Women supported by spouse

[777]

Re: Women supported by spouse

I think that most women, at this point that Hp stated above, would end up sticking with the relationship for the sake of the (fill in your situtuation here)..
U cant leave, caz u have no where to go. You cant pay rent, cuz u noh have no money..
You cant spend, unless u touch base with his bout the credit card..(or u just run it up anyway, and den unno stay forever inna debt..)
You cant do this or dat..cuz
You haffe abide by his rules...why?
You guessed it..
Him hold the trump card.....
Why would anyone want to stay under that (stuff) forever?
Empower uself!

[msgoody2shoes]

Re: Women supported by spouse

Originally posted by Hills Princess:
[qb] I learned from my Grandmother that I must be independent. No women in my family depend pon man fe support. Their relationship tends to be more co-dependent. In other words, they are there fore each other. They both contribute to the household chores and the finances.

MG2S: Co-dependent is the key. For some relationships, the husband works outside and take care of the finances. The wife works inside and takes care of the family. Aren't all the needs being met? My husband did not have to come home and worry about cooking, cleaning and washing. I did not have to worry about paying bills. We both did what we agreed to do. This was agreed upon marriage. That is also the key. Agreements.

Besides learning the moral of the story behind my granny's first marriage, I have my own philosophy about grown people who are capable of earning a living, but choose not to, because they want someone else to do it for them.

MG2S: I'm not sure about people choosing not to work because they want someone else to do it for them. People have their own reasons. That sounds more like people who depend on the government and taxpayers to send them a monthly check.

I don't mean to offend anyone, but I always believe that when a woman expects a man to support her, it is an unfair approach to a relationship that stems from selfishness and laziness. How can a person love someone and find it in their heart to have the person overwork themselves just so they don't have to work?

MG2S: Bare in mind HP, a homemaker is a fulltime job. Ever heard the saying a woman's work is never done? When a man gets off work, the woman is still working. Even if she has an outside job, she is still working when she gets home. Who said the man is over worked? Are you speaking of particular situations you know of?

About being lazy and selfish, have you ever read Genesis Ch. 3 where God gave the Man and the Woman their perspective jobs? The Man's job was to work and take care of the family. The Woman's job was to bear children, guide the house and please her husband. This was in the beginning. Women chose to come out of the house and work for various reasons. So women going back to the beginning is hardly lazy and selfish. Especially when she is contributing to the household but in a different way.

For all the women who see nothing wrong with depending on a man (completely) for support, I have one question for you: If one day he gets tired of working and come to you and say "Darling, I don't want to work anymore. I'm tired. I think it's your time to go out and work and support this family" what would you do? Would you return the favour? or will you go off to find someone else to live off of? Will it become a big argument? Or will you work with it?


MG2S: Again, a man/husband taking care of his wife and family is NOT a woman living off of a man. It's a man taking care of his family. And any man who dares to pull that on a woman is in danger of ruining his relationship. What kind of a man is that? Living off of a woman is against the norm and just plain wrong by any standard, IMO. I would never take care of a man, financially that is, unless he were physically unable and it happened during the marriage.

My husband wanted "things" and started mentioning me getting a fulltime job so that we can get these "things". At the time, I was seeking a fulltime job so that I could get a divorce and support myself! But I would have had a serious problem if he wanted to stay at home and let it be my turn to work. Wrong Sista!!! :verymad:


[/qb]

[msgoody2shoes]

Re: Women supported by spouse

Originally posted by 777:
[qb] I think that most women, at this point that Hp stated above, would end up sticking with the relationship for the sake of the (fill in your situtuation here)..
U cant leave, caz u have no where to go. You cant pay rent, cuz u noh have no money..
You cant spend, unless u touch base with his bout the credit card..(or u just run it up anyway, and den unno stay forever inna debt..)
You cant do this or dat..cuz
You haffe abide by his rules...why?
You guessed it..
Him hold the trump card.....
Why would anyone want to stay under that (crap) forever?
Empower uself! [/qb]

MG2S: Women need to be very serious and careful about the man they choose. If were talking in a marriage, you should know before you say I Do, if this man is capable of flipping the script in that way. You should have talked about what would happen in the long run with the woman not working.

