I Keep Trying to Deconstruct It

[ILP]

Re: I Keep Trying to Deconstruct It

i am just supposing? you meet a guy online...how long before you pick up the phone?

The last email Camarra sent to Milo was September 27 and she managed to meet his kids and sleep with him....

perhaps they went to fast [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70402-thinking.gif[/img]


Memba, mi juss supposing....

[niceniss]

Re: I Keep Trying to Deconstruct It

If you say so...

But what have you deconstructed so far?

[CeaBee]

Re: I Keep Trying to Deconstruct It

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">you meet a guy online...how long before you pick up the phone? </div></div>

it surely wouldnt be four months, or however long this thing has dragged out

[Nylah]

Re: I Keep Trying to Deconstruct It

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Juss_ILP</div><div class="ubbcode-body">i am just supposing? you meet a guy online...how long before you pick up the phone?

The last email Camarra sent to Milo was September 27 and she managed to meet his kids and sleep with him....

perhaps they went to fast [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70402-thinking.gif[/img]


Memba, mi juss supposing.... </div></div>

i must have missed all of that then. cause i thought they hadnt met yet by the last letters you posted [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70402-thinking.gif[/img]

after 4 months of chatting via email, i think someone would want to move it beyond that. If not then.....

[ILP]

Re: I Keep Trying to Deconstruct It

June 1st


Ummmm...I got it, was that an attempt at patois? I'll have to hear you speak it (maybe that is better), the writing is...ummm... Laugh!!!

Oh no, I was praying that you would say my research was incorrect!!! I like country music, uh oh, I have revealed another secret. I LOVE music period...so I blast it all. Although, my tolerance for Urban music has declined a bit.

Phew, I am glad that you didn't think I was a snob. Now can you tell my mother and father? I just like what I like and don't like what I don't (laugh). OK, the gym is in town, huh? I am going to assume the town only has one gym? OK, that could work. Nope, no pressing 300 lbs. But I have "issues" with my weight, so I work out to keep things under control.

Thank you for offering to do the shopping. I'm not a brand freak, more than I am a what is the most fresh. I eat lots of international foods, so that would be key.

I am going to keep the rest of my secrets to myself for now thank you (laugh).

Not to blunt (I think that is what you were trying to say).

OK, my girlfriend has 30 minutes left then I am going to be eating without her.

See Ya.

Camarra


Milo responded to Camarra


Hey Darlin

The only day I can sleep in and I'm up early, I'll be darn. I know you have been up editing and stuff. So I will edit my note to you instead. How was your evening? Did your girl come over and eat?

I have a confession, I was clowning around earlier (with the patios) so if you think the writing was bad just imagine how the oral language would be, but I can learn if you teach.

Being an ex-trooper, I have learned to listen to what people say and more often what they don't say. I noticed that you didn't reply to the statement about the guillotine fetish, do we need to talk about that?

Okay, another hot one today we'll be at the pool. If you need that beachy feel, I will put fresh sand on your feet so you can wiggle your toes and get that feeling.

Have a super Saturday, I'm going back to bed. Wanted to say hey.

c u,

Milo

Camarra responded

Good Morning,

Nope just got up to begin my day. Not going to look at any articles until sometime later this weekend. Yeah, Keri-Ann (my friend) finally decided to show. She brought her kids. Sometimes (very few though) I am glad that I don't have any...they are a handful. I mean that in all the "wow" ways. I have no idea how she does it...and does it by herself.

Actually I am up because I am getting ready to leave for the gym. Then it's off to get something done with this hair or mine. It really is a shame that I never learned how to do my own hair. The amount of money I spend...boy.

Thank the Lord that the <u>PATOIS</u> was you clowning around. It really was pretty bad. Not sure I'd be the appropriate one to teach you though.

I didn't reply to the guillotine fetish thingy, cause it was sort of (eyebrows raised)...weird. The question is what are you into that would make you ask that? See how I can flip things? Nope, no need to talk..at least not about any guillotines.

