Suh tuhdeh a is Valentines, what is de bess way fi deal wid it?

[Emperah]

Here's the rub...most men don't bother with these random acts of kindness and then use the line you just used as an excuse for doing nothing on Valentine's Day. I will never again be involved with a man who can't be bothered to celebrate Valentine's Day, birthdays, etc. It shows that he is insensitive and thoughtless.

WOW Tropi you are a very worldly person. |Wah hapm tuh be in the world but not of the world.
Mi nuh need no day mek by yt ppl ar any ppl fi show my apprecilove fi mi ooman, mi madda, mi fadda ar any a mi fren dem.
It is natural for Africans and even Jamaicans who seh dem is not African fi duh dis in a random manner.
I see all my fren dem do it wid dem ooman and parents, jus boom fi no reason what so ever tek one out fi dinnah, cyaar dem ya suh ar dehsuh, buy dem dis ar dat, cook a certain kinda way. Yuh betta stop deal wid dem chuch ppl deh and maybe dat is why yuh cyaan meet dem kinda ppl cah chuch ppl di deh a wait fi Jesus fi duh everyting fi dem since dem put it all eena feem lap.

Done Talk!

[twiney]

Disagree. We do let them know but especially Jamaican men simply do not listen and we have numerous examples of this on the board. Men would do well to read:

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

When they just come home, cock up dem foot, refuse to participate in housework, cooking, or childcare, and never give compliments or gifts, they shouldn't be surprised when they get a cool reception in the bedroom.

My husband who is Jamaican resents this statement.

[kia027]

Disagree. We do let them know but especially Jamaican men simply do not listen and we have numerous examples of this on the board. Men would do well to read:

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

When they just come home, cock up dem foot, refuse to participate in housework, cooking, or childcare, and never give compliments or gifts, they shouldn't be surprised when they get a cool reception in the bedroom.

WOW Tropi you are a very worldly person. |Wah hapm tuh be in the world but not of the world.
Mi nuh need no day mek by yt ppl ar any ppl fi show my apprecilove fi mi ooman, mi madda, mi fadda ar any a mi fren dem.
It is natural for Africans and even Jamaicans who seh dem is not African fi duh dis in a random manner.
I see all my fren dem do it wid dem ooman and parents, jus boom fi no reason what so ever tek one out fi dinnah, cyaar dem ya suh ar dehsuh, buy dem dis ar dat, cook a certain kinda way. Yuh betta stop deal wid dem chuch ppl deh and maybe dat is why yuh cyaan meet dem kinda ppl cah chuch ppl di deh a wait fi Jesus fi duh everyting fi dem since dem put it all eena feem lap.

Done Talk!

[My Looh]

Reading what some of the women are thinking and all I can do is..... Big sigh!!!

If a man goes out of his way to do those little things THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE YEAR to show how much he loves/cares for his woman. Examples... (randomly buys her a pass at a really nice day spa, leaves her love notes just to say things like "I'm thinking about you, and I'm fortunate that you are part of my life", personally takes a bouquet of flowers to her work for her to put on her desk, comes up with some creative date nights etc... etc... .)

If this same man chooses to ignore Valentine's Day because he does not need the world to tell him to be romantic and his woman gets angry because of his choice, then he is with the wrong woman.

[twiney]

Reading what some of the women are thinking and all I can do is..... Big sigh!!!

If a man goes out of his way to do those little things THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE YEAR to show how much he loves/cares for his woman. Examples... (randomly buys her a pass at a really nice day spa, leaves her love notes just to say things like "I'm thinking about you, and I'm fortunate that you are part of my life", personally takes a bouquet of flowers to her work for her to put on her desk, comes up with some creative date nights etc... etc... .)

If this same man chooses to ignore Valentine's Day because he does not need the world to tell him to be romantic and his woman gets angry because of his choice, then he is with the wrong woman.

WORD Milo ...WORD!

[Emperah]

Tripple WORD!!!

[Tropicana]

Twiney, I couldn't care less. That is not my problem. While there may be exceptions, by and large, I have found this to be true. The concept of cooking dinner after work, participating in housework (notice I didn't say helping as that implies it is the women's job), changing baby diapers, bathing babies, giving flowers, etc. is lost on most Jamaican men.

I am speaking the truth and onoo can deny it till the cows come home but that won't change it. Remember I have worked as a professional counsellor in Jamaica and Canada so I have seen it all. Since onoo want argue wid me...I have even seen women who have experienced complications after childbirth as their men have been too bone idle to do housework and they have insisted on having sex before a woman is properly healed. So don't even bother come wid any of the denials. I haven't spoken even 10% of what I have seen.

And noh boddah attack me here and waste time sending me PM bout wi know is true but please don't air our dutty laundry because it is too embarrassing. This happens every time topics of this nature come up and I am tired of it.

Don't feel no way, this is a global problem. Since this is a Jamaican site, we are dealing with Jamaican men who are particularly challenged in this area. There would be no point in talking about Hungarian, or Bulgarian men unless I was on a Hungarian or Bulgarian site. I understand that Scandinavian men have received the memo about the need for a partnership between husband and wives in these area.

[Tropicana]

Reading what some of the women are thinking and all I can do is..... Big sigh!!!

If a man goes out of his way to do those little things THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE YEAR to show how much he loves/cares for his woman. Examples... (randomly buys her a pass at a really nice day spa, leaves her love notes just to say things like "I'm thinking about you, and I'm fortunate that you are part of my life", personally takes a bouquet of flowers to her work for her to put on her desk, comes up with some creative date nights etc... etc... .)

