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By now everyone knows I'm in a bad marriage to a Jamaican man. Some of his bad attitudes towards Americans he's blaming on the fact that Jamaica is a British system prim and proper- my husband puts everone down not sometimes but all the time. My family don't like him because they pick up on his negative vibe. He also makes derogatory comments about my father who is deceased. saying my father was a drunk when he never ever met my father. He believes that all hispanic and Latino people drink rum and are drunks. I have been to Jamaica st.Elizabeth Parish and people were down to earth what's the real deal? I can't believe his parents raised him to be such a moron. It seems his family don't care for him and are only concerned about the money he sends them every pay period. where's the love? they get screaming mad when he don't send the money.
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Re: Bad Marriage...
Urheiness, didn't you know these things before you got married or were you hoping he would change? -
Re: Bad Marriage...
Yeah, what she said...Comment
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Re: Bad Marriage...
and if you didn't know before....now you do.
are you planning to stay with him, hoping that he'll change? counselling might be in order, but it sounds like he would not participate......at what point do you think you will consider divorce?Comment
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Re: Bad Marriage...
We went to counseling once with a pastor and after an hour and a half of him trying to paint a picture of me as the source of all the problems and a deranged woman, the pastor turned to him and said,"I don't percieve any of the things you say about Reese, she is a bright intelligent and temperate woman" Then the pastor prayed for me and that was the end of that. He never set foot back in counseling again. The Pastor invited us to come to his services but my husband declined. As I sat in the counseling session and listened to him spur forth ridiculos insanities against me I couldn't help but think that the pastor had me pegged as a crazy woman. I only got about 15 minutes to talk. I sat there humiliated and could not believe the Pastors response to my husband. He was shocked [img]/forums/images/graemlins/shocked.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/shocked.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/shocked.gif[/img] out of his pants. I guess he was hoping the Pastor would believe all his insanities. My husband does not want counseling he wants support in beating me up mentally and emotionally. He professes to be a Christian but I don't see Christ in him in fact I see satan working in him to cause conflict and unhappiness every where he goes. His co-workers hate him and have destroyed his property several times. He once drove my car to work and they deflated the tire. Several years ago one of his co-workers slapped and punched him and they got fired. He did not get off the hook either but was transfered and labeled a trouble maker. His attitude against Americans is horrible. Where is this hate comming from? When we were dating he camoflaged all his bad qualities. We met at church were I was a pastors assistant I never slept with my husband until after we got married and he did a good job of fooling me and also the pastor.Comment
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Re: Bad Marriage...
that sure *does* sound like a bad marriage.
so since he seems to be comfortable living like this and you're not....what's your next step going to be?Comment
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Re: Bad Marriage...
Sounds like you have some serious decisions to make...nobody can help you but you my dear.Comment
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Re: Bad Marriage...
Urheiness you asked where is the hate coming from. It's coming from your husband. Getting personal time...I was once married to a man who IS full of hate. It had nothing to do with where he was born. Some of his family were really nice folks. This man went through "stuff" as a young person and I believe that because he never dealt with the "stuff", it became a part of him and who he was.
For years I spoke to him about seeking counselling, whether at the church or with a secular professional. He didn't see anything wrong with his behaviour. Finally after several several years of my trying to get him to get help for the sake of the marriage and he refusing I had no other choice but to get out. I kept fooling myself over the years that it would get better and for the sake of our children I would stay. When my son was 9 years old he said to me, "mommy if we didn't live with daddy anymore, I wouldn't be unhappy". That was the turning point.
I wasn't doing myself or my children any favour. Unfortunately, I became a part of a statistic that I never wanted to be a part of. I became a divorced Christian. But...I am happier and my children are happier.
Good luck with whatever direction you take. Only you can decide.Comment
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Re: Bad Marriage...
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Sounds like you have some serious decisions to make...nobody can help you but you my dear.
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Amen !Comment
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Re: Bad Marriage...
Sounds like this could be any butt-head from any culture, country, race, creed or gender.
Please don't blame his miserable-ness on anyone but him. He's a big man now and knows the difference between right and wrong and it's only up to him to change and make himself a better person.
It's only up to you to either put up with his miserable self or walk away. Do you LOVE him? Cos it certainly doesn't sound like there's any love left in you either.
Staying with him for the sake of having a husband is no good for either one of you.
Personally, I'd be long gone. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/70400-talktohand.gif[/img]Comment
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Re: Bad Marriage...
Compry is right.
Sounds like he has some issues in his past that he has not dealt with. Sounds to me also that he is mentally and emotionally abusing you.
If that is the case, the first thing you need to do is separate yourself from that situation.Comment
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Re: Bad Marriage...
sounds like he may have had a troubled childhood, and is somehow spewing the venom of it on your marriage.
Yes, u have sought counselling together. Have u tried by yourselves, cus I think this is definately in order, to tr for the therapist to figure out whats at the root of the problem.
I can only imagine, that u had no idea that he was like this. As with every marriage, you can date a person for years, but with the santitiy of marriage its a lot of skeletons that suddenly fly out of the closet! [img]/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]Comment
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Re: Bad Marriage...
My aunt Rose used to tell me, "see me and come live with me are two different things".Comment
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Re: Bad Marriage...
aint dat de trooth.. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]
U can never fully know a person until u live with dem.. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/70394-bawlout.gif[/img]Comment
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Re: Bad Marriage...
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My aunt Rose used to tell me, "see me and come live with me are two different things".
[/ QUOTE ]In other words you never know someone until you live with them? I agree. My question is if he feels that you're the root to all of his problems, why hasn't HE left? Surely he would be happier if he did. I think he just doesn't want to take resposibility for his own actions. For your child's sake GET OUT! It will be better to come from a broken but happy home than one that is so hostile. Emotional and mental abuse can only progress to physical abuse. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]Comment
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