Yup...it is supposed to be hot. But after I get back from the salon that will mean I have to lay out with some iced coffee and a good book and my magazines.

OK...I am off...

later

Camarra

Milo responded immediately


Okay, glad to know that you are fairly normal. I was worried (joke)and you did a good job flipping the script also. Well I understand Keri-Ann totally. It is different for her being a single mother, than being a single father. I use to think it was easy until I took on that responsibility. But you know, (and I know you do) God has made provisions for everything that I have needed for those children, He is truly awesome. I've got church friends that come by and get my daughter and pamper her, do her hair weekly, take her out for girl time or to buy a dress....did I mention He is awesome?
Well it's clean up Saturday for us. The kids are going to their mom's today so They have to have all their duties done before they go.

Well we are going to have at it, and I'll type you back later.

Enjoy,

Milo

Camarra responded

Hey!

Yeah, I am as normal as the next person and that might not being saying much (laugh). Anyhew, how's it going? What have you gotten into today? Me, went to the gym and then to the hair salon for the full monty of hair, pedicure, and a manicure.

As for my friend Keri-Ann, she isn't the "normal" single mother. She is married, but to an Military man that has spent much of their 5 1/2 year marriage in Iraq. He has been home for about 11 months of their marriage (long enough to get her pregnant) and that is about it. But she seems to function OK, but I know that I couldn't do it.

I commend you for taking the responsibility. So many men do not. It is so, so sickening, but I wont climb on that soap box, not to spare you, but to spare myself. That topic is probably one of the few that literally makes my blood boil. I am glad that your has some positive women in her life. God knows that it is so needed. God is amazing.

Duties, duties, duties...they do have to be done. I have my own, including driving to the airport to pick up my father.

Anyway, gonna grab a quick bite and then head out again.

Enjoy,

Camarra

Milo wrote right back



Heller, glad 2c ur pampering yourself a bit, you deserve it. Boy I really hate it for Keri-Ann, that must be a tough life be she is making it as you said. Yeah I know what you said but I know you could do it if it were thrust into your lap, doesn't mean you want to but you could. Thanks for the props, I need the encouragement. I know that is a sensitive topic for many women and it is for me too.

I know I can't count too well, so it's 12.25 huh okay. So going to get dad?

Wish u waz here.

Talk soon I hope,

Milo

Camarra was up late and decided to respond


OK...I am dog tired and I am on here. What is up with that? I am trying to get a few articles done, so I don't have the crunch this coming week.

Picked up my father and of course he had stories, but I could see it in his eyes that he was wiped out. His old body cant take the travel like it used to. It is going to take him much longer to recoup from this journey physically.

Anyhow, yup the full monty at the salon is a must for me. I am rather spoiled about that. The hair MUST be done.

I see that you spent your day poolside. You couldn't see, but my eyes were rolling. It wasn't jealousy or anything like that (smile).

As far as Keri-Ann, she has the best family ever. That is who she is here with, and they take care of her and the kids. Her husband is supposed to be coming back State side in January. Since he did 2 rotations overseas, he cant have another one for 2 years, but with things the way they are (internationally speaking)...who knows.

You are welcomed about the props. I always give credit where credit is due, but conversely, I have been known to tell you the truth, even when the truth is going to hurt. I am working on the "sting" though, so it doesn't hurt as much.

May I ask you a question about why you have custody of your kids? I asked earlier and you never responded. Just curious why your kids don't live primarily with their mom. If you don't want to answer, just say, "Camarra, I don't want to answer that," and I will understand. You wont even need to explain.

Anyway, as they say in Jamaica, "Sleep ah bus mi shut. Likkle more."

Camarra

[Gen]

Re: I Keep Trying to Deconstruct It

mi nuh read it cause mi still nuh know a wah this bout

[Nylah]

Re: I Keep Trying to Deconstruct It

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Geneva</div><div class="ubbcode-body">mi nuh read it cause mi still nuh know a wah this bout </div></div>

[img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/704555_dwl.gif[/img]

[ILP]

Re: I Keep Trying to Deconstruct It

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Donnika</div><div class="ubbcode-body">If you say so...

