Negril/OchoRios - Trip #12 Revelations and Reconciliation

[sistacaf]

Re: Negril/OchoRios - Trip #12 Revelations and Reconciliation

oh marilyn :love: I love you my sista

i just went back thru the entire report just to teif the pictures, of course instead wound up reading the entrie thing all over again. And i am in tears again reading about our time together and meeting your Mr Fine, remembering all of it with awe, wonder, love, and happy tears along with my tears of sadness missing you so bad.

and Jah Bless Ja.com - now from where else could i meet a whole GANG of kindred spirits who meshed so well toether, each of us bringing somehting to the table to complement the rest, each of us contrubitng our own special vibe, creating our own special lickle community - for that IS what it was, and is.

No stupid girly foofoo nonsense or bickering or jeluusy or hatin, just sistahood and support and love and True Heartical Friendship, even (especiialy!) when it was not all good vacation fantasy. I ask you, when it was a small moment of stresss or difficulty did we not ALL have each other's backs like we known each other 25 years awreddy? I CANNOT EVEN TELL YOU how truly awe-inspiring and how full of love my heart is for all of you.

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU from the bottom of my sore heart for sharing your Ochi with me. Yes it may not be "my" home but no matter, mi waan know ALL of Jamaica. The true blessing is that I got to be there with You, Sassy, Classy, Z, Ocheeheart, Love4, the fisherman's beach crew, and share in alla it with you, and THAT is what i am thankful for.

I humbly thank you and all our sistas for your friendship and for our magical time together. May Jah Bless and keep you all till we meet again - and nex time Angie WITH US and not jus via (drowned!) phone!

Jah Bless

caf

[Marilyn]

Re: Negril/OchoRios - Trip #12 Revelations and Reconciliation

Back to life....back to reality....

Someone always has to tell me who that song is by, but it always hits me at Sangster.

It is Tuesday morning, and I have to go to work. Lots of last minute V and O last night as I typed my report and begged for strength.

Then comes the morning that you wake up back at "home", feeling that you left home behind.

This morning, not only do I have to go back to work,but i cannot go to my comfortable office, my computer, and ja.com, but I must go to a four hour meeting-from-hell on the TCAP test. This is the state-mandated test that our children take every year. It is guidance counselor week from hell, which has now been extended to two weeks of testing.

I HATE this meeting above all else. You sit there for four hours while they show overheads and read the test manual to you word for word. I'd rather suck an egg!!!!!!!!

I have known all through my trip that this would be my first day back.

When I enter my house, the red light on the answering machine is blinking off the hook. It seems almost frantic. Some little voice tells me, DO NOT LISTEN TO THEM. THERE IS BAD NEWS THERE.

The limo has just pulled off. I will not look at the mail, answer the phone, or listen to the messages, or unpack. I go straight to the computer and start to download pictures and begin my trip report. I needed to talk to the only people who would understand.

In the car that next morning, back in the real world, I heard the beep on my cell phone indicating messages. I am driving to the meeting from hell, and I get this message:
"Hello Marilyn, this is Sarah Lewis (school board member), I know you are still in Jamaica, but I wanted to let you know that Curley Lurry, the little boy who you defended who was put in the storage room, committed suicide last week and the funeral was Monday. Call me when you get back"

My heart went still. For those of you who have followed my story you know that I accidently ran up on a situation where one of my teachers was placing kids in a storage room day after day for discipline. When I reported it, nothing was done, and eventually the parents got lawyers, and I was ostracized for "snitching" on this beloved, elderly white teacher.

I told the parents that if it ever went to court I would testify and tell the truth. The school system launched an investigation and cleared the teacher of wrongdoing. She has since quietly retired.

My name in the meantime was muddied in all of this.

Curley was the first one to be placed in the storage room. He was a special education student with adhd. One day he got so hot in there that he threw up and almost choked on his own vomit (kinda like what happened to me at Evitas). The teacher had him to check out and go home.

I have since transferred to another school as the tension at that location was too much for me.
Many of my former co workers still believe I was just making this up.

