OFFISHAL TOURIST SUSS REPORT! NEGRIL BASHMENT.

**gmarieggers** · 07-19-2002, 08:26 PM

Re: OFFISHAL TOURIST SUSS REPORT! NEGRIL BASHMENT.

[img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

Jim,

[sitting back down knocking Jim to the floor from off the end of the bench]

You didn't get hurt did ya? (LOL)

Murry

**Guest** · 07-20-2002, 05:32 PM

Re: OFFISHAL TOURIST SUSS REPORT! NEGRIL BASHMENT.

Gets off de floor, looks up angerily at the Queen, ties rope around her sexy legs instead of the bars, and yells giddy up Donkey

**Motown** · 07-21-2002, 12:28 AM

Re: OFFISHAL TOURIST SUSS REPORT! NEGRIL BASHMENT.

Bill,
What are we going to do? Have you read Marilyn's latest post from the beach? From what I understood...there are women flying down rapids, Alberto has been injured somehow, ain't nobody wearin' much clothes....in OR out of the water?
I hope Magic makes it back alive....
As soon as you get these hooligans out of jail...you're gong to have to write a whole new report to make room for this new batch of wild folk!
Great job....keep it coming.
respect
S.

**goldilocks** · 07-22-2002, 05:18 PM

Re: OFFISHAL TOURIST SUSS REPORT! NEGRIL BASHMENT.

Pong, dese prisoners is startin an uprisin, and Jim is tryin fi mek di queen a likkle taller by stretchin her legs dem. Help! Mi disguise is tight, doh! (see pix above) Mi don no nuthin about Marylyn's nekkid whitewater raftin (sans raft), mi swear. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

**gmarieggers** · 07-23-2002, 01:42 AM

Re: OFFISHAL TOURIST SUSS REPORT! NEGRIL BASHMENT.

Jim,

Be careful, they don't call her QueenB for nothing.

Gets off de floor, looks up angerily at the Queen, ties rope around her sexy legs instead of the bars, and yells giddy up Donkey

I have a feeling she doesn't get mad, instead I believe she's one that will get even and 'one up ya' in the process. Beware, you could end up biting off more than you can chew (Donkey Boy! - BOAL [img]/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img] )

HEE-HAW! [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

Murry

**goldilocks** · 07-23-2002, 02:56 PM

Re: OFFISHAL TOURIST SUSS REPORT! NEGRIL BASHMENT.

******Mathilda teks off like her tail set pon fyah and queenb sails out the cell window lookin like she is wearin some kind of new chastity belt becuz de bars caught up like wan tong panties. Goldi mek no nevah mine about it, she figure de queen will use dem as part of her next scrip show **** "Go Mathilda!" beatin tracks tru de cane fields toward Alberto & Negril, but wait mebbe dat is not de safest place to be headin' ****** just time fi glance back and see JT & GEO climb out de window too.......searchin fi de cellie to try to contact smaddy, anybaddy.....*****

OK, someone else add a part........(sarry, nat tryin fi mash up ya story, Pong, just bored, and Mathilda won't WHOA.....)

**gmarieggers** · 08-03-2002, 07:29 PM

Re: OFFISHAL TOURIST SUSS REPORT! NEGRIL BASHMENT.

Taking this up to the top - Bill where's the update. Just cuz Marilyn and QueenB are back doesn't mean we've forgotten this great adventure here.

Murry

**accompong98** · 08-04-2002, 02:37 PM

Re: OFFISHAL TOURIST SUSS REPORT! NEGRIL BASHMENT.

Okay!....Okay! [img]/forums/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img] If you insist!

Desi and Twister, flanked by Bonnie and Sireena take seats at the bar as Sala opens some Red Stripes and places them in front of Desi so he can do the honors. Desi flashed a wad of Nanny’s but Sala shook his head.

((SALA)) “Keep your money, man. It’s no good in here!” [he added with a wink] Desi slowly put the bundle back in his pocket making sure the ladies saw he was loaded with money. Sienna nodded to Sala and he continued “Time for the news.” [reaching back pretending to turn the channel on the TV]

((NEWSANCHOR)) “Little London Police are being investigated for taking bribes and participating in illegal activities. We have these pictures courtesy of the Black River Constable’s Office who is currently investigating these alleged activities.” [cutting away to Tvman’s collage of pictures]

A stunned silence permeated the normally lively atmosphere of the bar. Everyone waited to see how Desi and Twister would react. Sala hurriedly shut off the TV to prevent Desi from really checking out the presentation.