But what have you deconstructed so far? </div></div>

mi promise fi let you know as soon as it done [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/grin.gif[/img]

[ILP]

Re: I Keep Trying to Deconstruct It

June 2


As they say down here: "What'd ya call me?" Hey darling hope you had a super day. I am sorry if I avoided the question, there was really know reason for that. I was the more stable parent. She was moving in with her boyfriend and he wasn't too keen about the kids. She claimed she wanted them all but couldn't afford to raise them. I told her would keep them all and she could see them as she wanted. She agreed and said that she wanted to get the girls in 2-3 months after they got established. 2-3 months came and went and she simply agreed for me to keep them. Her oldest child Alina, wanted to go live with her just before our divorce was final in 2005. She did and that leaves Willow, Deshae & me. I apologize 4 that, you certainly should ask that question.
Glad your dad is back so ur mom can chill a little. Keep working on your tact.
Okay dear, I'm going to bed. I hope to hear from you tomorrow.

Rest Well,

Milo


Camarra (intrigued) wrote back



How did you sleep? I slept alright. I just came back in from the gym and I am gonna get dressed to leave for church.

Thank you for your candor about your kids and your ex-wife. Sometimes guys can get rather secretive about things like that. Not that I blame them or anything, but I just wanted to know. Guess I was curious. Do you still see your Ex's daughter Alina? Just curious about that also. No need to apologize, what is important is that you answered now, right? How long were you married? Why do you feel like you are ready to be with someone else now? I am being Oprah today or what? OK, I am done with the questions. You can answer them or tell me to mind mine. Either is alright.

OK, I better get going. I am catching a ride to "Gawds House" this morning and I don't want to hear my friend talk about how late I made her. $20 bucks that she wont even have showered by the time I reach to the house....

Anyhew...Have a great day.

Camarra


Milo responded that afternoon


Hey sweets,

Hope you enjoyed Gawds house this morning. So do u owe me 20 bucks or do I owe you? I like your humor, you are cool or warped, but I'd like to think cool because the things that you say make me laugh so I guess we r cool.

Ms. Winfrey I'll be happy to answer right after this important commercial break.....No I don't see Alina that much. She still calls me dad. I was hurt that she wanted to go live with her mom, but after a while I understood and accepted. Alina worked the system, her mom lets her do what she wants to do pretty much and she knew that I wouldn't have that. I just believe that each child has a level of responsibility proportionate to their age and ability. Her mom doesn't require her to do anything hardly. Yesterday, I was going to meet her so the kids could go spend the weekend with her. I was going to drive to Littleton (10 miles) and meet her there. She was telling me that Alina wanted to go somewhere with her friends, but she couldn't go because she hadn't cleaned up her room. So I said cool I'll meet you in Littleton. She calls back about 30 minutes before we were suppose to meet and says I cant come pick the kids because Alina is going to so-n-so's house, to which I reply she finally got cleaning up huh? She didn't respond right away, she said well, I decided to let her go. That's the way she has been with Alina so she thrives off of that. Harpo, I did the best I could to raise her with a sense of responsibility, but she chose the easiest route which is not always the best, I understand and have learned. Thank you for having me on your show, I'd love to come back again...(lol). We were married for 10 years almost 11.

Have a good afternoon and I'll talk to you later...

Milo


Camarra wrote back late that same evening


I am home after being out from 9:30 this morning. It is 10:36. And I still have to be at work at 6:45 (I am bawling). I am pooped. Anyway...how was your day?

I always say that kids do only what they know that they can do. Period. So she manipulates her mother because she can. I think that is cool that she still calls you Dad, that means she still loves you. Wow, 10 years...that is a long time. How do you know you are ready for another relationship? I am not doubting you, again I am just asking.

