For Some Single Ladies

[Ephratahe]

Re: For Some Single Ladies

Originally posted by CEW:
[qb] ...It would be very interesting to hear what other females have to say on this specific point; i.e. male-female thinking and the approaches of the genders to relationships (emotional vs logical). [/qb]

CEW it's good to see you on the hot seat again [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] . Normally I tend to disagree but in reality this is so true. Women do tend to be more emotional whereas men tend to be a bit more aloof (or methodical). There are quite a few women who will place themselves in some very precarious positions because they 'feel' or 'think' that this is the one. Becoming too emotional, particularly at the beginning of a relationship, can be very disastrous. Many of us (females) should really check ourselves before laying any sort of claims to someone of the opposite sex.

Btw I wonder what the reverse of Queen's story would be (i.e Sister Unmarried vs. the male members of the church - and as shocking as this may seem, it does happen).

[Diplomat]

Re: For Some Single Ladies

Originally posted by ephratahe:
[qb] ...CEW it's good to see you on the hot seat again [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] . [/qb]

And here I was thinking we were board pals [img]/forums/images/graemlins/cool.gif[/img]

[Ephratahe]

Re: For Some Single Ladies

Originally posted by CEW:

And here I was thinking we were board pals [img]/forums/images/graemlins/cool.gif[/img]



[img]/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

[Ephratahe]

Re: For Some Single Ladies

Originally posted by sistagirl:
[qb]
True love does not conquer all, while true love may make you work harder on the differences you have in your relationship, it will not make your differences go away .....actually it makes the differences stand out more! LOL [/qb]

As the older folks would say, "love won't pay the bills". Sistagirl, this is a very valid point. While love is able to look beyond many faults, love alone does not make for a very successful relationship. Relationships are a lot of work requiring both time and patience, as well as a few compromises along the way.

[sapodil]

Re: For Some Single Ladies

Originally posted by CEW:
[qb]
Edited to add: It would be very interesting to hear what other females have to say on this specific point; i.e. male-female thinking and the approaches of the genders to relationships (emotional vs logical). [/qb]

hear what this female has to say - ****kisssssssssstttteeeth**

SO many men are emotional and impractical in relationships....

[jedi]

Re: For Some Single Ladies

(((CEW))) Thanks for your response, very good. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

(Be back later got to get my walk in, woke up late this morning [img]/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

[Doubting Thomas]

Re: For Some Single Ladies

Originally posted by CEW:
The things in my personal life will remain private, but what I can share with you is that I did not get to where I am overnight. I have made it my business to learn the dynamics of relationships, and there are lots of things I have learnt from failed relationships around me (no point in reinventing the wheel as far as mistakes go). In any relationship, it takes both persons to be committed to it for it to be successful and the chances of breakdowns are much higher if there is not a meeting of the minds on the things that are most important. I cannot get any more personal than that. I am however interested in knowing what you see "shaping up" from my responses so far.

There most certainly is not meeting of the minds when a woman wilfully decieves a man to marry her to give her child from another relationship a name only, and then balks when the man decides to see through the deception and run for his life.

[sistagirl]

Re: For Some Single Ladies

[img]/forums/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]

[jedi]

Re: For Some Single Ladies

Originally posted by CEW:
[qb] Jedi: It is generally accepted that women tend to think on an emotional level, while men do so on a logical (some would argue, physical) level. I think it is safe to say that just about every relationship manual you could get your hand on will make that point.

Jedi: Relationship manual huh! very interesting.

Every relationship is different, but what I do think is that we define for ourselves the type of relationship we want to be in.

Jedi: Yes indeed don't we all!

Given that approximately 1 in 2 marriages will fail, it simply makes no sense to me for two people to go into it without clearly establishing a meeting of the minds on the things that are most important.

Jedi: Of course given that we have our relationship manuals in hand and we are both calculating all the risks before hand.

You said: "I have lived long enough and experienced enough to know that one thing is true, "love covers a multitude of sins". Another thing I have found. When true love comes in all the differences disappear, and suddenly nothing else matters", and all I can say is that I am not prepared to accept that simply because we love, all the other pieces automatically falls into place.

Jedi: And I never said that all the other pieces automatically fall into place, rather I said that it is love that prompts any meeting of the minds, and that when true love comes in all the differences disappear.

If that was the case, then all relationships where people are supposedly in love with each other, should be successful.

Jedi: Please observe what I said above

We know that is not the case.

