Selfish oomens who decide to breed widdout a husban

[britisha]

Are they selfish? Women who go out of their way to become pregnant and they are not married? Are they hurting their children in the long run?


Mi think soh. While it is the latest fashion to become pregnant without being married, in the final analysis, is this fair to the child?


Mi know bout women who had an affair and the guy got them pregnant then upped an leffed...aldoa di oomen know seh dem nat yet married to di man.. [but the prenancy was an 'accident"]..mi nat talking bout dem. Mi know bout women whose husbans or boyfirnds died, mi nat talking bout dem eidah..

Mi talking bout oomens who all get artificial insemination just to "have a child"


What am I missing?


Is society encouraging social problems as witnessed in some of these one-parent homes? Mi nat saying that society can regulate ppl's lives, or tel dem wha ffi duh, an mi nat saying dere are NO problems in 2 parent families wid di kids eidah.. but yuh git dah jrift, no?

[kia027]

Re: Selfish oomens who decide to breed widdout a husban

I don't think it is selfish in some cases. What I think for a woman who decides to have a child on her own is that she has thought about it long & hard enough and has hopefully had counseling along with a support system which includes a father figure. For those who have done this and I do know some women who have the child is thriving and doing well.

Michael Jackson was a single parent, but he could afford the support system his children need to help them grow.

[ILP]

Re: Selfish oomens who decide to breed widdout a husban

i agree with kia.
the women i know that have gone on to have children without a hubby (and i know quite a few) were always older & financially established. These woman had a very tight-nit network of support of family and friends (both men and women) to emotionally support them and the child.
the women i know who've done this didnt go into parenthood with rose colored glasses and have usually thought long and hard and have even sought counseling before taking on the responsibility.

imo...these women are more responsible than the chicks that go out there and "get preggers by accident" and the child shows up... then its..."what now?" for them.

eta: the women i know have adopted and have done the artificial thingy.

[julie*mango]

Re: Selfish oomens who decide to breed widdout a husban

i think it is selfish....children still need a father...not just a father figure....

[Bizzy]

Re: Selfish oomens who decide to breed widdout a husban

BOAL readin the topic mi coodan swear say a blu start de thread

Anyways, I think it's selfish if de ooman is 45 and ova
if is younger person weh financially stable...an u have to be fi afford AI then mi nuh bizniz.

as u say..de ooman can married or swear dem inna relationship fi eva an things go wrong an u gonna have to deal with veing a single mother same as any other single mom

[ILP]

Re: Selfish oomens who decide to breed widdout a husban



skelly you bring up a point that i had the 1st time i had this experience with a friend of mine. i asked her if the child didnt need a father and not a father figure.

she asked me what the difference was between her a single woman choosing to have a baby (artificial thingy), the woman who hubby/SO left ahn nu have dealings wid di pickney and the woman whose hubby has died?

i could not answer her as i saw no difference. the common denominator was that no daddy was in either picture.


just thought i'd throw that out there.

[britisha]

Re: Selfish oomens who decide to breed widdout a husban

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Gone_Clear_ILP</div><div class="ubbcode-body">i agree with kia.
the women i know that have gone on to have children without a hubby (and i know quite a few) were always older &amp; financially established. These woman had a very tight-nit network of support of family and friends (both men and women) to emotionally support them and the child.
the women i know who've done this didnt go into parenthood with rose colored glasses and have usually thought long and hard and have even sought counseling before taking on the responsibility.

imo...these women are more responsible than the chicks that go out there and &quot;get preggers by accident&quot; and the child shows up... then its...&quot;what now?&quot; for them.

eta: the women i know have adopted and have done the artificial thingy. </div></div>

I do know of women that you describe here, some of them even have artificial insemination because they don't have a man.

Although you mention a &quot;support system&quot; let us be realistic, it cannot take the place of a father. Have you ever had a &quot;child&quot; come to you and tell you much pain they are in because they don't know their father? Tell you how they would at least like to know what he even &quot;looked like?&quot; Tell you of the nightmares they have where they see their father in their dreams, only to wake up and realise that it was only a dream?

Whether they are more responsible or not, compared to the women who got pregnant by accident, and have their children out of wedlock is not the issue. That is irrelevant.

The issue is do these women stop to think of the psychological pain that they are inflicting on their children by...how can I say this...DELIBERATELY bringing them into the world without a &quot;father.&quot; in the true sense of the word.