When I am ready to book another show, I will call you (laugh). I do want to thank you again for being so candid. With something so close to you, it can be hard to be so exposed.

I do hope that we get to meet in person. You are easy to talk to, or maybe you are just a good actor or something (smile).

OK, mi yeye dem a bun mi now, so mi gwine gaw ah mi bed. Lata.

Camarra

[ILP]

Re: I Keep Trying to Deconstruct It

June 3

My day was cool, I went to church and to a cookout after church. hey bottom line i didnt have to cook. yippeeeee

Sorry Harpo for not letting you know about the chapter book this time, I forgot. I have no problem telling you the deal. I to, find you easy to talk to and I've always tried to tell the truth because i simply don't have the brain power to remember the last lie I told (hehe) It's so much easier to tell the truth. Like you said it may sting but at least that sting will go away. It has no comparison to the damage a lie can leave. A lie can possess the damage potential of a Katrina type storm and we both know that some of those peoples lives will never be the same. So if you want to know my heart is open to you....don't let that get out though. End of Chapter 1

Be sweet girl and have a wonderful day! U know I'm looking forward to hearing from you.

Ima carryn mi donkey to mi job now (was that better?) lol

Milo

Camarra didn't email until the next day

Hey

Sorry, I didn't write back earlier. I had a hellish day at work. I left work early, came home, went for a run and then showered and went to sleep. I only got up cause my phone kept ringing.

One of my coworkers died last night after. Car accident. What is weird is that I stayed late at the office and I ended up chatting with her for about an hour. It was a really good conversation. She left work and never made it home. She let me borrow some magazines for a project I was working on. I don't even think I can look at them now. I maybe able to at the end of the week, I just need to catch my bearings.

Anyway. How was your day? Please say better than mine (smile). BBQ, huh. I have never been mad at one of those, as long as their was plenty of burgers, fish, and a long dessert table.

Again, thanks for being honest. You are right, telling the truth is so much easier. I promise not to tell anyone that you have poured out your soul to me, well that is until I am offered the right amount of money (laugh).

I'm really not sure what the last line of your last message was saying. Umm, that was probably worse than the 1st attempt (sorry).

Anyway...I am going back to bed. I was going to make myself something to eat, but I just decided I dont feel like it.

Night.

Camarra

Milo responded immediately

Hey babe, I am so sorry to hear about your coworker. Boy, I bet that is traumatic. I don't know what to say other than I hope that your coworker has a relationship with God. We have got to be ready every day and you know I am learning that we have to share his love with as many people as possible because we never know when that last hour will be. Well sweets it was better than yours I most certainly will pray for the family and for you that God will continue to reassure us both that he is in control.

I enjoy talking to you about my life and I am so glad that now I can talk about it because I have definitely learned a lot about life, love and me. I know God will place me where I am needed and more importantly wanted. Well about the money thing you just as well "get to telling" so we can split "our" profits..(hehe)

Ok, I'm not trying anymore. I give up until I have the proper training (lol). While I'm thinking, I got the summer school position teaching 3rd grade. Can you see the happy dance, and no its not pretty.

Well, babe I know it had been a tough one for you hang in there and I'm thinking about you and praying for you. Sleep well!

Milo

Milo also sent this message, when he didn't get a response from Camarra


I just wanted you to know I was concerned about you and thinking of you. It will be alright....I know for sure that his grace and mercy will bring you through. As the old folks say, " I ain't tell you what I heard, I'm telling you what I know!

Be blessed,

Milo

[ILP]

Re: I Keep Trying to Deconstruct It

June 5

Hello,

Thanks for the well wishes. I do feel better today. For some reason a long workout, a shower, and sleep always seems to do the trick. It isnt often that my professional life and emotional life collide (I am good with compartmentalizing), so I was just thrown off balance. It is hard yes, but I will be OK in another day or two. Unfortunately this isnt the 1st co-worker that has died. I always pray it will be my last, but I wont hold my breath.