Jedi: And given that I didnot say that we will strike this

So when love in and of itself is not enough, it would be foolish for anyone to not take the other variables into consideration.

Jedi: I couldn't disagree with you more. First of all we need to define love. Love is NOT simply a physical attraction AKA LUST OF THE FLESH And I believe that is where the difficulty arises between our understanding. For love always is, and has to be enough, because without it there is absolutely no foundation for a meeting of the minds in a marriage contract.

No amount of love is going to make a financially irresponsible person any more responsible. That kind of stuff can lead to bankruptcy.

Jedi: Love compromises and bends, it aims to please and I have seen it. It is love for another that makes you want to give up your bad habits and I have seen it with my own eyes.


I do understand you are coming at this from a female (thinking with the emotions) perspective, but as a male and perhaps because every day in my job I have to be logical and analytical in problem solving, I tend to be a bit more logical (methodical) in approach [img]/forums/images/graemlins/cool.gif[/img]

Jedi: No (((CEW))) I am just as calculating and analytical as any man. I was the one that handled the finances in my household and still do and I am proud and pleased to say that the marriage is over but the finances are still in tact. I have a wonderful roof over my head, my bills are paid, and my children have never gone to bed without a meal, they wear all the latest fashion within reason. So tell me what is wrong with this picture?
I am coming at this from a Christian viewpoint (((CEW))) and I can tell you that money is nice to have but in the absence of love there is no marriage.

BTW, is there something wrong with figuring out what makes for a functional relationship, and going after those things?

Jedi: Figure all you want, but just don't figure yourself into singledomcom, is all I am saying. Leave room for the most important thing of all, and the truth is no one can control it, simply because love does not lend itself to pure analysis, in fact it is the analytical that kills the spontanaiety and joy in many marriages. On the other hand can nurture it when we finally get it and make allowances whereever possible.

Edited to add: It would be very interesting to hear what other females have to say on this specific point; i.e. male-female thinking and the approaches of the genders to relationships (emotional vs logical). [/qb]

Let me just say this. God is not a slacker and therefore it behooves us to bear these things in mind. We are to be good stewards of all that the Lord gives us. We are to think and act responsibly with the matter of child rearing home building etc. But what prompts us to want to do any of those things? What prompts us to overlook many of the faults that we see in each other? What prompts us to even want to sit down and work out our differences?

[Diplomat]

Re: For Some Single Ladies

Jedi: As stated, we define for ourselves the kind of relationship we want to be in, so the things we both desire may be totally different as will be the ways we go about achieving what we want. My position on relationships is fairly simple: the best of me in exchange for the best of her. As always, where you and I differ, we will simply agree to disagree.

[jedi]

Re: For Some Single Ladies

Originally posted by sistagirl:
[qb]

Originally posted by Jedi:
Another thing I have found is that when true love comes in all the differences disappear, and suddenly nothing else matters.

I'm a woman and I disagree. That is a reason many women get hurt because they have unrealistic expectations.

True love does not conquer all,

Jedi: How do you know have you tried it are you sure you allowed love to conquer or did you take the upper hand in the matter?

while true love may make you work harder on the differences you have in your relationship, it will not make your differences go away .....actually it makes the differences stand out more! LOL [/qb]

The only thing that makes the differences stand out more is your SELF aka selfishness.

[jedi]

Re: For Some Single Ladies

Originally posted by CEW:
[qb] Jedi: As stated, we define for ourselves the kind of relationship we want to be in, so the things we both desire may be totally different as will be the ways we go about achieving what we want. My position on relationships is fairly simple: the best of me in exchange for the best of her. As always, where you and I differ, we will simply agree to disagree. [/qb]

It's too bad that the best cannot be separated from the rest of you. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

[Diplomat]

Re: For Some Single Ladies

Originally posted by Jedi:
[qb]...It's too bad that the best cannot be separated from the rest of you. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img] [/qb]

Ah, but she doesn't have a problem with it [img]/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

[jedi]

Re: For Some Single Ladies

Originally posted by CEW:
[qb]

Originally posted by Jedi:
[qb]...It's too bad that the best cannot be separated from the rest of you. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img] [/qb]

Ah, but she doesn't have a problem with it [img]/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img] [/qb]

Because she loves you true?

[Diplomat]

Re: For Some Single Ladies

Originally posted by Jedi:
[qb]...Because she loves you true? [/qb]

That AND mutually shared values.