What is there to say?

[LiteBlonde]

Pete (my brother) and Joan have been together for 8 years. Pete works for a company that has moved him 4 times in the last 6 years and Joan was there with him throughout even when friends and family were telling her not to move, move, move, move with him.

They finally moved to CT last year where they decided to settle so Pete changed jobs to accommodate so there wouldn't be anymore moving up and down.

Pete told me in Feb that him planning to propose to Joan over the summer cause Joan wants to get married and start a family. She is 33 him is 38. Him wanted to wait still but thought, hey, why not. It was time.

Joan got a "good" job in CT and Pete works in NY. They started looking for a house, venue for wedding all that stuff. Everything going great.

Then without warning, Pete up and moved out. At first no one understood what was going on cause he is not the type to cheat, or leave. Many times, Joan had pushed him to the edge but him is a patient and understanding old fashioned type of man who believes that the simple things should be addressed, so they always got back on track. I am not saying that because he is my brother, but him is a serious CATCH.

Don't get me wrong, Joan has been there for him big time too. Ms. Independent does not take any crap from him. Let's just say, they balance each other. They both radiate a positive aura. They are fun to be around, smart, generous and beautiful, so trust me when I say, we were shocked about Pete's abrupt departure.

[LiteBlonde]

Re: What is there to say?

OK, so it has been three weeks since Pete moved and neither he nor Joan are talking. We reach them by phone but both are saying the same crap. "it's a long story".

It has been three weeks going on four and it is not like them to be apart for this long, so things seem serious. I doubt those two have been apart for more than 24 hours since them met 8 years ago.

Well, since me have no shame, me called Pete last night and told him that if he does not tell me what is going on, me was going to start a rumor in the family that he will need to squash. Hey, whatever it takes.

Well me met with him for lunch today and holy makerel soup.

[applepie]

Re: What is there to say?

things always look one way when it is the opposite.

[missus_vegas]

Re: What is there to say?

[LiteBlonde]

Re: What is there to say?

Pete told me the long version, but here is the short version. Tell me what you all think.

Approximately 15 weeks ago, Joan told him that she was pregnant. They were filled with excitement. They were doing nothing but planning and preparing for the baby and had even thought about moving the wedding day up to accommodate. They planned to break the news to the family and were planning a Labor Day BBQ.

Joan had just received a promotion at work and was loving her job. She started to bring work home and Pete would try and help as they both work in the Financial Services industry.

Well on a July 31st, they were having a lazy Friday nite in. Joan seemed agitated but Pete thought it was the pregnancy plus the workload that was getting to her. She had been acting very strange lately and hardly wanted to discuss any plans.

Pete thought him would just cuddle up with her and rub her stomach but as soon as he got close enough to touch her, she jumped up, shouted at him not to touch her "there" meaning her stomach and was out and out hysterical. She scared him half to death by her actions and when she broke down crying and ran and locked herself in the bathroom. Pete was confused and didn't know what to do, so he called the doctor.

The doctor told him not to worry too much as she was only being emotional because of the "PROCEDURE". Pete said he didn't understand and the doctor told him to speak with her, try to be understanding and call him if they need to talk some more.

Pete was by this time totally confused. He decided to get her to come out of the bathroom and talk to him and even completely out of character)threatened to break the door down.

At that point, Pete started to cry and couldn't tell me any more so we decided to leave the restaurant, cause neither of us could eat, due to the situation.

Anyway, when he was able to continue, I could not believe what I heard.

Joan decided that her career was taking off and because of the way things were going at work, she decided to go to the doctor on July 28th and on that day she had an abortion.

[missus_vegas]

Re: What is there to say?

OMG that is so sad. lawd likkle most u have mi in tears.first i though maybe she lost the baby...but fi dash it weh omg! widdout tellin him first. even though i beleive its the woman's choice she should still tell him first.

[LiteBlonde]

Re: What is there to say?

Now Pete is my brother and to be honest, Joan has been like a sister to me. We have known her for years before she started to see my brother and she is solid. She is bright, beautiful and as I said earlier, independent. She is a strong woman from a strong, solid family.

But, I AM PIZZED. When I saw what she has done to my brother it makes me want to just slap her down. I can only imagine what she'd been going thru before she decided to do this but I CANNOT understand how a woman could do that, ESPECIALLY when they are not struggling financially AND they HAVE A MAN by them side. That is just selfish and wicked. Her career? Her career? What the hell? In this crisis when everyone is losing their jobs she is sacrificing her family? Could it have been that bad?

My brother has lost about 10 pounds in one month and now lives in Jersey just to get away. He said that he left the next day because he was afraid of what him was thinking of doing to her and he just kept saying "she killed my baby, she killed my baby".

