What is there to say?

[Shine_Eye_Girl]

Re: What is there to say?

WOW!!! What a selfish woman.

I was thinking maybe she lost the baby or something, but to have an abortion? She didn't think this was something to discuss with with her future hubby?

This is a tough situation.....

[LiteBlonde]

Re: What is there to say?

FrenchTickla, you see? That is what I'm talking about.

Shine_Eye_Girl, tough situation indeed.

[LiteBlonde]

Re: What is there to say?

So me called her like a hundred times yesterday and she did not return even one of my calls. Me couldn't just brush it off and go to business as usual cause me belly was falling out with grief.

Me called a friend (cause me didn't want to get Mr. Com involved in this - me not telling him anything as I promised Pete) who is a cop in CT. Me told him that me trying to reach Joan and filled him in (without details) and that me worried me need him to accompany me to the house. Him said that him would need to do it when him get off-duty as it was intend to be a friendly visit and not an official call, so me had to wait until after 7pm.

Me drive up there and met him at the Stamford Mall. We had a quick catch up and both agreed that later might be better abd subsequently head to her spot.

Thank God the lights were on when we got there. I called her once again and she again did not pick up the phone, even though me see her walk across the room.

Anyway, we were there already so me decide to go in. I asked Constable Hombre if he would mind waiting outside and him was like, please, do your thing and holler if you need me. LOL!

[kia027]

Re: What is there to say?

and did she open the door?

[Nylah]

Re: What is there to say?



oh boy, this make me feel like FrenchTickla as well

[LiteBlonde]

Re: What is there to say?

Me go up to the door and rang the bell. Me hear footsteps then nothing.

Me ring again, then me started knocking. Her closest neighbor isn't that close to be disturbed so me kept knocking, then banging then calling her name. Me said, <span style="font-style: italic">Joan, I am very concerned about you and me just want to know that you alright. We love you and support you no matter what. </span>

Slowly the door opened.

Me went inside and hugged her and hugged her and we both started bawling and bawling. I felt that she needed to get it out and this was as good a time as any. Me told her that me friend was out in the car and she told me to invite him in. Me asked if she was sure, because we needed to talk and she said, yes, invite him in let him watch TV and we can go upstairs. She looked a mess, but didn't seem to care. I told you she was a decent egg. .

Me did not tell her that me spoke to bro. Me told her that whatever she told me would be in confidence, LOL, (as I broadcast her biz on the web) and that she will always have a friend in me regardless. I asked her to start from the beginning and tell me what the heck was going on. What happened between them? Why were they in this ugly, evil place?

In a nutshell...

Joan said that for the last 3 months she'd been feeling very exhausted and scared. The pregnancy, work, life change etc. was wearing her down and she started to question whether she was &quot;good enough&quot;. Good enough to be a wife and mother and whether she even deserved Pete.

I was shocked to say the least but me didn't say anything to interrupt. She told me about how much she wanted to have the life they planned but somewhere in the back of her mind there is doubt that it will work out. She thinks that they lasted this long and got along so well because their lives were filled with exciting trips, new discoveries and random activities. Now that things have been stabilized, she is scared that their relationship might NOT last. She said that Pete has not given her any reason to feel this way, its just the way she feels.

She decided to &quot;terminate&quot; (yes, that was the word she used) because she felt it was too early in the &quot;stable&quot; part of their relationship to have a child, and is afraid that Pete might leave her to be a single parent. She thinks that they need more time to be together without the traveling etc. before starting a family. Me asked her why she was having unprotected sex if that was how she felt, and she claimed that because of the stress at work, she had been forgetting to take the pill. I said EIGHT YEARS JOAN, you think that isn't enough time to feel comfortable in a relationship? She started crying again.

Me asked her why she didn't discuss this with Pete, and she said she just couldn't because she &quot;knew what he would say&quot;. I said really? What do you think he would say? She said &quot; that he loves me and would do anything for me and there is no way she should worry about not being together&quot;.

I swear, I think it is my faith in Jehovah God, that kept me from smacking some sense into that woman's head. Instead I reached out and hugged her tightly, just to keep my hands busy. I then asked her &quot;Didn't you want assurance that everything would be ok? If that is what he would say, wouldn't that be enough to make you feel better?&quot;

She only looked at me as if I was transparent. I just couldn't understand what the hell she was talking about. What is the matter with some people?

I asked her the big question, and she was flabergasted. She said that she has never cheated on Pete and have never felt for anyone else. She loves him but cannot explain her actions apart from the fact that she got scared.

It seemed like such an easy option for her that I was compelled to ask her if this was her first abortion. She said no. I asked her if Pete knew that and she said no. I asked her if any others was for Pete and she said yes. She said that she was not planning on telling Pete about this one but she was not handling it well psychologically and the doctor had already mentioned it to him. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

She talked about her life, Pete and all types of stuff and all I could think was, damn, some people surely are messed up. I don't know what else to say about that. I told her that she needed to have closure on a lot of things before she moved forward in any relationship, whether it be with Pete or not.

She doesn't think Pete will ever forgive her and neither do I.

[Nylah]

Re: What is there to say?


so she has had others during her relationship with Pete???

bwoy, that part alone would trip me up bad bad bad.

her answers dont make sense as to why she is afraid to discuss the pregencies with Pete.....I still feel something else is underneath it all.

it is obvious the guilt of her past secrets between her an Pete are catching up to her. But I still cant understand her &quot;whys&quot;....

