Selfish oomens who decide to breed widdout a husban

[britisha]

Re: Selfish oomens who decide to breed widdout a husban

Sorry GoneClearILP...pardon me if my comment wasn't tactfully put.

<span style="font-weight: bold">britisha...you asked my opinion...i give it and now it is irrelevant? interesting.</span>

Whether they are more responsible or not, compared to the women who got pregnant by accident, and have their children out of wedlock is not the issue. That is irrelevant.


What I should have indicated is, that we are all taking the parental responsibility into account, that is a given, we see eye to eye on that. However, it goes beyond that.

Sorry for the lack of tact, and thanks for bringing it to my attention..

[britisha]

Re: Selfish oomens who decide to breed widdout a husban

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Gone_Clear_ILP</div><div class="ubbcode-body">

britisha...you asked my opinion...i give it and now it is irrelevant? interesting.

anyhow...i do know children that struggle with their genesis. they struggle because daddy doesn’t not want me, he left. they struggle because daddy is in the house and doesn’t spend time with me. They stuggle because mom left dad and I never got a chance to know him and I wander what he’s like. They struggle because mom/dad give me away…do I act like them? They struggle because my mom told me daddy got shot in a hold up/in Iraq/died in 9-11 and I wonder what it would be like to have him yell at me for coming home late. Yes, I do know the pain these kids go through…I teach them and have been for over 18 years. Some are well adjusted and some are not. Each case has had it own conditions.

At the end of the day…human beings (kids included) just want to know that they are safe and that they are loved and supported. Do they struggle? Hell yeah…we all do.

Anyhow. Like I said <span style="font-weight: bold">to me</span>…the children with mothers that choose to have them “without daddies” are no different than the woman who are left to raise them due to circumstances. Daddy is still not in the picture.

Is just so mi seet.

ETA: i have one such likkle young adult living in my house now. she never ever knew her dad. and the mother she has...well.... i think this person is rather well adjusted. will she have issues? time will tell, time always does. </div></div>

I think indirectly you are making my point ILP.

If, as you outlined so brilliantly it is difficult for the average child to deal with the absence of the father in the home, how much more difficult it can be for those who &quot;never had a father&quot; to begin with.

It is difficult for the mothers who have their kids under &quot;normal conditions&quot; to deal with their children's anxieties and pain that they witness them go through; so how do these mothers that I am talking about deal with it?


What do they say? How do they feel? Worse if the child is maladjusted? For surely, it has to come up.

[kia027]

Re: Selfish oomens who decide to breed widdout a husban

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">The issue is do these women stop to think of the psychological pain that they are inflicting on their children by...how can I say this...DELIBERATELY bringing them into the world without a &quot;father.&quot; in the true sense of the word.</div></div>

The same issues occur with single parent adopting and in the cases where the woman is left to be the single parent. How is it different?

[kia027]

Re: Selfish oomens who decide to breed widdout a husban

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: britisha</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Kia</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I don't think it is selfish in some cases. What I think for a woman who decides to have a child on her own is that she has thought about it long &amp; hard enough and has hopefully had counseling along with a support system which includes a father figure. For those who have done this and I do know some women who have the child is thriving and doing well.

Michael Jackson was a single parent, but he could afford the support system his children need to help them grow. </div></div>

Kia, I ws trying to follow all that you are saying, until you mentioned Michael Jackson..

I sincerely hope that you are following what is going on with those children NOW...one that they are now saying might not be his.


I rest my case!! </div></div>

He may not be his biologically but they are MJ's kids and I am sure he has the appropriate wills in place to ensure guardians for his children in the event of his death.

Every parent should have a legal document stating who the guardians of their children should be in case of the death of the parents.

[kia027]

Re: Selfish oomens who decide to breed widdout a husban

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
Anyhow. Like I said to me…the children with mothers that choose to have them “without daddies” are no different than the woman who are left to raise them due to circumstances. Daddy is still not in the picture.</div></div>

agreed!

[julie*mango]

Re: Selfish oomens who decide to breed widdout a husban

yes Kia but the basis of these women having kids sans father is to satisfy their own desires...

that in itself is a selfish act...

[ILP]

Re: Selfish oomens who decide to breed widdout a husban

now i am asking this one both to play devils advocate &amp; cah mi nuh have any motherly inclinations....

dont all humans that choose to reproduce do so to satisfy some kind of desire rooted in selfishness?

[julie*mango]

Re: Selfish oomens who decide to breed widdout a husban

not necessarily...

personally speaking i have always had the maternal drive for as long as I could remember...

I did not want to have babies just to have them.

my intentions were based purely on:

- providing a home for my child(ren) where they felt happy, safe and loved
- giving them everything that they could possibly want (without spoiling them)
- making them become productive members of society

that is hardwired in me and i believe MOST people who desire to become parents and in no way different from mothers who want to have children without a father.

However, how can one expect a child to be happy when their will always be a void in their lives, a void that was created at one's own doing and not just some happenstance?

[ILP]

Re: Selfish oomens who decide to breed widdout a husban

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: CaanTapBawlSkell</div><div class="ubbcode-body">not necessarily...

personally speaking i have always had the maternal drive for as long as I could remember...