((SALA)) “Desi, man. I am shocked! What is going on?” [feigning concern]

((DESI)) [stammering] “Whaaa apening ere?” He jumped to his feet while Bonnie kept his right arm in check in case he had his weapon in his pocket. “Twister! Did you see that?” [asking incredulously] Twister just shook his head from side to side as Sireena hugged his shoulders. Desi turned around to run towards the front door when a group of mean looking strangers began filing in.

Marshall, Cujo and the Rasta youths were dressed like the Maroon Warriors from which they were descended and look ominous even to the residents of Little London who were planted in the bar.

((MARSHALL)) “Goin some where?” [firmly. Pulling out a cutlass pretending to clean his nails] Cojo and the youth were shaking there heads from side to side making Desi’s decision easier to make. Accompong could see that this was the “make or break” moment that the whole plan was hinging on so he seized the moment.

((ACCOMPONG98)) [humbly] “Officers…Sirs.” [continuing slowly and deliberately] “It seems we have a situation here that needs a nice and easy solution.” [he wanted to keep Desi and Twister from thinking too much as they might figure out this thinly veiled plan so he quickly continued] “You have three of our friends in your jail and we have the two of your butts in a sling.”[turning to Marshall as he spoke] “These Maroon Warriors are going to make your decision an easy one as you see they are not afraid of the Police or anyone in the Jamaican Government.” [turning back to face Desi] “Why not hand me the key to the cells [stretching out his hand] and relax for another few minutes and enjoy another Red Stripe?” [motioning to Sala to set up another round].

You could cut the tension with a knife. Everyone was wondering just what Desi and Twister were going to do.

[meanwhile] Down at the beach in Little Bay, Alberto is nervously pacing up and down the beach in front of his beached boat holding a picture of Queenb in his hands. He was anxious to know what was happening but Goldilocks had his Cel Phone so he could only watch and wait.

((ALBERTO)) [musing to himself] “Soon we will be together, my love.” [kissing the picture] “I can’t wait until we are together again.”

[meanwhile…also]
((GOLDILOCKS)) [looking at the Cel Phone] “Come on, Ring!” [shaking the phone] “I don’t like this one bit, Mathilda!” [angrily] “I’ll be on bread and water and you will be Haulin’ Oats.” [suddenly laughing at the irony]

[meanwhile..still!] Down at the beach in Little Bay, Alberto is sitting on a bar stool having a cold Red Stripe and talking friendly to the bar maid.

((ALBERTO)) [musing to himself] “Soon we will be together, my love.” [putting the picture away] “I can wait just a little longer until we are together again.”

Will Goldilocks join the Three Bares in the Cell? Will Alberto forget to return to the get away boat? Better question yet, would Mathilda be “Haulin Oats” or be a “Haulin Jackass”? Only one more installment to go and no one knows how it will end. Especially accompong98!!! [img]/forums/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

**gmarieggers** · 08-04-2002, 03:24 PM

Re: OFFISHAL TOURIST SUSS REPORT! NEGRIL BASHMENT.

Thanks accompong98!

Will Goldilocks join the Three Bares in the Cell?

I vote NO, the great escape of the Three Bares is yet to come. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

Will Alberto forget to return to the get away boat?

Alberto forget! No way, man. He and Queenb have way too much fun doing the teenage thing in the river and who knows where all else. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

Better question yet, would Mathilda be “Haulin Oats” or be a “Haulin Jackass”?

Dare I give my opinion on this one. . . think I'll leave this one up to jtgogo1. Oats or Jackass... oats or jackass. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]

Only one more installment to go and no one knows how it will end. Especially accompong98!!!

NO only 1 more installment! [img]/forums/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img] This has been too good - mustn't end yet.

Need some help accompong98? [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

Murry

accompong98 nice job on the homepage and jamiacan overview. Very talented you are. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

^52u

**queenb** · 08-05-2002, 03:26 AM

Re: OFFISHAL TOURIST SUSS REPORT! NEGRIL BASHMENT.

Originally posted by accompong98:
[qb]...[meanwhile..still!] Down at the beach in Little Bay, Alberto is sitting on a bar stool having a cold Red Stripe and talking friendly to the bar maid.

