Should I move out...now

[Wendy]

Re: Should I move out...now

I understand your point ..you are worried about complacency if she stays. Yeah that could happen - agreed. But I do contend that she does not necessarily have to be “alone” in order to have conviction, creativity etc.

[Nylah]

Re: Should I move out...now

lawd this is a tough one

I am leaning towards what DotCom and ILP have stated...sometimes we have to get to the point where we are completely fed up and step out on faith that what we need will be there.

I watch one friend go thru this this year, and trust me I did fret on her behalf whether she would have a roof over her head and food on the table cause at a few points, it looked like that wasnt gonna happen....but she was creative and did what she could and it all came together in the end. I mean after she walked away from her marraige, she had no work, no money, no car, no nuttin...and at first look no possible way of providing. I know I wouldnt have had the nerve to do what she did...no way. but I have mad respect for her now because she decided enough is a enough and trusted that she would find a way to work it out. She did.

There are lots of govt programs, local and federal that can help in this siutaiton. But you need to be prepared to do the work to source out those options.

Staying in an emotionally abusive realtionship with kids that are learning from it, well....I dont know if money is ever worth that. Sometimes their is no price on dignity and peace of mind. My friend taught me that after witnessing her hardship after she left.

No matter how hard she struggled she was always at peace with her decision to leave everything behind and get away from the hell in her marriage. But I am not in your shoes an nor do I know all of the details you are up against.

I do feel for you though And hope whatever decison you make it is the best one for both you and your children.

[LiteBlonde]

Re: Should I move out...now

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Wendilina</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I understand your point ..you are worried about complacency if she stays. Yeah that could happen - agreed. But <span style="font-weight: bold">I do contend that she does not necessarily have to be “alone” in order to have conviction, creativity etc. </span>

</div></div>

Totally agree. I just saw &quot;moving away&quot; as an opportunity to &quot;break&quot; from the chains/distraction etc. that tend to stifle expressions, creativity etc. in hostile environments.

It does not work for everyone, but it can be compared to quitting or losing a job. Many people are at their most creative when under intense pressure to perform.

[sistactry]

Re: Should I move out...now

wow, this truly is tuff, and i pray for your well being and the kids, take heart and know that it will come together in the end~

you are a strong woman and u know what u must do,

i thank God that it hasnt reached physical, and I beg u to do your part to maintain this, so plss try your best to hold your tongue, be classy and be sweet, let your kids respect you, and they will, dont argue back with him~

your answer will come, pray about it!

[Nunya]

Re: Should I move out...now

If she stays now, waiting to 'secure' a job, it could turn into ten, fifteen years of waiting for this security... In the meantime, the children will grow away from her, even though she stayed for them and they will become just like daddy... that is, if daddy decides to stay...


Best to move at the right time and the right time is now.

[Dr.Dudd]

Re: Should I move out...now

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: symmone</div><div class="ubbcode-body">After years of living with my kids father and enduring bad treatment (cheating, speak bad about me to the kids...they adore him) I finally decided to move out with our 2 kids (ages 2 and 5). I started the apartment application process and everything but found out recently that I might be laid off from work...possibly before year end. Right now the kids father and I share the living expenese 50/50. He works cash so child support form the courts may not be much. Our relationship is real bad so I know he will not give me much (if anything) if I dealt with support outside of court. I want to get the kids in a more stable enviornment but with the job market the way it is my savings will be our only means of income (outside of unemployment). I also have to consider the cost of medical insurance. I dont know if I shoud risk it and move OR stay put until I get another job then move (risk: unstable enviornment for kids/he may move out one me. Any advice?? </div></div>It is never the ideal time to do anything of great value.
It always involve risks and sacrifice. You may think are lucky or unlucky,with the you have a hint of the possible risks. But there are far more adverse possibilities that could be involved, of which you are not aware,by not making the right decisions.

whatever you do.
good luck.
and walk good.

[LusciousJohnson]

Re: Should I move out...now

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: _____</div><div class="ubbcode-body">@ DotCom..where is she going to go with no job/money/help???? Uproot the children and live in a shelter????

As long as there is no physical abuse I think she should get all her ducks in a row FIRST then move out..

ETA: As Wendy said...only you know your situation so do what you feel is best for you AND your kids </div></div>

i agree Skells. if the man starts physical abuse symmone then i say RUN to the shelter as quick as u can. until then try to get your things together as quickly as u can so u can be self sufficient and mostly HAPPY!

good luck

[Gen]

Re: Should I move out...now

anybody here ever been in a shelter ? it's not exactly where you want to bring children or yourself for that matter.

never been in one but was naive as to what exactly happens in a shelter until I viewed them on tv.

it's winter, the OP has not stated where she is geographically, or if she has relatives nearby or even in another state.

unless the man is being physically abusive and lives are in danger, I say get yourself together before yuh guh hitch up under bridge wid 2 toddlers.

sounds like the kids are in daycare so take the time to continue job hunting etc. and make sure you have a separate bank account where you can put some money together.

