Rascism on the rise or on the decline...wah yuh tink

[BND1999]

Re: Rascism on the rise or on the decline...wah yuh tink

Dajah... i will ask my friends.. i never thought to probe it because it didnt bother me when they said that.... i just take it ipso facto.... they have no interest......their preference is black.. that's fine by me...

i dont thinks it's racist.. i think possibly they just feel more comfortable with someone of their own race.. more culturally connected... more in common.... but that's just a guess... and id have to ask to know...

for myself.. it was simply lack of exposure.. plain and simple...... i was raised in a primarily white town.. a few token blacks... and the school i was in had the same.. with a few chinese.. japanese.. or either minority groups.....

i was raised in a very jewish home.. but i didnt date just jews... and i married a non jew that grew up in Saudi Arabia where Jews are hated...

but i will be frank.. it's a comfort level... what someone is familiar with... im sure if I had
met young black men and befriended them.. im sure it quite possible i might have fallen in love with one....

i am a woman of the heart.. and no skin or any other barrier would stop me if i felt connected.. i know that for sure about myself....

but im saying given even exposure... people do have the right to choose who they want to date and be mates for life with....


i dont find myself attracted to Asians. or pakistanis or Indian..... that's not to say i couldnt fall in love with one.. given the opportunity.. but that's just instinct based on attraction..... does that mean there is something wrong with me.. No way.. or that im a biggot.. NOT......

each and every one of us has preferences.. prejudices if you want to say.. in what we like in person... that makes them physically attractive to us or not...

you seem to have a very strong sense of black pride.... would you date and marry a white woman... just curious..

sometimes a person may not want to date you because its YOU.. not just the color of your skin.. that cant be overlooked either

[Tropicana]

Re: Rascism on the rise or on the decline...wah yuh tink

Originally posted by Q3210:
[qb] Nothing I said will cause change, I never thought obstinate people dynamic in anything.
What I would say is that if someone said, "Hey YT, you aint pretty as snow and your skin is bumpy but I` d like to know you and have you as friends" That I`d say go find some other friend to contaminate.
Same goes for you Tropi. If someone had the verbosity to say what you said they said to you, I think they`d warrant something BLACK...a BLACK eye perhaps. [/qb]

Well I am not strong enough to give a Black eye but whenever someone has been rude enough to say that our something equally cruel to me....that has been the end of any interaction that we have had. Phone calls are not returned and e-mail addresses are blocked.

[Tropicana]

Re: Rascism on the rise or on the decline...wah yuh tink

BND1999 we will have to respectfully agreee to disagree. I DO see it as racial discrimination when someone automatically rules out all the people of one race whether it be for housing, a job or dating.

I feel badly that you have been thrust in many a situation where you are surrounded by men that you feel dont want to date you because of the color of your skin..... and it seems to me that you have been deeply scarred..... you harp on it all the time.. and you also have a thing with blondes and white women who manage to get black men....

Yes it is a situatin that will leave you with scars. Please note that dahjah who started this particular thread was raised under circumstances similar to those under which I was raised and speaks out about these issues regularly too. That SHOULD tell you something.

The blonde thing....I just resent all the attention they get and the fact that people make such a fuss over them. I don't resent white women who date Black men. I am not at all opposed to interracial dating. I just wish it were a level playing field....a two way highway not a one way street.

i dont find myself attracted to Asians. or pakistanis or Indian..... that's not to say i couldnt fall in love with one.. given the opportunity..

AH!! THAT's the difference.....read the part of your last statement that I have bolded. There is a difference between that and ruling out everyone of a particular racial or ethnic group, sight unseen.

As for Black women not being open to dating White men...I can't and won't attempt to speak for ALL Black women but one factor for SOME Black women is if you know you're going to get rejected....no let me correct that.....if you know you aren't even going to be CONSIDERED.....some Black women choose to not even bother going there. The ones who live in or near predominantly Black communities can realistically make that choice. Those of us who aren't so fortunate can find ourselves stuck in an untenable position.

i am a woman of the heart.. and no skin or any other barrier would stop me if i felt connected.. i know that for sure about myself....

