I would like some opinions

[tuffstuff]

Re: I would like some opinions

bway oonu a gwan like the bredda coulda get a gun and erase cupple brain cell- but a nuh so mi read it. How she a describe the car incident sound a way to me, nutn gense you lovely debs.

BUt if me a drive and smaddy start pound them 'little fists' (how yu fist dem fi likkle if yu gain 40 xtra poung? [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/eek.gif[/img] oops di passion time running out) on me, then yu done know SAY we have a prablem houston!!! mi know a him lick har fus, but if she start rain dung fragile mini pats on him, then who di hell know how himma go drive and think of best way fi hangle the situation. oh a di phoine him wassa try stop her from get- so him slamn di ting- that nuh intentianal

NO I HAVE NEVA BEEN ABUSED< mi nuh know how man hand trang and blahblahblah, but memba say oonu a hear story from one end, and the passion hi, so how it come cross is a whole notha story. SHe been wid di man fi hummuch odd yr, if it take him this long fi draw blood (and it sound like acidental blood to me), then that a nuh him nature. thas all i be sayin y'all

[MarieK]

Re: I would like some opinions

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: sukuna</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: DebsinNY</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I have been a lurker for many years and I know what a rough crowd you are so please take it easy on me. (lol) I am having some trouble in my marriage and I don't feel comfortable discussing it with any of my close friends or relatives.


Now I met my husband 7 years ago and in the beginning of our relationship we have had high highs and really low lows, but we've always managed to pull through. This round though, I don't think I have the strength to make it work.


I think you should start out by knowing that my husband is Jamaican and I am Italian American. I know where your minds are going, and no we did not get married to get him his visa, and no it was not because of the sex either. I must admit that he did not have his papers when I met him but his mother and siblings are citizens/ legal aliens and his mother did file for him. However, about 2 years or so after we got married I decided to go ahead and file for him because it would be much quicker.


We have a very active 3 and a half y.o. son. My husband adores him. I think he is the only joy that we share as 99% of the time we don't see each other and when we do alot of arguing takes place.


Now, I am an LPN and I work days, nights, weekends, holidays, and regularly, I do double shifts. My husband does not have a steady job but does odd jobs here and there. Most times he is home in the days with our son. Other days he just drops him off at his mother's house and is on the road all day until late at night. It grieves me to have to leave work after doing an 7-3, come home, the house is a mess, dishes piled up to the ceiling, and him expecting me to cook!!! Mind you, I have to be back at work by 11pm! He has no sympathy on me. Then when I do cook he expects this big spread of Jamaican food. I like to make quick meals. Anything with pasta, casseroles, 1 dish meals. He claims he does not like "yankee food" as it cannot fill him like Jamaican food. I try to do Sunday dinners with rice and peas and chicken and roast beef or some other meat but I cannot keep up so most Sundays he is over in Brooklyn at his mother's house.

So back to the heart of the matter, I have not had alot of sex with my husband for the longest. Once or twice a week at most. I am tired from having to work, then come home and take care of my son and the house. He has more free time than I do and does not even wash his own clothes.


Now recently, he asked him to go somewhere to collect something for me and he told me to come along for the ride which I did. I sat in the car while he started griping that I was not giving him enough sex and that he was going to leave me and find someone else who would give him more. I said to him tha tif he wants to leave that was his choice and I was not going to beg him to stay. I was so nonchalant that I think it began to bother him that I was not responding how he expected to his threats. He started yelling at me and calling me all sorts of names and accused me of cheating on him so that was why I didn't want to have sex with him. I just laughed when he said that and said "Yeah, you're right, I'm cheating on you, and I'm enjoying it." As I said that all I could feel was the palm of his hand across my cheek.

I was shocked. He's grabbed me before but never actually hit me in anger. I went nuts on him. I doubled my small fists and pounded on him. All this was happening while we were driving. I grabbed his head and got a hold of his neck and started clawing. The car is swerving all over the place during this. He breaks free and grabs my left hand and starts wringing it. At this point I am yelling for help. I wind down the window with my free hand and yell for help. I beg for someone to call 911. I try to reach in the center console for my cell. He slams it down on my hand injuring my finger badly. There is blood everywhere now.


This took place on the way home. As soon as we pull up in the driveway I fly inside past my mother in the kitchen (sheh just happened to be visiting from my hometown that week) and upstairs in our bedroom where I lock the door and call the police. The dispatcher and I were going into details about what happened when she informs me htat because we were in a different borough I have to call the police there. Meanwhile I hear my husband downstairs telling my mother that he was sorry for the way he is behaving but she is going to have to take me back to Chicago where my family is from and bury me if I call the police. She is shocked as she has no idea what is going on.