I also believe that women should have a skill to fall back on if they manage to let one slip through the cracks and he pull that stunt. Mine made it clear that I could work if I wanted to (I was doing Private Duty Nursing when we met and my Client moved 8 months into our marriage). I took cases or worked for friends who needed to be off. I entertained going to school and he had a problem with that. "What if you get a male teacher and he like you off?" "I don't want you at s chool at night". Ok.

So, with those kinds of insecurities, I let him be the man. He proposed that he would pay the expenses and I buy groceries and keep up the house and him. It worked out fine until he saw his best friend go and borrowed money from Peter, Paul and Mary to buy a house and a used SUV. His wife worked FT. Then he started throwing hints. He never pressured me. But the marriage was finished as far as I was concerned and I was only interested in out.

I can't imagine a man holding me down because he thinks he "pay the cost to be the boss". It has to be mutual understandings in a relationship when the wife does not work. And a good man too.

[777]

Re: Women supported by spouse

MG2S: Women need to be very serious and careful about the man they choose. If were talking in a marriage, you should know before you say I Do, if this man is capable of flipping the script in that way. You should have talked about what would happen in the long run with the woman not working

but u and I know, that u truly dont know a man until u live with him Ms goody..
whats the saying..
*See me and come live with me a two diffrant things..* [img]/forums/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]
a true sinting dat!

[777]

Re: Women supported by spouse

Mine made it clear that I could work if I wanted to (I was doing Private Duty Nursing when we met and my Client moved 8 months into our marriage). I took cases or worked for friends who needed to be off. I entertained going to school and he had a problem with that. "What if you get a male teacher and he like you off?" "

Insecurities again..
see how many men, dont even want their women to advance themselves..and go to school..
Is always something.
Dats why me always seh a wooman haffe be strong, and go after what dem want outta life..
Life should center around the family yes, but it should also center around you feeling whole and complete and being the best that u can be..
Life is for the taking, and why should women settle for less than the best...

[777]

Re: Women supported by spouse

I also believe that women should have a skill to fall back on if they manage to let one slip through the cracks and he pull that stunt

yes, I do beleive (very strongly) in having a skill..
dis way, if push come to shove, u nay fall flat pon u face..
u can get up, and brush off u self...

[msgoody2shoes]

Re: Women supported by spouse

Yes, and in my case, I did not have the skills for most jobs that I applied for. Remember I came from a family where women did not work outside of the home. So the skills that I had through volunteering at Nursing Homes, came through for me. You can be intellegent, bright, articulate, whatever, if you do not have a piece of paper to show what you have done or what school you went to, dawg nyam yu suppa when looking a job. :verymad:

If I have daughters, I will allow them to learn different skills because they may not want to be a homemaker like me. I would prefer them to be, but it will be their decision.

Men used to be proud to take care of their wife and children back in the day. But this is a new day. Now it's, "She's going to work just like me!" And then women are more independent minded so, there you go.

[Shefreen Clarke]

Re: Women supported by spouse

Originally posted by msgoody2shoes:
[qb]
If I have daughters, I will allow them to learn different skills because they may not want to be a homemaker like me. I would prefer them to be... [/qb]

Why would you prefer your daughter to be homemaker (of all the things in the world to be)? This is 2005. Not the stone age. There was once when women were homemakers because they had no other options. They had no rights. Why prefer your offspring to stay captive?

[Shefreen Clarke]

Re: Women supported by spouse

Originally posted by Donnika:
[qb] me see people inna peoples court bruck up caw girlfren owe bwayfren $50. [/qb]

kissteeth Dem a eediat!

[777]

Re: Women supported by spouse

You can be intellegent, bright, articulate, whatever, if you do not have a piece of paper to show what you have done or what school you went to, dawg nyam yu suppa when looking a job

aye bwoy..

If I have daughters, I will allow them to learn different skills because they may not want to be a homemaker like me. I would prefer them to be, but it will be their decision.

