WWBP - CEW Pt.2

[Diplomat]

Re: WWBP - CEW Pt.2

Originally posted by Queen:

Hmmmm...Mr. CEW, mi si seh yuh get a little break so let me come disturb the peace.

Not a problem. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

1. What was (were) your favorite subject(s) in primary school? Which was your least favorite and why?

English and Math were the favorites. Least favorite? I can't think of any at that stage.

2. What sport(s) if any did you play in school or as a hobby as an adult.

I played cricket, soccer and table tennis. As an adult, I only watch sports now [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] .

3. You get married and your wife hates your furniture and suggests to get new ones. She also hates your decorating ideas/taste and wants to change things up a bit, she doesn't like the neighborhood or the layout of your house and suggest moving in the very near future. What do you do?

And you really think I would not know those things before the marriage? [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] . Seriously, if she finds so many things objectionable, we would not be married. What would she be objecting to next? Frankly, someone like that sounds like she could be a nag.

Edited for typo...

[Queen]

Re: WWBP - CEW Pt.2

If you had to move to another country (other than your ice-box Canada) which country would that be?

If your wife hates the styles of furniture you have in your house, would you compromise and buy new ones (together) suitable to both your tastes? [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

[Diplomat]

Re: WWBP - CEW Pt.2

Originally posted by Queen:

If you had to move to another country (other than your ice-box Canada) which country would that be?

Aruba or the Dominica Republic.

If your wife hates the styles of furniture you have in your house, would you compromise and buy new ones (together) suitable to both your tastes? [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

Absolutely, but I hardly think that would be an issue. [img]/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

[churchgirl]

Re: WWBP - CEW Pt.2

(Courtesy of Ephra) [img]/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

After you were saved, what was the hardest part of biblical doctrine that you had to come to terms with (i.e. what in the Bible presented the most challenge to you)?

How did you deal with/overcome this challenge?

[Lala]

Re: WWBP - CEW Pt.2

CEW you have been a real sport ..thank you for answering so many questions [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] (apologies but due to my work I do not get much/any time to come iggle pan di board)

I will just pick up on a few...

Originally posted by CEW:
Originally posted by Lala:

Do you agree with the view that the incentive for men to commit to a relationship is significantly lessened and/or challenged when they are in leadership roles in church due to demographic factors (ie women outnumbering men), public exposure (ie being well known) and the fact that the male mentality can glean intimacy from multiple friendships with women? If you agree, please state why. If not, please state why.

Very good question. I think it is significantly more challenging primarily because of the demographics. It is easy for any number of females to see a man as being THE one, and sometimes that create quite a bit of problem. If a man is not careful, he can literally be forced into marriage to get out of too many sisters wanting to be his wife. Yet, a man should not be forced into such a situation unless he is convinced that his steps are being ordered by God, and his choice of a partner is the right one.

Regarding the male mentality gleaning intimacy from multiple friendships with women, I do agree that this is possible BUT any commited man will tell you that where there is not a significant other in his life, there are advantages to having female friendships. There is a big downside to this however. If the man is not careful, he can suffer tremendous character damage which could seriously damage his ministry. It is a very difficult situation but that man would have to manage his friendships very well. Jesus hung out with Mary and Martha, so I do not think there is anything wrong with female friendships providing each person understands the ground rules.

On your first paragraph, your answer seem to automatically assumes that it is the women who are enticing the men to the point where some men have to take rather radical steps (which demonstrates some weakness in character I may add). Your answer seem to paint men as the victim as oppose to the perpetrator. Would you not agree that there is a (some would say) innate desire in all men to be in relationships with multiple women? Others would say that this could be seen as one of the results of the "Fall".

On your second paragraphs, 2 questions....what are the advantages men gain from friendships with females when there is no Signifant Other? What are the ground rules you apply and encourage others to apply to such friendships?

Originally posted by CEW:
Originally posted by Lala:
Were the ladies older or younger than you?What do you love most about them? What do you admire least about them?

Sorry, my past has not been that rich or varied . At one point I was attracted to someone 8 years older, but the age difference was more of a problem for her than it was for me..