He is banging on the door and calling me all sorts of names. I was heated. I called the police over in the other borough but they tell me to come in and file a report. My husband took my keys and left so I had no way to get there. I do not live on a busline and had no relatives close by. I am crying, my mother comes in the room, chocked at what has just happened. I finally got the strength to explain what happened. My brother in law flies over to our house from Queens. Apparently my husband must have told him that I was going to have him locked up and deported.

All of his family is calling me and syaing that he was wrong for what he did but I should just calm down before I do anything "irrational". Everyone is saying "let me know if you need anything" knowing full and well that I needed a ride to the police station and to get my finger stitched at the hospital but no one is really supporting me, they are all rallying around my husband...even though they know he was wrong for hurting me. My mother and his mother talk. My mother expresses her shock and disappointment and fear for me. I don't know what his mother said but I know she said something like "him must be stressed out." As if I was not stressed either. I am the only one with an income right now and I am in debt up to my eyeballs thanks to him.

I take the phone off the hook and ask my brother in law to leave. I just wanted to be alone with my son and my mother. Mama told me that it does not make any sense to have him locked up and deported because if he is in Jamaica he will not get to see his son and it will be hard to get any money if at all from him. So I did not report him to the police but I called a divorce attorney I know who documented the abuse. We spent the rest of the afternoon just trying to get over what happened in the morning. Later that evening my husband calls. He tells me he is sorry for the way he behaved and that he should have never done what he did. I did not give a rat's [censored] as I was still [censored].


It has been three weeks since this happened. He has been super nice to me, trying to kiss [censored] and make up for his worngs, but I still behave in a cold manner towards him. I go to bed with my son beside me and a barrage of pillows next to him on the other end and the morning I wake up and see his father next to him like we are this happy family unit. I just want to stab him in his sleep! I love him but in my heart there is no more strength to continue this marriage.

Today, I gave him the option of giving me a divorce now or waiting until he gets his green card, but one way or another I want to be over this. He is telling me that he is really sorry and embarrassed of how he behaved and that he is still in love with me and to give our relationship time. His family do not want us to divorce. I think they are afraid I will take Jordan away, and also my husband will not be as stable without me. My parents will not give an opinion as they have always encouraged me to make my own decisions. I think they want to see us work it out for our son's sake but if he continues the verbal and physical abuse they would want me out. What do you all think? Will this encourage him to change his ways? Or should I just quit while I am ahead? </div></div>

what a wicked woman? a Angel an Beenie story dis? [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/704555_dwl.gif[/img]

use paper fe bait de man. den provoke de man to wrath wid cheating and document abuse fe win divorce an get money.

Divorce peacefully and leave the man with his money, also give him his son. [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/laugh.gif[/img]

wait! me think yu finger mashup? how you a write so much? </div></div>

what the.................

[tuffstuff]

Re: I would like some opinions

BOAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! waiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Marie wah yu badda fa. 'kuna weh yu see $$ talk? o lord i pisting up misef

[MarieK]

Re: I would like some opinions

lol den u nuh see seh mi wenna guh badda an den mi look see who rite ie an seh ennuh, mi naw badda [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/704555_dwl.gif[/img]

[rufian]

Re: I would like some opinions

yu know the full story? ayu too onesided

[MarieK]

Re: I would like some opinions

tell wi di odda side nuh. since yuh know seh di ooman a hole paypas ova di man head

[rufian]

Re: I would like some opinions

me say she a hold paper over e head? me say she bait e wid um. she cease de opportunity from him parent dem who min a try cause her method(marriage) quicker, she get pregnant fe kip e. a so she say, ana me.
even if a $10 a month she well want um after she a work so hard an kyaan even put proper gut full pan de table.

na ask me, ask de man.

[MarieK]

Re: I would like some opinions

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: sukuna</div><div class="ubbcode-body">me say she a hold paper over e head? me say she bait e wid um. she cease de opportunity from him parent dem who min a try cause her method(marriage) quicker, she get pregnant fe kip e. a so she say, ana me.
even if a $10 a month she well want um after she a work so hard an kyaan even put proper gut full pan de table.

na ask me, ask de man. </div></div>

stop [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/704555_dwl.gif[/img] yuh too funny.......... it is an act right?

[DebsinNY]

Re: I would like some opinions

Tuffstuff

Thank you so much. Yes the muckle thing is the expression I was looking for. (lol). And thank you for your spin on the situation. Oh by the way, I gained all my weight in the hips and thighs so I am still small up top. My ring size is 6 so you know I have small hands.


Sukuna, me no understand all that you saying. Are you saying that I used papers to get him? Are you serious? You are just so wrong!!! And my finger is healing so it does not hurt as much as it did 3 weeks ago.



