"reverse" abuse

[Vi]

since the subject came up...a serious thing

I was at work and saw something that messed up my night. I heard what sounded like a person being slapped and punched, then grunts and groans. I prayed it wasn’t a woman or child being beaten. I peeked around the corner to see a young man of about 18, cringed on a seat in a corner while a female of about the same age punched him repeatedly with both fists. I was in shock cuz I know it hurt when her blows connected with his head and face.

My first response was to back away, not my business. But it was at the job so that made it my business. When they saw me, she stopped whaling him and he uncovered this face and just sat there. She glanced at me, turned and gave him a mean look, then jetted.

LAWD I wanted to say something to him soo bad, but WHAT??!! I couldn’t encourage him to hit her back, but I wanted to say something to him to help him stop it when it happens again.

I mean, we tell our son’s NOT to strike females and we tell our daughters not to be with a man who physically abuses them, but what do we say to our son's who are hit by women? What could I have said to either one of them?

[evanovitch]

Re: "reverse" abuse

commended him fi his restraint an bax har teet dem dung har troat an dare har fi swallow dem

[Vi]

Re: "reverse" abuse

You know how I was feeling, evanovitch, cuz I wanted to do just that. She obviously didn't respect his restraint or was unfamiliar with his strength. I was glad she left, but don't feel too good about not saying something to him.

[MarieK]

Re: "reverse" abuse

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: evanovitch</div><div class="ubbcode-body">commended him fi his restraint an bax har teet dem dung har troat an dare har fi swallow dem </div></div>

why on god's green earth is he gonna sit there and take that? Him lucky she nuh tump har dung. There is nothing reverse about this situation, abuse is abuse no matter who dishes it out.

Many people love to throw the word around too much [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/rolleyes.gif[/img]

It all boils down to respect, he has no respect for himself and she has no respect for him. Wonder what some people would say if she actually got box and kick dung afta she duh something suh.

[Nunya]

Re: "reverse" abuse

There is a time fi restraint an dis was not one a dem. Im shoulda use im superior strength an hol har wrist dem an push har whe...

Bwoy, mi tell mi son neva eva lik a ooman except if she stawt lik im.

If she big enough fi gi lik, den she big enough fi tek ie [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70400-talktohand.gif[/img]

[MarieK]

Re: "reverse" abuse

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">what do we say to our son's who are hit by women? What could I have said to either one of them? </div></div>

we DONT and that's the problem with fitting into a cookie cutter version of what society says you should be. A man is supposed to be strong, he's supposed to the ruler of his castle right. Well it's garbage like that why most are afraid to talk about what they are going through.

They are taught that showing any kind of emotions is wrong. Being a man is about being tough, well people have feelings and until we allow people to be comfortable in who they are without the constant badgering then men will feel comfortable enough to talk about it.

Just out of curiosity, were they a white or black couple?

[MarieK]

Re: "reverse" abuse

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Nunya</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Bwoy, mi tell mi son neva eva lik a ooman except if she stawt lik im.
</div></div>

dyam rite a who carry him fi 9 months

[diabolical_Tanya]

Re: "reverse" abuse

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Nunya</div><div class="ubbcode-body">There is a time fi restraint an dis was not one a dem. Im shoulda use im superior strength an hol har wrist dem an push har whe...

Bwoy, mi tell mi son neva eva lik a ooman except if she stawt lik im.

If she big enough fi gi lik, den she big enough fi tek ie [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70400-talktohand.gif[/img] </div></div>(I don't have any sons ) BUT I agree with Nunya. if shi can give lik shi muss can tek lik, same way mi seh if a man feel him can lik mi him betta feel him can tek stab

[Vi]

Re: "reverse" abuse

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Mrs. MarieK</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: evanovitch</div><div class="ubbcode-body">commended him fi his restraint an bax har teet dem dung har troat an dare har fi swallow dem </div></div>

why on god's green earth is he gonna sit there and take that? Him lucky she nuh tump har dung. There is nothing reverse about this situation, abuse is abuse no matter who dishes it out.

Many people love to throw the word around too much [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/rolleyes.gif[/img]
</div></div>
Yes, you are right. I used the word "reverse" to draw attention to the flip side of the usual.

I agree…at that age, he's in trouble if he continues to take the abuse. I felt I COULD get away with saying something to him because he's young, but I couldn't find the words. I've talked to a lot of the young women about this and given them advice on how to handle their own situation, but this was the first time I've seen it happen to a yound man. It angered me and broke my heart.

[Vi]

Re: "reverse" abuse

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Nunya</div><div class="ubbcode-body">There is a time fi restraint an dis was not one a dem. Im shoulda use im superior strength an hol har wrist dem an push har whe...

Bwoy, mi tell mi son neva eva lik a ooman except if she stawt lik im.

If she big enough fi gi lik, den she big enough fi tek ie [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70400-talktohand.gif[/img] </div></div>
I have a son, but he's never had this happen. No, Nunya, you are right, that wasn't the time for restraint. Perhaps me seeing what happened might embarass him to the point where he won't let it happen again...

[sistacaf]

Re: "reverse" abuse

i agree too in principle - but public perception being what it is, if him lick har dung - even if it's in return - and justifiably so .....there's no WAY it woulda ever be understood for what it is. That would only get ugly, and VERY ugly, if he gave her back jus what she deserve.

maybe you coulda given him a bigup for having self-control and acting like a big man instedda retaliating the 'street justice' way. [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70409-waytogo.gif[/img] -- which he could easily have done..... but then, they woulda been right back to the aforementioned 'ugly' comin out....... i think in this particular situation he did right to let it go, and let the situation diffuse instead of blowin it up more. cause we all KNOW nubaddy woulda taken his side, it woulda been perceived as just anedda guy beatin up on a woman. (cept for Vi witnessing it, of course)

[MarieK]

Re: "reverse" abuse

my mother seems to think that boys being beaten actually affects their rationale when it comes to abuse and insists that they either become victims of abuse or become abusers.

The younger the easier it is for them to get trapped in teh cycle. If he grew up in a house where the MOTHER yelled and berated him that is what he will expect from a woman.

[Nunya]

Re: "reverse" abuse

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: sistacaf</div><div class="ubbcode-body">maybe you coulda given him a bigup for having self-control and acting like a big man instedda retaliating the 'street justice' way. [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70409-waytogo.gif[/img] -- </div></div>

He was not 'acting like a big man'. He was acting like a victim. No 'big-ups' was necessary.

[evanovitch]

Re: "reverse" abuse

some see di glass half empty, some seet half full.....some how it all boils down to black peeps haffi draw fi blows.... [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/rolleyes.gif[/img] neva gi wiself or oddas di benefit of di doubt...naw, him cyan be doing di betta ting, him haffi fi be an abused man aka wimp...so his strength is his blow fi blow wid har [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70402-thinking.gif[/img]

den again mi love Sparrow song weh him tell men seh a ooman haffi get a lick now an den...fi show how tings go [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/wink.gif[/img]

[Nunya]

Re: "reverse" abuse

Where does it say that he's black???
An cringe-up cringe-up does not denote strength.