Men Come Here - I Need to Vent....Again

[Tropicana]

I really and truly want to understand what is up with some a onoo. Do you have an inferiority complex or something.

Just heard from a guy I haven't talked with in a long time. He is Jamaican, Christian and we are in the same field. He is one of those medium complexion types and his hair is not that kinky. He was raised by his BLACK JAMAICAN MOTHER who worked out her soul case to send him and his brother to school. His wutless light skinned Jamaican father nevah even fawt pon dem when they were growing up. He can't stand him and they rarely speak....his words, not mine.

When I met him years ago, 'im nevah even fart pon me. Turns out he was involved with a Chinese girl who was a triathelete (I give up. I can't even SPELL the word). They eventually got married and had a couple of kids. Guess a Black Jamaican woman wasn't good enough for him. No it had to be a woman of another race AND a triathelete to boot Figured they rode off into the sunset and lived happily ever after.

Well I just heard from him as he wants my help with something. We caught up about kids, what we've both been up to and where we are living. THEN he says...I am up in your area a lot <span style="font-weight: bold">AS MY FIANCE LIVES NEAR YOU!!!!</span> You guessed it...she is not Black

When he was single again, I was good enough for him to look me up...now that he wants help with something, im can find e-mail and phone numbah.

So what is the flippin' problem wid some a onoo? Your Black mothers and grandmothers were good enough to work hard and sacrifice to provide for you but suddenly Black women aren't flippin' good enough for you?

This is getting on my last nerve. It is bad enough when White guys automatically reject Black women. Now successful Jamaican men are also doing it.

I am royally ticked off.... <span style="font-weight: bold">YET AGAIN!! </span>

[Emperah]

Re: Men Come Here - I Need to Vent....Again

Some of you black mothers and grandmothers are a branch of the problem and christianity is the thickest root of the problem.
Because of xristianity we've been taught to turn the other cheek, love our enemies and hate ourselves, hate everyting black and do everyting possible to wash ourselves white as snow. Wid all dis kinda training what do you expect except self hate. It is also christian beliefs dem mek ppl waan fi relax dem hair and even wear dem pants half way down.
Mi kno yuh nah guh gree wid dis but choot is chroot

[Tropicana]

Re: Men Come Here - I Need to Vent....Again

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Emperah</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Some of you black mothers and grandmothers are a branch of the problem and christianity is the thickest root of the problem.
Because of xristianity we've been taught to turn the other cheek, love our enemies and hate ourselves, hate everyting black and do everyting possible to wash ourselves white as snow. Wid all dis kinda training what do you expect except self hate. It is also christian beliefs dem mek ppl waan fi relax dem hair and even wear dem pants half way down.
Mi kno yuh nah guh gree wid dis but choot is chroot </div></div>

Definitely those hymns where they talk about wash me white as snow are a problem. I never sing them but remain silent. But the Bible does not equate sin with Blackness. That is a distortion'

Okay I really don't see how you can blame this on Christianity.

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">It is also christian beliefs dem mek ppl waan fi relax dem hair and even wear dem pants half way down.</div></div>

Break it down for me. The pressure to relax hair comes from the need to earn a livelihood in some instances (e.g. film and television) it's tough to break in without relaxing one's hair. Even in the corporate world, it is much more difficult for women to advance with natural hair. Believe you me, I know of what I speak.

Air Canada and some of the hotels on both sides of the border did not even allow braids until the right to do this was won through union grievances.

Yes some do relax their hair to look White but this has nothing to do with Christianity. You have a point thought that It may be inadvertently conveying to Black boys the message that there is something wrong with kinky hair or undesirable about it when they see their mothers and grandmothers relaxing their hair.

[SmoothOperator]

Re: Men Come Here - I Need to Vent....Again

You do realize it is some of the same black mothers and grandmothers who work hard to give their &quot;yute&quot; the best who put out those same ideas about who the &quot;ideal woman&quot; is. &quot;Pretty hair&quot;, &quot;tall hair&quot;, &quot;brown skin&quot; - children pick up quick on those buzz words. &quot;Nutten too black neva good&quot; is an expression I used to hear growing up , thankfully not from my own parents but certainly I would hear grown folk say it. Ideas like that tend to stick so it is not a surprising trend that black men abandoning black women for other races in droves.

