Divorce & Remarriage

[Guest]

We somehow started talking about John and it was mentioned by one person that another employee tried hooking him up with an old acquaintance of mine. Just three weeks ago, I was at a work function and John was there with another young lady so I was astonished that he would entertain the thought of seeing someone else.

In any case, I mentioned the other young lady that I had met and was told that John's father will not allow him to date women who were once married. John's father is an Apostalic Minister.

If some Christian men will not marry a divorced woman, who are they to marry when they get to the point in their lifes where they want to get marry? Should a divorced Christian woman remain unmarried?

Seriously perplexed and wondering.

Edited to change the topic name.

[JesusDread]

Re: Divorce & Remarriage


A man free fi marry who him choose or at least should be...............!

A Christian woman, whether unmarried or divorced has the same unalienable rights to love, companionship and a family just as any other in God’s sight. We are all under GRACE and not the LAW, meaning the CROSS and JESUS shed BLOOD is what justifies everyone. The law is there to guide us in the ways of God but it is now subject to Christ Jesus who is Lord, even over the law. Forgiveness is through repentance and is freely obtained through Jesus, not the law. If for whatever reason, a saved woman gets divorced, the law is no longer able to judge her because she is now in Christ and belongs to Jesus. Rom 14:4 Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand.

When someone repents and is forgiven, God wipes away that transgression and there is no more guilt. For man to hold that person in judgment for that repented sin is to deny the cleansing power of the blood of Jesus and the sacrifice of the cross.

Heb 10:15-18 The Holy Spirit also testifies to us about this. First he says: "This is the covenant I will make with them after that time, says the Lord. I will put my laws in their hearts, and I will write them on their minds." Then he adds: "Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more." And where these have been forgiven, there is no longer any sacrifice for sin.

Luke 6:37-38 "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."

Every saved person is equally justified in Christ and no one is "more righteous" than any other believer because righteousness isn't earned but a gift from God through Jesus Christ. It is time some people stop play church and start live Kingdom life!

[Mutty]

Re: Divorce & Remarriage

Considering I used to go to church with similar rules as this man's father attends, I can relate. I used to ask the very same question and you know I would considering I WILL ask the tough questions.

There was a girl in the church in New York I used to attend and she married a "christian" fellow in the church. He eventually gave up the church thing and went out into the "world." He eventually started abusing her which forced her to move to Texas. Years later she came back, but by this time her husband was [apparently]shacking up with some other woman, but the church expected her to remain faithful to him because they taught "no divorce, no remarriage." This raised a question in my mind. Was she supposed to remain faithful and unmarried while he was still alive?

Then there were those women in the church who had no idea where there husbands disappeared to after walking out. Were they to remain unmarried or walk about the country trying to find them so they could insist upon the marriage?

Then there were those who divorced while "in the world" who eventually became "saved" and were in need of husbands. According to the church (and the Bible as they claimed), they were plumb out of luck because in God's eyes they were still married. I won't even comment on the amount of affairs that went on in that church because of these different scenarios.

NOTE: The church was called the Apostolic Faith Mission (Trinitarian). Pain in the a$$ if you ask me.

[Guest]

Re: Divorce & Remarriage

Originally posted by JesusDread:
A man free fi marry who him choose or at least should be...............!

As long as he prays about it and know that it's the right thing to do, right? [img]/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

Originally posted by JesusDread:
When someone repents and is forgiven, God wipes away that transgression and there is no more guilt. For man to hold that person in judgment for that repented sin is to deny the cleansing power of the blood of Jesus and the sacrifice of the cross.

One would think. Does this minister and others who have the same mentality know something that God doesn't?

Originally posted by JesusDread:
Every saved person is equally justified in Christ and no one is "more righteous" than any other believer because righteousness isn't earned but a gift from God through Jesus Christ. It is time some people stop play church and start live Kingdom life!

Still waiting for the *Church* to get to this point.

Thanks for your input JD.

[Guest]

Re: Divorce & Remarriage

Originally posted by Mutty - The return:
[qb]...but the church expected her to remain faithful to him because they taught "no divorce, no remarriage." [/qb]

Dem sey who feels it knows it. Makes me wonder what their views on spousal abuse are.