I do thank God that He has blessed me with the ability to manage the way that I do, I'd be a whacko if He didn't do it that way for me. Yeah, I hear you that God is in control. I know that, but sometimes it's hard.

Today was better.

Congrats, on the summer position! You rock! So when does the "fun" begin?

I hope that you will enjoy telling me about yourself in another month (ha!). Sorry, I am ashamed to admit that I am kinda stingy when it comes to money, so no splitting the profits (laugh).

Anyway, I am going to take a nap then go to the gym.

Maybe I'll email later tonight.

Camarra

Milo responded within 1 hour


thought u were very giving of yourself...oh i get it now, up until its time to share the money...joke. Yep, I'm sorry that you got caught off balance I experienced the same thing this spring when my college roommate called me one morning to tell me his daughter got hit and killed by a car. I imagine that was the kind of shock you had.

Oh yeah he's in control always but that doesn't ever mean its going to be easy. It kind of meant that we know where to find our strength even though we cry and have the human emotions. I guess that's why those who don't know have such trouble deal or understanding.

I'm sure that I will still be willing to tell you about me in a month. I'm waiting for you to tell me about you. Like why nobody has scooped you up yet? You appear to be intelligent, witty, independent and pretty so why no bf? Forgot to warn you that a subtle question was coming (smile). How was your last relationship, what happened etc.?
Summer school starts on the 18th. 8 to 1 for 2 weeks. I can do this.
Enjoy the nap and I'll catch you soon

Milo

Camarra responded


Maybe I should say that I am "careful" when it comes to spending my money. I don't have problems spending other people's money (laugh).

I am about to tell you something about myself that most people notice almost immediately. I am a closet control freak. I don't like surprises, as I don't do well with them. Once I feel like I am in control, I usually can handle most anything. So yesterday was one of those, "Camarra, go and get yourself together" days.

Thanks for the warning...smirk. Why no one has scooped me up yet. I guess it is because I have very high standards. I am picky, I don't know. I just haven't found the perfect person for me, so that is why. I guess.

The last very long term relationship was well my learning curve. It lasted for 7.5 years. It ended in 2000. It was the best thing (looking back at it) that happened to me and the worst thing (looking back at it). It ended, as nicely as those things go. It took some realization and some MAJOR growing up on my part. But I am here. Not sure what else to say. Maybe if you asked specific questions, I could do better. Nope, no boyfriends. Went out with a few guys, but nothing at all serious. OK, fella...time to answer your own questions. Ahn mi betta nuh ketch you wid you finga dem pon di submit button till you ansa dem neidah (smile).

Oh, you can handle 2 weeks. I am not sure why I thought it was going to be longer.

Dinner time. I am ready to eat an entire cow.

Camarra

[kia027]

Re: I Keep Trying to Deconstruct It

[img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/popcorn.gif[/img]

[ILP]

Re: I Keep Trying to Deconstruct It

June 6

Thanks for opening up a little. (This one is gonna take some time to sink in I got on a roll) I feel you on the money thing.

I had a feeling that you were a control person and that's cool I don't have a problem with it I don't think. Because many times I want you or a person to say what they want to do. What would you like to do tonight or where do you want to go? I want to do it. I think the problem would be not valuing my opinion or request. That is the big thing I see with control people, they don't like to share it. Its my way or the highway and that's not fun for me. Normally that is the issue when two mature single people meet, that are in control of their own lives. They are in control and it is difficult to give up that control but I guess I never will ask you to give up control but I will ask you to share, hopefully one day. (smile)
Boy talk about long term that is (7.5). Yep, I feel you on the best and worst things, I think. I found out that there are things that I will not allow anybody else to do to me and their are lengths that I realize I will go to for the right person hoping inside that I'm not putting myself out to be hurt. I guess that's it in a nut shell, trying to find the right one without getting hurt in the process.