[Tropicana]

Re: Men Come Here - I Need to Vent....Again

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: TreyJ</div><div class="ubbcode-body">You do realize it is some of the same black mothers and grandmothers who work hard to give their &quot;yute&quot; the best who put out those same ideas about who the &quot;ideal woman&quot; is. &quot;Pretty hair&quot;, &quot;tall hair&quot;, &quot;brown skin&quot; - children pick up quick on those buzz words. &quot;Nutten too black neva good&quot; is an expression I used to hear growing up , thankfully not from my own parents but certainly I would hear grown folk say it. Ideas like that tend to stick so it is not a surprising trend that black men abandoning black women for other races in droves. </div></div>

Yes definitely you have a point.This is helpful Dahjah and TreyJ. I am listening.

[j-kid]

Re: Men Come Here - I Need to Vent....Again

Sometimes parents good-faith effort to improve their children's lot in life, by giving dem &quot;the best of everything&quot; dat they demself did not have, can cause did kids to bi too far removed from dem own roots. There must bi ah balance, tuh keep dem grounded.

Also, di negative behavior of a group can contribute to a member of dat group, developing self-hate.

[Tropicana]

Re: Men Come Here - I Need to Vent....Again

What do you mean J Kid....are the young people having problems with other Black kids?

[SandiF]

Re: Men Come Here - I Need to Vent....Again

Tropicana,

I know you asked for the men but I'm a bit lost on your vent...

Are you venting because he married/engaged to a non-black woman?

Or are you venting because you wanted him to be romantically involved with you? (Men can be clueless, yes.)

Or are you venting because he called you a black woman to help him out with something?

Which gives way to the next questions.... How often do you see this guy? Is he someone you are around frequently for him to see you more than just a friend or business partner? Also, does this man fit <span style="font-weight: bold">your</span> ideal? If he does not, why does it even matter to you who he wants to be involved with romantically?

I'm lost on your vent, Tropicana. I enjoy reading your posts though. :chuckle:

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Tropicana</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I really and truly want to understand what is up with some a onoo. Do you have an inferiority complex or something.

Just heard from a guy I haven't talked with in a long time. He is Jamaican, Christian and we are in the same field. He is one of those medium complexion types and his hair is not that kinky. He was raised by his BLACK JAMAICAN MOTHER who worked out her soul case to send him and his brother to school. His wutless light skinned Jamaican father nevah even fawt pon dem when they were growing up. He can't stand him and they rarely speak....his words, not mine.

When I met him years ago, 'im nevah even fart pon me. Turns out he was involved with a Chinese girl who was a triathelete (I give up. I can't even SPELL the word). They eventually got married and had a couple of kids. Guess a Black Jamaican woman wasn't good enough for him. No it had to be a woman of another race AND a triathelete to boot Figured they rode off into the sunset and lived happily ever after.

Well I just heard from him as he wants my help with something. We caught up about kids, what we've both been up to and where we are living. THEN he says...I am up in your area a lot <span style="font-weight: bold">AS MY FIANCE LIVES NEAR YOU!!!!</span> You guessed it...she is not Black

When he was single again, I was good enough for him to look me up...now that he wants help with something, im can find e-mail and phone numbah.

So what is the flippin' problem wid some a onoo? Your Black mothers and grandmothers were good enough to work hard and sacrifice to provide for you but suddenly Black women aren't flippin' good enough for you?

This is getting on my last nerve. It is bad enough when White guys automatically reject Black women. Now successful Jamaican men are also doing it.

I am royally ticked off.... <span style="font-weight: bold">YET AGAIN!! </span> </div></div>

[jamaica_dreamin]

Re: Men Come Here - I Need to Vent....Again

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Tropicana</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: TreyJ</div><div class="ubbcode-body">You do realize it is some of the same black mothers and grandmothers who work hard to give their &quot;yute&quot; the best who put out those same ideas about who the &quot;ideal woman&quot; is. &quot;Pretty hair&quot;, &quot;tall hair&quot;, &quot;brown skin&quot; - children pick up quick on those buzz words. &quot;Nutten too black neva good&quot; is an expression I used to hear growing up , thankfully not from my own parents but certainly I would hear grown folk say it. Ideas like that tend to stick so it is not a surprising trend that black men abandoning black women for other races in droves. </div></div>

Yes definitely you have a point.This is helpful Dahjah and TreyJ. I am listening. </div></div>

Correct me if I am wrong but these standards of having good, hair, lighter skin seem to apply mostly to women.
We as a society have to stop bombarding kids with images of an unrealistic &quot;ideal woman&quot; The ideal woman portrayed by the media is white, ultra thin and big boobs, and is preferably blonde.