((ALBERTO)) [musing to himself] “Soon we will be together, my love.” [putting the picture away] “I can wait just a little longer until we are together again.”

Will Goldilocks join the Three Bares in the Cell? Will Alberto forget to return to the get away boat? Better question yet, would Mathilda be “Haulin Oats” or be a “Haulin Jackass”? Only one more installment to go and no one knows how it will end. Especially accompong98!!! [img]/forums/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img] [/qb]

OOOOO!! He jrinkin beer an flirtin wile mi is lack dung a jail? [img]/forums/images/graemlins/mad.gif[/img]

**Magician** · 08-07-2002, 03:02 AM

Re: OFFISHAL TOURIST SUSS REPORT! NEGRIL BASHMENT.

DWL [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

Bill you have me on the floor laughing. I was visualizing everything while reading it and it was too much.

I can just see QueenB at the center of Siennas club. Lord ave mercy [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

By the way, the uniform is the first thing that goes off upon arrival in Jamaica!!

And I'm far from in control while there. You should have seen how hard it was to get the whole group together for a picture. I get the people on the left in line, and the people on the right start wondering off. I get them back, and the other end is dissipating!

When you going to Jamaica Bill?

**Guest** · 08-08-2002, 07:40 PM

Re: OFFISHAL TOURIST SUSS REPORT! NEGRIL BASHMENT.

Geo and I have been in here just to to long

Lets get on with the story and get us out!!!!
You ought to see QueenB's hairy legs

**goldilocks** · 08-09-2002, 04:14 PM

Re: OFFISHAL TOURIST SUSS REPORT! NEGRIL BASHMENT.

So far, so good....I'm not in lock down yet! [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] (stashing bail money in a secret location)

**accompong98** · 08-10-2002, 07:03 PM

Re: OFFISHAL TOURIST SUSS REPORT! NEGRIL BASHMENT.

(((tappin foot)))) Promised I would finish it and here it is>>>>

The ringing of the Cel Phone startled Goldilocks and even caused Mathilda to turn to look at the source of the noise. Fumbling, Goldilocks pressed the answer key and nervously held the phone to her ear.

((ACCOMPONG98)) [shouting] “Pull the bars down! Get them the heck out of there FAST!” [continuing quickly] “No time to explain! See you at Little Bay.” [silence]

Goldilocks wasted no time and spurred Mathilda forward until the cell bars came crashing out with the surrounding blocks. Jtgogo and Geocox jumped out first with Queenb emerging in a more dignifying manner.

((GOLDILOCKS)) [excitedly] “Jump in quick and cover up with this tarp!” [handing George the folded cover] “Pong said everything went terribly wrong and now we have to make a run for it!” [securing the load, Goldilocks slapped the reigns on Mathilda’s backside] Mathilda turned around menacingly and just glared at Goldilocks before breaking forward into a moderate trot. “Clippity-Clop, Clippity Clop!” down the narrow cane path towards the ocean some 8 miles away.

[meanwhile..still!] Down at the beach in Little Bay, Alberto is still sitting on a bar stool having a fourth cold Red Stripe and talking friendly to anyone that would listen but the bar had closed more that an hour ago.

((ALBERTO)) [musing to himself while looking for the picture] “I know I am sitting here for some reason. [hiccup] I think I will go over to my boat and take a nap.” [shuffling away]

[Back at the Club] The situation had degraded into a Jamaican Version of a “Mexican Standoff”. Desi wouldn’t give up the key and he was beginning to realize that this was all a big set-up. Accompong98 had to do something quick.

((ACCOMPONG98)) “Quickly! Grab them and take them into the dressing room!” [flipping open the cel phone to call Goldilocks] [everyone froze in terror. Was he kidding? Crazy?] It was too late to question the actions and the time was for action.

Marshall, Cujo and the youths lurched forward and subdued Desi and Twister before ushering them into the dressing room. They looked nervously at Accompong98 to see what the plan was. Unfortunately, Accompong98 had never counted on the police not giving up the keys so he was winging it all the way.

((ACCOMPONG98)) “Take off their clothes and tie them together on the bed!” [he rushed forward to position the men into a compromising position with their arms around each others bodies] “Tea! Take some some more pictures quick! [continuing] “Tvman3, please upload these and then all of you get out of here and FAST!”