I must mention that yesterday was a total waste. I sewar I have never been so amazed in my life. YOU MEN SURE DO STICK TOGETHER WHEN ONE OF YOU MESS UP!!!!!!!! So at the lawyer's office yesterday afternoon, I went in with the intention of getting some papers started. He is aware of the argument that took place and everything. I was so shocked when this tool turned around and said to me that, "I don't think you should do anything drastic right now. You're probably still angry from the fight. I know what he did was wrong but if you go ahead with this you are going to ruin this man's life because he is going to have to go back to Jamaica and once this goes on his record there is no way he can live or work in this country. Try to see if you can work it out because I know you still love him. If he ever hits you again though you call me and I'll have him arrested."


Ruin his life?!! What about mine and my son's? Love him? What's love got to do with this mess?

I WAS SO [censored]!!!!!!!! Has he been talking to my husband? Couldn't be!!!! He doesn't know him, only what I told him about the jerk! I asked him about the restraining order he said I could go ahead with it but it would be hard for the judge to believe that me and my son were in immediate danger since I didn't file a police report. He said he could vow for me as I had called him a couple days after the incident and I had pictures and a record of my hospital visit. He said the judge will take all this into consideration but it depends on who as some of them were notorious dicks and unless you had police reports and walked in with black and blue eyes and blood running from your nose they were unlikely to believe that the situation warrants a restraining order. He said especially since I continued to reside with him since the incident and have not had an incident since. So he told me to go home and think about it then come back and see him when I was sure that this was what I wanted to do.

I left his office feeling lower than ever. My heart sank in the pit of my stomach. I swear you male have a fraternity amongst you when it comes on to issues like these. The only thing I have decided is that I will not be returning to this lawyer's office.


I pick up my son from his grandmother, who I have not been speaking to since the incident, and we go home. My husband is there COOKING dinner!!! Something he rarely does. I ignore him and I go into my room and go to sleep. I woke up later that night and I ate. My husband calls to me and says that he got a DVD and if I wanted to watch it with him and Jordan. I did not want to appear hostile in fornt of my son so I said yes and sta at the other side of the room. As soon as I saw Jordan fall asleep I went over and scooped him up and went to bed. As usual, I put Jordan in the middle and a whole lot of pillows at the end then his father comes in and removes them. I ask him him where he thinks he is going. He says, " I want my wife". I say to him "oh please, that part of us is dead. I am your roomate and your son's mother, nothing more." Then he goes on and on talking about how much he's sorry and he will not stop apologizing for what he did and if he could take away the hurt he caused he would and on and on he goes. [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/rolleyes.gif[/img]

[Kurlie]

Re: I would like some opinions

I am sorry...but this come in like a soap opera....if you nuh want the man...there is no way him should be in your bed or your room...mi...if him come ina mi bed mi go slept pon the couch and if him touch mi mi call 911...mi sorry, but mi love mi more than how mi love him..not a raaasssss!!!!!

[Gen]

Re: I would like some opinions

why is he even in the same house [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/confused.gif[/img] cause when a done chap him eeen him head the only place he would be able to stay is the hospital [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70456-eyebrows.gif[/img]

[Nunya]

Re: I would like some opinions

The lawyer's points are valid, in my opinion. It's been 'too long' since the incident for you to ask for and get a restraining order. That coupled with the fact that he's been a model husband/father since then... you're SOL mate...

Again, you bear some responsibility for this. Yuh tek too long fi mek up yuh mind, so now, alla de good cyad dem gone...

Afta im bax yuh, an mash up yuh han an chreatn yuh chroo yuh madda, yuh shouldan change de lock dem an lef de house wid yuh baby.

But no. Yuh mek im a come een - cause why? Cawse im finally a wash two plate an a cut grass???

Insteada locking de bedroom door, yuh bout yuh a put 'a whole lot of pillows ' nex to yuh an de baby [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/whatever.gif[/img]

Even de baby couldan move de 'whole lot of pillows' much less big hawse-steering man [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/whatever.gif[/img]

Im cook an yuh nyam ie. How yuh a go tell judge say yuh fear fi yuh safety afta yuh dun nyam de man food? \0/ Suposn im did pizen yuh??? Or gi yuh sitn fi run yuh belly???

Den yuh bout yuh a go watch tv but yuh nah siddung nex to im cause wha - oonuu 12????

oy vey...

[Kurlie]

Re: I would like some opinions

fi real Nunya...nuh dallie house buzness dat?

[Nunya]

Re: I would like some opinions

~lol~

A dat mi whenna go say, but mi was tryna be kind [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/70394-bawlout.gif[/img]

[CeaBee]

Re: I would like some opinions

oh [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/704555_dwl.gif[/img]