Pete made me promise not to tell anyone else in the family and is wondering if he even needs to as he had not broken the news of the pregnancy to anyone.

I won't go against his wishes but so help me, I have left messages for Joan cause I NEED TO TALK TO HER. I need to have a heart to heart, sister to sister catch up. I NEED to know why she would do such a thing. I mean, it is not like she is 22 yrs old. I won't tell her that me speak to Pete already, but me insisting that she speak with me.

It is her life and all but me feel that when someone else is involved and you plan to share your life with someone, to do something like that unilaterally is WICKED, WICKED, WICKED.

[LiteBlonde]

Re: What is there to say?

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: missus_vegas</div><div class="ubbcode-body">OMG that is so sad. lawd likkle most u have mi in tears.first i though maybe she lost the baby...but fi dash it weh omg! widdout tellin him first. even though i beleive its the woman's choice she should still tell him first.

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missus_vegas, me had to break this down in chapters, because me can't even see the screen to type. I have been in tears since he told me. Me couldn't even be strong for him when I saw how mashed up he looked. He has not been to work, hasn't been talking to anyone and is totally depressed. EIGHT YEARS!!! That is how long they've been happy together, and now this. It is not easy to just forget and move on. I don't know.

All me could tell him was that he had to go on, be strong and concentrate on the good times. Me didn't know what else to say. We love Joan. She is like family and her absence will be very obvious. I don't know what Pete plans to say because the questions will not stop coming. I told him that him can't hide forever, because we are a big family and apart from the fact that we were all planning to be in Connecticut for their BBQ, the situation is not pretty.

[kia027]

Re: What is there to say?

wow!!!
What I am thinking is joan probably felt overwhelmed given her job was taking off, plus was probably facing a lot of insecurities on being a mother (as it was not planned) and felt the time was not right. She may have had a roundabout discussion with Pete and he may have said, no , not right now and she may have taken it as her implicit decision as to ok.. time to terminate the pregnancy...


Are they at least talking to each other?

Do I think you should talk to Joan? Yes cause she is like family and as long as only is you, Joan and Pete it prolly can be worked through.. They have a lot of history together and this is definitely one of their testing period.


btw mi seh whe mi seh fi joan above cause I had a friend who was married who terminated a pregnancy after what the husband thought was a casual conversation, plus they had planned to be child free. Well 10 years later another oops happened and she decided to have a child at 45. And yes they are still married to each other.

[LiteBlonde]

Re: What is there to say?

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Kia</div><div class="ubbcode-body">wow!!!
What I am thinking is joan probably felt overwhelmed given her job was taking off, plus was probably facing a lot of insecurities on being a mother (as it was not planned) and felt the time was not right. She may have had a roundabout discussion with Pete and he may have said, no , not right now and she may have taken it as her implicit decision as to ok.. time to terminate the pregnancy... Are they at least talking to each other?
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I agree Kia, that she might have felt overwhelmed etc. Pete said that she had not mentioned anything about not wanting to have the baby which is why he thinks there might be something more to it. He thought she was happy and excited like he was and is accusing her of hiding her true feelings. Him even wondering if she'd been cheating and it might not have been his. OMG! I told him that his is just talking crazy. Him said that since he left, they have spoken a few times &quot;just to check that they are both ok&quot; for whatever that is worth.

They must both be going thru hell.

[SandiF]

Re: What is there to say?

Talk to Joan... sounds like you guys are very close. Don't alienate her and nuh badda put her through the wringer when you meet with her. Listen to her version and don't be judgmental... she don't need that in such a delicate situation. If your brother said don't tell the other family members... honour his wishes. Btw when you get with Joan, don't start off right away that your brother told you... she may get defensive.

[applepie]

Re: What is there to say?

I was not expecting what you wrote.......but I agree with what SandiF says.

[julie*mango]

Re: What is there to say?

She is overwhelmed. Obviously what she did is not sitting right with her, but it's done. No need for blame and accusations. Talk to her. And encourage her to talk to your brother. I doubt they will be able to get over this hurdle.

[FrenchTickla]

Re: What is there to say?

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: DotCom</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> Him even wondering if she'd been cheating and <span style="font-weight: bold">it might not have been his</span>. OMG!
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dat is what crossed my mind sadly

i wondered if she was trying to give him jacket den change har mind. but pawt a mi doubt dis caw it may have been easier fi she just seh she miscarried (altho mi nuh condone any a dis either way)

it sad sah. mi a go tek a drink. mi nuh know dem but some how dah one yah a depress mi.

[missus_vegas]

Re: What is there to say?

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: FrenchTickla</div><div class="ubbcode-body">

it sad sah. mi a go tek a drink. mi nuh know dem but some how dah one yah a depress mi.
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