[julie*mango]

Re: Selfish oomens who decide to breed widdout a husban

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Gone_Clear_ILP</div><div class="ubbcode-body">

she asked me what the difference was between her a single woman choosing to have a baby (artificial thingy), the woman who hubby/SO left ahn nu have dealings wid di pickney and the woman whose hubby has died?
</div></div>

the difference is that the mother voluntarily CHOSE to have the child grow up fatherless....

[britisha]

Re: Selfish oomens who decide to breed widdout a husban

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: CaanTapBawlSkell</div><div class="ubbcode-body">i think it is selfish....children still need a father...not just a father figure.... </div></div>

Tenk yuh!!

Wha dis bizniz wid picknie a grow hup innah house, and no know whey the father deh, and di father noh dead.

If it was a case of the father being alive and can drop roun once every ten years, or call pon di phone even if he is not active in the child's life...but fi juss have picknie, tek dem home from maternity ward and no man in the picture...that is seriously devious and shows that those moddas have their own issues to deal with...psychological ones at that.

If that is not di case, then what is it?

[julie*mango]

Re: Selfish oomens who decide to breed widdout a husban

ILP you are a teacher so you must have seen some kids act out then when you get down to the nitty gritty it is usually because of the absence of a parent...

I cried one day when one of my students, a 4th grader, told me that he has not seen his mother since he was 1 yo and the mother signed him away so the father has sole custody. I wanted to hug him ..I think I went home crying as it struck a deep chord with me...


he has his aunt's and grandmother but still needs his mother...

why wouldn't it be the same for those children who grow up without a father? why would anyone voluntarily place their kids in such a situation...

when it comes to certain things I am a traditional person...

I believe that God made woman to provide a balance to man....


likewise in the family each parent plays a role in their child's life and without one (i am not saying this is true of all cases) but we become unbalanced.

i grew up in ja with my father in the states and yes he did support us but his absence was noted...simple things like learning to ride a bike or drive a car....i had a subsystem of father figures to teach me these things..not my father...and to this day i am effed up in the head...


did he abandon me totally? no...but he just wasn't there....

[britisha]

Re: Selfish oomens who decide to breed widdout a husban

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: BiziBubbla</div><div class="ubbcode-body">BOAL readin the topic mi coodan swear say a blu start de thread

Anyways, I think it's selfish if de ooman is 45 and ova
if is younger person weh financially stable...an u have to be fi afford AI then mi nuh bizniz.

as u say..de ooman can married or swear dem inna relationship fi eva an things go wrong an u gonna have to deal with being a single mother same as any other single mom </div></div>
Mi surprise yuh Bizi?

that is another part of the issue, some of them have 5 bachelors 6 masters and 4 Ph.d's, then now dem owl, britisha, and BAM !!

Dem having invitro and what nat, fi produce a LONELY child.

Sometimes dem even regret having the child, but too ashamed to admit it in the open...the children who are not stupid for some reason can figure hout wha is gwaaning, even if the &quot;mother&quot; says not even a word, and this can bring even more conflict between them...conflict that rivals that of those raised in single parent homes [where the other parent didn't die]


I have even heard children tell their parents that they do not know why they &quot;bothered&quot; to have them? Bad if it is coming from a child in a two parent home, how much more the opposite?

[britisha]

Re: Selfish oomens who decide to breed widdout a husban

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Kia</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I don't think it is selfish in some cases. What I think for a woman who decides to have a child on her own is that she has thought about it long &amp; hard enough and has hopefully had counseling along with a support system which includes a father figure. For those who have done this and I do know some women who have the child is thriving and doing well.

Michael Jackson was a single parent, but he could afford the support system his children need to help them grow. </div></div>

Kia, I ws trying to follow all that you are saying, until you mentioned Michael Jackson..

I sincerely hope that you are following what is going on with those children NOW...one that they are now saying might not be his.


I rest my case!!

[ILP]

Re: Selfish oomens who decide to breed widdout a husban

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: britisha</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
I do know of women that you describe here, some of them even have artificial insemination because they don't have a man.

Although you mention a &quot;support system&quot; let us be realistic, it cannot take the place of a father. Have you ever had a &quot;child&quot; come to you and tell you much pain they are in because they don't know their father? Tell you how they would at least like to know what he even &quot;looked like?&quot; Tell you of the nightmares they have where they see their father in their dreams, only to wake up and realise that it was only a dream?