There you have said it again. A CRUCIAL distinction.

but im saying given even exposure... people do have the right to choose who they want to date and be mates for life with....

But these men have unilaterally made this decision without exposure....they won't even CONSIDER the possibility of dating or marrying a Black woman. If one has been surrounded by mostly White men for almost all of their life, it is a HELL of a position to be in. Bottom line, I had better do WHATEVER I can to make things work for me this time because I would hate to have to go back square one and have to start looking all over again.

[BND1999]

Re: Rascism on the rise or on the decline...wah yuh tink

we do disagree.... discrimination .. if your talking about housing... job..educational access... Dating no

i just dont see that... its a choice... based on lots of reasons.... people tend to date people they have things in common with...cultural things....

and what about the many white men that do have black women.... were they just the lucky few? there are several right here on the board...

as for blondes. who cares what kind of attention they get... it's all a stereotype.. and from what i can see.. the blonde stereotype has a lot of bad connotations too.......

[BND1999]

Re: Rascism on the rise or on the decline...wah yuh tink

tropi.. so what you are saying is you are mostly surrounded by white men.. and most of these men have no interest in you based solely on the fact that you are black... no other reason?

[Tropicana]

Re: Rascism on the rise or on the decline...wah yuh tink

we do disagree.... discrimination .. if your talking about housing... job..educational access... Dating no

i just dont see that

YOU have lived it, why would you see it.

and what about the many white men that do have black women.... were they just the lucky few?

you got it Pontiac....if they are stuck in a predominantly White area and they managed to get married...they are one of the lucky few.

I can't think of one Black woman on this board married to a White man can you? I can think of one Black woman DATING a white man and I am dating a man who isn't White or Black...that's pretty small numbers given the number of single women on the board don't you think and somehow reflective of society. There are some of us on the board who know a couple of Black women married to White men. Compry's church is the largest concentration I have seen in any church anywhere.

[Tropicana]

Re: Rascism on the rise or on the decline...wah yuh tink

Originally posted by BND1999:
[qb] tropi.. so what you are saying is you are mostly surrounded by white men.. and most of these men have no interest in you based solely on the fact that you are black... no other reason? [/qb]

Exactly and this is what they have said to me and other Black women...it's you're a great person and I love having you as a friend...I love hanging out with you BUT...and to that I say...GDAB!!

[BND1999]

Re: Rascism on the rise or on the decline...wah yuh tink

I know two women on this board off the bat that are black and married to white men... but not for me to say....

i still say a person has a right to date or not date who they want.. color.. race.. religion... for whatever reason... that is their choice... and it's NOT always racist to make that decision... that's my premise.....

maybe it is in some instances but not all scenarios...

and i am sure there are plenty of blacks that do not want to date whites... are they racist too?

i would say you need to start dating some more black men... are you telling me there are no black men where you live? and if this is the case why aren't you considering a move to a more diverse community..... why suffer so.. as you seem to say you do...

[Siun]

Re: Rascism on the rise or on the decline...wah yuh tink

this is such a complicated issue ... the dating piece I mean ...

two stories:

when I was in high school (long time ago) I dated one of the few black teens in our area ... not a heavy romance, just some fun dates (though the local cops followed us home one time and then told my mother as if they were "protecting" me ... she read the cops the riot act - go mom!) anyhow, a few years later, me still a teen but older ... we both were staying at a friends apartment, went out for dinner, after he asked me to sleep with him ... I said no and he was convinced it was because he was black ... yet the reason, which I told him, was that I hadn't slept with anyone yet and wasn't ready ... I never saw him again and to this day it makes me sad that he could not believe me.

story two - when my daughter was in high school, she was often told by other kids "too bad there are no asian guys here so you'd have someone to date" ... argh!!!!

moral of tales ... not clear to me except that we human beings are complicated, messy critters, sometimes stupid, sometimes awful, sometimes wonderful ... we bring every factor of our lives to selecting who to date ... rational and irrational, upbringing, deep internal attitudes as well as all our up front stuff ... my assumption is that racists are racist about dating, nonracists may still be highly influenced in who they find attractive by unspoken, unrecognized attitudes as well as magic, chemistry and senses... and attraction is too complicated for us to suss out easily. The guys I find attractive are a mixed bag ... but pretty boys leave me cold yet others ooh and ahhh - how do we parse these things?