I attended a marriage seminar at my church a few weeks ago and the speaker was very adamant about her views on "no divorce". I interrupted and explain some people's realities of what they are living with or what they ran away from. She was stopped in her tracks and could no longer sing the same tune.

Don't get me wrong, I am not an advocate of divorce as it is one of the most horrible thing that a person has to go through. I will encourage therapy both in the church and secular. However, if the marriage is beyond repairs for whatever reason and they legally divorced, I just don't understand why some churches are saying no to remarriage.

[Mutty]

Re: Divorce & Remarriage

Originally posted by Compry:
...I just don't understand why some churches are saying no to remarriage.

I'm thinking this has something to do with it.

"But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosover shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery." (Matthew 5:32)


I think this is as clear cut as it gets, but I am betting many Christians (because it is necessary for them) will read around this or come up with a clever way to still get a divorce in for reasons other than infidelity. Another one of those "well it does not really mean that" type verses.

Interestingly enough, judging by the way the verse is stated, women had no say in a divorce. She could not do the divorcing. Like I said earlier in another thread - 'outdated' and written for those times and for that culture, but it is supposedly the word of God. And how the heck does putting her away in itself constitute adultery?

[Guest]

Re: Divorce & Remarriage

Actually the verse that you listed above was necessary because the old jewish law in Deuteronomy 24:1 allowed men to put away (divorce) their wives for whatever reason.

The sermon of the Mount was a call for ethical and moral living and therefore, in this case, it was necessary to state reason(s) when a divorce was allowed.

You mentioned time and culture. Time and culture has changed and just as we see the law of divorce being updated, I am willing to go out on limb and believe there are now other reasons and circumstances in additional to adultery when divorce can be granted and acceptable in the churches that don't accept it.

Is it OK with God for a Christian woman to continue living in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship? Is it God's plan to see His children living in unbearable, unhappy situations? If after trying everything within their powers to fix their marriages and they can't, should they not be allowed to move on with their lives?

[msgoody2shoes]

Re: Divorce & Remarriage

Well, in my church and our belief system, it is not a requirement or is it taught that a woman should stay in an abusive marriage. We are encouraged to seek counselling and to pray and try to work things out, IF possible. If there is no hope for the abusive one to change, there are no bonds to keep the innocent one in bondage. BUT, it is also taught that though they are free to divorce, they cannot remarry unless the other spouse dies. This is scriptural.

Currently, we have several members who are divorced. Some had spouses to walk out on them. Some were married when they were in sin and the other spouse never converted before the divorce. Some have been married and divorced several times (before conversion) and the second mate may be dead but the first one is alive and well. Some had abusive husbands or cheating wives. Etc,Etc. These people are devout in their beliefs, but they are suffering because they wish to marry. It is now an issue that is discussed over and over
with people "creating" ways to change the WORD to justify them remarrying again.

I know a young man who is not a Christian, but his wife is. He had started to attend church. She cheated, got pregnant and miscarried. He struggled to forgive her, though he is a sinner. She then got pregnant again! This time, he walked out. They have 2 children and he got fixed so no chance of #3 being his'. BUT, his mom is the Pastor of her church and the wife continues to show up there hoping the mother will persuade the son that she is still his wife. She is. But if he divorce her, his mom is still going to tell him that she IS his wife until death because that's what the scriptures teach. Try telling him that.

In the marital vows that we take, it says, "Until death do ye part". And something about as long as we both shall live. This is repeated by both parties until they decide to divorce. Then it becomes an issue of it does not mean that. I believe that divorce is permissible, but the stipulation is, you cannot remarry. If this were the case, there would be a lot of ZsaZsa Gabors around. I belive that God did not intend for us to swap mates like we swap shoes. Imagine how many mates you would become "one" with. Marriage makes 2 become 1. How do you seperate 1? I believe the ban on divorce/remarriage was more of a moral issue. Look at the problems in the world with step-parents/step-children. The war among the exes. People marrying 5 and 6 times or more.

I don't think the law was cruel or used to punish people. You really have to seek God for a mate and pray that if it is His choice, it will work out. If a person does remarry, it is certainly an issue between them and God. Just know that the marriage would not be honored in a church that decries such. My church will not allow a double married person to hold their wedding in our sanctuary. Nor will they acknowledge the marriage. It's like the woman at the well. Jesus told her the husband she had was not her husband because she had had 5. #1 was her husband. 4-5 were adulterous acts of marriage.