I did not want to have babies just to have them.

my intentions were based purely on:

<span style="font-weight: bold">- providing a home for my child(ren) where they felt happy, safe and loved</span>
- giving them everything that they could possibly want (without spoiling them)
- making them become productive members of society

that is hardwired in me and <span style="font-weight: bold">i believe MOST people who desire to become parents and in no way different from mothers who want to have children without a father. </span>
However, how can one expect a child to be happy when their will always be a void in their lives, a void that was created at one's own doing and not just some happenstance? </div></div>

you have said prezackly what i have said in my earlier posts.
(((skells)))

[britisha]

Re: Selfish oomens who decide to breed widdout a husban

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Kia</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">The issue is do these women stop to think of the psychological pain that they are inflicting on their children by...how can I say this...DELIBERATELY bringing them into the world without a &quot;father.&quot; in the true sense of the word.</div></div>

The same issues occur with single parent adopting and in the cases where the woman is left to be the single parent. How is it different? </div></div>

You know KIA, because society puts it's stamp of approval on a very many things, that doesn't make it &quot;right.' Take the single parent &quot;adopting&quot; for example.

In many cases, for the child, it is like jumping out the frying pan and dropping in the fire; it is worse.


Many of these conditions are the outgrowth of the very system that is now back pedaling and approving these corrective measures, like finding a child a home even if these &quot;homes&quot; are really worse than where they are being removed from.. They are in a quandary and must resort to something to keep the society viable.

It is different in a very many ways, in answer to your question. First and foremost, the adopted mother is trying to improve the life of a child, while probably satisfying her need to be a &quot;mother&quot; different from the women who deliberately choose when to get pregnant by artificial means.

[britisha]

Re: Selfish oomens who decide to breed widdout a husban

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: CaanTapBawlSkell</div><div class="ubbcode-body">yes Kia but the basis of these women having kids sans father is to satisfy their own desires...

that in itself is a selfish act... </div></div>

So true.

[britisha]

Re: Selfish oomens who decide to breed widdout a husban

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Gone_Clear_ILP</div><div class="ubbcode-body">now i am asking this one both to play devils advocate &amp; cah mi nuh have any motherly inclinations....

dont all humans that choose to reproduce do so to satisfy some kind of desire rooted in selfishness?

</div></div>

To satisfy some sort of desire, yes, selfish ones, I don't think so.

However, as a good friend of mine said, we are all accidents of &quot;sex.&quot; Noone plans the &quot;exact moment&quot; when the egg will be fertilised...it is purely coincidental...different from the invitro situation.

Remember also, that some ladies receive the news of being pregnant with surprise and even fear/sadness vs joy and happiness...

[kia027]

Re: Selfish oomens who decide to breed widdout a husban

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: britisha</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: CaanTapBawlSkell</div><div class="ubbcode-body">yes Kia but the basis of these women having kids sans father is to satisfy their own desires...

that in itself is a selfish act... </div></div>

So true.


</div></div>

yes and when both parents have chosen to have children it too is a selfish act as well. Some just do it consciously moreso than others.

[britisha]

Re: Selfish oomens who decide to breed widdout a husban

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Kia</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: britisha</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: CaanTapBawlSkell</div><div class="ubbcode-body">yes Kia but the basis of these women having kids sans father is to satisfy their own desires...

that in itself is a selfish act... </div></div>

So true.


</div></div>

We have to agree to disagree on this one.

yes and when both parents have chosen to have children it too is a selfish act as well. Some just do it consciously moreso than others. </div></div>

[julie*mango]

Re: Selfish oomens who decide to breed widdout a husban

Who's Your Daddy?
My Father Was an Anonymous Sperm Donor

By Katrina Clark
Sunday, December 17, 2006; Page B01
I really wasn't expecting anything the day, earlier this year, when I sent an e-mail to a man whose name I had found on the Internet. I was looking for my father, and in some ways this man fit the bill. But I never thought I'd hit pay dirt on my first try. Then I got a reply -- with a picture attached.

From my computer screen, my own face seemed to stare back at me. And just like that, after 17 years, the missing piece of the puzzle snapped into place.

The puzzle of who I am.

I'm 18, and for most of my life, I haven't known half my origins. I didn't know where my nose or jaw came from, or my interest in foreign cultures. I obviously got my teeth and my penchant for corny jokes from my mother, along with my feminist perspective. But a whole other part of me was a mystery.

That part came from my father. The only thing was, I had never met him, never heard any stories about him, never seen a picture of him. I didn't know his name. My mother never talked about him -- because she didn't have a clue who he was.

When she was 32, my mother -- single, and <span style="font-weight: bold">worried that she might never marry and have a family</span> -- allowed a doctor wearing rubber gloves to inject a syringe of sperm from an unknown man into her uterus so that she could have a baby. I am the result: a donor-conceived child.

And for a while, I was pretty angry about it.

<span style="font-weight: bold">I was angry at the idea that where donor conception is concerned, everyone focuses on the &quot;parents&quot; -- the adults who can make choices about their own lives. The recipient gets sympathy for wanting to have a child. The donor gets a guarantee of anonymity and absolution from any responsibility for the offspring of his &quot;donation.&quot;</span> As long as these adults are happy, then donor conception is a success, right?

Not so. The children born of these transactions are people, too. Those of us in the first documented generation of donor babies -- conceived in the late 1980s and early '90s, when sperm banks became more common and donor insemination began to flourish -- are coming of age, and we have something to say.

<span style="font-weight: bold">I'm here to tell you that emotionally, many of us are not keeping up. We didn't ask to be born into this situation, with its limitations and confusion. It's hypocritical of parents and medical professionals to assume that biological roots won't matter </span>to the &quot;products&quot; of the cryobanks' service, when the longing for a biological relationship is what brings customers to the banks in the first place.

<span style="font-weight: bold">We offspring are recognizing the right that was stripped from us at birth -- the right to know who both our parents are.</span>

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/12/15/AR2006121501820.html

And we're ready to reclaim it.