I don't think that my standards are too high, but I feel that people are so that they can't admit when they are not capable of doing something. Example, I want a lady who can be loyal and trustworthy because I am not going to be able to run to VA every weekend nor is she going to be able to come to FL either. But in the process we start liking each other she also starts talking with "Thomas". Instead of her saying hey the distance is too much or I can't be loyal in the way that you need, she sees both of us. Now is the standard too high? No not for me but the person just cant admit that she can not reach the standard. It's not too high, she just didn't want to jump. I'll come down off the box in a moment. I really mean it when I tell a woman, hey if you want to go, then you need to tell me, but that must be a tough thing to do. The fact is that I want someone who knows themselves first, then she will know if she can be what I need and you know if I didn't think I could be what you need or a woman needs I would say hey I can't do that, this is me. And you know I could still be her friend and move on but a lie could damage that mental intimacy forever.

Ms. Winfrey, I am a nice guy and that's why I can be a good friend. You know I'm not gonna beat you up or steal from you I don't do illegal drugs, I have 3 jobs most of the year and I raise my kids but sometimes that's not enough...does it make sense? I'm looking for more than a friend, I'm looking for someone to share my life with that respects me for me and also deserves me. I'm coming down now thank you Oprah for your time.
Yep I can handle two weeks of anything. You remain a sweetie and hopefully you'll WBS (write back soon).

Milo

Camarra wrote back

Whoooa, you weren't kidding.

I dont want you to misinterpret what I mean by control freak. What I mean is that I dont like to feel like I am not in control of myself or my surroundings. I have no problem going with the flow or letting others make decisions, or even to step back and to allow others to do things for me. I just like to know that is what is going to happen. So saying, "Camarra, I want to take you someplace nice for dinner on Wednesday, get dressed up." That's cool. Saying, "Camarra, let's go get some dinner." and when I get there, I hear "surprise". NOT cool. Tell me how bad it's going to be ahead of time...COOL. Waiting until it has happened and then trying to explain...NOT COOL. That is what I mean.

I am told all the time that I am a bit too liberal in my ability to let others share their opinions. Not much gets me going. I mean I have an opinion and a thought on the subject, but in my opinion, people grow by sharing ideas and getting another perspective. A persons opinion, is just that...their opinion and everyone has one and is entitled. I love different points of view. Sharing control isn't bad...just let me know in advance. I am actually very comfortable behind the scenes. I HATE the spotlight. Call it the gremlin in me (laugh).

My last relationship was a long distance one for a while at the end. That isnt when or why we broke up. I couldn't trust him anymore (among other things) and I wasn't willing to live like that. I am loyal (almost to a fault I think), so I wont call you a friend right away, but once I do...you are a friend for life. Just so you know, I left him. I walked away from the relationship. It was the most painful thing I had ever done at the time, but I did it and I am better for it. We are friends. I haven't seen him in about 2 years, but we still email every 6 months or so (on birthdays or when we run into our old friends). He didn't speak to me for a long time after I left, for many reasons. But after he realized that it was indeed over and he took responsibility for his part in the breakdown of our relationship then we were able to move on.

I do believe in telling you like it is. Again, I am working on trying to sound a bit more catchy (like Dr. Phil) so it is more well-received.

I hear you on the drugs, physical abuse, and 3 jobs. That is great. But I may hate that you snore or lick your fingers. You may decide that I am a bit too moody for you or that I am too worldly. I think it is all about FULL disclosure and observing, that you learn a person, then deciding what you can and can not live with. I understand wanting to share that part of yourself with someone, that part you cant readily share with the world.

Now that I got that off my chest. I am going to eat some ice cream and hit the sack. Have you been able to tell that I have an unhealthy relationship with food? (that was a joke...kinda). Laugh!!

Good Night.

Camarra

[Hush Darlin]

Re: I Keep Trying to Deconstruct It

so dis noh dun yet
massyful fawda

[applepie]

Re: I Keep Trying to Deconstruct It

they have not met in person yet?