[Tropicana]

Re: Men Come Here - I Need to Vent....Again

No problem SandiF...when my blood boils over I realize that I do not always express myself clearly. Let me answer you.


Are you venting because he married/engaged to a non-black woman? <span style="font-weight: bold">Not one TWO!! If his Chinese triathelete was SO wonderful, why after having 2 kids are they no longer together. </span>

Or are you venting because you wanted him to be romantically involved with you? (Men can be clueless, yes.) <span style="font-weight: bold">Yes he would have been within the ball park. I didn't have a crush on him or anything but he certainly would have been the type of guy with whom I would have been compatible - Jamaican-born, Canadian raised, roughly in the same field, similar interests</span>

Or are you venting because he called you a black woman to help him out with something? <span style="font-weight: bold">Venting because I was CLEARLY not good enough for him to track me down to date yet he has the nerve to track me down to help him out with something. He also added that business is not so great and perhaps we can get together to see if there are any opportunities to collaborate or cross refer. What am I, a flippin' meal ticket!! Mek him go ask his non-Black fiance or Chinese triathelete ex-wife. </span>

Which gives way to the next questions....

- How often do you see this guy? <span style="font-weight: bold">I haven't seen him in ages - but he did find me to ask a favour </span>

- Is he someone you are around frequently for him to see you more than just a friend or business partner? <span style="font-weight: bold">He has never made any effort. Like I said, im nevah even fawt pon me. </span>

Also, does this man fit your ideal? <span style="font-weight: bold">He is certainly within the ballpark. I am not breaking out in a sweat every time I am near him but he is attractive and articulate. </span>

I'm lost on your vent, Tropicana. I enjoy reading your posts though. :chuckle: &lt;= I'm not surprised when I need to vent it just kind of spills out.

[Tropicana]

Re: Men Come Here - I Need to Vent....Again

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: jamaica_dreamin</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Tropicana</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: TreyJ</div><div class="ubbcode-body">You do realize it is some of the same black mothers and grandmothers who work hard to give their &quot;yute&quot; the best who put out those same ideas about who the &quot;ideal woman&quot; is. &quot;Pretty hair&quot;, &quot;tall hair&quot;, &quot;brown skin&quot; - children pick up quick on those buzz words. &quot;Nutten too black neva good&quot; is an expression I used to hear growing up , thankfully not from my own parents but certainly I would hear grown folk say it. Ideas like that tend to stick so it is not a surprising trend that black men abandoning black women for other races in droves. </div></div>

Yes definitely you have a point.This is helpful Dahjah and TreyJ. I am listening. </div></div>

Correct me if I am wrong but these standards of having good, hair, lighter skin seem to apply mostly to women.
We as a society have to stop bombarding kids with images of an unrealistic &quot;ideal woman&quot; The ideal woman portrayed by the media is white, ultra thin and big boobs, and is preferably blonde. </div></div>

Yes and you know I am constantly licking out 'gainst this. It made my blood boil when I went down to Jamaica in my late teens. I was just becoming racially aware myself. My cousins were watching TV in the country at my grandmother's house. An American TV commercial came on the air. It was a commercial for which there were 2 versions running in America...one with a Black model and one with a White model yet they shipped the one with the White model to Jamaica. How sick is that?

I used to spend a LOT of time and energy trying to convince Black people to call or write letters to sponsors, movie producers, TV producers, etc. to complain when their programmes and advertising did not reflect enough diversity. I didn't get much cooperation so I gave up. I would phone into places like KFC and ask why they had no Black people in their commercials when their stores in Toronto were filled with Black people. Without exception, I was told that I was the only one who complained. Another time I called Shoppers. They had an ad with 3 teens. I called to ask why all 3 teens had to be White and why they couldn't have some diversity. The answer shocked me. Apparently one girl was supposed to be Black and one was supposedly Asian. I told them clearly you are not trying hard enough as you picked 2 girls that were as close to White as possible....so close that I didn't spot them.

Another time, a certain model/actress who has gone on to do well in the US was interviewed about why she was doing so well in commercials and she said it's because she is light skinned and she blends in more. No mi not calling NO names. One of her parents is Jamaican by the way, the other is White Canadian.

[Wahalla]

Re: Men Come Here - I Need to Vent....Again

I am not going to comment on why this man was not attracted to Trops.... I dont know either of them.....