[Mutty]

Re: Divorce & Remarriage

Yes, I know in another area Jesus was confronted by the followers of Rabbi Hillel who taught along the lines of the Mosaic law that taught that a man could put away his wife for any reason and the rabbinical school of Shemai which maintained a man was not to put away his wife for any and any reason. One would say Shemai was somewhat of a progressional, paying no heed to the law of Moses which DOES say that if a man simply finds some fault with the woman he could divorce her. Jesus maintains the same idea in contrast to the Mosaic law, but mentions the fact that Moses allowed for divorce because of the hardness of the people's hearts, but he (Jesus) raised the bar again claiming that one could only divorce for infidelity.

You say that time and culture has changed and believe the laws were updated to meet the changes and that perhaps we should somehow amend such a narrow and strict allowance to include contemporary sitautions that may call for divorce. I would certainly agree with you, but what does that say about the Bible then if even Christians can look within their holy book and find reason to discard some things that may not suit their fancy? The "word" and its commands are supposedly unchangeable, right? I guess this is one Christians have to work out on their own. Compromise or heed something that seems completely ridiculous.

Finally, men were putting away their wives for any reason. We understand that, but it is not as if abuse spousal abuse, [suspected] affairs, abandonment or irreconcilable differences started in the 20th century. If anything, men used to treat their women like trash back then, probably moreso in that male dominated society. Jesus of all people should have understood this and call for changes like giving the woman a say instead of having modern Christians being all troubled about whether or not divorcing a spouse they definitely guessed wrong about is breaking some heavenly law. Fact is, Christian or no Christian and despite all this talk about "waiting on the Lord" and "faith," people simply make wrong choices that may not be apparent until AFTER the fact. Should they persist in a mess, a lie, a sham in the name of obeying the word just because the problem might not be an extramarital affair?

[777]

Re: Divorce & Remarriage

Is it OK with God for a Christian woman to continue living in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship?

No it is not..

[Mutty]

Re: Divorce & Remarriage

...BUT, it is also taught that though they are free to divorce, they cannot remarry unless the other spouse dies. This is scriptural.

Well Compry, here you have an answer. This is like jumping out of the fire and into the frying pan. If only the divorced parties could shut off their natural desires. Worse if the sex used to be good. Talk about missing the water (no pun intended) Poor people.

And and thank God for the internet. You can now be in one state and find out if your ex-spouse in another state kicked the bucket to clear the way to get married again. That's if they cared to even let you know where the heck they disappeared to. Imagine sitting around wondering if D!ck (no pun intended) died (no pun intended) because you're all horny and need to get a man to the altar? I also wonder how many prayers are made by ex-spouses for their former other half to drop dead to clear the way? LOL!!! [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

[777]

Re: Divorce & Remarriage

If after trying everything within their powers to fix their marriages and they can't, should they not be allowed to move on with their lives?

I Corinthians 7
but if the unbelieving depart,let him depart. A brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases...

but the issue of remarriage is not clarified..
Anyone can now say that the statement,not under bondage, means re-marriage..
but it can also be interpreted as not staying legally married..

[Guest]

Re: Divorce & Remarriage

Originally posted by 777:
[qb]

Is it OK with God for a Christian woman to continue living in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship?

No it is not.. [/qb]

Then why won't some churches permit remarriage?

[Guest]

Re: Divorce & Remarriage

Originally posted by msgoody2shoes:
[qb]BUT, it is also taught that though they are free to divorce, they cannot remarry unless the other spouse dies. This is scriptural.

My church will not allow a double married person to hold their wedding in our sanctuary. Nor will they acknowledge the marriage. [/qb]

You've mentioned being divorced. You've also mentioned the desire to not be single. How do you deal with this rule in your church?

[Guest]

Re: Divorce & Remarriage

Originally posted by Mutty - The return:
[qb]Should they persist in a mess, a lie, a sham in the name of obeying the word just because the problem might not be an extramarital affair? [/qb]

Lack of understanding the Word, maybe? We are human and in our humaness we make mistakes. God knows that and I believe that is why He provided a backup plan.

Thank God for Jesus.