[LiteBlonde]

Re: What is there to say?

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Nylah</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
so she has had others during her relationship with Pete???

bwoy, that part alone would trip me up bad bad bad.

her answers dont make sense as to why she is afraid to discuss the pregencies with Pete.....I still feel something else is underneath it all.

it is obvious the guilt of her past secrets between her an Pete are catching up to her. But I still cant understand her &quot;whys&quot;.... </div></div>

Nylah, welcome back. I hope you had a great time and ready and willing to share at least one or two of YOUR washboard belly rentas.

Girl, you and me both. Me no understand either. I am so heartbroken for my brother I could just scream. It is an awful, weird and crazy situation and I have no idea how to move forward with this.

I told her that they need to cancel the BBQ in CT and tell people that it will be moved to my place here in Queens, that way they won't have to attend and the questions won't be on everyone's mind. Me will tell everyone whatever they want me to tell them.

I feel really sorry for her and for my brother. Eight freaking years and this is what he got out of it.

[kia027]

Re: What is there to say?

she has had others and he was not aware of it?

You did good by moving the BBQ to Queens. I hope you encouraged her to have her tell what she told you to Pete. In no way do you tell him what she said because that is something that really needs to come from her.

To support her however, I would suggest that she get counseling stat because if she does not think herself worthy to be loved she has a lot to work on and I dont think Pete will be able to trust her so the relationship may be over and she will need someone to help her love herself first as she gets back on her feet.

[missus_vegas]

Re: What is there to say?

i have never been in her situation but i can understand.

i am the type of person that if i had an unplanned pregnancy i would fall apart as well. the fear of being a single parent and all a dat stuff i can totally understand. and that doesnt mean she is insecure about the relationship either...she just not ready and she has to be ready.its a psychological ting.

life sucks.

the sad thing though is dat at her age, if she does decide seh yes now mi ready...she may not be able to and dats wen she gwine really fall apart

[Nylah]

Re: What is there to say?

thanks Darlin'

My trip was great...details later

if Joan was alot younger I could wrap my head around her decision alot easier..... but to be in a stable relationship were the man is committed to me...well I would be scared too to be pregnant and really unsure about how life is gonna go...but I wouldnt hide a decision like that from him.

As much as I would be torn up about being unmarried and pregnant (yes I said it) I know that even if an abortion is what I wanted, the guilt of keeping a secret like that would eat me alive even more so. I cant sit on things like that and still function, so I am suprised Joan lasted this long.

I feel that if Pete doesnt forgive her it will be moreso that she hid this an others from him that the actual act itself.

Well, I dont know Pete and I am using myself as a guide.....but I could move past the abortion at some point but not the done in secret part. I would feel I was living a lie.
Fall apart or not fall apart, making a decision like that solo would destroy any relationship.

Remember that it is only b/c the doctor gave up some info that Pete even knows a thing.......

[twiney]

Re: What is there to say?

Now she make mi

While I totally understand that a woman can chose what she allows to happen in her body in this case whether she keeps the baby or not, you dont do that, worst after you make the man know you breeding ... and not even discuss it with him. And then this isnt the first time. If you no want baby no have sex if you no use your bc the way you should ... the morning after pill does exist (even if mi no approve of its use in every situation) gees man... That's one heartless woman (and yes she have issues she need to go talk to somebody about) look how many women would love to have a baby and cant get pregnant didnt she think for a minute the guy would care that she aborted his baby without talking to him? It's a part of him too doesnt he get to be a part of the choice? aye sah

[ILP]

Re: What is there to say?

Wow. I read this and had to go lie down. I was overwhelmed by all of it. I can see Pete’s point and I feel the turmoil that she is going through at the same time.

Like Vegas said being pregnant is as much a psychological thing as it is a physical, financial and emotional thing. A woman has to be ready on all sides. I can totally empathize with her uncertainty, even though she has the love and support of a good man. Sometimes, unfortunately, it isn’t enough. I grapple with my own situation every day. I am sometimes paralyzed by some of the thoughts that go through my head. We all know women that have brought children into the world and you have to wonder about the day we all have to reconcile the way we have lived with what we have been given because it is clear that they had the child even though it is evident that they were not ready.

I find it telling that she didn’t discuss her decision with Pete, but fear and uncertainty make people do some strange and irrational things. He had a right to know. I also find it telling that she has done it before. I am not sure how she has been able to function. I know that I could not. The fact that she felt she couldn’t discuss what she was feeling with Pete is “interesting”, but again that fear thingy.

I commend you Dotcom for not giving into your impulses to slap her silly. I must admit that if I was in the same situation, I might have given in to those impulses. I would respect your brothers wishes. They both have a lot of work to do with each other and with themselves as individuals if they want to get past this. I am firm believer that love DOES conquer all. Even if Life determines that they will no longer be together, something tells me that they will continue to love each other. To me…that is the best gift of all.

(((Dotcom, Pete &amp; His Love)))

[julie*mango]

Re: What is there to say?

wow...I am in a rare condition of speechlessness...

[Gen]

Re: What is there to say?

i was feeling a little sorry for her up to the point where I read that she had other terminations without telling him.

mi lose offa har big time

hope your brother can find someone who will love and <span style="font-weight: bold">respect</span> him enough to ask for his opinion even if it means she gwine do the totally opposite, at least ask/discuss first.

why she couldn't did talk to him bout it, him a nuh smaddy too. kissteet.

what good is a relationship built on deceit and lies.