I think our society does not finally do away with racism until we (in general) are open to people in all ways ... but we're mighty far from that still and I don't think we can force the attraction part. Better we fight racism in other realms and let the attraction piece develop as our lives become more entwined day to day.

these days ... I just want a guy who would enjoy Jamaica as much as I do!

PS to Tropi - have you ever seen the Jamaica Kincaid poem about blonde girls? I'll have to find a copy again - I read it with great pleasure when my daughter was at the stage where she was wishing she was a preppy blonde chick and we shared a great roar over it!

[halfwaytree]

Re: Rascism on the rise or on the decline...wah yuh tink

Nina: Re: Tropicana's dating situation.

... why suffer so.. as you seem to say you do...

I hope that Mr. Someone Special is helping to ease the suffering Tropi. You two have been an item for a while now so let's all keep our fingers crossed. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/cool.gif[/img]

[Tropicana]

Re: Rascism on the rise or on the decline...wah yuh tink

BND1999....this discussion is not personal. My reasons for not moving have been discussed ad naseum and I will no longer be discussing my personal biznizz here as people don't want to listen and learn just blame the victim.

BND1999, you seem to doubt my word. I invite you to do the same thing that I invited MG and others to do. Visit some of the dicussion boards that are geared towards White and mixed audiences. This question of whether or not White men find Black women attractive comes up A LOT!!! VERY few White men say they find Black women attractive or would date a Black woman. This kind of thinking is not just restricted to one area.

I know two women on this board off the bat that are black and married to white men...

Whooppeeee.....

Oh I can think of ONE Black woman here who is married to a White man....I say it again...given the number of SINGLE Black women on this board and there are quite a number from Canada.... whether the number is one or two doesn't that tell you that something is out of balance? Compare that to the nubmer of Black men on this board married to White women or the number of White women on this board dating or married to Black men.

Yes Milo Man...it is helping FINALLY!!!

[Tropicana]

Re: Rascism on the rise or on the decline...wah yuh tink

story two - when my daughter was in high school, she was often told by other kids "too bad there are no asian guys here so you'd have someone to date" ... argh!!!!

Seeit deh!! Notice that BND1999 your comments did not focus on the racial prejudices of the White men but on whether or not I knew any BLACK guys!!! Why should Black women be restricted to Black guys if Black men aren't restricted to Black women and White women are free to date ANYONE they like.

PS to Tropi - have you ever seen the Jamaica Kincaid poem about blonde girls?

No but one of the Native Canadian poets here did a poem about White girls and the frustrations that Native women face when they are overlooked and their own men reject them for White women. It's a great poem but I don't think it would be considered appropriate for this board.

[BND1999]

Re: Rascism on the rise or on the decline...wah yuh tink

Tropi... you asked a question.. i answered it and you say whoopey... .thats childish..

i did focus on issues other than whether yu dated black men.. go back.. i am distinguishing that there are other barometers besides color..that people use for not dating someone..... and even if color is one... it doesnt mean someone is racist... in all cases

and i dont think you should restrict yourself at all.. just widen your playing field

[Tropicana]

Re: Rascism on the rise or on the decline...wah yuh tink

Okay...I get you. We will never agree on the colour part. If someone rules someone out on the basis of race or colour, it's racial discrimination PERIOD.

[Q3210]

Re: Rascism on the rise or on the decline...wah yuh tink

Step into the fold Whiteman.....er ...Miloman...Prince Charming to the rescue....Tropi, this is Miloman....Brownman, Black man, Indian...what does it matter...it`s Miloman.....he drinks coffee too....as you do too Tropi...
Wow, a handsome man sys you`ve been an item all along...Mek yu move man. Hello! Tropi, this way ...this way....yu si `him now?