For Some Single Ladies

[Queen]

Re: For Some Single Ladies

Wahalla are you referring to the ladies who responded in this thread as:

desperate sex starved, husband obssesed, high moral character women

or ladies who go to church in general? Please clarify.

[Wahalla]

Re: For Some Single Ladies

Originally posted by Queen:
[qb] Wahalla are you referring to the ladies who responded in this thread as:

desperate sex starved, husband obssesed, high moral character women

or ladies who go to church in general? Please clarify. [/qb]

No I am refering to the 4 female protagonist within your narative..... Who am I to draw conclusions with the lack of data on the general female atendees to any particular worship group....

[Queen]

Re: For Some Single Ladies

Thanks for the clarification.

[Wahalla]

Re: For Some Single Ladies

Originally posted by Queen:
[qb] Thanks for the clarification. [/qb]

My pleasure

[Queen]

Re: For Some Single Ladies

Originally posted by CEW:
[qb] Very interesting thread which I have been following from the beginning. Are guys allowed to contribute? [img]/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img] [/qb]

Now back to you Mr. CEW. Are you going to make a contribution?

Any ladies took the little "self evaluation" outlined on the previous page? Did you find specific areas that you may need to work on? I did, will share later.

[jedi]

Re: For Some Single Ladies

Ladies something came to mind last night. I notice that in all these posts the focus is on getting a husband. Ladies I want to share something very important with you...urgently.

Love- Let me just say that love is first and foremost- not marriage. I sincerely hope that this is already understood in this discussion because I don't see too much discussion here about that so I want to share this with you.

Marriage for the sake of marrying is a contrivance that ultimately fails. We know that without love- as the living, breathing element- there can be no foundation upon which to build a union. Marriage is such a union, that requires each of the individuals involved, to recognize the utter dependence of the other on the bond of this union, when either has failed to give his/her share of love or glue to the marriage union, it ultimately fails. The absence of love as the cement to hold a union together makes for a non-union in otherwords.


But love is such a dynamic force that it never dies it transforms. Love is able to support and carry each individual in it's own way because Love does not hold any hostages. Love is strong enough to set us free if that is what we desire.


But I would say seek to love with all your heart and then you will be prepared to give it. When you have found it in someone else you have found a mate. But be prepared for the work has just begun. Love like the "fire of His presence that must never be allowed to go out" requires ongoing work and self-sacrifice every day for the rest of your lives together. This is pretty much like the Levites who are referred to in the Book of Leviticus, who were commanded to add wood to the fire everyday so that the fire would not go out on the alter of sacrifice. Marriage is such an alter of sacrifice and love is that fire that must never be allowed to go out in His presence.
How much better when that love has its roots firmly grounded in the one who gave everything even His own life for us.

[Diplomat]

Re: For Some Single Ladies

Originally posted by churchgirl:
[qb]...I was always taught that the man approaches you and not you him.[/qb]

Does this still hold true?

There is a part of me that feels that some females are expecting God to do some of the things that He expects them to do. I have met some very wonderful people, some of whom I have approached and others who have approached me. Some of the ones that approached me, it did not cross my mind at the time to approach them. I do think that as long we are prepared to accomodate wholesome and healthy friendships with the opposite sex, and not see every male/female as a potential mate, then out of those circumstances, God can often times do His thing. If God doesn't give the green light, then nothing would have been lost and a friendship would have been gained.

[jedi]

Re: For Some Single Ladies

Originally posted by CEW:
[qb]

Originally posted by churchgirl:
[qb]...I was always taught that the man approaches you and not you him.[/qb]

Does this still hold true?

There is a part of me that feels that some females are expecting God to do some of the things that He expects them to do. I have met some very wonderful people, some of whom I have approached and others who have approached me. Some of the ones that approached me, it did not cross my mind at the time to approach them. I do think that as long we are prepared to accomodate wholesome and healthy friendships with the opposite sex, and not see every male/female as a potential mate, then out of those circumstances, God can often times do His thing. If God doesn't give the green light, then nothing would have been lost and a friendship would have been gained. [/qb]

Good thought (((CEW))) love begins with a friendship. But is seems that sometimes people are in such a hurry to run the race that they forget the preparatory stage. I remember a verse on a napkin which I read at a wedding once and it began something like this: "This day I will marry my friend" and I must add that most successful marriages are between folks who began as friends.

[churchgirl]

Re: For Some Single Ladies

Very nice Jedi.

CEW the perspective from which I wrote that is from a dating stand point not one of platonic friendship. I think it was Queen who wrote earlier about a woman going up to the pastor tellling him that God told her he is her husband. That's the perspective I'm looking at when I say approach.

[Queen]

Re: For Some Single Ladies

Is there such a thing as "Love at first sight?" Not for me.

Jedi, I agree that love devolops out of friendship yet, not all friendships get to that stage...love. What would a person do who is attracted to his/her friend? I have male friends mostly from church, none of whom I am attracted to, yet If I were to meet someone, befriend them and there was a mutual liking for each other, would you consider the mutual liking in the early stages of the friendship, rushing things? I don't as long as steps are taken prayerfully.

Sometimes if caution is not taken, our emotions can run rampant...tha't why the scripture says to guard your heart with all diligence.

[Diplomat]

Re: For Some Single Ladies

Originally posted by churchgirl:
[qb] Very nice Jedi.