Ms Goody, in this day and age..
most women, dont want to be homemakers..
That is out the door for a lot of empowered *new millieum* women. Some like myself will do it for a short time, but not for long..
Some do it till the kids are in school..and then they continue with their lives..
some people - expecially, women now a days, demand a likkle bit more outta life..
I am surprised to know that u would prefer your daughters to be homemakers..
Ms Goody, u feget seh 1950 (u parents era) and 2005 (your era) a noh the same ting..
Times have changed, and *people* have evolved..

Men used to be proud to take care of their wife and children back in the day. But this is a new day. Now it's, "She's going to work just like me!" And then women are more independent minded so, there you go.

and since u put it like dis, me know seh u truly understand the newer generation... [img]/forums/images/graemlins/704555_dwl.gif[/img]

oh mek me ask..fe conversation sake..
how it feel (now) to be truly empowered, and not have to wait on a man, fe give u everything..

[msgoody2shoes]

Re: Women supported by spouse

Originally posted by Hills Princess:
[qb]

Originally posted by msgoody2shoes:
[qb]
If I have daughters, I will allow them to learn different skills because they may not want to be a homemaker like me. I would prefer them to be... [/qb]

Why would you prefer your daughter to be homemaker (of all the things in the world to be)? This is 2005. Not the stone age. There was once when women were homemakers because they had no other options. They had no rights. Why prefer your offspring to stay captive? [/qb]

MG2S: Being a homemaker is not being a captive or stuck in the stoneage. There are plenty of women who are proud homemakers. It is an option. Even years ago it was an option or the norm. Women did not stay at home because they were forced or had no rights. It was absolutely normal. Very unlike the times when certain races were jobless because they had no option.

I know plenty of homemakers who are there by choice. I would love for my daughters to not have to be stressed out with finding a job and then being bound to it. But the choice would be their own. I would not make it for them.

[msgoody2shoes]

Re: Women supported by spouse

Originally posted by 777:
[qb]

You can be intellegent, bright, articulate, whatever, if you do not have a piece of paper to show what you have done or what school you went to, dawg nyam yu suppa when looking a job

aye bwoy..

If I have daughters, I will allow them to learn different skills because they may not want to be a homemaker like me. I would prefer them to be, but it will be their decision.

Ms Goody, in this day and age..
most women, dont want to be homemakers..
That is out the door for a lot of empowered *new millieum* women. Some like myself will do it for a short time, but not for long..
Some do it till the kids are in school..and then they continue with their lives..
some people - expecially, women now a days, demand a likkle bit more outta life..
I am surprised to know that u would prefer your daughters to be homemakers..
Ms Goody, u feget seh 1950 (u parents era) and 2005 (your era) a noh the same ting..
Times have changed, and *people* have evolved..

MG2S: See response to HP. Era's have nothing to do with it. It's a very common thing in America, as you know, for women to be homemakers. Hilary Clinton got a lot of criticism when she made the statement that she would not be at home baking cookies, which was a negative remark towards homemakers. And it's not only the wealthy/rich who have the luxury to be stay at home Moms or wives.

When I worked at the store M-F, I envied the Hispanic women who would come with their children to shop and spend the money the husbands made. Hispanic men are known for taking care of their families and other rumors I won't mention.

Men used to be proud to take care of their wife and children back in the day. But this is a new day. Now it's, "She's going to work just like me!" And then women are more independent minded so, there you go.

and since u put it like dis, me know seh u truly understand the newer generation... [img]/forums/images/graemlins/704555_dwl.gif[/img]

oh mek me ask..fe conversation sake..
how it feel (now) to be truly empowered, and not have to wait on a man, fe give u everything..

