Stay Home Honey - I got this!

[Wendy]

How many of you would like to hear Hubby say – “<span style="font-style: italic">stay home and I will take care of you and the kids - I got this</span>”. Someone I know complains about working her 9 to 5 and wishes she could find someone that earns enough for her to stay home and not have to work – AT ALL. <span style="font-style: italic">Sometimes I think she is joking though ..</span>

Now I know a lot of women are living this situation today (remember a good % of the 9/11 wives lived that life ) and there are many reasons why couples makes these decisions (good or bad)… but I can’t help thinking how much this is a huge risk in today’s society. I would be one person who would question my self worth since I am totally dependent on another person for sustainability. Then I am not sure I would want to be in a situation where I am not even contributing to my own future well being (retirement plans, financial portfolios etc)?

My girlfriend and I had this honest discussion ...Is being a “kept” wife all that is cracked out to be? If given an opportunity would you go for that weighing the pros and cons?

<span style="font-style: italic">I’ll share a story later </span>

[diabolical_Tanya]

Re: Stay Home Honey - I got this!

One part of me thinks YES!!!!! I would love to be a kept wife

However the reality of it is I am far too independent to stay at home depending on hubby. I need to feel like I am contributing my fair share. Now, being a SAHM that's a different story.....

[kia027]

Re: Stay Home Honey - I got this!

Are children in this scenario or not?

If there are no children/elderly parents in the picture then I would not be comfortable being a wife at home.

But if there are children/elderly parents who need the attention of one of the spouses the rationale for one to stay home makes much more sense.

[diabolical_Tanya]

Re: Stay Home Honey - I got this!

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Kia</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Are children in this scenario or not?

If there are no children/elderly parents in the picture then I would not be comfortable being a wife at home.

But if there are children/elderly parents who need the attention of one of the spouses the rationale for one to stay home makes much more sense. </div></div>

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">enough for her to stay home and not have to work – AT ALL. </div></div> To me that means have housekeeper AND Nanny

[Wendy]

Re: Stay Home Honey - I got this!


Ok the question is are there any kids involved.. since the convo was between me and this girlfriend – she has no kids ..just dreams of being a “kept” wife.

Let's say there are kids, personally I could only do that TEMPRORARILY ..say until the kids reach X years. I still don’t think I would want to be totally dependent on anybody for eternity.

Michael Jordon’s wife comes to mind. Her husband was making millions and she decided she was still going to have her own business and make her own millions. I am with her

[Suesumba]

Re: Stay Home Honey - I got this!

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Kia</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
But if there are children/elderly parents who need the attention of one of the spouses the rationale for one to stay home makes much more sense. </div></div>

back in the day this was the norm. the kids weren't shipped off to daycare and granny to the mortuary (nursing home) because mr. and mrs. jones didn't need two income to consume all the material goods they need to satisfy their empty hearts.

society has moved away from the SAHwife/mother because they need the consistent consumption of materials and goods to keep the fake economy going.

now to answer the question. if i could i would, but i'd want a guarantee that if the marriage dissolved i/children would be maintained in the way we have become accostomed to.

in this day and age a man would have to be making at least six figures to single handedly support a household, things are just THAT expensive.

or the standard of living for the couple would have to be reduced. i.e. no car, no vacations, dented cans of beans, etc.

soh wendy, come tell wih hummuch di man mek

[kia027]

Re: Stay Home Honey - I got this!

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Wendilina</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
Michael Jordon’s wife comes to mind. Her husband was making millions and she decided she was still going to have her own business and make her own millions. I am with her
</div></div>
She had housekeeper, Nanny, Personal Assistant to help mek all a dat happen

For some people when the kids come it is cheaper to have a spouse at home because of the costs of childcare, housekeeping, lawn service, etc compared to the income after taxes that the spouse would have earned working outside the home.


What some women have done is that they have changed careers as their children got older in order for them to work when their children are at school. Many have become teachers

[Seveen]

Re: Stay Home Honey - I got this!

okay . . . let me get ready for the tomatoes

before women's lib

there were a lot of stay at home wives

my dad's salary made enough money to support a family of 4 with a car and a home - and he had a blue collar factory job

my mom did work but dad always said her income contributed to vacations, ballet lessons and the like

i also remember sitting down at 5:00 - the entire family - to eat dinner together - hell i don't even leave work until 5 these days

then the woman's movement came along - the right for women to work for equal pay

fast forward to 2010:

both parents work to just make it
we spend more time at work - less time with our families
divorce is on the rise
45% of workers are unhappy

we've come a long way baby - but where are we?

[Wendy]

Re: Stay Home Honey - I got this!

<span style="font-style: italic">Now for a related story (true story of a couple living in NY)</span>

Sunday I was flipping through the channels and got stuck on a story of a woman happily married to a Wall Street trader who was bringing home serious bacon and she was told to stay home and take care of the kids. He paid the bills and wife got the most expensive clothes, jewelry, vacation – you name it. She was living a dream and some of her friends envied her.