If this same man chooses to ignore Valentine's Day because he does not need the world to tell him to be romantic and his woman gets angry because of his choice, then he is with the wrong woman.

I would not have a problem with that though I would prefer to celebrate Valentine's Day. Men who go out of their way to do these niceties throughout the year are few and far between. So don't even go there.

[Tropicana]

WOW Tropi you are a very worldly person. |Wah hapm tuh be in the world but not of the world.
Mi nuh need no day mek by yt ppl ar any ppl fi show my apprecilove fi mi ooman, mi madda, mi fadda ar any a mi fren dem.
It is natural for Africans and even Jamaicans who seh dem is not African fi duh dis in a random manner.
I see all my fren dem do it wid dem ooman and parents, jus boom fi no reason what so ever tek one out fi dinnah, cyaar dem ya suh ar dehsuh, buy dem dis ar dat, cook a certain kinda way. Yuh betta stop deal wid dem chuch ppl deh and maybe dat is why yuh cyaan meet dem kinda ppl cah chuch ppl di deh a wait fi Jesus fi duh everyting fi dem since dem put it all eena feem lap.

Done Talk!

See my comments to Milo.

[RichD]

Twiney, I couldn't care less. That is not my problem. While there may be exceptions, by and large, I have found this to be true. The concept of cooking dinner after work, participating in housework (notice I didn't say helping as that implies it is the women's job), changing baby diapers, bathing babies, giving flowers, etc. is lost on most Jamaican men.

I am speaking the truth and onoo can deny it till the cows come home but that won't change it. And noh boddah attack me here and waste time sending me PM bout wi know is true but please don't air our dutty laundry. This happens every time topics of this nature come up and I am tired of it.

Don't feel no way, this is a global problem. Since this is a Jamaican site, we are dealing with Jamaican men who are particularly challenged in this area. There would be no point in talking about Hungarian, or Bulgarian men unless I was on a Hungarian or Bulgarian site. I understand that Scandinavian men have received the memo about the need for a partnership between husband and wives in these area.

is the woman allow the men to go on so...so if you expect that from a Jamaican man he will be happy meet your expectations.

have you raised your son to behave differently?

[Tropicana]

is the woman allow the men to go on so...so if you expect that from a Jamaican man he will be happy meet your expectations.

That is not what I have experienced or observed...see my lcomment to Twiney.

have you raised your son to behave differently?

My son has been raised to participate in housekeeping from before he went to school. He has been packing his own suitcase ever since he wanted to take Barney to Jamaica and I couldn't fit Barney in the suitcase. Not sure how old he was then but young.





He had cooking lessons every Friday night beginning at age 9 or 10. His grandmother taught him to iron and do laundry at age 11.....I haven't done any of his laundry or ironing since then. He does his own grocery shopping and the yard work to boot. He has also helped me when babysitting babies when he was in his early teens. I have made it clear that once he is married, I expect him to fully participate in all of these areas and I want NO complaints from any wife about idleness. Any more questions?

From what I have observed this is far from typical in Jamaican families.

[RichD]

That is not what I have experienced or observed...see my lcomment to Twiney.




My son has been raised to participate in housekeeping from before he went to school. He has been packing his own suitcase ever since he wanted to take Barney to Jamaica and I couldn't fit Barney in the suitcase. Not sure how old he was then but young.





He had cooking lessons every Friday night beginning at age 9 or 10. His grandmother taught him to iron and do laundry at age 11.....I haven't done any of his laundry or ironing since then. He does his own grocery shopping and the yard work to boot. He has also helped me when babysitting babies when he was in his early teens. I have made it clear that once he is married, I expect him to fully participate in all of these areas and I want NO complaints from any wife about idleness. Any more questions?

From what I have observed this is far from typical in Jamaican families.

i would be interested in your sample size and the demographic of the sample.

I think older Jamaican man are that way to a large extent. the younger jamaicans i know much less so.

[Tropicana]

i would be interested in your sample size and the demographic of the sample.

I think older Jamaican man are that way to a large extent. the younger jamaicans i know much less so.

Well at least you admit it. Thank you for hour honesty RichD. Mi noh know wha' de res' a dem a form and why dem ave a need fe pretend.

I think my sample size is larger than most given the fact that I have been involved in counselling and seen many marriages derailed because of this. The women are exhausted and the men still perceive housework and child care as "women's work". Sadly, this is not just with older men. When it will improve significantly, who knows.

[RichD]

Well at least you admit it.

I think my sample size is larger than most given the fact that I have been involved in counselling and seen many marriages derailed because of this. The women are exhausted and the men still perceive housework and child care as "women's work". Sadly, this is not just with older men. When it will improve significantly, who knows.

and these are mostly Jamaican men raised in Jamaica or of Jamaican parentage raised here ? the marriages were derailed early on or after years ?

i have to say it does not match may observation with the guys I hang around with.

[Tropicana]

and these are mostly Jamaican men raised in Jamaica or of Jamaican parentage raised here ?

Mostly Jamaican men raised in Jamaica. I have seen this scenario in Jamaica and in Canada. However, I have been disappointed to see some men borin in Jamaica but raised in Canada or Canadian born with Jamaican parents show the same backward thinking.

the marriages were derailed early on or after years ?

There have been a variety of scenarios. Usually if the wife is Jamaican raised in Canada she won't put up with it for long. The women raised in Jamaica put up with it for longer but they are unhappy and there is eventually a separation.

i have to say it does not match may observation with the guys I hang around with.

People tend to pick their friends based on people with whom they are compatible. In counselling, one sees all types.