CEW the perspective from which I wrote that is from a dating stand point not one of platonic friendship. I think it was Queen who wrote earlier about a woman going up to the pastor tellling him that God told her he is her husband. That's the perspective I'm looking at when I say approach. [/qb]

But therein lies the problem. The person that approaches someone *does not know* if that person will turn out to be God's will for their life or not. It is my belief that more times than not, the best of marriages are born out of the best of friendships, and we do get the know someone a lot better in platonic situations than we do with the pressures of trying to impress.

There is an abundance of people who have gone into marriages fully convinced that God had led them to the person in question. The sad reality we face is that a growing number of these marriages do not last. One of my favorite portions of scripture is Numbers 13. In verse 2 we read: "Send thou men, that they may search the land of Caanan, which I give unto the children of Israel:..". One may ask if God had given them the land, why was it necessary to go search (discover, explore) it before they could go in there? It was so they could know the land, what they were dealing with, and what they had! The same principle could be applied to relationships. It is possible that the person that is for us is someone with whom we first establish a platonic relationship in order to "search the land", get the know the person, without the pressures of expectations. In my mind, this is where we often times see someone for who they really are, and if we are in tune with the Spirit of God, we will know how to proceed.

[DC]

Re: For Some Single Ladies

Quite an interesting thread...

I knew of a particular minister with stories to tell of being an unmarried young minister. I heard him speak of some of those things and I personally knew members of his church who had witnessed the unfolding drama from 'unmarried' to 'married'. He is happily married now with two young children. When he was unmarried, his church was filled with unmarried women with agendas. How do they know this? Well, when he announced that he was getting married, there was a rapid decline in the church attendance and membership-the depatred ones being mostly women. Go figure! Women would travel from other states claiming that God told them that he was their husband. Wedding dress and all. I heard one story of one woman who climbed up a balcony in her wedding dress to meet him. He was a popular minister but he married someone who had never heard about him and who was not looking for marriage and worse a minister but was enjoying her career in government. Actually, I kinda feel sorry for the unsuspecting men who are soo focused on the church service-like my Brother Unmarried [img]/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] .

My thoughts on this:
you will find the extra ordinary within the ordinary. I read this somewhere: We look for wonders and for the unseen reality-hand of God- in things extraordinary when more often his presence is to be found in the unheralded, familiar everyday events of which life is woven. In my opinion, this is what the Lord also meant when he says 'Occupy till I come'. Enjoy life. Enjoy healthy friendships. Enjoy being a human being. The word is "ENJOY".

[jedi]

Re: For Some Single Ladies

Originally posted by Queen:
[qb] Is there such a thing as "Love at first sight?" Not for me.

Jedi, I agree that love devolops out of friendship yet, not all friendships get to that stage...love.

Jedi: that is fine nothing lost as CEW said.


What would a person do who is attracted to his/her friend?

Jedi: Not what would *a* person do but what are you both doing. Remember that this is a two way deal.


I have male friends mostly from church, none of whom I am attracted to, yet If I were to meet someone, befriend them and there was a mutual liking for each other, would you consider the mutual liking in the early stages of the friendship, rushing things?

Jedi: No I would not, but I would focus more energy on the friendship. Afterall there is mutual liking in every friendship. But obviously you are speaking here of mutual physical attraction and there is a difference, ketch me.

I don't as long as steps are taken prayerfully.

Sometimes if caution is not taken, our emotions can run rampant...tha't why the scripture says to guard your heart with all diligence. [/qb]

(((Queen))) if marriage is uppermost on your mind I can see where there is an element of anxiety or a need to rush. First settle the matter in your mind and give it to God in prayer. Stop going out to find a husband, but rather look to develop friendships first. Then you will see more clearly to read the *signs*. In other words take everything on face value till you get that certain conviction from the Spirit within that this is more than simply a friendship. God is not the author of confusion, and many times if that "good feeling" is attended by anxiety or a sense of urgency then something is wrong. Your imagination may be in overdrive, or your hormones are surfacing. *Peace* is the main thing here, are your *good feelings* attended by a sense of *peacefulness*. Otherwise "come apart" and re-examine this friendship.

[jedi]

Re: For Some Single Ladies

Originally posted by Silent River:
[qb] Quite an interesting thread...

My thoughts on this:
you will find the extra ordinary within the ordinary. I read this somewhere: We look for wonders and for the unseen reality-hand of God- in things extraordinary when more often his presence is to be found in the unheralded, familiar everyday events of which life is woven. In my opinion, this is what the Lord also meant when he says 'Occupy till I come'. Enjoy life. Enjoy healthy friendships. Enjoy being a human being. The word is "ENJOY". [/qb]

(((Silent River))) "Enjoy the Journey" in otherwords. Very well said.

[Diplomat]

Re: For Some Single Ladies

Originally posted by Queen:
[qb] Is there such a thing as "Love at first sight?" Not for me.

Jedi, I agree that love devolops out of friendship yet, not all friendships get to that stage...love. [/qb]

The are different kinds of love, so it stands to reason that loving/having feelings for someone does not necessarily mean the potential for a relationship is there. That is why loving someone in and of itself is not enough of a reason to have a relationship with them. There are far too many other variables that comes into play, and which are equally important.

[qb] What would a person do who is attracted to his/her friend? I have male friends mostly from church, none of whom I am attracted to, yet If I were to meet someone, befriend them and there was a mutual liking for each other, would you consider the mutual liking in the early stages of the friendship, rushing things? I don't as long as steps are taken prayerfully.[/qb]

I agree.

[qb]Sometimes if caution is not taken, our emotions can run rampant...tha't why the scripture says to guard your heart with all diligence. [/qb]

"...for out of it are the issues of life" (Proverbs 4:23) [img]/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]