Nothing more had to be said as everyone rushed for the doors except Accompong98, Sala, Sienna and the dancers while Tvman3 finished the upload and handed the laptop and Jtgogo’s camera to Sienna.

((TVMAN3)) “What do we do from here?” [anxiously awaiting a good answer but knowing there was no way of predicting what would happen next]

((ACCOMPONG98)) “Get a transport back to the Whistling Bird and wait for further word, okay?” [they hugged in mutual respect] “Act like nothing happened but be prepared to email those photos to the Gleaner if you are contacted to do so.” [looking into his eyes pleadingly] “Okay?” [Tvman3 nodded as he spun to get to the road and flag down a Route Taxi.]

Accompong98 knew it would take at least another hour for Goldilocks and the Three Bares to get down to Little Bay so he didn’t want to rush things too much. He gathered the gang, what was left of them, together for a “brain storming” session.

((ACCOMPONG98)) “Jeeze! What are we going to do now?” [trying hard not to start crying uncontrollably then realizing that would only make matters worse] “Any Ideas?” [everybody just shook their heads from side to side while looking down at their feet] The “hurricane” of a ‘brain storm’ he had hoped for was little more than gentle breeze!

((SIREENA)) [unexpectedly speaking up] “You all go on ahead.” [continuing] “I will stay here with the men.” That was a very courageous statement at a time that decisions had to be made.

((ACCOMPONG98)) [handing Sireena the Cel Phone] “Don’t do anything until I call you, okay?” [she nodded and smiled then asked] “Can I torture them just a little while I am waiting?” [laughing] “Just kidding, man. Really!” [ducking into the dressing room to wait]

Sala smiled at her words and ushered everyone through the club’s door and into his vehicle. Turning around to Accompong98 in the back seat with Bonnie.

((SALA)) “Little Bay?” [he asked and Accompong 98 nodded then looked absently out the window as the car sped off from the club towards the turnoff] Accompong98 was replaying the evening. His friend Marshall and the Maroons had come through when needed and his fellow boardites were a great team and could be counted on in a pinch. That sent a smile across his lips which slowly faded as he thought of how unpredictable the Jamaican Police were and what would happen next.

(((This is where I would usually leave this story but, I promised it would be the last installment so we will just have to continue until we have a finish!!!! [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img] )))

Sala sped into the lot kicking up a storm of dust as the vehicle emptied and we started rushing towards Alberto’s boat. Sala got there first and there lay Alberto across the floor of his rocking boat.

((ALBERTO)) ‘Urggg…humph (suddenly opening his eyes wide)…Whaa??? Heh? Who?? Where’s my Queenb? [jumping up and frantically looking around] “Whaa apen?”

((SALA)) “She coming, man.” [grabbing his arm gently] “No Problem” [grinning weakly]

((ACCOMPONG98)) “Sienna. Please hand me that Cel, please” [reaching out for the phone]

((SIENNA)) “What phone?” [quizzically] “You gave mine to Sireena, remember?”

((ACCOMPONG98)) “….Oh, yes…I remember [lying] “Err..give me Alberto’s [holding out his hand again]

((ALBERTO)) “My phone is with Goldilocks….remember?”

((ACCOMPONG98)) “Of Course I remember!!” [blushing….now whispering] {{sorry, I didn’t REALLY forget. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img] }} “How can I contact Sireena to let Desi and Twister free?” [concerned]

((SIENNA)) [showing nerves of steel…calmly] “I don’t think that will be necessary any longer.” [pointing at the flashing blue lights in the distance]

Suddenly, and almost simultaneously….well, actually Mathilda did appear out of the darkness first panting frantically as she dragged Goldilocks and the escaped convicts into the lot. After all, I don’t want to put the cart before the ‘jackass’ [well maybe I did! ]

((ALBERTO)) “My love!” [rushing towards the Queen] As she quickly held up her hand to stop him.

((QUEENB)) “Please! Let me freshen up a little first!” [continuing with a glare in the general direction of her former cell mates] “I have already spent over two days with a couple of animals.[realizing what she just said] “Oh darling, I didn’t mean that you were an animal like the those two skunks.” [pointing] [well maybe I did! ]

((GOLDILOCKS)) “Hurry! Let’s get onto Alberto’s boat and get out of here before the police arrive! [grabbing the bow line]

Suddenly.

