Does he not want me around his child?

[kabern]

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years and are planning to get married in the fall. He has an eleven year old daughter from a previous relationship, who will be graduating from primary school in a couple of weeks. I have been waiting and waiting for him to come to me with an invitation, and to date he has said nothing to me. He called me one day and told me he had to go out and buy her a pair of shoes because she was going to be taking graduation pics the next day. That was it. I found out the date by actually calling the school and asking them.
I actually booked a ticket to leave the island this weekend, because I figured there was no invitation forthcoming, so why wait for one. But I cannot get past this. I am not trying to take anything away from his daughter's mother, but I am a part of his life. Why would he think it was okay to not invite me?

[kia027]

Re: Does he not want me around his child?

Hi Kabern

Good to see you posting again

My first thoughts are before you book your trip off the island is that you could have a talk with your fiancee and just ask him why were you not invited. If you plan to marry this man, it is important to always keep an open line of communication. You are clearly feeling out of sorts about this, it would be best to just ask and get it off your chest no?



What is your relationship with his daughter? Is it cordial? If so what I would suggest is do something special with just her to celebrate her graduation (like a shopping trip or a nice lunch together).

[julie*mango]

Re: Does he not want me around his child?

maybe he doesn't want any drama with the mother...

[CeaBee]

Re: Does he not want me around his child?

How does his child's mother react to you? maybe he just wanted to keep it drama-free?

[Peasie]

Re: Does he not want me around his child?

Did you ask him?

Are you formally engaged to him? Sorry but &quot;our wedding date has been set for October 5&quot; is a different commitment than (as you wrote) &quot;<span style="font-weight: bold">planning to get married in the fall</span>&quot; Yuh si mi?

When you ask him, do so in a non-confrontational manner like you were curious about not attending an important event for the little girl who will be part of your life in the Fall. Be prepared to accept his reasons and try not to turn this into an argument.

[kabern]

Re: Does he not want me around his child?

His daughter and I have an okay relationship. We're not around each other much. Never met the mother. He doesn't like confrontation or drama, which I can understand, because most men are that way. But he's very involved in his daughter's life, so this is a big event for him. I can also understand him not wanting to make this uncomfortable for his daughter's mother, but what about my feelings? She's gonna have to meet me some time.

[kabern]

Re: Does he not want me around his child?

Thanks Peasie. Yes, we're getting married on Oct 23. I really was looking for a way to approach him without turning it into an argument. As well as trying to figure out if me being upset about it is warranted.

[CeaBee]

Re: Does he not want me around his child?

Well...i can understand why he wouldn't want the first meeting between you two to be at his daughter's graduation.

[julie*mango]

Re: Does he not want me around his child?

Reminds me of that scene in Why did I get married wen Marcus had that confrontation with his wife and his baby mama...seh dat di children bind dem wedda dem like it or not so dem affi get along fi di kids sake..

it does not need to be a big production like that but if he is worried about his ex's reaction to you coming around their child/her then a conversation needs to take place

do not see it happening if u say he is not the confrontational type...more than likely the situation (whatever it may be) will fester...

[kabern]

Re: Does he not want me around his child?

Oh gosh, lol. Um, I totally agree. His daughter does bind us together. But, they were never married. The thing with me is, I like to allow people time to figure out that they're doing something wrong. And even before approaching them, I seek other opinions, because I do not want to get upset, and rail up pon nuh baddi without a cause.
But I will not let it fester, trust mi. I jus need to know that, if and when hell an powda house start, I am in the right.

[kia027]

Re: Does he not want me around his child?

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: kabern</div><div class="ubbcode-body">His daughter and I have an okay relationship. We're not around each other much. Never met the mother. He doesn't like confrontation or drama, which I can understand, because most men are that way. But he's very involved in his daughter's life, so this is a big event for him. I can also understand him not wanting to make this uncomfortable for his daughter's mother, but what about my feelings? She's gonna have to meet me some time. </div></div>

You have been with him for three years and have not met his daughters' mother? How often does he see his daughter? Does she come around to his home when you are there?

I am sorry but I see a huge red flag in that you have not met the babymother in the 3 years you have been dating.

[Nunya]

Re: Does he not want me around his child?

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Kia</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
I am sorry but I see a huge red flag in that you have not met the babymother in the 3 years you have been dating.

</div></div>

No kidding!

[Bizzy]

Re: Does he not want me around his child?

I agree.

Obviously u not some fling or jump off since you been together that long and are months away from marriage.

Meeting the daughter don't mean u have to meet the mom just yet. If your fiance was interested, he could set up something one a way where you, him and his kid can get together.

Drama or no drama, u and the man are going to be husband and wife and if something was to happen to the mother of the child, de kid will live wid unu so y'all need to start building a relationship from now.

If I was the BM, I would want to meet the other woman who will be interacting with my daughter.

Anyways, from your posts, I am getting that they all live in jamaica ...is there a chance of you and fiance filing for the daughter @ some point??

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Kia</div><div class="ubbcode-body">


I am sorry but I see a huge red flag in that you have not met the babymother in the 3 years you have been dating.

</div></div>

[Wendy]

Re: Does he not want me around his child?

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: kabern</div><div class="ubbcode-body">His daughter and I have an okay relationship. We're not around each other much. Never met the mother. He doesn't like confrontation or drama, which I can understand, because most men are that way. But he's very involved in his daughter's life, so this is a big event for him. I can also understand him not wanting to make this uncomfortable for his daughter's mother, but what about my feelings? <span style="font-weight: bold">She's gonna have to meet me some time</span>. </div></div>

That is the point kabern ….so why not address and get past this issue once and for all. I am not getting why it took him so long to get you and the mother acquainted in some respects. Look - some of us have had past lives and there should be no need for “drama” especially if years have passed since they were together and he has clearly moved on ..and hopefully the mother has moved on with her live as well. Don’t know how the mother feels about step mothers but besides that, this matter is about her and your fiance being adults here. The daughter shouldn’t be in the middle of this childlike behavior .

[twiney]

Re: Does he not want me around his child?

Mi have one ex ...who that is one of the reason him is ex... the mother of his children was a crazy biatch... all yah now shi scare mi...