Den Bredda CEW..mi sure seh the 2nd & 3rd questions (about what you love most/admire least about them) refered to your favourite Bible character! [img]/forums/images/graemlins/blush.gif[/img] [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] Ei look like yu really waan fi tell me plenty plenty bout yu past man. Tell yu what.. jus whispa an tell mi - nat a soul qwey hear it [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

*****

As for your answer on my question on crying ...well what can I say? Ei dry so till mi nearly haffi call you politician [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

Bredda it goes widdout saying dat mi hexpect yu fi cry before di Lord [img]/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img] (and it was touching what you said)... but beg yu to wreel and come in again ..and beg yu fi answer di question please sah.


Mi wi wait paitently fi yu answers on dis and di others

[Diplomat]

Re: WWBP - CEW Pt.2

Lala: You are hilarious [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] . Let see if I can help you out.

Originally posted by CEW:
Originally posted by Lala:

Do you agree with the view that the incentive for men to commit to a relationship is significantly lessened and/or challenged when they are in leadership roles in church due to demographic factors (ie women outnumbering men), public exposure (ie being well known) and the fact that the male mentality can glean intimacy from multiple friendships with women? If you agree, please state why. If not, please state why.

Very good question. I think it is significantly more challenging primarily because of the demographics. It is easy for any number of females to see a man as being THE one, and sometimes that create quite a bit of problem. If a man is not careful, he can literally be forced into marriage to get out of too many sisters wanting to be his wife. Yet, a man should not be forced into such a situation unless he is convinced that his steps are being ordered by God, and his choice of a partner is the right one.

Regarding the male mentality gleaning intimacy from multiple friendships with women, I do agree that this is possible BUT any commited man will tell you that where there is not a significant other in his life, there are advantages to having female friendships. There is a big downside to this however. If the man is not careful, he can suffer tremendous character damage which could seriously damage his ministry. It is a very difficult situation but that man would have to manage his friendships very well. Jesus hung out with Mary and Martha, so I do not think there is anything wrong with female friendships providing each person understands the ground rules.

On your first paragraph, your answer seem to automatically assumes that it is the women who are enticing the men to the point where some men have to take rather radical steps (which demonstrates some weakness in character I may add). Your answer seem to paint men as the victim as oppose to the perpetrator. Would you not agree that there is a (some would say) innate desire in all men to be in relationships with multiple women? Others would say that this could be seen as one of the results of the "Fall".

While my answer to this question was a reflection of personal experience and observations, in no way, shape, or form, am I suggesting that men are the victims as opposed to perpetrators, as I do think that anyone who takes a hard and fast position either way is wrong. It is far more advantageous for men in leadership roles to have a partner. As alluded to earlier, the possible character damage - as well as to the Fellowship - from having mutiple female relationships is enormous if he doesn't, and at the same time is unable to effectively manage his friendships.

While there are some men who thrive on the attention received from multiple female relationships, and no significant other to rein them in - so to speak, I am hard pressed to believe that generally speaking, a commited male in leadership would use this as an excuse to not commit. Needless to say, there may be some who do but I would strongly disagree that it is an incentive for most to not commit.

On your second paragraphs, 2 questions....what are the advantages men gain from friendships with females when there is no Signifant Other? What are the ground rules you apply and encourage others to apply to such friendships?

It is hard to generalize as each situation is going to be different based on the character (and flaws) of the male and what his immediate needs are. Some men complain that they cannot talk to their partners or the partners do not understand them. The male with multiple female friendships do not necessarily have that problem as there is usally one person he can confide in, another whom he thinks understands him, another who zero in on his needs (attention, make him feel significant, call him daily, stuff like that), and he may even have one or two that he enjoys going out with. The possibilities are numerous, but do know however that there are women who are also very good at doing this with multiple male friendships as well.

Personally, I believe that the types of behaviors talked about above is dangerous to one's Christian witness, one's ministry, and ultimately, the Church, which is why I absolutely believe there has to be ground rules. I am not a believer in having too much friendships with the opposite sex. I much rather have one or two personal friendships, and if that is the case, then both persons know of and about each other. I find that to be far more manageable, and going out with one person consistently as against multiples is far more desirable as far as I am concerned. As for ground rules, a few things that I bear in mind, some of which it is important for the other person(s) to know as well, includes:

1. Severely limit the number of females in one's *personal* space, and ensure she/they fully understand the scope of the friendship. If any at all possible, limit the amount to one (if any at all) from one's local Church as this is usually a fertile ground for jealousy.

