Help Me Please...What Do I Tell My Dad?

[Breeze]

Re: Help Me Please...What Do I Tell My Dad?

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Ivory...R+ ((((((((Hug)))))))))
Words are not always necessary. Alot of times silence can be Golden. The fact that you are by his side speaks volumes in untold words.</font>

I can't agree more.
I think the key for you both is to spend quality time together. I didn't have that opportunity when my father died. Just being by his side to support him speaks volumes.

I feel your pain bro

Breeze

[sunshinegal]

Re: Help Me Please...What Do I Tell My Dad?

Hug him, hold him, tell him you love him, if you are a singing family - sing to him, sing with him. Talk about fond memories. Tell him you love him some more.

[grasshopper]

Re: Help Me Please...What Do I Tell My Dad?

oh Reggae+ you're in my thoughts. Your dad is definitely a fighter. Hang in there.

((((((((((Reggae+&Dad)))))))))

[Afimi2]

Re: Help Me Please...What Do I Tell My Dad?

R+,

Although I agree that silence is golden, you do not want to wish you had said this and wish you had said that, when you no longer have the opportunity.

Many times, even though I chatted my father to death (no pun intended) I still think that there is more I could have said and wished I'd said.

Take the time to make a difference in both your lives.

[goldilocks]

Re: Help Me Please...What Do I Tell My Dad?

Wishing you and your dad strength, serenity and comfort.

[Guest]

Re: Help Me Please...What Do I Tell My Dad?

R+ -- (my mother died several years ago) and I felt the need to have a serious talk with her prior to her death, but couldn't bring myself to do so. I felt like I wanted closure because I never really told her how I appreciated all the things she did for me growing up and all the sacrifices she made for me. Yet, I didn't want to depress her even more. So I finally decided one day to visit her in the hospital late after everyone went home and I just sat there telling her what a great mother she had been, how she must be feisty and strong and continue to fight her illness. I told her that I would do anything I could to make her life comfortable as possible. Anything she wanted, I would do for her to take her mind off her illness. I tried to make her laugh with all the funny stories of things that went on in our family. All the goofy things that I did. But most of all, I made sure that she knew I loved her more than anything else in the entire world. Although by the time I had this talk with her, she had already been through 2 strokes and I'm not sure if she comprehended everything I said, but something in me told me she did, because she passed away 2 days after our talk and I am so glad that I had that talk with her.

Be strong and spend as much time as you are able to with your Dad. You will be glad you did and he will know in his heart you love him.

Peace and good luck to you ((R+))

[KLH]

Re: Help Me Please...What Do I Tell My Dad?

R+, pretty sound advice above. My thoughts are with you and your family. (((((R+)))))

[saashi]

Re: Help Me Please...What Do I Tell My Dad?

R+, My cousin lost her father in January to Leukemia. They thought he had more time, but they were wrong. When he passed she didn't get to say goodbye, and there were many things that were left unsaid. You have the opportunity now to let your dad know why he is your hero. At the age of 86 and surviving what he has, he's lived a full and courageous life. Help him to see all the great things he has done, and let him know the legacy he will leave behind and that his spirit will always be with you.
I have grandparents that are around that age, they are like my parents, and I know one day I will have to say goodbye, I think they are more prepared than I am.
Just let your dad know how much you love him...

[Jazz]

Re: Help Me Please...What Do I Tell My Dad?

R+ - I have no great words of wisdom or advice to give...

I would only tell you to speak from the heart... tell him how much he has given you and how much he helped you to be who you are... tell him he is your hero...

and like Breeze and someone else said - it's not always necessary to speak if you are there with him..

(((((((R+)))))))))) If you only knew how sad I feel about this... be strong my dear.

[kisura]

Re: Help Me Please...What Do I Tell My Dad?

((((R+))))

[Reggae plus]

Re: Help Me Please...What Do I Tell My Dad?

Thank you ALL. I lost my Mom about 14 years ago. I had the chance to say everything to her that I wanted to say while she was alert and cognizant. She was up north with my Dad, my Son and I. She and Dad headed down to Toronto and 2 days later...she was gone. I am fortunate that I had the clear opportunity to talk with her.

I appreciate all of the suggestions and advice. I am heading over to spend a few hour with Dad after work. I have been talking to him over the past months about fond memories and feelings. Of course there is more to say as I had his faith in terms of his being as invinceable as a human can be. But now is the time to finish off that dialogue.

My concern is really what I can say to help ease his mind and to prepare him for the great beyond. His father was an Arch Deacon in the Anglican church and he is well steeped in the ways of religion. I think that faith is a wonderful thing for those who need the comfort provided...but still...there has to be some nagging doubts, or at least a few questions about it's total authenticity.

He called me last week to double check on the exact dates of my children's birthdays. He was re-doing his final will. The time is here.

------------------
Do something REALLY nice for yourself. Add some music, poetry and art to your day. ONE LOVE.

[mo_fire]

Re: Help Me Please...What Do I Tell My Dad?

Hey R+...

Touching a little bit on what saashi started to say:

Whan my dad died almost 8 years ago, I wasn't expecting it - he was only 57 years old. We were watching NFL football one Sunday as we made sure we did every Sunday no matter what. When he had picked me up, we were driving and he said to me: "you know what? I feel like I am dying" I scoffed at him saying that I thought he just had the flu.

After we finished the night game, he started vaccuming the family room in a very unorganized manner. (I was staying over for the night cause I didn't have to work tha next day). And I said to him: "What are you doing? I'll clean up. Go to bed if you are feeling crappy." And he said one of the most important and profound things in my life. He said: "Sometimes it's just good to have a clean slate." Then he gave me a hug and a kiss and told me he REALLY loved me. Up the stairs he went, and when my mom and I woke up to have coffee with him in the morning, he was gone.

It was one of the most painful times of my life, and I certainly don't tell you all of this to take away from your current story, or for sympathy from others, but, I tell you because one of the most important lessons that I learned that day was to say EVERY goodbye as if it were your last. This is so important, and I really do try to do this with everyone.

Really be with him R+, and really say each goodbye as if it really means something!

My thoughts are with you my friend!

[Mutty]

Re: Help Me Please...What Do I Tell My Dad?

I can relate in some ways R+, but even though I can, there is still nothing I guess I could say except be strong for both of you.

[OcheeHeart]

Re: Help Me Please...What Do I Tell My Dad?

((((R+))))

Darling,

I don't have much to offer in the way of words (without speaking of God). Women are emotional beings...so being a woman...I will say... just hold him in an embrace for so long until your arms ache, and he tells you your armpits smell.

Sometimes, men want to have a solution to every problem....you have to have the courage to know that you can't solve every problem...this probably being one of them.

Stay strong...

BTW...tell your dad Ochee come feel im up if dat make im feel betta...yuh noa lackasex...

[This message has been edited by OcheeHeart (edited 11-08-2001).]

[NickyTheTricky]

Re: Help Me Please...What Do I Tell My Dad?

((((((((R+)))))))))

I can only imagine how difficult this time must be for both you & your father. A man seeing his health fail and a son seeing his hero slowly loose faith. R+, I am sure this will be one of the most challenging experiences of your life. All I can say is that this is now the oportunity for you to be the strong lion and step in as your father's hero. Be by his side to help and support him, but not neccesarily carrying him. Actions speak louder than words...so show him how much you care by just being there.

To be honest with you, I think you have probably told him repeatedly how much he means to you. And as time passes by the weight of those words can weigh heavy on someone. Try not to remind him of how much you'll miss him...but instead celbrate the time you have together now.