Cant comment about black mothers...

But there is an interesting asside... I am a fan of a Kanadian TV series Continuum and a Kanadian actor Roger Cross... Roger is more than an ok actor he has been in alot of TV series..it is his voice.. Yet here is a case where casting he should have played the lead.... and it would have been magical....Roger is black.. the lead lady doesnt quite come across as woman lost in time... too oung...lack gravitas Roger would have brought...

[jamaica_dreamin]

Re: Men Come Here - I Need to Vent....Again

Tropi,

This something I agree with you on. You don't see many men becoming anorexic trying to live up to impossible standards I recently took a Sociology course (Diversity in the professions) We spent some time on this. It was an eye opener. It affects all women (there was on article we read &quot;killing her softly&quot; which pointed out how unrealistic these ideal woman stereo types are and the terrible effects it has on women's self esteem and how society views women. But black women face a &quot;double whammy&quot; as the author of the text used in the class put it.

I have to confess this was a required course. I was not seeking enlightenment but i learned a lot none the less.

[SandiF]

Re: Men Come Here - I Need to Vent....Again

Ahah! Yes, I know there are men/Jamaicans who gravitate towards a certain gene pool for marriage. It may be a (un)conscious decision, if not, a personal preference.

Well, we know sey marriages are not set in stone, even those with a Chinese triathlete and children are in the picture.

I'm taking it you didn't try to engage him into a stronger social friendship that could have its potentials. The advantage you had was he tracked you down....... even, though it were for a professional reason.

Btw, me is a weekend triathlete, so mine

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Tropicana</div><div class="ubbcode-body">No problem SandiF...when my blood boils over I realize that I do not always express myself clearly. Let me answer you.


Are you venting because he married/engaged to a non-black woman? <span style="font-weight: bold">Not one TWO!! If his Chinese triathelete was SO wonderful, why after having 2 kids are they no longer together. </span>

Or are you venting because you wanted him to be romantically involved with you? (Men can be clueless, yes.) <span style="font-weight: bold">Yes he would have been within the ball park. I didn't have a crush on him or anything but he certainly would have been the type of guy with whom I would have been compatible - Jamaican-born, Canadian raised, roughly in the same field, similar interests</span>

Or are you venting because he called you a black woman to help him out with something? <span style="font-weight: bold">Venting because I was CLEARLY not good enough for him to track me down to date yet he has the nerve to track me down to help him out with something. He also added that business is not so great and perhaps we can get together to see if there are any opportunities to collaborate or cross refer. What am I, a flippin' meal ticket!! Mek him go ask his non-Black fiance or Chinese triathelete ex-wife. </span>

Which gives way to the next questions....

- How often do you see this guy? <span style="font-weight: bold">I haven't seen him in ages - but he did find me to ask a favour </span>

- Is he someone you are around frequently for him to see you more than just a friend or business partner? <span style="font-weight: bold">He has never made any effort. Like I said, im nevah even fawt pon me. </span>

Also, does this man fit your ideal? <span style="font-weight: bold">He is certainly within the ballpark. I am not breaking out in a sweat every time I am near him but he is attractive and articulate. </span>

I'm lost on your vent, Tropicana. I enjoy reading your posts though. :chuckle: &lt;= I'm not surprised when I need to vent it just kind of spills out. </div></div>

[Tropicana]

Re: Men Come Here - I Need to Vent....Again

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: jamaica_dreamin</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Tropi,

This something I agree with you on. You don't see many men becoming anorexic trying to live up to impossible standards I recently took a Sociology course (Diversity in the professions) We spent some time on this. It was an eye opener. It affects all women (there was on article we read &quot;killing her softly&quot; which pointed out how unrealistic these ideal woman stereo types are and the terrible effects it has on women's self esteem and how society views women. But black women face a &quot;double whammy&quot; as the author of the text used in the class put it.

I have to confess this was a required course. I was not seeking enlightenment but i learned a lot none the less. </div></div>

I agree. I see all kinds of women who are attractive, accomplished, etc. struggling with issues of self-esteem. I have never heard a guy say he has issue of self-esteem. In fact, even the worst losers try to come off as if they are God's gift to women. On TV you see really dumpy men paired with very attractive women. The message is that a guy can have anything or anyone he likes but if a woman is not perfect and looking like she stepped off a Cosmo cover she does not deserve anything.