((A VOICE)) [low and commanding] “Going somewhere?” [two flashlights suddenly illuminate our crew]

Standing on a mound a few feet away was Sireena in handcuffs flanked by Desi and Twister. Desi was talking.

((DESI)) “Dis alla dem?” [shining his light around the area as people could be seen coming from both sides up the beach]

From up the beach came Xavier, Magic, Tea’Oom, Ohliz and her family along with Q3210 and his lovely wife who came over from Kingston. From down the beach came Tvman3 along with the rest of our Bashment Crew. Everyone was looking around, terrified and confused simultaneously. Well, actually, they were too confused to be terrified too so they were just showing concern.

((DESI)) “Bigga One” [pointing at Accompong98 with his flashlight beam] “You got sumptin to say now?” [as Accompong98 walks slowly towards him until he reaches the base of the mound where he suddenly turns and faces the Bashment Crew]

((ACCOMPONG98)) “Yes. I have a couple of comments before they haul us all away.” [looking at Desi and Twister who nod okay but add..] “Keep it short.” [like that was possible. ) [continues to talk]

“Fellow Boardites. Some of you are locals and some of you are tourists like me. [Looking around and motioning for Sala, Sienna, Libby, Chef and Georgie to join him] Today…..you all are victims.” [more confusion on the faces of those assembled] [continuing to talk] “Today you can all say you have been tricked. This has all been an elaborate hoak organized and carried out by our little group [hugging those who just joined him at the front] “Along with the help of our good friends, the Little London Police force [nodding to Desi and Twister who were grinning wildly and slapping fives]

You see, we had such a good time organizing the Bashment at the Beach 2000 in Treasure Beach that we wanted to try something even bigger and, hopefully, more fun. [like that was possible. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img] ) [continues to talk as he is joined by Marshall who puts his hand on Accompong98’s shoulder]

You see these people are more than friends…..they are family. I love them all. These past few days I have gotten to know each and everyone of you a little better [sweeping his gaze from side to side] Everyone in this SUSS I have had the privilege and pleasure of spending some time with in Jamaica. Of course, there are a couple of exceptions here and there and you know who you are [img]/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img] Someday I hope we can share some quality time together too.”

((GOLDILOCKS)) [shouting out] “What about the sentence they got in Sav? Was that part of the hoax?”

((QUEENB)) “What about that cell? Mathilda pulled down the whole wall!” [Mathilda brays from the grassy spot where she has wandered] “I don’t get it?” [continuing] “Pong, you got some real explaining to do here!” [[tappin foot angerly]]

An unexpected anger is mood is starting to overtake the crowd. Accompong98 decides to hurriedly continue.

“Everything was real up to the sentencing but, while in Sav, I saw that they were closing that old, rundown jail and moving into a newer structure. The lowest bid for demolition was $300,000 Jamaican so I decided to bid $299,999 and won the project. With the advance payment, I paid off the bail and had my friends Desi and Twister house you at the old facility. Right now, Marshall has given Cujo and the Rasta youths $100,000 to complete the demolition. That money will go a long way up in Accompong Town, trust me on that.”

Everyone cheers and starts to hug. Alberto hug the Queen. Bonnie hug Geocox tightly and smiles a knowing smile. Spontaneous laughter busted out all over and everyone started to relive the experiences of the past 2 days. Everyone was shaking hands all around and the good feelings were everywhere.

[suddenly remembering, Accompong98 shouts] “Now, here is the best part…..[pulling out a wad of bills from his pocket] The $2000 US leftover is for the last 3 days we have of the Bashment.” “Come on, everyone.” “Either jump on Alberto’s boat or get in the car” [Mathilda brays from the side] “Or take the Donkey Cart down to Whistling Bird.” We have some partying to do.”

((JTGOGO)) [grabbing his camera from Sienna’s shoulder] “Come on. Can I take a picture of this for the site?” [pausing for an answer]

[in unison] “YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

((((((((That’s all…….Hope you liked it))))))))))))

**Motown** · 08-11-2002, 04:22 AM

Re: OFFISHAL TOURIST SUSS REPORT! NEGRIL BASHMENT.

<---clapping, clapping, clapping!

Very good Bill. I was wondering how on Earth you were going to tie this up at the end...Great Job!
Respect,
S.

OFFISHAL TOURIST SUSS REPORT! NEGRIL BASHMENT.

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