2. Be aware that different things mean different things to different people, so be very careful of one's actions as it relates to the opposite sex. Feelings of ownership/possession, jealousy, and so on, can come up easily and signals do get crossed.

3. Ensure the friends understand that the friendship does not mean exclusive commitment. In other words, the friendship is there for as long as both persons want it to, or until someone finds another with whom they are desirous of exploring a serious relationship. The latter is important as I do believe that significant others should be best friends. If there is a "best friend" situation with a friend, s/he needs to understand that at such point, the friendship will change.

4) Limit the number of females with direct access and unless there is an understanding of wanting to pursue something more, avoid personal home visits.

Do bear in mind that these are from a guy's point of view.

As for your answer on my question on crying ...well what can I say? Ei dry so till mi nearly haffi call you politician [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

Bredda it goes widdout saying dat mi hexpect yu fi cry before di Lord [img]/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img] (and it was touching what you said)... but beg yu to wreel and come in again ..and beg yu fi answer di question please sah.

You asked about the last time I did, and that was the question I answered. I was actually sitting at my desk, and on the phone [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] . Now if you are asking for the times when it was not God related, then that is a different story [img]/forums/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img] .

Mi wi wait paitently fi yu answers on dis and di others.

Not a problem. I have been giving some of the rest some thought, and will post the answers shortly.

[Diplomat]

Re: WWBP - CEW Pt.2

Originally posted by churchgirl:
(Courtesy of Ephra) [img]/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

After you were saved, what was the hardest part of biblical doctrine that you had to come to terms with (i.e. what in the Bible presented the most challenge to you)?

Believe it or not, the following verses: "Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift." (Matt. 5:23,24) It seems unfair - I mean, it is the other person that has something against us, right? - and we are not even told why? [img]/forums/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]

How did you deal with/overcome this challenge?

I still struggle with it, but I trust the Holy Spirit to take me beyond my human limitations. Sometimes I yield, and other times I struggle with God: "Lord, this is *not* fair. Why do I have to be the one to do this?". I have to admit that I am not fully quite there just yet, though if fully convicted, I say: "OK Lord, but just because you say so".

[Tropicana]

Re: WWBP - CEW Pt.2

The male with multiple female friendships do not necessarily have that problem as there is usally one person he can confide in, another whom he thinks understands him, another who zero in on his needs (attention, make him feel significant, call him daily, stuff like that), and he may even have one or two that he enjoys going out with. The possibilities are numerous, but do know however that there are women who are also very good at doing this with multiple male friendships as well.

Personally, I believe that the types of behaviors talked about above is dangerous to one's Christian witness, one's ministry, and ultimately, the Church, which is why I absolutely believe there has to be ground rules. I am not a believer in having too much friendships with the opposite sex.

I am with you on a lot of this. Emotional and spiritual intimacy between members of the opposite sex can easily lead to physical intimacy, especially under the "my wife doesn't understand me" scenario. Look at Prince Charles and Camilla. People don't start off planning to have an extra-marital affair. Combine sexuality and spirituality (two of the most powerful forces in the universe) and sparks are bound to fly sooner or later if you get too close. That's why, as soon as a male friend tells me he is in an exclusive relationship with a woman...I back RIGHT off. Men never seem to understand this but, if more women took my position, there would be fewer affairs.

CEW, I have been meaning to ask you this for a while. You recently said that "it's hard enough to find a Godly woman...". That struck me as a little strange at the time. Certainly every where I go in Christian circles there are at least 10 single women to every single man. Sometimes, it's as high as 30:1.... Scary

So, what's the problem? Why is it so hard to find a Godly woman? What is wrong with the women you are encountering? [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

[Diplomat]

Re: WWBP - CEW Pt.2

Originally posted by Tropicana:

CEW, I have been meaning to ask you this for a while. You recently said that "it's hard enough to find a Godly woman...". That struck me as a little strange at the time. Certainly every where I go in Christian circles there are at least 10 single women to every single man. Sometimes, it's as high as 30:1.... Scary

So, what's the problem? Why is it so hard to find a Godly woman? What is wrong with the women you are encountering?