[diabolical_Tanya]

Re: Should I move out...now

gen dem noh have womens shelter in the usa?

I know here the YWCA has shelters for women and children escaping abuse and they are NOTHING like the drop in shelters with the druggies and what not like you see on TV.

[LusciousJohnson]

Re: Should I move out...now

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Gen</div><div class="ubbcode-body">anybody here ever been in a shelter ? it's not exactly where you want to bring children or yourself for that matter.

never been in one but was naive as to what exactly happens in a shelter until I viewed them on tv.

it's winter, the OP has not stated where she is geographically, or if she has relatives nearby or even in another state.

</div></div>

i havent actually LIVED in a shelter but i have visited a friend and her 3 daughters that lived in one. and it was nothing like i imagined. it was shockingly nice because i pictured it to be probably similar to what u saw on TV.
I guess it depends on the city/location as to how the shelters are.

[MarieK]

Re: Should I move out...now

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: symmone</div><div class="ubbcode-body">After years of living with my kids father and enduring bad treatment (cheating, speak bad about me to the kids...they adore him) I finally decided to move out with our 2 kids (ages 2 and 5). I started the apartment application process and everything but found out recently that I might be laid off from work...possibly before year end. Right now the kids father and I share the living expenese 50/50. He works cash so child support form the courts may not be much. Our relationship is real bad so I know he will not give me much (if anything) if I dealt with support outside of court. I want to get the kids in a more stable enviornment but with the job market the way it is my savings will be our only means of income (outside of unemployment). I also have to consider the cost of medical insurance. I dont know if I shoud risk it and move OR stay put until I get another job then move (risk: unstable enviornment for kids/he may move out one me. Any advice?? </div></div>

there should be nothing no kids no job nutt'n weh force u fi stay in an unhappy situation what u lose is far greater than what u gain

[LusciousJohnson]

Re: Should I move out...now

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Diabolical_Tanya</div><div class="ubbcode-body">gen dem noh have womens shelter in the usa?

I know here the YWCA has shelters for women and children escaping abuse and they are NOTHING like the drop in shelters with the druggies and what not like you see on TV.

</div></div>

same here

[Gen]

Re: Should I move out...now

i know there are those for abused women, and those are safe, however, I don't know what the process is for getting into one, ie do you have to be referred by social services and/or police etc. I find it hard to believe that the &quot;safe&quot; ones are that easy to get into considering the number of homeless and displaced out there.

don't know about the drop in ones other than a bare stabbing and tings gwaan over there

I suppose when she starts the process she will find out what's needed etc.

dont know nothing bout them but good luck to her.

[LusciousJohnson]

Re: Should I move out...now

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Gen</div><div class="ubbcode-body">i know there are those for abused women, and those are safe, however, <span style="font-weight: bold">I don't know what the process is for getting into one, ie do you have to be referred by social services and/or police etc. I find it hard to believe that the &quot;safe&quot; ones are that easy to get into considering the number of homeless and displaced out there</span>.

don't know about the drop in ones other than a bare stabbing and tings gwaan over there

I suppose when she starts the process she will find out what's needed etc.

dont know nothing bout them but good luck to her. </div></div>

now that i dont know either and wonder about because i dont think u can just show up and they will let u in but again i'm not sure. for my friend that was there, she did have a police report and the abuse was obvious meaning she had a black eye and bruises and stuff so i couldnt see anyone turning her and her lil girls away but i dont know that she had to show them the police report and all that in order to stay there

and the drop in ones are the worse! i dont know how many times i've read in the paper of ppl getting robbed and killed around those drop in ones

[Bandana]

Re: Should I move out...now

I agree with DotCom.

Please, if you have found the strength to voice your desire to leave, feed that strength!
Do not let fear hold you back. There are resources out there for you!

If you can at least tell us a state where you live maybe we can help point you toward local resources.


I googled and found this:

CARY, N.C. — Friends of a slain Cary mother have created &quot;Nancy's Butterfly Fund,&quot; which will provide financial assistance to women and their children leaving abusive relationships.

The fund is named in honor of Nancy Cooper, whose husband, Brad Cooper, is charged with first-degree murder in her July 12, 2008, death.
<span style="font-weight: bold">
&quot;Domestic violence is not always a broken arm or a black eye,&quot; Interact's executive director, Adam Hartzell, said. <span style="text-decoration: underline">&quot;She felt trapped, and so what we're trying to do with the Butterfly Fund is to make sure no one else feels like they're trapped in a situation.&quot;</span>

The fund will provide financial assistance for individuals and families participating in Interact’s programs and services. Specifically, the fund may help with apartment and utility deposits, childcare, education, food, transportation and other basic financial needs and services.</span>


full article here


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