Whether they are more responsible or not, compared to the women who got pregnant by accident, and have their children out of wedlock is not the issue. That is irrelevant.

The issue is do these women stop to think of the psychological pain that they are inflicting on their children by...how can I say this...DELIBERATELY bringing them into the world without a &quot;father.&quot; in the true sense of the word. </div></div>

britisha...you asked my opinion...i give it and now it is irrelevant? interesting.

anyhow...i do know children that struggle with their genesis. they struggle because daddy doesn’t not want me, he left. they struggle because daddy is in the house and doesn’t spend time with me. They stuggle because mom left dad and I never got a chance to know him and I wander what he’s like. They struggle because mom/dad give me away…do I act like them? They struggle because my mom told me daddy got shot in a hold up/in Iraq/died in 9-11 and I wonder what it would be like to have him yell at me for coming home late. Yes, I do know the pain these kids go through…I teach them and have been for over 18 years. Some are well adjusted and some are not. Each case has had it own conditions.

At the end of the day…human beings (kids included) just want to know that they are safe and that they are loved and supported. Do they struggle? Hell yeah…we all do.

Anyhow. Like I said <span style="font-weight: bold">to me</span>…the children with mothers that choose to have them “without daddies” are no different than the woman who are left to raise them due to circumstances. Daddy is still not in the picture.

Is just so mi seet.

ETA: i have one such likkle young adult living in my house now. she never ever knew her dad. and the mother she has...well.... i think this person is rather well adjusted. will she have issues? time will tell, time always does.

[ILP]

Re: Selfish oomens who decide to breed widdout a husban

skells mi hear you.
i also agree that god created a man to be a balance to a woman (like how mi switch up daht... )

having a man in the house goes way beyond cars and fixing bikes. a father teaches you how to relate to other men. period. i didnt understand that until i was an adult and left home and began having relationships for myself.

where you and i disagree is that i feel that is doesnt have to be a persons &quot;biological daddy/the woman's hubby&quot; that does this job. is it better? i think so. necessary/a must? no.

[britisha]

Re: Selfish oomens who decide to breed widdout a husban

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: CaanTapBawlSkell</div><div class="ubbcode-body">ILP you are a teacher so you must have seen some kids act out then when you get down to the nitty gritty it is usually because of the absence of a parent...

I cried one day when one of my students, a 4th grader, told me that he has not seen his mother since he was 1 yo and the mother signed him away so the father has sole custody. I wanted to hug him ..I think I went home crying as it struck a deep chord with me...


he has his aunt's and grandmother but still needs his mother...

why wouldn't it be the same for those children who grow up without a father? why would anyone voluntarily place their kids in such a situation...

when it comes to certain things I am a traditional person...

I believe that God made woman to provide a balance to man....


likewise in the family each parent plays a role in their child's life and without one (i am not saying this is true of all cases) but we become unbalanced.

i grew up in ja with my father in the states and yes he did support us but his absence was noted...simple things like learning to ride a bike or drive a car....i had a subsystem of father figures to teach me these things..not my father...and to this day i am effed up in the head...


did he abandon me totally? no...but he just wasn't there....

</div></div>

(((Skelley)))

What mi cannat handahstand, is why some of us feel that the child will think that it is okay that &quot;Daddy&quot; in this case, is not around. What is so super-human about this child that he/she won;'t have feelings [worse if it is a boy] and long for Daddy in their lives. What will be so unique about this child that when other children are talking about their fathers, he/she will say, &quot;it's okay that *I* don't have a father either at home or wherever.

The child will start having unhealthy guilt that it is their fault why they don't have a father, and something must be wrong with them.

Now, here it comes, this thing about having children &quot;without a father&quot; was started by rich Caucasian women whose biological clocks were running out. Society frowned upon it at first, but it seems that they &quot;gave in&quot; since as I said, no one can dictate how ppl live their lives and from some of the responses here, it seems to be accepted wholesale. That does not change the nature of things though..

With all the problems in society, I find it strange that [now] black women have patterned this behaviour, even surpassing the initiators, and believe it is okay. Wha mek? Don't they love these children, or do they just want them as a &quot;fashion statement?&quot;