonnoo need fe stap enabling peasie

diss iss bout power in da relationship ann peasie waan fe be in cantrol. dat de underlieinn issue mii hinted at earlier. peasie ave a dominant personalitee ann feel away wen da man challenge ar dat y shi tink ting settle ann da man shood move on cah shi awlreadee figgit da issue. avoidance aff da underlieinn issue show dat peasie nuh waan fe address da real issues ann dat will cantinuallee lead to more conflicts ann mekk da relationalship less emotionallee satisfyinn fe boat. peasie need own ar annoyance ann avoidance cah dat lead to list aff tings bout da man she doan like ann will eventualle gitt to a pint wear shi bunn fiyah pon da man


look att itt diss way peasie mii doan avoid canflicts butt dat mean mii give peeps da rites fe tell mii oww dem reallee feel so wii can trii fe wukk itt out. even dough wii doan awlway cum to a satisfyinn canclusion, at least inn dat way mii acknowledge dat parsan cancern ann dat wat moas peeps want iss dat yuh recagnized wat chubblinn dem. dat y mii can gitt pon peeps nerve butt dem kno mii respect dem enuff to lissen to wat dem affii sey.

[Peasie]

Blu, you so cray cray

Nanook, I don't think Desmond is quite that intense and mi nat into training no grown man


we met for a light meal tonight ...

[Nanook]

oonnoo need fe stap enabling peasie

diss iss bout power in da relationship ann peasie waan fe be in cantrol. dat de underlieinn issue mii hinted at earlier. peasie ave a dominant personalitee ann feel away wen da man challenge ar dat y shi tink ting settle ann da man shood move on cah shi awlreadee figgit da issue. avoidance aff da underlieinn issue show dat peasie nuh waan fe address da real issues ann dat will cantinuallee lead to more conflicts ann mekk da relationalship less emotionallee satisfyinn fe boat. peasie need own ar annoyance ann avoidance cah dat lead to list aff tings bout da man she doan like ann will eventualle gitt to a pint wear shi bunn fiyah pon da man


look att itt diss way peasie mii doan avoid canflicts butt dat mean mii give peeps da rites fe tell mii oww dem reallee feel so wii can trii fe wukk itt out. even dough wii doan awlway cum to a satisfyinn canclusion, at least inn dat way mii acknowledge dat parsan cancern ann dat wat moas peeps want iss dat yuh recagnized wat chubblinn dem. dat y mii can gitt pon peeps nerve butt dem kno mii respect dem enuff to lissen to wat dem affii sey.

Yes but him no listen to what trouble she, which is having to revisit the ting in the first place. Lef it go, move on to a next thing. That is what Peasie seeks, but him "want har mii respect dem enuff to lissen to wat dem affii sey". Why can't HE Respect har nuff whe she noh haffi listen to it again and again?

I think only Parrots should repeat themselves over and over.

[Peasie]

Ah, my dear, there it is.

[DearK]

Ah, my dear, there it is.

Do you think youre ready for more than a friendship? Could it be that the annoyance is that you dont have *your* mate. Maybe you like dinners and a social life, but not the whole shebang? How would that be?

[Peasie]

Ahm, we have more than a friendship. We have an exclusive relationship with mid-range plans such as travel and vacation next year. We've met each other's families and friends casually (no fanfare) and both sides seem happy for us. We were at a B&B over the summer and the innkeeper said to me privately, "You know, Desmond is a lovely man and he's going to take care of you."

I am pretty sure the annoyance is not because I do not have *my mate*. The annoyances are that I am TI-URRD of what I feel are nyeng-nyeng inna mi aise cawnah. Cho.

and so...

we met for a light meal last night...

and worked out some things ...

[Peasie]

Also the idea of living day-to-day with one person scares the sh!t out of me

[DearK]

Also the idea of living day-to-day with one person scares the sh!t out of me

This was part of my thinking too. Bottom line you're just not there- nothing to do with *him* Mr. nice, willing to dance and go to lovely functions, but the real rest of the story is this right here.

[DearK]

BUT!!! it also doesnt mean you'll feel like that forever!!! Things change.

[Xavier]

In relationships there will always be things that annoy one person. I have been married 20 years and we will have little things that annoy each other. I think you have to take a look at if it is an annoyance or a personal presence. Also is it an annoyance that will break a relationship...their are big annoyance and little ones. Some people like to talk it out and some like to move on...it is just people...I say let the other person get it out of their system even if it means listening when you don't want to.

[Peasie]

I see everyone's point. Thank you

It's good to get a perspective from an anonymous community like this.

After two weeks of self-imposed "thinking space" away from each other, we had a calm, mature discussion about things. I was feeling too cramped. And he wants to spend even more time with me. So we worked out a compromise. No breaking up. More thinking space for me. More spontaneity in going to places together. He also said something like, "I know what my problem is and I know how to change things. You are important to me and we are so good together."

I also came to terms with what was really the problem for me in this relationship and it wasn't only about the annoying things ... surprise!

[MsExced]

Glad to hear this

[Nunya]

I looove happy endings *cheesy grin*

[Gen]

Plus im cyaa dance.