I had no idea the ratio of single women to single men were that high, even though it doesn't mean anything to me. I cannot say that there is something "wrong" with the women I encounter, but do allow me some general comments. I do believe that we all define for ourselves the kind of relationship we want to be in, and also the type of relationship we want to have with the person we fall in love with. As I have said before, ideally for me it is the best of someone in exchange for the best of me. Bear in mind however that the wife of a minister is a totally different calling, and one of the most important things is that they both have to get certain principles right in their own lives before they can teach it to others. For example, I cannot be teaching that God can do all things and can be trusted no matter what, and my wife has difficulties applying that to her own life. It doesn't make sense. From my observations, this is where it can get really tricky for some females who may be wonderful personalities, and even spiritual, but still have not yet quite grasped what it means to live above a certain level. (I am sure some females feel the same way but I am taking this from my perspective.)

Rightly or wrongly, the wives of churh leaders/ministers are expected to be examples. I have seen some that are anything but, and mine is not going to fall into that category. I do think a lot of today's singles need to understand a couple of things: that marriage is a ministry; it requires two whole people and not two looking for their other halves to succeed; if one does not understand submission to Christ, one cannot understand submission to one's spouse; that if they cannot or are not prepared to take their spouse to the next level spiritually, they are not ready for marriage. Some of the females I know have not grasped all these truths. The other thing is that it is not enough to have an interest in me. If someone does not take the time to understand me and my purpose, how is she going to know if she has what it takes to help me fulfill God's call on my life? Again, a concept that some females have not quite grasped.

How many people do you know that are *not* prepared to accept - or make allowances for - a dysfunctional relationship as normal? Well, I am one of those and while there are no perfect persons, I do believe it is possible for two people to live together - in marriage - in an environment of oneness, where they are both commited to the same things, and where the most important words in their vocabularies are "we" and "us". All of this while trusting God with every details of their day to day lives and that of their families.

So yes, there may be a lot of bodies to give credence to the ratios, but it is not so much the quantity but rather the quality that would interest me. For both genders, I do not think the ratios would be that high when looked at from that point of view.

[Tropicana]

Re: WWBP - CEW Pt.2

Thank you Mr. CEW. I didn't realize that you were planning to go into the ministry (or are you talking about a leadership role such as an elder?)

Okay some fun questions.

Do you dance? (You seem so serious sometimes.) Can you dance reggae? How 'bout ska? When was the last time you went to a reggae dance or reggae concert? Who performed?

Who is your favourite reggae artist of all time? Do you like dub music? Who is your favourite dub artist? Who is your favourite DJ (toasting)? (See my thread in the music section for some of mine.)

Are you looking forward to getting back at me when it's my turn on WWBP? [img]/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

[Diplomat]

Re: WWBP - CEW Pt.2

Originally posted by Tropicana:

Thank you Mr. CEW. I didn't realize that you were planning to go into the ministry (or are you talking about a leadership role such as an elder?)

I am already in a leadership role in men's ministries, and being involved in further areas of ministry is just a matter of time.

Okay some fun questions.

Do you dance? (You seem so serious sometimes.) Can you dance reggae? How 'bout ska? When was the last time you went to a reggae dance or reggae concert? Who performed?

Trust me, I may come across as being serious but to know me is to know that there is a fun side as well [img]/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img] . Seriously though, I wouldn't be caught dead at at reggae dance or concert as I do not believe that is somewhere for a born again believer to be.

Who is your favourite reggae artist of all time? Do you like dub music? Who is your favourite dub artist? Who is your favourite DJ (toasting)? (See my thread in the music section for some of mine.)

I am a big fan - like most music lovers - of Bob Marley. I also love the music of Beres Hammond (would he qualify as a reggae singer?). Those are the only "reggae" artists' CDs I own. There was also a dub poet of some years ago called Mutabaruka and I loved his poetry. I have no idea if he is still around. That's about it.

Are you looking forward to getting back at me when it's my turn on WWBP?

What do you think? [img]/forums/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

[Tropicana]

Re: WWBP - CEW Pt.2

When I was growing up, that's how people used to feel that Christians should not go to dances. My thinking on that started to change when I went to school in the states and attended a Black Christian students conference. They had a dance for us and it was great. I thought that thinking about going to dances had changed in the church. What are you reasons for feeling that way (that you wouldn't get caught at a reggae dance or concert)? I couldn't tell you when last I've been to a reggae dance or concert. It was before my son was born. I was JUST about to start going again last fall when the shooting started every weekend up here.