They say that Curly asked his mother for ten dollars. She told him that she would have to pay the bills first and if she had it left over she would give it to him. He went in the back yard and hung himself from a tree.

Was if over 10.00? No, it was a culmination of what I believe was a misdiagnosis of his implusive behavior (I personally think he had a combination of ADHD and bi-polar). It was a sense of , I never come first, I'm always last. It was a combination of, I am dumb, I am special ed. , I am worthless, I don't count. So I will take me out of the equation.

I was crazy about Curley. I like the "bad" kids, and I could always get through to him. I was important to Curley and Reginald and Orielle (and their parents), because I was the one person willing to stand up and say, yes this happened and I am sticking by these kids.

I went to the meeting, and I tried to function, but I walked out of it in about 10 minutes and asked the lady at the regiestration table if I could sit there for a minute. Then the tears came. I cried for 15 year old Curley and a life not lived. I had to do my part of his funeral in the lobby of the board of education because I had missed it.

Registration lady asked me what was wrong, and I told her. She looked stunned that counselors cry for their kids. I needed to talk to someone, so I called my old school and asked his special ed teacher about the circumstances. I called the wrong person. She told me kinda matter-of factly- and then said she had told some of the children who were still having problems because of this "It's over and done, now stop talking about it." I had to get off the phone.

Two days ago, I had another student tell a teacher that he was thinking about killing himself. She held the information all day and told me at the end of the day when it was convenient, on her PLANNING period. I almost had a stroke.

Pray for me, and pray for my kids. And now you know why I have to go to Jamaica.

I had a little talk with one of the board members here, in which she said that many of my posts and actions were "juvenile" in nature to her. I begged her indulgence and told her that Ja.com is one place where I CAN come and relax and let my silly side out.

Trust me.....in my profession, I have to be a Real grown up.

[Grandmother]

Re: Negril/OchoRios - Trip #12 Revelations and Reconciliation

I am sitting with tears rolling down my face reading Marilyn's post. The shout outs to the various board memebers, her thoughts on Jamaica, Friends and Family, and just Life in general. The saying "A Heart of Gold " truly applies to this woman.((((((((Marilyn))))))))

I considered myself a seasoned traveler before I came to this Board but my Sister has taught me so much more. She is one of the most Selfless People I have had the honor to Meet, even though I have not set Eyes on her in Person.

This is the best Travel Board of all times and I am glad I stumbled upon it because it gave me Miss Marilyn.

What you said about George is axactly what I felt about him on the day that I spoke to him when I had to dissapoint him in February. He actually attempted to Console me. It will never happen again and I look forward to meeting him when I return in April. He is an Outstanding Young Man. And thank you Sassy for picking up the ball when I dropped it and getting those skates to our Beautiful Son in time for his Birthday.

Thank you Jamaica.com for my new Sisters and for George and Libby.

Sorry to mash up your post " Pied Piper" but I could not help myself.

HURRY JULY!!!!

O

[atticus]

Re: Negril/OchoRios - Trip #12 Revelations and Reconciliation

I don't know who wrote the "self-promoting" remark, but I have a couple of guesses.
That is a an outrageous thought. Your reports (and everyone's) is a sharing. And thank you again for all the time and effort you have put into sharing. You are so full of life, it bubbles through this board! [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

We've ALL been travelin with Marilyn..now! [img]/forums/images/graemlins/704555_dwl.gif[/img]

[SassyRas]

Re: Negril/OchoRios - Trip #12 Revelations and Reconciliation

Yes, Marilyn..I was there to hand over the skates to George...I fell in love with him...He totally impressed me...that he stayed and converse with us for so long...went out and tried his skates and came back and talk, talk candidly with us...I'm scared know because I have a 15yr old daughter...but this is reality and I have to adjust my mind set...not be so strict...and closed minded...when it comes to Alexia...Chef and Libby on George....

Sistacaf...much love and respect...I know you caught me looking at you many times but I just love being in your presence plus you have the most beautiful eyes I've seen.....Sorry we didn't say our goodbyes [img]/forums/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img] .....