MG2S: Awful!! [img]/forums/images/graemlins/mad.gif[/img] The main thing I loved when I was married, was being a housewife. I like to be free to do what I want with my time. I can keep my house, shop, visit the sick, work on my crafts, work my PPL business, volunteer, etc. I hate being tied down to an 8-5 with someone telling me when and how often I can go make water. :verymad:

[/qb]

[Lynntt]

Re: Women supported by spouse

Originally posted by 777:
[qb] ]Ms Goody, in this day and age..
most women, dont want to be homemakers..
That is out the door for a lot of empowered *new millieum* women. Some like myself will do it for a short time, but not for long..
Some do it till the kids are in school..and then they continue with their lives..
some people - expecially, women now a days, demand a likkle bit more outta life..[/qb]

I dunno, 7's. I know a lot of women, a whole lot of women, who would love to have the opportunity to be at home to raise their children. Women with multiple degrees, making great money, who independently lived before marriage. The thing is, they don't want to give up an upper-middle-class lifestyle to do it . And in most Black families in the US the only way to achieve that lifestyle is if both parents work.

There are exceptions, of course. There are some men who make enough to support a wife and kids very well without the wife working; but here that requires an income of at least $100,000 per year. There are also exceptions in that some families are willing to live a more modest lifestyle in order for the mom to stay at home. My cousin and her husband, for example, who have a Ford and a Hyundai instead of the Mercedes and Beemer they had when they married who have a 3 bedroom house with a one car garage instead of a 6 bedroom one with a 3 car garage. Those are exceptions, though.

[Lynntt]

Re: Women supported by spouse

I wanted to add this earlier, but ran out of time on my break.

I believe that each person, each party in a marriage or relationship has to decide what is going to work best for him or her, and for their relationship. For my mom and my cousin, they feel that being a good mother is the most important job in the world. They each worked before they had children, they both have degrees, yet they both say raising solid, healthy children is the most important job they have ever had. It is important, if you want to be a stay at home mom, to choose a man who agrees that being at home with the children is important. My dad didn't feel that my mom wasn't contributing to the family because she didn't have a paycheck. Indeed, he thought that her job was much more important than his of simply being the breadwinner. And then there's the added fact that he was able to rise much higher at work, and provide a better life for all of us, because she kept the home running smoothly.

I also want to say that I don't think it's necessarily 'progress' that so many moms work outside of the home. Most of the mothers I know do work outside of the home, and most are great moms, but it IS harder to be a working mom because generally the woman still has the major responsibility of home and child rearing on top of her paid work. I don't know any wife who would disagree.

In my opinion, the fact that women have more choices today than my mom did 40 years ago is a great thing; however, I don't think it's a sign that a woman is 'primitive' in her thinking or 'unevolved' if she chooses to stay at home. It just means her priorities are different, and different does not mean bad.

[777]

Re: Women supported by spouse

I dunno, 7's. I know a lot of women, a whole lot of women, who would love to have the opportunity to be at home to raise their children. Women with multiple degrees, making great money, who independently lived before marriage. The thing is, they don't want to give up an upper-middle-class lifestyle to do it . And in most Black families in the US the only way to achieve that lifestyle is if both parents work.

hey lyn...que pasa?
yeap a guess a lot of women would love that, and I am sure a lot of women have been able to do that at some time, but many women work, not necessarily because they have to, but because they *want* to..
Case in point..
Have a good friend who is a physican assistant and hubby earns good money too..
She doesnt *have* to work. House was paid for in full from the get go..she did a whole second floor addition (house was a rancher)- but she works..
but she works because she wants to..
She was just recently seriously ill. she returned to work, part time because she was tyiad of being at home..
She has a in house nanny to take care of her 3 year old..

Work for some women, is a defination of themselves... [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

There are exceptions, of course. There are some men who make enough to support a wife and kids very well without the wife working; but here that requires an income of at least $100,000 per year. There are also exceptions in that some families are willing to live a more modest lifestyle in order for the mom to stay at home. My cousin and her husband, for example, who have a Ford and a Hyundai instead of the Mercedes and Beemer they had when they married who have a 3 bedroom house with a one car garage instead of a 6 bedroom one with a 3 car garage. Those are exceptions, though.

I think thats what I was saying..
Some work because they *want* to..
Some work because they *have * to..
some dont work, because of other things..
Either way, u as a women have to weigh the pros and the cons and figure out, if its compatable to what u seek from yourself, and outta life..