Tactful People Rope In

[ILP]

Re: Tactful People Rope In

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Mrs_Ahmidis</div><div class="ubbcode-body">In thinking about this situation the other day, I do believe that your kind friend has been 'commissioned' to look out for you in direct proportion to the care you have given Babygirl A.

You have given a lot to Babygirl A and it's your turn now to get some more nurturing back...not necessarily from her but as it has worked out, from someone right around the corner...

</div></div>

it isnt the same.
babygirlA has been &quot;abandoned&quot; by her mother.
i provide what BabygirlA <span style="font-size: 20pt">ASKS</span> mi for.
i am not lacking in nurturing.
this person has self esteem issues..her gifting is something she does to make herself feel good about her self worth.

[ILP]

Re: Tactful People Rope In

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Dear K</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
Great idea!

I think its very thoughtful of her to bring a spread for your nephews- that was a sweet gesture, but if you say it went overboard, then... ILP do you give her things too? </div></div>

i pay for a lunch or dinner when she doesnt throw a tantrum at restaurants.

[Marielle]

Re: Tactful People Rope In

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: ILP_N_Belly</div><div class="ubbcode-body">when she doesnt throw a tantrum at restaurants. </div></div>



Hmm, she sounds manipulative to me, crying when you have refused her present?? Making <span style="font-style: italic">you</span> feel bad/guilty....

That, and throwing tantrums in restaurants -note the plural - would make me very uncomfortable.

maybe you can &quot;gift&quot; her with the name of a good therapist....

&quot;Why do I feel I have to &quot;buy&quot; people's friendships. (And throw tantrums in restaurants?)&quot;.......

You could sit down and have a heart-to-heart with her and tell her that some people are using HER for getting presents. That could give her a wake-up call.

Good luck! Sometimes friendships can be mine-fields.....

[evanovitch]

Re: Tactful People Rope In

<span style="font-weight: bold">from dis </span> <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> So mi have dis friend. She is di sweetest person you will eva meet inna you life. Will go out of har way fi do anyting fi you and when mi seh anyting mi mean anyting.
</div></div>

<span style="font-weight: bold">to dis in juss 3 pages... </span>

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">this person has self esteem issues..her gifting is something she does to make herself feel good about her self worth. </div></div>

[SandiF]

Re: Tactful People Rope In

I wondered about that too and decided maybe it's my interpretation, but really, how does someone who loves and enjoy giving has self esteem issues if gift giving makes her feel good?

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: evanovitch</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> <span style="font-weight: bold">from dis </span> <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> So mi have dis friend. She is di sweetest person you will eva meet inna you life. Will go out of har way fi do anyting fi you and when mi seh anyting mi mean anyting.
</div></div>

<span style="font-weight: bold">to dis in juss 3 pages... </span>

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">this person has self esteem issues..her gifting is something she does to make herself feel good about her self worth. </div></div> </div></div>

[Yvonne N.]

Re: Tactful People Rope In

When I lived in New York, I did my fair share of shopping. Bought all kinds of things...shopping seemed to have been the pastime in between examinations...especially craft things...making this and making that...attending craft fairs, antique stores, garage and yard sales,...whatever...shopping.

When it was time for us to return home, we had to give away sooooooo much &quot;stuff&quot;. It would have been too much for shipping and for our use.

Ever since that, nearly some thirty plus years, I have tuned down my shopping and I have become somewhat unattached to 'having things'...but I 'll give to any worthy cause, be it to a person or an institution.

I give of my time, talents and <span style="font-style: italic">treasure</span> willingly ...and I am happy doing just that. PTL!

[ILP]

Re: Tactful People Rope In

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: SandiF</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I wondered about that too and decided maybe it's my interpretation, but really, how does someone who loves and enjoy giving has self esteem issues if gift giving makes her feel good?

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: evanovitch</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> <span style="font-weight: bold">from dis </span> <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> So mi have dis friend. She is di sweetest person you will eva meet inna you life. Will go out of har way fi do anyting fi you and when mi seh anyting mi mean anyting.
</div></div>

<span style="font-weight: bold">to dis in juss 3 pages... </span>

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">this person has self esteem issues..her gifting is something she does to make herself feel good about her self worth. </div></div> </div></div> </div></div>

so what do you call it when people are not comfortable in their own skin? i call it self-esteem. it may be called something else, so correct me if you know what the correct termination is...

btw: i stated on page 2 that i felt she had issues with herself... so i've just repeated what i have said.

[ILP]

Re: Tactful People Rope In

now mi hear all of what oonu are saying about the kindness that some people possess. i get that people give. i understand that they do so freely. question for you gifters: when you gift are your gifts given, even at making the recipients uncomfortable?

that wasnt a sacarstic question...i am really wondering.

it would seem to me that if i gifted and i could tell on the receivers face that they were uncomfortable with it or they asks me not to do it...i'd stop gifting to that person...

but that is just me...

[dearjohn]

Re: Tactful People Rope In

I sense that your dear friend truly considers herself like family (not having any of her own), and as such, as family members do, don't think twice about going all out for the ones they love and care about. She probably was brought up in a very loving family, and miss that togetherness, consequently, she sees your family as an extension of herself. She see you more as a sister, more so than a friend. Cherish her love and kindness, and be as gentle as you can, because friends like that are few and far between these days. Besides, it makes her happy to feel needed.

A lot of so-called-friends these day are more takers than they are givers, both emotionally or physically. Both you and your hubby, should just be patient with her, and each time quietly tell her with a smile, &quot;(insert her name here)&quot; this is more than we were expecting, and you need to cut back a bit, but thanks you very much. You can then give the excess to a church, group, or other deserving persons. Just keep doing that, maybe one day it will click in. Until then be very patient. Also, some people are very sensitive, and that does not necessarily mean that they are psycho. Everyone is not wired the same way.

Life is too short to worry about such small stuff. Ask yourself. If she should die tomorrow, how you and the family would feel about the loss (her)? In this case, you guys need to look at the bigger picture.