Those are the only "reggae" artists' CDs I own. There was also a dub poet of some years ago called Mutabaruka and I loved his poetry.

Give me five...MUTA a de boss!! Just for you, I will feature MUTA as my next artist for Roots Gyal Promotions. Do you like LInton Kwesi Johnson too?

Are you looking forward to getting back at me when it's my turn on WWBP?

What do you think? [img]/forums/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

[img]/forums/images/graemlins/blush.gif[/img] Gulp!!

((Erasing all de out a odah kuestions mi did ax CEW))

[Diplomat]

Re: WWBP - CEW Pt.2

Originally posted by Tropicana:

What are you reasons for feeling that way (that you wouldn't get caught at a reggae dance or concert)?

I think to be seen at one of these events is a serious blow to one's Christian witness. We should bear in mind that wherever we go, and whatever we do, we are ambassadors of Christ and are representing Him in those places we find ourselves. I am hard pressed to see how we could effectively be His representative at a reggae dance/concert being entertained by people whose values, direction in life, and so on are much different than ours, and in some cases, the language used and lyrics of the songs are at its very least, questionable.

Do you like LInton Kwesi Johnson too?

Never heard of him. Sorry.

[Tropicana]

Re: WWBP - CEW Pt.2

I think to be seen at one of these events is a serious blow to one's Christian witness. We should bear in mind that wherever we go, and whatever we do, we are ambassadors of Christ and are representing Him in those places we find ourselves. I am hard pressed to see how we could effectively be His representative at a reggae dance/concert being entertained by people whose values, direction in life, and so on are much different than ours, and in some cases, the language used and lyrics of the songs are at its very least, questionable.

Well in that case, would you go to a classical music concert? The lifesyles of many of the classical greats left a lot to be desired.

Frantz Listz - shacked up with a woman for years and had many children out of wedlock with her. He then left her and had an affair with a Russian princess. Finally, he became a priest

Fredric Chopin - carried on with George Sands (the female novelist for years) and they weren't married

Mozart is reported to have been crude and vulgar. He was involved in fornication.

Johanan Strauss Senior abandoned his wife and kids and shacked up with another woman.

...and so on , and so on.

Even hymns. Do you refuse to sing certain hymns because the authors turned their back on their faith and lived immoral lives? This is what happened with the Robert Roberston. author of this hymn. I recently heard his story:

"Come, Thou Fount of every blessing
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise…

Prone to wonder, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love!
Here's my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above!"

Here is his story:

Let me tell you a true story about a man named Robert Robinson. Born in England during the eighteenth century, Robinson lost his father while just a boy. His mother, recognizing her inability to support her son, sent him to London to become a barber. While living in London, Robinson became a Christian through the ministry of George Whitefield, a great evangelist of that day. Following his conversion, Robinson felt called to ministry and thus dedicated his life to preaching the gospel.

When he was only twenty-five, a prestigious church in Cambridge called Robinson to come as their pastor. His fame spread widely and his future seemed unlimited. But at the height of his ministry, Robinson fell into immorality, and his star fell as fast as it had risen.

Many years later, Robert Robinson was traveling by stagecoach and found himself sitting next to a woman who was reading a passage from a book. The woman asked Robinson to read the passage and share his ideas about the meaning of the words she had just read. Robinson read the first few lines that read as follows:

Come, Thou Fount of every blessing
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise…

Robinson looked away and quickly changed the subject. The woman, however, refused to let him off the hook and kept pressuring him for a response. Finally, Robinson broke down and replied, "Madam, I am the poor unhappy man who wrote that hymn many years ago, and I would give a thousand worlds if I had them to enjoy the feelings I had then."

In that well-known hymn, Robert Robinson prophesied his own departure from the faith.

Sad really. I just heard the story a few months ago.

How about John Newton, a drunkard and a slave trader before he became a Christian, do you sing his hymns? Mind you he changed and wrote Amazing Grace.

Anyway, I'm curious to hear your reaction.

[Guest]

Re: WWBP - CEW Pt.2

CEW, I really admire the way you've responded to all the questions so far.

Has anyone ever really annoyed you and how did you deal with them?