Long story short, the stock market crashed and the trading wasn’t bringing in as much money but despite that he was stilling giving wifie wads of cash—even though she had told him the Mortgage Company and credit cards companies were calling. One day he left for work and never came back. The FBI picked him up for 10 armed bank robberies. He was basically lying to his family and was robbing banks as a means for keeping up the lifestyle he started.

His wife said she had no clue and admitted she had her head in the sand. I did wonder why she never questioned where the money was coming from when the Mortgage company was telling her they were over $10K back owed in Mortgage but as long as she got the money she didn’t question anything. In the end the Escalades were re-poed, the house foreclosed… they lost everything. They interviewed him in jail and it was so sad to hear him say he did it to keep her happy. I have no doubt that is true but I don’t understand why he or she put themselves in a one income situation when we are not talking about a Bill Gates or a Trump situation hear. They were average “joes” and we are talking about a woman that is college grad with the ability to find work.

She divorced him since he got 20 yrs in prison. She had to go back to school for a RE license and asked friends an d family to help with their 2 boys and she found herself working three jobs to keep above water.

Aside from the criminal aspect of this story, this is a story that brought home why I not a big fan of being a stay at home wife. You never know when you need that extra crutch when one person can no longer provide.

[Nunya]

Re: Stay Home Honey - I got this!

I don't like the term 'kept wife' the term seems to degrade the value of a wife.

[kia027]

Re: Stay Home Honey - I got this!

sounds like there was a major communication problem in that marriage.

why did the husband not feel confident enough in his spouse to tell her the income is less and let us all hunker down and cut the spending?


To me in the case cited, the issue was not being a SAHM dependent on the father for income but on issues within the marriage itself.

maybe the husband had a trophy wife (like the wall st guys have done b4) and knew the wife may have been all about the and felt he would leave her when money done? Then the basis of the marriage was off no?

[Wendy]

Re: Stay Home Honey - I got this!

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Kia</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Wendilina</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
Michael Jordon’s wife comes to mind. Her husband was making millions and she decided she was still going to have her own business and make her own millions. I am with her
</div></div>
She had housekeeper, Nanny, Personal Assistant to help mek all a dat happen

For some people when the kids come it is cheaper to have a spouse at home because of the costs of childcare, housekeeping, lawn service, etc compared to the income after taxes that the spouse would have earned working outside the home.


What some women have done is that they have changed careers as their children got older in order for them to work when their children are at school. Many have become teachers </div></div>

The situatuion you are explaining her is not women who want to be &quot;kept&quot; obvioulsy they aspire to be a working contributing Wife ..even if it's delayed. I am talking about being &quot;KEPT&quot;

And as for Mrs Jordon - so what she had a nanny and assistance. That's what most working women do now.. have a nanny aka Daycare right? The fact is she did not RELY on her husband's millions for her sustainabilty.

[Wendy]

Re: Stay Home Honey - I got this!

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Nunya</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I don't like the term 'kept wife' the term seems to degrade the value of a wife.
</div></div>
I dint invent the term Nunya ..use whatver term you like

[Suesumba]

Re: Stay Home Honey - I got this!

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Wendilina</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
And as for Mrs Jordon - so what she had a nanny and assistance. That's what most working women do now.. have a nanny aka Daycare right? The fact is she did not RELY on her hsubands millions for her sustainabilty. </div></div>

i think she was smart for doing that as well. besides, with all the infedility, etc. she might end up stranded either emotionally or financially.

[kia027]

Re: Stay Home Honey - I got this!

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Wendilina</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Kia</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Wendilina</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
Michael Jordon’s wife comes to mind. Her husband was making millions and she decided she was still going to have her own business and make her own millions. I am with her
</div></div>
She had housekeeper, Nanny, Personal Assistant to help mek all a dat happen

For some people when the kids come it is cheaper to have a spouse at home because of the costs of childcare, housekeeping, lawn service, etc compared to the income after taxes that the spouse would have earned working outside the home.


What some women have done is that they have changed careers as their children got older in order for them to work when their children are at school. Many have become teachers </div></div>

The situatuion you are explaining her is not women who want to be &quot;kept&quot; obvioulsy they aspire to be a working contributing Wife ..even if it's delayed. I am talking about being &quot;KEPT&quot;

And as for Mrs Jordon - so what she had a nanny and assistance. That's what most working women do now.. have a nanny aka Daycare right? The fact is she did not RELY on her husband's millions for her sustainabilty. </div></div>

but having the nanny, personal assistance , etc enabled her to have the time to pursue her interests to make her own business is what I am saying. For some people they dont have that because they are busy doing for the family until the kids are older (teens and off to college older).