In Search of Sun and Dry Sand

[rudemonk]

Re: In Search of Sun and Dry Sand

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Seveen</div><div class="ubbcode-body">come on monk - you know nonna made &quot;gravy&quot; not sauce . . . </div></div>

you know funny enough, we never called it gravy! I never heard it called that until I dated a girl who was napolitan. which used to be a curse in nonna's house, lol...anyway I didn't know this girl was even italian until I was asked to stay for dinner one night they were all talking about start the gravy and the gravy and macaroni and I'm like, [censored]...who the F puts gravy on macaroni....I was like, trying to backpedal out of dinner now mind you....I'm like these people put ketchup on rice too I bet! but there was no way out....so finally I managed to get into the kitchen and saw a pot of sauce there, so I'm like, are they just effing with me here...hilarious stuff.

Now QK- you can imagine my utter dismay when I'm thinking I ordered that, and out comes a mere pork chop lol.

[Laurel]

Re: In Search of Sun and Dry Sand

{{monk}} ... I do love your stories ~

[Nylah]

Re: In Search of Sun and Dry Sand

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Laurel</div><div class="ubbcode-body">{{monk}} ... I do love your stories ~ </div></div>


what I find interesting is that wherever monk goes, a story ensues.......

[mokatee]

Re: In Search of Sun and Dry Sand

I love me some monktales...oh yeah, me luv me some monk too

Monk, I absolutely LOVE Italian food...real Italian food, stuff I can't quite pronounce on the menu I live in LA but travel often so I search out the real deal when I can.

And I am a cheese fiend, the stinkier the better.

I keep a running list of recommendations, and I know I need to try Mariposa's, I hear so much about it.

Thanks

[rudemonk]

Re: In Search of Sun and Dry Sand

lol, well I do tend to get myself into some crazy ish sometimes lol.

now cheese, that is a subject dear to my heart! what is better than a good chunk of bread, some wine, and some good cheeses.

not to harp on a point, but when I start getting into Subway and Quiznos, I mean...look at this way.

If I go into a REAL deli- which is what these sandwich joints are <span style="font-style: italic">trying</span> to pretend to...I got cheese to choose from you know? Like, I can get alpine lace, I can get baby swiss, I can get JARLSBERG, and that's just cheese from switzerland!!

If I'm in an Italian deli, like a pork store or salumeria, GAME OVER!!! I can get a chunk of cheese on my sandwich that will make me want to go and just chain the doors shut of the nearest Quizno lol, just to say what in God's name are you guys thinking by offering these travesties.

That's our fast food nation man. I was listening to some guy, I think he was promoting food inc, some new documentary, and he was saying something like, McDonalds has like, a dollar menu? Like you can get a fish sandwich for a buck.

So he asks, what the hell kind of fish is that? You can't go into a pet store and get a guppy for a buck.

Since I'm on a roll here, and we're all missing ATI anyway, when I was on tour the other DJs were all on the atkins diet and variations, plus, there really is so little choice when you are on the road. I mean you have tons of choices but it is all fast food! It's like, Perkins, Subway, Quiznos, then 15 different burger joints. I didn't even know half these burger joints even existed. made me glad I was never born a cow, you know? You have no chance. Almost as little chance as a chicken in Jamaica. Imagine how those poor bastards felt when they saw the Colonel come on the scene. They must have been like, god man, first we have to deal with all this jerk, now this?

Anyway, so we pull into this rest area, we are in the same tour bus that Metallica used, I mean this thing is HUGE. So in we pull, and load out. Pretty much everyone went into Subway so I follow along. I mean I never ate in one before so let's check it out you know?

First thing I do, is look at the meat they have there. I'm looking at the 'roast beef.' It looks like chipped beef pressed together. Hmmmm. Ok...let's check the turkey. Same fluffyclot thing! It looks like a turkey version of particle board! Moving down the case, I look on the ham, and this is where we get JA related, and the ham has like, little holes in it, it's like sponge ham! I don't know any kind of pig what has holes all in it like that. So the waitress now is waiting on my order this whole time, and every time I look on a meat ingredient, I'm like, DENY....DENY...DENY...and all these fat truckers are getting heated man, they want their Subway meal deal man!

So I veer off, no way in hell I am eating sponge ham sandwich, bt now it hits me that I stalled that whole time, and to add insult to injury, now I don't even order a sandwich...so I can't walk out because I will have to run the gauntlet of heated truckers...but I don't care how much salad bar I can put on it I am not going to consume sponge ham or particle beef. So basically, I need to kill time and I have no where to go but to the back, and what's there but the restroom, so I'm like cool, Thank God, I'll pop in here to cover my indecision on the line you know? Wait for the joint to clear out a little, get these guys eating and happy by the time I walk out. Well, inside the restroom, there is this 400 pounder, and he's all like, pressed up against the urinal. I stop dead in my tracks. What is he <span style="font-style: italic">doing?</span> I mean...let me say that again so you get the full visual- my man is <span style="font-style: italic">pressed</span> against the urinal...I'm ready to retch now. What is he thinking? Is it to prevent seepage or something? I mean why on earth you want an airtight seal on something like that...I dunno, maybe it was just homeboy's girth, then the man like, leans on the handle, the flusher part, and rests his head on the wall.

And suddenly it dawns on me. My man is not a trucker, oh no sir....my man is geared up in a SUBWAY UNIFORM!!!!! Now the really really really hilarious part....?

He actually washes his hands before he leaves.

I'm like, buddy, maybe you should take a walk through the frakking car wash outside...in fact, I'm BUYING....you wash your hands? really? After you were just making love to your urinal you wash your hands.

I frakking coated myself in paper towel man, I didn't touch a freaking thing in that bathroom. I kicked open the door to a stall and got some TP to use as a gripper shield for the paper towel dispenser and went to town. I must have looked like the michelin man taking a pee, or the Mummy. I'm talking total barrier man.

I did give subway a second chance, a few years after that. And it was actually worse lmao. But that story I really can't tell lol.

[Nylah]

Re: In Search of Sun and Dry Sand



Oh good lord monk, you are so not right atall

[mokatee]

Re: In Search of Sun and Dry Sand

MooooooooooNK....OMG, thank you for bringing the biggest batch of laughter I've had all day You need your own show!

[QK13]

Re: In Search of Sun and Dry Sand

Gravy is a term that I never heard of till maybe the 90s and then it became &quot;the&quot; word to use. I couldn't do it.

Subway?